Well hello again everybody! Welcome to the ninth installment of Trendsetting!
For those of you who don't know
quite what you're looking at, here's the scoop: Each week we scan
the newspaper and internet for news stories that are trending both
here in Minnesota and around the world. Once we come up with ten
stories we send them off to Mike & Travis and ask them to give us
their thoughts on the stories.
As always, Mike & Travis have
not read each other's comments prior to posting.
01. Florida's George Zimmerman was acquitted of both second-degree murder and manslaughter charges in the shooting death of 17 year old Trayvon Marton
TCDroogsma:
While the Zimmerman verdict stunned many, it's very encouraging to see how America's reacted to the news. It's so nice to see the American people & media take to the subtle, nuanced, and difficult conversation that a trial like this invites rather than just spitting out platitudes, hyperbole, grand generalizations, and poorly thought out calls for violence as a response to a young man's death at the hands of a man with a poorly thought out concept of violence and retribution.
Mike Otto:
Homer Simpson was right, Florida truly is America's wang.
I don't trust Florida. Any place with that many orange trees makes me suspicious. The sign welcoming you to Florida should read: "FLORIDA! WHERE ELECTIONS ARE STOLEN AND MURDERERS WALK FREE...oh and lots of old people and oranges too...maybe the occasional hurricane, but hey great time shares down here!"
Casey Anthony and George Zimmerman should rent an apartment together. Now doesn't that sound like a sitcom Fox would pick up in a heartbeat? At the end of season one, do us a favor and just put them both out on a raft in the Atlantic.
02. With Sunday's 10-4 victory the Minnesota Twins take a weekend series at Yankee Stadium two games to one, marking the first time in Ron Gardenhire's tenure that his Twins squad has won a series at Yankee Stadium
TCDroogsma:
Thirteen years without a series victory at Yankee Stadium is an incredible run of failure, but we're only seeing one side of the coin. In those thirteen years of trips to The Bronx none of the Twins have been mugged, only two of their cars were stolen, and only three of their boats were started on fire in the middle of a street. No, those sort of things don't show up in the standings, but that kind of protection is what makes Ron Gardenhire such a special manager to his players. Well, that and no expectations of any success on the field whatsoever.
Mike Otto:
That was a depressing 13 years of baseball. It would have been so much sweeter if DICKHEAD and King Bro Nick Swisher was still patrolling right field. This feels like such an empty victory to me. I can only imagine how Gardy felt. To quote the great J. Peterman; Ron Gardenhire, congratulations on a job, done.
03. Cory Monteith, who played Finn Hudson on the hit show Glee, found dead at 31 in a Vancouver hotel room
TCDroogsma:
I wish I could say I'm surprised by this news, but have you ever seen an episode of Glee? I could put together a whole blog post just listing the variety of chemicals I'd have to ingest to just to watch an episode. I can only imagine the mental state you'd have to craft for yourself to create such consistently awful television.
Mike Otto:
I always knew choreographed song and dance was a dangerous pastime. All those hours in the dance hall, toe tapping around until your feet ached, you had to turn to the booze. But then the booze wasn't enough anymore was it? Noooooo, not even booze can shake the memory of that Grease themed episode you did, so you turned to stronger barbiturates and next thing you know, you're sitting in a bathtub of your own vomit humming the theme song to Mama Mia. Is Finn Hudson a man or a woman? Whatever, rest in peace sweet prince or princess.
04. Sales of the British crime novel "The Cuckoo's Calling" jump 507,000% (not a typo) after it's reveled that author "Robert Galbraith" is a pen name of Harry Potter author J.K. Rowling
TCDroogsma:
Well, that cat's out of the bag then, isn't it? I suppose this seems like the appropriate time for a confession: "TCDroogsma" is really just another pen name that I, J.K. Rowling, have been using for years. You see, I didn't want to taint the good name & high quality of Newest Industry by having the blog in any way affiliated with those mundane little wizard stories I wrote. While it was certainly difficult for me to turn off the funny & poignant part of my brain responsible for my "TCDroogsma" posts, bills needed to be paid and making up some story about a boy wizard & his battle with, well, other wizards, couldn't have been easier. Like the old saying goes, nobody ever went broke underestimating the British public.
However, now that my true identity has been exposed, it's probably time that I, J.K. Rowling, began receiving payment for the work I do here for Newest Industry. Please make checks out to "Cash" and mail them to Newest Industry c/o The C.C. Club, 2600 Lyndale Ave., Minneapolis, MN. Remember, make them out to "Cash."
Mike Otto:
Jesus Christ. Rowling could publish a collection of her bowel movements and that shit would sell. Look, I'm sure it's a well written book, I'm sure all the punctuation is in the right place, and I'm sure it has a great twist at the end, but I just don't give a fuck. Until she writes Harry Potter and the Custodial Job At New Yorks Port Authority, I'm not reading.
05. The 19th Annual Basilica Block Party was held this weekend, headlined by Goo Goo Dolls, Grace Potter & The Nocturnals, and Matchbox 20
TCDroogsma:
Fans of the event reported that both the Goo Goo Dolls & Matchbox 20 played great sets. They were disappointed, however, with the traffic congestion that came with having to drive to 1998 for the show.
Mike Otto:
The highlight of the show was when Rob Thomas broke down crying on stage in the middle of performing "Long Day". When asked why he lost his composure, Thomas is quoted as saying through muffled sobs into a pillow "you try being Rob Thomas for 41 years." Touche.
06. NSA leaker Edward Snowden emerges from the transit zone of the Moscow airport for an interview, asking for asylum in Russia, & announcing acceptance of asylum in Latin America
TCDroogsma:
Having followed the Snowden story since the day it broke, it's my opinion that Edward Snowden is a great American hero in a time when America desperately needs one. His courageous exposure of a government gone mad with power, with severe personal consequences, should be celebrated as a tremendous example of the morals and principles our forefathers envisioned when they built a country designed to govern for the will of the people rather than for the expansion and abuse of power. Any country that grants Snowden asylum should be hailed as a friend of the American people.
Mike Otto:
Wait, Snowden is getting tired of hanging out in a Moscow airport? No way!
I'm really getting sick of hearing about this guy. He doesn't believe in anything, he is a little attention whore, America don't give a fuck about you dude. In the end you will fade away, become desperate for attention again, and then and only then, once your relevance has completely faded, will you return to the U.S. to be captured and face whatever charges the powers at be see fit. But hey, at least your name will be in the paper again.
07. The SyFy Network show Sharknado becomes a surprise hit thanks to thousands of posts via social media sites Twitter & Facebook
TCDroogsma:
By the end of the weekend I was fairly certain that Twitter wanted me to put on a hoodie and march for all the people slain by the Sharknado. Good lookin' out, Twitter.
Mike Otto:
Tara Reid needed this. She DESERVED this. She was once an attractive young actress who turned herself into a hot-dogged skinned plastic surgery disaster, and she did it for YOU, America. She just wanted you to like her, but NO, you turned her into the punch line of every bad actress joke and belittled her meager accomplishments. Well welcome to the Summer Of Her Resurgence and the Summer Of Your Discontent!
Her comeback has come in the form of a shark-wielding water spout of a tornado, just like we all envisioned it years ago when her titty slipped out on the red carpet. Wow remember when she used to get invited to things that didn't involve keg stands and beer pong? I mean like real award shows. Those were the days. Let me be the first to welcome you back to relevance Tara Reid, we missed you, try to keep the puppies in your dress this time.
08. Astronomers report that they've discovered a planet, dubbed HD 189733b, sharing Earth's pale blue color. The planet is thought to be incapable of sustaining life as it is a gaseous, maintains a surface temperature of 1800 degrees Fahrenheit, contains winds up to 4000 MPH, and rains glass
TCDroogsma:
According to reports NFL commissioner Roger Goodell has already begun plans to relocate the Jacksonville Jaguars to this new blue planet for the 2016 season. The HD 189733b Jaguars 2016 schedule & apparel should be available by the end of the month.
Mike Otto:
Liberal scientists have already labeled this as the final stage of global warming and assured us that if our planet keeps warming at its current rate, we will be seeing downpours of glass by 2030.
09. Norman, a three-year-old sheepdog from Georgia, sets the new world record by riding a scooter 30 meters in 30 seconds
TCDroogsma:
Not only did he set this record, but he also maintained his standing as having the highest IQ of anybody in the greater Atlanta area. Nice weekend, Normy.
Mike Otto:
This dog is more talented and coordinated than most 5 year old kids. Also it's kind of demoralizing when you realize there is a dog out there that could not only do your job, but look cuter while he does it.
This is the best thing to happen in Atlanta since Gucci Mane punched Mac Breezy in the head on stage... check that...Chipper Jones retiring is the best thing to happen in Atlanta since... maybe ever.
10. Temar Boggs & his friend, two teenage boys in Lancaster, PA, are being hailed as heroes after chasing down a kidnapping suspect for 15 minutes on their bike before the kidnapper realized what was happening and released the victim, 5 year old Jocelyn Rojas, and speeding away
TCDroogsma:
When the Lancaster media finally caught up with Boggs he told them, "Y'know, we were just trying to do what was right and help this girl. It didn't help that all these yuppies in their SUV's wouldn't respect our right to take a whole lane of traffic." He paused to take a sip of kombucha and eat a kale chip, "It's a good thing I spent all night over a Squid's place giving this fixed-gear a solid tune up while we ironically listened to old Huey Lewis albums and sipped individually cupped fair-trade, organic..."
Mike Otto:
It's nice to have some good news to end this batch of trend setting. These two 15 year old boys are certainly heroes. After spotting the kidnapped 5 year old, Jocelyn Rojas, in a sedan with a 50-70 year old man, they chased the kidnapping suspect for 15 heart pounding minutes, ON THEIR BIKES. After the suspect realized he was being followed, he gave up and let Jocelyn out at a stop light. The frightened young girl ran into Temar Boggs arms, asking for her mother.
Unfortunately, George Zimmerman saw two teenage African Americans with a 5 year old Hispanic girl and, finding this incredibly suspicious, confronted and shot both teens after a brief skirmish. George Zimmerman, protector of peace and justice, strikes again. But, hey, that's his job, right?
Well there you have it, folks! Another crazy week put in perspective!
For more TCDroogsma be sure to give him a follow on Twitter (@TCDroogsma). He can also be found right here on Newest Industry hosting our free weekly podcast Flatbasset Radio.
For more Mike Otto be sure to give him a follow on Twitter (@SwervinTaters). Be sure to stay tuned to Newest Industry in the upcoming months when Mike's Minnesota Vikings column Ten & Six returns for the 2013 season.
For more Newest Industry be sure to give us a follow on Twitter (@NewestIndustry1) to stay up on the work being done by all of our contributors. More importantly we have a Facebook page here. Trivial as it seems, stopping by and giving us a "Like" is a free & legitimate way to support the blog.
So, Mikey, Droogsy... It was another
crazy week out there. What do ya think?
01. Florida's George Zimmerman was acquitted of both second-degree murder and manslaughter charges in the shooting death of 17 year old Trayvon Marton
TCDroogsma:
While the Zimmerman verdict stunned many, it's very encouraging to see how America's reacted to the news. It's so nice to see the American people & media take to the subtle, nuanced, and difficult conversation that a trial like this invites rather than just spitting out platitudes, hyperbole, grand generalizations, and poorly thought out calls for violence as a response to a young man's death at the hands of a man with a poorly thought out concept of violence and retribution.
Mike Otto:
Homer Simpson was right, Florida truly is America's wang.
I don't trust Florida. Any place with that many orange trees makes me suspicious. The sign welcoming you to Florida should read: "FLORIDA! WHERE ELECTIONS ARE STOLEN AND MURDERERS WALK FREE...oh and lots of old people and oranges too...maybe the occasional hurricane, but hey great time shares down here!"
Casey Anthony and George Zimmerman should rent an apartment together. Now doesn't that sound like a sitcom Fox would pick up in a heartbeat? At the end of season one, do us a favor and just put them both out on a raft in the Atlantic.
02. With Sunday's 10-4 victory the Minnesota Twins take a weekend series at Yankee Stadium two games to one, marking the first time in Ron Gardenhire's tenure that his Twins squad has won a series at Yankee Stadium
TCDroogsma:
Thirteen years without a series victory at Yankee Stadium is an incredible run of failure, but we're only seeing one side of the coin. In those thirteen years of trips to The Bronx none of the Twins have been mugged, only two of their cars were stolen, and only three of their boats were started on fire in the middle of a street. No, those sort of things don't show up in the standings, but that kind of protection is what makes Ron Gardenhire such a special manager to his players. Well, that and no expectations of any success on the field whatsoever.
Mike Otto:
That was a depressing 13 years of baseball. It would have been so much sweeter if DICKHEAD and King Bro Nick Swisher was still patrolling right field. This feels like such an empty victory to me. I can only imagine how Gardy felt. To quote the great J. Peterman; Ron Gardenhire, congratulations on a job, done.
03. Cory Monteith, who played Finn Hudson on the hit show Glee, found dead at 31 in a Vancouver hotel room
TCDroogsma:
I wish I could say I'm surprised by this news, but have you ever seen an episode of Glee? I could put together a whole blog post just listing the variety of chemicals I'd have to ingest to just to watch an episode. I can only imagine the mental state you'd have to craft for yourself to create such consistently awful television.
Mike Otto:
I always knew choreographed song and dance was a dangerous pastime. All those hours in the dance hall, toe tapping around until your feet ached, you had to turn to the booze. But then the booze wasn't enough anymore was it? Noooooo, not even booze can shake the memory of that Grease themed episode you did, so you turned to stronger barbiturates and next thing you know, you're sitting in a bathtub of your own vomit humming the theme song to Mama Mia. Is Finn Hudson a man or a woman? Whatever, rest in peace sweet prince or princess.
04. Sales of the British crime novel "The Cuckoo's Calling" jump 507,000% (not a typo) after it's reveled that author "Robert Galbraith" is a pen name of Harry Potter author J.K. Rowling
TCDroogsma:
Well, that cat's out of the bag then, isn't it? I suppose this seems like the appropriate time for a confession: "TCDroogsma" is really just another pen name that I, J.K. Rowling, have been using for years. You see, I didn't want to taint the good name & high quality of Newest Industry by having the blog in any way affiliated with those mundane little wizard stories I wrote. While it was certainly difficult for me to turn off the funny & poignant part of my brain responsible for my "TCDroogsma" posts, bills needed to be paid and making up some story about a boy wizard & his battle with, well, other wizards, couldn't have been easier. Like the old saying goes, nobody ever went broke underestimating the British public.
However, now that my true identity has been exposed, it's probably time that I, J.K. Rowling, began receiving payment for the work I do here for Newest Industry. Please make checks out to "Cash" and mail them to Newest Industry c/o The C.C. Club, 2600 Lyndale Ave., Minneapolis, MN. Remember, make them out to "Cash."
Mike Otto:
Jesus Christ. Rowling could publish a collection of her bowel movements and that shit would sell. Look, I'm sure it's a well written book, I'm sure all the punctuation is in the right place, and I'm sure it has a great twist at the end, but I just don't give a fuck. Until she writes Harry Potter and the Custodial Job At New Yorks Port Authority, I'm not reading.
05. The 19th Annual Basilica Block Party was held this weekend, headlined by Goo Goo Dolls, Grace Potter & The Nocturnals, and Matchbox 20
TCDroogsma:
Fans of the event reported that both the Goo Goo Dolls & Matchbox 20 played great sets. They were disappointed, however, with the traffic congestion that came with having to drive to 1998 for the show.
Mike Otto:
The highlight of the show was when Rob Thomas broke down crying on stage in the middle of performing "Long Day". When asked why he lost his composure, Thomas is quoted as saying through muffled sobs into a pillow "you try being Rob Thomas for 41 years." Touche.
06. NSA leaker Edward Snowden emerges from the transit zone of the Moscow airport for an interview, asking for asylum in Russia, & announcing acceptance of asylum in Latin America
TCDroogsma:
Edward Snowden is history's greatest monster.
Mike Otto:
Wait, Snowden is getting tired of hanging out in a Moscow airport? No way!
I'm really getting sick of hearing about this guy. He doesn't believe in anything, he is a little attention whore, America don't give a fuck about you dude. In the end you will fade away, become desperate for attention again, and then and only then, once your relevance has completely faded, will you return to the U.S. to be captured and face whatever charges the powers at be see fit. But hey, at least your name will be in the paper again.
07. The SyFy Network show Sharknado becomes a surprise hit thanks to thousands of posts via social media sites Twitter & Facebook
TCDroogsma:
By the end of the weekend I was fairly certain that Twitter wanted me to put on a hoodie and march for all the people slain by the Sharknado. Good lookin' out, Twitter.
Mike Otto:
Tara Reid needed this. She DESERVED this. She was once an attractive young actress who turned herself into a hot-dogged skinned plastic surgery disaster, and she did it for YOU, America. She just wanted you to like her, but NO, you turned her into the punch line of every bad actress joke and belittled her meager accomplishments. Well welcome to the Summer Of Her Resurgence and the Summer Of Your Discontent!
Her comeback has come in the form of a shark-wielding water spout of a tornado, just like we all envisioned it years ago when her titty slipped out on the red carpet. Wow remember when she used to get invited to things that didn't involve keg stands and beer pong? I mean like real award shows. Those were the days. Let me be the first to welcome you back to relevance Tara Reid, we missed you, try to keep the puppies in your dress this time.
08. Astronomers report that they've discovered a planet, dubbed HD 189733b, sharing Earth's pale blue color. The planet is thought to be incapable of sustaining life as it is a gaseous, maintains a surface temperature of 1800 degrees Fahrenheit, contains winds up to 4000 MPH, and rains glass
TCDroogsma:
According to reports NFL commissioner Roger Goodell has already begun plans to relocate the Jacksonville Jaguars to this new blue planet for the 2016 season. The HD 189733b Jaguars 2016 schedule & apparel should be available by the end of the month.
Mike Otto:
Liberal scientists have already labeled this as the final stage of global warming and assured us that if our planet keeps warming at its current rate, we will be seeing downpours of glass by 2030.
09. Norman, a three-year-old sheepdog from Georgia, sets the new world record by riding a scooter 30 meters in 30 seconds
TCDroogsma:
Not only did he set this record, but he also maintained his standing as having the highest IQ of anybody in the greater Atlanta area. Nice weekend, Normy.
Mike Otto:
This dog is more talented and coordinated than most 5 year old kids. Also it's kind of demoralizing when you realize there is a dog out there that could not only do your job, but look cuter while he does it.
This is the best thing to happen in Atlanta since Gucci Mane punched Mac Breezy in the head on stage... check that...Chipper Jones retiring is the best thing to happen in Atlanta since... maybe ever.
10. Temar Boggs & his friend, two teenage boys in Lancaster, PA, are being hailed as heroes after chasing down a kidnapping suspect for 15 minutes on their bike before the kidnapper realized what was happening and released the victim, 5 year old Jocelyn Rojas, and speeding away
TCDroogsma:
When the Lancaster media finally caught up with Boggs he told them, "Y'know, we were just trying to do what was right and help this girl. It didn't help that all these yuppies in their SUV's wouldn't respect our right to take a whole lane of traffic." He paused to take a sip of kombucha and eat a kale chip, "It's a good thing I spent all night over a Squid's place giving this fixed-gear a solid tune up while we ironically listened to old Huey Lewis albums and sipped individually cupped fair-trade, organic..."
Sadly, nobody knows how the interview ended, as even members of the Lancaster media can't suffer through listening to bikers talk about their insufferable culture. The fact that they even made it that far into the conversation makes them the real heroes.
Mike Otto:
It's nice to have some good news to end this batch of trend setting. These two 15 year old boys are certainly heroes. After spotting the kidnapped 5 year old, Jocelyn Rojas, in a sedan with a 50-70 year old man, they chased the kidnapping suspect for 15 heart pounding minutes, ON THEIR BIKES. After the suspect realized he was being followed, he gave up and let Jocelyn out at a stop light. The frightened young girl ran into Temar Boggs arms, asking for her mother.
Unfortunately, George Zimmerman saw two teenage African Americans with a 5 year old Hispanic girl and, finding this incredibly suspicious, confronted and shot both teens after a brief skirmish. George Zimmerman, protector of peace and justice, strikes again. But, hey, that's his job, right?
Well there you have it, folks! Another crazy week put in perspective!
For more TCDroogsma be sure to give him a follow on Twitter (@TCDroogsma). He can also be found right here on Newest Industry hosting our free weekly podcast Flatbasset Radio.
For more Mike Otto be sure to give him a follow on Twitter (@SwervinTaters). Be sure to stay tuned to Newest Industry in the upcoming months when Mike's Minnesota Vikings column Ten & Six returns for the 2013 season.
For more Newest Industry be sure to give us a follow on Twitter (@NewestIndustry1) to stay up on the work being done by all of our contributors. More importantly we have a Facebook page here. Trivial as it seems, stopping by and giving us a "Like" is a free & legitimate way to support the blog.
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