KPlow & The Fork #2: Saffron Restaurant & Lounge

Panning for gold...

Hey food fans!  KPlow & The Fork are back.  After a disappointing trip to The Amsterdam Bar & Hall, KPlow decided to stick around Minneapolis this time and check out Saffron downtown.  Be sure to check out their website here for the location, menu, and various other bits of information.  Tell us a story, KPlow...

Bad water. Joe has dysentery. You have shot 900 pounds of buffalo meat but you can only carry back 100. I think you know what I’m talking about.

Yes, folks…the one, the only, the Oregon Trail.

Well, fast forward a few years, add better graphics and you have the Yukon Trail. See here:

A computer game where you play poker, wait for the ice to thaw…oh yes, and pan for gold.

The panning for gold is immediately what sprung to mind after dining at the swanky Saffron. Riding home, I nostalgiated back to my gaming days on the Yukon Trail, where you would stake a gold claim—based primarily upon speculation from other gold seekers, and then, hope you’d strike it rich.

Well, guess what? I listened to the speculators hoping for nuggets of gold at Saffron, but instead found only flakes. Soon Twin Cities, I’ll find a winner.

For now, munch on this but, heed my advice: just because it’s in the top ten does not make it a tasty chew! :

Enter Saffron:

Vacant tables stare at us as, from giant high glass windows as the Fork and I pull up in our two wheelers around 6:30 on a Tuesday evening. We enter to find about four tables filled. The windows weren’t lying!

The hostess greets us and immediately asks if we have reservations. Ahem…we did, but I haven’t the faintest idea why we would have needed them!

After confirming we were indeed booked for 6:30, we were swiftly escorted to a decent table off to the side near the kitchen. Before our biking butts had time to hit the chairs, someone was already pouring us water. A few minutes later our waiter arrived and gave us a nervous, but thorough rundown of the menu. Things seemed to be going well!

We studied up on the menu, made some decisions and that’s when the flakes…not nuggets appeared.

First, things first, I order a Syrah…

”Ah….” Says the waiter, “unfortunately we do not have that available tonight.” Geez whiz!? You only have 5 glasses of red available and you don’t have the most expensive one in stock? With great misfortune, I got a zinfandel, tasty but not a syrah. Sheez folks, wouldn’t you think you’d have your regular wines, especially the spendy ones, in house?

Next, two appetizers were delivered. One was a squid “a la plancha,” which is a quickly grilled squid marinated in saffron, oil and butter.

The other was Bastirma, a cured beef that is seasoned and found throughout the middle east.

What went wrong? The squid was chewy and tender with the sauce tasting quite lovely. However, the squid was not crisp…or “a la plancha.” Even though “a la plancha” means quickly seared, there should have been some crunch going on. Instead, chew, chew, chew. One of the extremely stingy-sized portions, perhaps $2 of the $8 dish, was at the crisped, crunchy desiredness. No winner here.

The bastirma, the second app, was well seasoned with a paprika flair, and paired with a lovely Palestinian olive oil. The meat, unfortunately, was swimming in the oil! Yes, the backstroke, breast, and I think it was even doing freestyle.

Marcona almonds additionally adorned the plate, which were a nice touch, but the pickled ramps that accompanied it were less than to be desired. Pickled anything, especially ramps, should be delicious, but these were definitely lack luster.

The main meal was a lamb tagine, that arrived in a fanciful tagine pot, like the one seen below.

The main protein of the tagine was boneless lamb shoulder, and boy could you tell. Not an ounce of fat was in the juices. Laden with artichokes, potatoes and olives that surrounded the meat, the shoulder was flavorless and fatless! The broth was liquidy and watery and not luscious and velvety, which is what happens when fat is present. Bummer. The potatoes were a heirloom variety of the fingerling family, but the artichokes sadly were without question, from a can and very metallic. Ish!

I ordered a salad as well, but requested they leave off the dairy, which was inevitably a mistake. Entire dish ruined…darn my lactose intolerance. In all fairness, I will refrain from commenting on the salad, but again, I felt it was lacked luster.

Dessert, surprisingly was a high point. Mango curry sorbet anyone? I think yes! It definitely needed some tweaking but this was such a fantastic idea I couldn’t help but like the crazy concoction!

Like I said, work needed, but the foundation was there. A few bananas added into the mix and maybe some cinnamon, cardamom, and coriander and that sorbet would be in business.

So there you have it folks. Wahwah, another negative review. I’ll find a winner soon!

Next time nuggets, I swear!

Bad times, KPlow.  Bad times, The Fork.  Thanks for stopping by and checking it out for the rest of us.

For more KPlow, she can typically be found banging out posts for her food blog Nettlefetter.  There's also a rumour going around that she maintains a Twitter account.  More on this story as it develops.

This blog not-so-secretly maintains a Twitter account (@NewestIndustry1), be sure to check that for updates.  We're also active on Facebook here.  Be sure to give us a 'like' and we'll try to keep you up to date with all the doin's and transpirin's of our contributors.  

KPlow & The Fork #1: The Amsterdam Bar & Hall

The First Date...

Biased on the start…I’ve been pretty Minneapolis-centric with my eating out habits in 2012. So when I was over in St. Paul for some musical happenings a week ago and saw an enticing food list at the Amsterdam Bar and Hall, I figured I’d give Minneapolis’s quirky twin another go. So here you are Minnesota, food review numero uno. KPlow and Fork visit St. Paul.

The Findings:

BEWARE! Biking to St. Paul from Minneapolis via Summit Avenue is shockingly entertaining. Sorry Mpls, St. Paul has you beat!

First, there were hordes of graying half-century plus men in bike gangs dressed in overly tight fitting spandex. Note: bulges accentuated in all the wrong places.

(Photo via Metro)

Think this guy, but more grey and and mid-thigh tights!

Round two, smoking weed in farm trucks with your boys before hitting up the wedding party, dressed in your finest formal wear has migrated from the rural areas and is now all the rage across the river. Remember, keep your windows down too so you can really give the cops the thumbs up when you see them! Finally, do make sure to attempt to bike in St. Paul, near the Xcel Center when a Friday night Coldplay concert start time is in t minus one hour. Screw Mall of America, the people watching crown has moved to the streets pre-Coldplay concerto.

Alright, enough with transportation ramblings, onto the food.

As I had previously mentioned, the menu really had me excited. See here. A charcuterie plate, fried Danish starchy goodness, a salad with cured salmon…sadly however the descriptions created high expectations that unfortunately, did not measure up.

To begin, the food arrived in cardboard trays save for the charcuterie platter.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure they save hordes of money and are saving some unfortunate soul the horrors of having to be a dishwasher (oh yes, I have been there) but really people? Cardboard is for food trucks. If I’m going to pay you money for a sit-down meal, at least give me some cheap Corelle dishes. Thank god they opted out on the plastic fork, knifes and spoons.

What did arrive was decent but by no means worth the money spent when I could have paid the same price for grub of higher caliber and on a plate, for certain, back over the river. The sliders my dining cohorts ordered were fine, and there were a variety of appealing morsel to fill the fluffy little potato buns, but it was just what the menu said and nothing more. The prosciutto was just prosciutto, the cheese, just cheese. There wasn’t a balsamic onion reduction with rosemary and freshly cracked pepper with the cheese. Or for that matter, a red wine infused fig compote to accompany the prosciutto. Come on people. Get with making scrumptious little morsels even more delicious. White Castle was made for a reason, crank it up a notch!

The charcuterie plate (which, if you are unfamiliar with the term 'charcuterie,' is cured meats, sausages, pates, terrines, etc) was generic.

The prosciutto was dry and well aged but there was some form of bone sliced into the meat, which is something I have never encounter eating prosciutto before. The summer sausage was generic in taste and in the visual department as well. I probably think it was bought from Costco. The terrine was overly spiced with cloves while the bacon wrapped around the outside did not help with the flavor. Olives…generic. Pickled onions overly sweet with no acidity. Blah.

The gem and shining moment both times I have been to the Amsterdam has been the fries.

If you are in the area do swing by for these bad boys. They are thick cut, loaded with salt and pepper, properly fried and come with a wide array of dipping sauces to further delish them up. They also work perfectly in the cardboard tray. Attention Amsterdam, just stick with the fries.

Well, folks, there you have it. KPlow’s endorsements for today: If the Amsterdam were a first date, I don’t think they'd deserve a round two. Save your time, and money for that matter. Head for a sit down meal at a gastro pub/bar like Pat’s Tap where you can get some food on an actual plate that had more than a few minute prep time and will excite instead of de-light your taste buds.

However, if I met the Amsterdam again I wouldn’t be opposed for getting a cheap drink if I was in the area. And if you are there and have the munchies I would encourage you to fork out the few bucks for the fries.

Nice to meet you Amsterdam. Maybe I’ll see you around, but don’t expect a call back.

Big thanks to KPlow for making her inaugural contribution to Newest Industry. For more of KPlow's views on food, be sure to check her blog Nettlefetter. Always an intriguing read.

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