Trendsetting #6: Mike Otto & TCDroogsma

I got A-1 credit on my Come And Get It card...

Well hello again, everybody!  Welcome to the sixth installment of Trendsetting with Mike Otto & TCDroogsma!

For those of you who aren't quite sure what you're looking at, here's the deal.  Each week we scan the newspaper and the internet for the stories that are trending here in Minnesota and all around the world.  Once we settle on ten or so we send the stories off to Mike & Travis and ask them to give us their thoughts.  Then, rather than horde them for ourselves, we share them with you, the reader, in an attempt to take over the blogosphere via sarcasm & obscenities.

As always, Mike and Travis have not read each other's comments before this posting.

So, Mikey, Travis... it was a big, stupid week out there.  What'd you think?

01. Minnesota Twins catcher (and St. Paul native) Joe Mauer announces that he and his wife are expecting twins.

Mike Otto:

     St. Paul's prodigal son will soon be a dad! Of TWINS no less! Although nobody knows if the little bundles of joy will be boys or girls, identical or fraternal, we do know they will be able to walk straight out of the womb and will have to DH day games after night games.

TCDroogsma:

     I couldn't be happier for Joe Mauer.  When Sid Hartman clumsily asked Mauer about the conception process, Mauer responded, "You know, I just tried to stay in there and work with what I was given. Just try to stay patient and wait for her to make a mistake.  When I got my chance I just tried to keep my stroke simple and put some good wood on it."  It was unquestionably the most sexually-disturbing press conference since the Lynx won the WNBA title.

02. Gary Becker,the former mayor of Racine, Wisconsin, is released from prison after serving time for sexual assault of a child and child enticement.

Mike Otto:

     Yes, even the mayors in Wisconsin are diddlers. Gary Becker is back in Racine and living 2 blocks from an elementary schoo, no less! Don't worry though, 2 years of getting turned into swiss cheese by fellow inmates has totally given him perspective on life.

TCDroogsma:

     I am not touching this news story.  Unless, of course, someone offers me some cheese curds, a Mark Chmura jersey, and a ride home.


03. Fomer NBA player Dennis Rodman visits North Korea.

Mike Otto:

     "OHHHH GREAT LEADER YOU MAKE SUN AND MOON IN SKY... "

     Rodman came back singing the praises of Kim Jong-Un, even going so far as to call him a friend. Don't be too surprised, Rodman would have called Stalin a friend if he took him out for the weekend and picked up every tab.

 TCDroogsma:

     According to the state-controlled North Korea media Kim Jong-Un and Rodman played an epic one-on-one game that was one by the North Korean dictator 55-30 with Kim Jong-Un hitting ten straight threes, grabbing 45 rebounds, and, remarkably, notching 25 assists.

04. Budweiser is battling lawsuits from several states claiming that their flagship variety is "watered down" before bottling, thus skewing the listed alcohol content. 

Mike Otto:

     What? WHATTTT!?!? Budweiser has been the long standing bastion of integrity in the beer industry. Their reputation as the highest quality beer in the nation is no more. It has been discovered that their magic recipe of hops, corn and water is a little heavy on the water aspect and I, for one, am shocked and saddened. On the bright side, at least America's large homeless community is staying hydrated.

TCDroogsma:

     Turns out watering down the beer gives Budweiser its uniquely "American" taste.  If the TV, pop music, movies, literature, and media in America are going to be watered down to their most bland and tasteless it stands to reason that we should be drinking piss water as we consume them.

05. President Obama and congress fail to reach an agreement prior to the March 1st deadline, allowing across the board sequestration cuts to federal spending.

Mike Otto:

     I just don't give a fuck anymore. I can't care about this shit or it will put me in an early grave. If I was as bad as congress at my job I would have been fired a long time ago.

     Here's an idea, if congress doesn't get their "work" done on time, they don't get paid. How much you wanna bet all this sequester debt ceiling deadline BULLSHIT would have been taken care of weeks ago. Oh yah, I forgot, that would mean our elected officials are held to the same set of rules as the rest of society. Silly me. Fuck them all, the shit they are deliberating over doesn't effect any of them, their families, or their 6 figure salaries. American Politics is a broken system. I used to care. I just can't anymore.

TCDroogsma:

     I say good fucking riddance.  Let's not forget that this doesn't mean a base cut in spending, but rather a smaller increase in spending than what federal agencies were expecting.  Boo fucking hoo.  God forbid the U.S. takes even a tiny step toward being more fiscally responsible.  I've found new ways to tighten my belt every week for the last three years.  These agencies can do the same.

06. According to reports, three Indiana residents are accused of necrophilia after killing two people and engaging in sexual actions on the bodies.

(Editor's Note:  As Mike mentions, it's impossible to find any information on this story online, including pictures of the suspects.  We figured this picture of Reggie Miller would suffice.)

Mike Otto:

     The three Necrophiliacs in question, a 18 year old female and her 2 boyfriends, lured 2 unsuspecting 22 year old males to a residence in suburban Indiana, where they murdered their guests (strangulation) and then continued to have a threesome on top of their fresh corpses.......so yah. I believe the children are our future, teach them well and let them lead the world! Nothing is sacred, we're all doomed.


     (Side note: I heard of this story on a local Minnesota radio station last week, but could find no write-up of it on the interwebs. Also, I didn't want to type too many "Indiana Necrophiliac" searches into Google. Maybe its simply too horrific a story to get any run on Indiana local news, or perhaps details are still in question. You're just gonna have to take my word on it, this is a thing that happened)

TCDroogsma:

      Between this story and the story below, it's a sad, fucked up time to be a resident of Indiana.  Though, technically, that's been true for about 197 years.

07. The Minnesota Golden Gophers basketball team upsets the then-#1 ranked Indiana Hoosiers at The Barn.

Mike Otto:

     Somewhere, right now, Sam Jacobson is masturbating. Under a bridge in Mississippi, a dry, cracked smile just spread across the face of Rick Rickert as he takes a celebration chug of listerine. Sure, go ahead Dinkytown, storm the court, enjoy your moment, it won't last. This is Gopher basketball, home of Final Four runs that don't actually exist because Bobby Jackson can't write a fuckin' paper.

    NEWS FLASH: THE GOPHERS WILL LOSE IN THE FIRST ROUND OF THE NCAA TOUNAMENT. Something will go wrong. It's tradition, and this team is not good enough to break up the decades of failure. You can count on 3 things in life: death, taxes, and Gopher Basketball fucking up.

TCDroogsma:

     Congratulations to the Gophers and Tubby Smith.  You have my apologies for putting you on blast both in the past and, inevitably, in the future when you get thrashed by Xavier in the first round of the NCAA tournament.

     No apologies or congrats to the moronic Gopher students/fans who stormed the court after the victory.  The Gophers were 4.5 point underdogs going into the game.  4.5 points!  In a sport as excruciatingly dull and poorly executed as college basketball 4.5 points could be swung by something as simple as "I received a mean text message from my girlfriend" to "Who closed down Sally's last night?"

08. Melissa King, Miss Delaware Teen USA, resigns her post after it's brought to light that she appeared in a pornographic video.

Mike Otto:

     What a fuckin' skank.

TCDroogsma:

     Shit, the way kids are going these days this is just the tip of the iceberg.  If we're going to start disqualifying every Miss Teen USA candidate simply because they've got down on camera we're not going to have a Miss Teen USA pageant at all.  Seems to me that they may as well embrace this and add it to the "Talent" portion of the competition.

09.  Florida resident Jeff Bush is presumed dead after his bedroom is swallowed up by a sinkhole.

Mike Otto:

     Jeff Bush thought he was having a bad day when he stubbed his toe that morning. He knew it wasn't his day when he went out to his car and found he had no gas. Then when the bus drove right by him making him late for work, he knew it was going to be an EPICALLY terrible day. After 8 1/2 hours at the hardware store and dropping three cans of paint on his left foot, he limped home, glad the day was finally over. He got home to the sound of his brother having intercourse and went straight to his room. He was happy, after such a long day, dozing off to the sound of David Letterman would be a peaceful ending. As his eyelids grew heavy, he heard a slight rumbling, followed by a not-so-slight shaking, and then the Earth swallowed him whole.

     The lesson? Always interrupt your brother when he's balls deep.

TCDroogsma:

     Who knew hell was a duplex?

10.  English pop icon (and vegetarian) Morrissey refuses to appear on the same episode of Jimmy Kimmel Live as the cast of Duck Dynasty.

Mike Otto:

     "And if a double decker bus, crashes into us, to die by your side, would be a heavenly way to die!!!!"

     Oh, Morissey why even tour in America? Its sad but true, if you make Americans pick between you and whatever the fuck Duck Dynasty is, the majority of us will pick the duck thing. We're not very smart, you see, and we all hate when some Limey asshole comes across the pond and tries to impart their values upon us. Americans hate other peoples values. Always have. That being said, Jimmy Kimmel is a fat little troll, I'm surprised you even agreed to his show in the first place. Good luck Mozzer, I'm gonna go eat a cheeseburger for breakfast.

TCDroogsma:

     Where do you get the balls, Morrissey?  I mean, we're talking about Jimmy Kimmel here!  Jimmy fucking Kimmel!  He is a bastion of everything that is great about American television!  Nobody has their finger on the pulse o this country quite like Jimmy Kimmel.  He's followed the footsteps of Johnny Carson and David Letterman to become the iconic late night TV personality of the 21st century!  He's been hosting his show for 10 years!  10!  Not a day goes by when I don't go to work to find myself surrounded by people discussing Kimmel's show from the night before.  "Did you hear his monologue from last night?"  "Can you believe his Bradley Cooper interview?"  "How great was that skit where they went out on the street and asked people if they knew Barack Obama's wife's name?"  I know that, if I want to be taken seriously by friends and acquaintances, it is absolutely imperative that I stay up late each night hanging on every last clever quip that leaves Jimmy's mouth.

     Shit, who's even going to remember the guy who wrote the Charmed theme song in ten years?  Best to know your place, Morrissey.  You don't take on television royalty like Jimmy Kimmel unless you're willing to take on the rest of America!

There you have it, folks!  Another week's worth of trending story run through the ringer.

For more Mike Otto be sure to give him a follow on Twitter (@SwervinTaters).

For more TCDroogsma, be sure to give him a follow on Twitter (@TCDroogsma).  He can also be found here on Newest Industry hosting our weekly podcast Flatbasset Radio.

For more Newest Industry, be sure to give us a follow on Twitter (@NewestIndustry1) to stay up on the work being done by all of our contributors.  More importantly we have a Facebook page here.  Stopping by and giving us a "Like" is a free and legitimate way to support the blog. 

Trendsetting #5: Mike Otto & TCDroogsma

We'd like to thank the academy...

Well hello again, everybody!  Welcome to Trendsetting #5!

For those of you who aren't quite certain what you're looking at right now, here's the scoop:  Each week we scan the newspapers and the internets to come up with roughly 10 trending stories both here in Minnesota and out in the rest of this big crazy world.

Once we've determined which stories are trending we send them along to Mike Otto & TCDroogsma to get their takes on the stories.  Then, rather than keep their amusing ranting to ourselves, we publish them here for everybody to enjoy!

As always, Mike & Travis have not read each other's comments prior to posting.

It was a crazy week, guys.  Thoughts?

01. The Obama Administration calls out the Chinese military for years of cyber-terrorism, accusing the Chinese of hacking into government & major businesses computers to acquire data.

Mike Otto:

     Of course they are. I could have told you that shit. The REAL reason this grinds American's gears won't be recognized by anyone in the national media.

     Lets face it, America, we are China's bitch right now. We owe them a nearly unfathomable amount of money, their economy is on the up-tick and their military is as strong as the mighty U.S. Army, if not frighteningly larger than ours. Now, I'm as red, white and blue-blooded as the next person, but that doesn't keep me from seeing the facts. Anything China does, short of a direct act of aggression/war, we just have to shut up and take. A war between the United States and China would be the end of life as we know it, so lets all keep our fat fingers crossed, America.

TCDroogsma:

     Frankly, I'm not sure how much of this I believe.  I mean, China's got far bigger problems than hacking U.S. interests.  Not to mention, their military probably isn't smart enough to hack into American computers.  Sure, they're good at math but, that only mea...  NOT SMART ENOUGH!  WHO'S SMART ENOUGH, FAT AMERICA!?!  YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT WE CAPABLE OF!  WE TAKE ALL YOUR DATA WHILE YOU JOKE!  ALL THE DATA FOR CHINA! ALL! THE! DATA!

02.  In Cypress, Texas, a newborn baby was found alive in a plastic bag by dogs passing by.

Mike Otto:

     So let me understand this: You got pregnant. You carried this child inside you for 9 months. You didn't go to the hospital when your water broke. You pooped this kid out in your apartment, cut the umbilical cord poorly with a scissors (3 inches remained attached to the child and it wasn't tied off) and essentially threw the child in the trash. I'd nominate this woman for mother of the year, but she's wouldn't qualify.

     Being able to poop out a kid doesn't make you a mother, everything you do for the child after birth does though, you know, THE SUBSEQUENT 18-22 YEARS AFTER YOU POOPED IT OUT IS WHAT MATTERS. Texans are historically anti-abortion, maybe this woman was too, but one things for sure, she is not anti-dumpster-baby.

TCDroogsma:

     When reached for a comment, the mother of the child reacted by saying, "Yes, I dumped my baby in the dumpster!  And I would have got away with it too if it wasn't for that meddling dog!"  She then pulled off a mask and stunned cops with her true identity:  You guessed it, Frank Stallone.

03. Minnesota's congressman Keith Ellison becomes the first member of the United States Congress to visit Somalia since their new government took power.

Mike Otto:

     Mr. Ellison faced many questions about how America plans to further aid war-torn Somalia, if he still faces racism In the States, and if the bulk honey is organic...

     You know the honey isn't technically organic, but that doesn't really matter as long as it's raw and local you will get the benefits you are looking for. It's incredibly difficult to get honey certified organic because you have to guarantee the bees are only pollinating organic flowers, which requires an incredible amount of "Certified Organic" land...oh fuck it never mind, yah its organic. (sorry, inside joke)

TCDroogsma:

    Ellison reportedly thoroughly enjoyed the opportunity to pander to his Minneapolis constituency visit the rebuilding nation.  According to sources, Ellison was most taken with the cuisine & the beauty of the land, but just couldn't adapt to the coffee shops filled with people reading quietly and politely, breaking the silence only to apologize when stepping outside to answer cellular phone calls.

04. According to this article, leading geneticist Dr. Gerald Crabtree human intelligence is slowly declining thanks to adverse genetic mutations.

Mike Otto:

     If this comes as a surprise to anyone, you are only re-enforcing Dr. Gerald Crabtree's study.

     Now, it seems to me that as our worldly population continues to grow exponentially, it stands to reason that the bar of "average intelligence" would slowly but surely begin to regress. Then again, this could just be another bullshit theory from some idiot scientist...wait a minute... oh whatever, my head hurts, I'm gonna go watch a Honey-Boo-Boo marathon.


TCDroogsma:

     So we're getting dumber, are we?  Come here a minute, college boy, 'cause I got a couple or three things to say about all this "dumber" talk.  Fuckin', dumber?  No.  I mean, if I was getting dumber, I wouldn't be making these quality-ass jokes on the fuckin' blog now would I, guy?  Huh?  Can't hear you over THAT knowledge bomb?  Fuckin' guy,  Now who's dumbest, dummy?  Exactly.

05.  8 month old Carlos Orozco of South Minneapolis is abducted by Isabel Diaz-Castillo only to be found 4 hours later by Minneapolis police officers.

Mike Otto: 

     The abductor, Isabel Diaz Castillo was found with baby, Carlos in a Minneapolis basement only 4 hours after their disappearance. Isabel, you need to step your abduction game up! If you want this abduction to work, you have to leave the city, buy a bus ticket with cash and head for the border for Christ's sake! Buy a baby disguise! You're better than this Isabel...

TCDroogsma:

     Thank god that nightmare is over for Carlos & his mother Victoria.  When police found Diaz-Castillo hiding with baby Carlos in a relative's basement she was unwilling to give up the child without a struggle yelling, "That's my baby!"  Fortunately, baby Carlos was extracted from that dangerous situation and returned to a marginally less dangerous situation: living on Franklin & Portland.

06. Tubby Smith's Gopher basketball team endures a tough week, losing games to Iowa & Ohio state by a combined 47 points.

Mike Otto:

     OH NO! WHATEVER WILL I DO, THE GOPHERS FUCKING SUCK AGAIN?!?

     First of all, it's basketball. Second of all, it's college basketball. Third of all, I don't need a third reason to despise the Gophers. I'm not bandwagon either, the Gophers could make an historic Cinderella-type run to the Final Four, and I will stand here alone, constantly trashing their sport and them as a team. Then, when they inevitably choke, I will be here to say I told you so and quench my thirst with the tears of Dinkytowners.

TCDroogsma:

     So we're still calling this news, huh?  Alright, umm... Tubby Smith continues to struggle to motiva... HAHA!  YOU NO GOOD AT BASKETBALL EITHER!  AMERICA INVENTED RETARDED GAME AND TOO RETARDED TO PLAY IT!  WE HACK TUBBY SMITH COMPUTER AND GUESS WHAT!  NO INTELLIGENCE!  HAHAHA!  NONE!

     I'm sorry, I've really got to update my passwords.  Evidently the Chinese are playing for keeps here.

07.  Switzerland's lone wild bear, known as M13, is shot & killed by Swiss authorities as a "threat to humans."

Mike Otto:

     Really, Switzerland? A SINGULAR bear is your greatest threat to human safety? It's apparent to me that the Swiss need to learn what REAL fear is all about. I suggest we plop Switzerland down in the parking lot after a San Francisco Giants/LA Dodgers baseball game, then they will truly understand "threats to human safety."

TCDroogsma:

     According to Swiss authorities, M13 was shot and killed because he "regularly sought out food in inhabited areas," and "showed little fear of humans."  In M13's defense, the humans WERE THE SWISS!  You know who else loved to seek out food in inhabited areas and showed little fear of humans?  Hitler!  And you people didn't even TRY to stop him!  I'm sick, I'm sick, I'm really sick of the Swiss.

08. Sue Paterno, widow of pedophile-enabling college football coach Joe Paterno, & her family release their own investigation, absolving Joe Paterno from guilt in the Jerry Sandusky case.

Mike Otto: 

     Jesus Christ, fuck off Sue Paterno you old fucking bitch.

     Guess what, I initially felt kind of bad for you in this whole mess. Your late husband and the rest of his cronies were covering this up after all, and you probably didn't know enough to do anything about the horrors that were occurring. However, after your constant yapping the past year and now this report you have conducted and published with your husbands money (the same money he was earning while sweeping this mess under the rug) I have officially lumped you in with the rest of the scumbags who let this happen.

     What can I say, me thinks the lady doth protest too much? All you would have had to say to look decent in all of this was something like "horrible tragedy, I feel for the victims, wish i could have done more, known more." BOOM. You'd be golden. But no, you've made this all about YOUR money and YOUR family's reputation, and the injustices the media has perpetrated on YOU and YOURS.

     Let sleeping dogs lie, you rotten dried up old bitch. Lives were ruined. Young lives. And all you can think about is what YOU"VE lost. You haven't lost shit compared to the victims of Jerry Sandusky, so do us all a favor, shut the fuck up, or just go die.

TCDroogsma:

     I sympathize with Sue Paterno.  If my husband's lasting legacy after death was that of a pioneer who devoted his life to college football I'd do everything in my power to rescue his name too.

09. Rapper MC Hammer is arrested in for resisting arrest & obstructing an officer in Dublin, CA (outside of Oakland).  He then claims to be the victim of "racial profiling."

Mike Otto:

     MC Hammer arrested? STOP THE PRESSES!

     Hammer was upset when, during a traffic stop, he was asked if he was, "on parole or probation." Instead of staying calm and saying simply "neither" he became, according to the police, argumentative and refused to exit the vehicle, having to eventually be removed with force and charged with obstruction and resisting. Completely avoidable, Hammer. You forgot that when it comes to the police, they CAN touch this, in fact, they can touch this whenever they want.

TCDroogsma:

     Hammer's confusion is easily understandable as the incident was the first time anybody's tried to profile him since the early 90's.

10.  Ben Affleck's Argo takes home the Oscar for Best Picture.

Mike Otto:

     I saw Argo and I thought it was a good film. That being said, I am somewhat sad it won Best Picture because this officially marks the end of Ben Affleck being the butt of every "over hyped/under-talented" actor/director joke. He's reached the top, and I was much more comfortable with him stuck in that meaty part of the Hollywood curve.

     Oh well, at the end of the day, I realize I could give two shits about Ben Affleck, The Oscars, or anything else to do with award shows where celebrities get in a giant circle jerk session and decide whose jipe is worth the most.

TCDroogsma:

     Ben Affleck:  Actor, producer, writer, award-winning director... and still the bomb in Phantoms, yo!

There you have it everybody!  Another week's worth of trending stories given a run through the ringer.

For more Mike Otto, be sure to give him a follow on Twitter (@SwervinTaters).  For more Mike Otto, be sure to follow the Sue Paterno harassment suit that CourtTV will begin broadcasting in about a week or so.

For more TCDroogsma, be sure to give him a follow on Twitter (@TCDroogsma).  He can also be found here on Newest Industry hosting our weekly Flatbasset Radio podcast.  At least he will be until the Chinese hack into that too.

For more Newest Industry, be sure to follow us on Twitter (@NewestIndustry1) to stay up on the work being done by all of our contributors.  More importantly we have a Facebook page here.  Stopping by and giving us a "Like" is a free & legitimate way to support the blog.

Singles Mixer #5: "Just Make It Stop" by Low

You see I'm close to the edge, I'm at the end of my rope...

Hello again, music fans!  Welcome to Singles Mixer #5!

For those of you unfamiliar with the Singles Mixer columns, here's the scoop.  Whenever we find new singles from Minnesota bands we task one of our regular contributors with reviewing them.  As is Newest Industry policy, all singles are given a score of 1-5 (whereas albums are rated 1-10).

This time around we asked TCDroogsma to give us his thoughts on Low's new single "Just Make It Stop" from their upcoming album The Invisible Way.

TCDroogsy, thoughts?

How you feel about “Just Make It Stop” likely depends on how you feel about the recipe that Low has perfected over 20 years.

There are typically three things that define Low:

01. Instrumentation that makes as much use of the empty space as it does of the instruments.

02. Alan Sparhawk's distinctive, fragile vocals (often times complimented by Mimi Parker).

03. Lyrics that are somehow universal & personal, allowing the listener to find themselves in nearly every song.

“Just Make It Stop” only hits on one of these three ingredients. Lyrically, this song fits nicely into the Sparhawk/Parker canon. The lyrics are vague enough, with many of the couplets addressed to the “you” that always seems to be saying and doing things to fuck with people. Hell, even the titular “it” is never really addressed. The world? Time? The omnipotent, overbearing “you” (or, maybe, “them?”).

Regardless, when you sign up for the music of Low you sign up for that sort of lyrical content. There's something to be said for a band that can write songs that everybody can relate to in their own way.

Now, on to those other two ingredients.

I fully realize that Alan Sparhawk is not the “lead singer” of Low in the traditional sense. Still, when releasing the first single from a new album, it's a bold move to shelve the singer who is, to the casual fan, the voice of the band. I'm not complaining here, it's just a surprising left turn. I think Parker has a great voice and absolutely carries the song. Whether it's years of sharing the microphone with Sparhawk or my inability to separate new Low songs from my expectations, Parker manages the same aggressive fragility as her sometimes co-singer.

Which brings us to the instrumentation.

What's the one thing that casual indie rock fans know about Low? That they're slow and quiet. Obviously “Just Make It Stop” is neither of those things. It's actually a pretty rollicking affair considering who's playing the instruments.

Much has been made about the fact that The Invisible Way was produced by Jeff Tweedy. Admittedly, I didn't put a whole lot of stock into his involvement (though, as a Wilco & Low fan it did breed some curiosity). I was hoping that the lessons learned about spacing and silence during A Ghost Is Born and Summer Teeth would translate to “Low with a Wilco twist.” Rather, if this single is any example, we're being treated to “Low plays Wilco.” Rather than an experiment in organic, live silence (I feel so pretentious just typing that), “Just Make It Stop” has much more in common with the country-tinged feel of Being There.

I realize that this all makes me sound like a curmudgeon who wants his Low to sound like Low. There's a grain of truth to that, as I really do love the band's work. More accurately, I'm a bit disappointed that rather than pushing toward the sound explored on Drums & Guns (a masterpiece in my book), Low seems to be pushing toward sounding like everybody else. For a band that spent twenty years carving out a niche that was theirs and theirs alone, “Just Make It Stop” sounds more like compromise than evolution.

Final Score – 2.5/5

There you have it, folks!  TCDroogsma puts Low's new single "Just Make It Stop" square in the middle of the rankings.

For more information on Low's new album The Invisible Way and their upcoming tour, be sure to visit their website here.  They can also be found on Twitter (@LowTheBand).

For more TCDroogsma, be sure to give him a follow on Twitter (@TCDroogsma). He can also be found here on Newest Industry hosting our weekly podcast Flatbasset Radio.  Be sure to tune in each week, as winter's slowly causing him to lose his mind.

Of course Newest Industry also has a home on Twitter (@NewestIndustry1).  Give us a follow to stay up on the work being done by all of our contributors.  More importantly, we have a Facebook page here.  Stopping by and giving us a "Like" is a free and highly effective way to support the blog. 

Newest Industry 2012: Lists On Lists On Lists

One more year like this one, I could never make it on my own...

Well hello everybody!  Welcome to Newest Industry's 2012 wrap up!

We asked all of our regular contributors to help us out with some end of year lists because, as card-carrying members of the blogging industry we're legally obligated to put together end of year lists.

Let's note quickly that not all of the posts are strictly Minnesota based.  We asked Dr. Bill for his 10 favorite songs of the year because that's just what he's good at.  Ryan was kind enough to give us both a local and non-local list of his favorite punk rock albums of 2012.

Justin Meyers, KPlow, & SwervinTaters were kind enough to give us their takes on their favorite food, drink, and nightlife spots in the Twin Cities.

And TCDroogsma & MinneSarah continue to bicker like a couple of 50 year olds trapped in 30 year old bodies.

This is a special post because it's also our 100th overall post.  A big thank you to everybody who's stopped by so far.  We'd especially like to take second to thank everybody who's retweeted or reposted any of our work.  There's a lot of stupid shit on the internet.  Thanks for helping promote our stupid shit over everybody else's stupid shit.

Now, on to the lists!

Ryan's Favorite Punk Rock Albums Of 2012

Well, another year has passed and I am even further up to my ears in records. Surrounding me now on 3 sides of my bed inching in closer and closer as time goes on.....

Local Top 5:

1. Frozen Teens - S/T LP - Tragedy struck the Twin Cities earlier this year when, after a series of outstanding shows and stellar LP reviews, Frozen Teens announced their demise. One of the two Wills in the group was moving away. Well, he came back. The band is back on! Just saw them 2 weeks ago and they played a few new songs that I don't believe are on this LP. I can't wait for new recordings!

2. Wild Child - Demo 7" - Well, the demo released last year certainly topped my list. Now it's on vinyl thanks to local fave labels, Fashionable Idiots and Rock Bottom Records. Their new 7" has been pressed up already and Deranged Records of Canada is waiting for just the right moment to drop it on top of our heads but he'll probably will wait until after singer, Antione has dropkicked us in the chest at one of their shows.

3. Brain Tumors - Fuck You Forever 7" - Deranged Records is snatching up Minneapolis hardcore bands almost as fast as Southern Lord Records is signing up the Havoc Records back catalog of bands. Listened to this several times at the store, shocked to not find it here at home in my "recent listens" 7" box that is blocking the only clear pathway to my bed.

4-5. ??? Ummmm? Twin Cities? What is going on here? I didn't pick up much local stuff this year. I'm kinda wondering what happened.

Kontrasekt 7"??? I still need to listen to that again to really say. Varix 7". I guess we've got a tie between Varix and Kontrasekt then. I know Serenghetto had a 7" on the way but the pressing plant they were using was taken out by Hurricane Sandy so that project might be MIA for some time. I would like to hear that record.

Non-Local Top 5 - LP/12" Division:

1. Baader Brains - New Era Hope Colony 12" - I can't really say if the death of Baader Brains member Sarah Kirsch made this record hit me that much more or not. Anyway, it hit me like any project that she was involved in. The message of hope and resistance is there and the music sounds just as fresh as it does familiar. There aren't that many people involved in DIY hardcore punk that have been in as many bands as Sarah that were as good for 20+ years. I am very saddened that we won't be blessed with any more of that shredding guitar and those impassioned, inspiring vocals.

2. No Statik - Everywhere You Aren't Looking LP - I booked this band back in January for probably one of the top 3 shows I have ever had the pleasure of putting together. This Oakland, California band is made up of four punk lifers my age and older. Blistering hardcore punk that is near unmatched in 2012. Probably would have made #1 if not for the eerie extended intro extending a bit too long.

3. Wiccans - Field II LP - I wish I could have seen this band this year. In summer 2011 they played an incredible house show and really surprised all of us. After just a pretty good debut 7" in 2010, they toured that following summer on their Skullduggery LP and somehow topped it this year with Field II. Remember hearing me go on and on about Denton, Texas? Guess what? Denton, Texas. Again!

4. Neon Piss - S/T LP - Still trying to take this one in fully. I had them pegged wrong in the beginning as just another band riffing on what the Observers had perfected 10 years ago. Nope. A lot more going on with this band. Kicking myself HARD for missing them when they played here last month.

5. Swearin' - S/T LP - Yep. The Swearin LP. Love it. I'd go into it but I already covered it on one of my Record Of The Week posts on this very blog. Besides, I am behind and on a deadline!

(Editor's Note: He did indeed cover it.  Have a look.)

Non-Local Top 5 - 7" Division:

1. Double Negative - Hits 7" - Final recordings with their original singer. However, I just got to see them play here in Minneapolis two months back and the new singer is holding it down. I am excited to see where they go from here. It's tough to find a band playing such a distinct and exciting style of hardcore at this moment in time. I wish they had t-shirts of the artwork from the 7" insert. It's a submarine with their -/- logo blasting a torpedo directly at the Beatles Yellow Submarine. Hits! Hilarious.

2. Siamese Twins - S/T 7" - Not what you would expect from members of Ampere and Foreign Objects! Some slow to mid-paced gothy stuff that would have fit in nicely on the 4AD roster alongside Cocteau Twins or something. Super catchy. Very addictive. I believe this 7" is two songs off of their 2011 demo tape.

3. Coffin Pricks - S/T 7" - Fuck. Missed this band too. They played their last show this month in their hometown of Chicago. This band features Chris Thomson on vocals and his pedigree goes way back to the late 80's when he played in a series of D.C. hardcore bands that were all favorites of mine. Ignition, Circus Lupus, Las Mordidas, The Monorchid, etc.

4. Belgrado - Panopticon / Vicious Circle 7" - Newish band from Barcelona, Spain that I had previously thought were from France. This band is following the Siouxsie and the Banshees / Madhouse blueprint. Their LP will make my top10 at the very least. There are a LOT of bands now doing the dark gothy post punk thing at the moment. I think Belgrado are quite possibly the best at it.

5. Desperat - Barjan Pa Slutet 7" - There had to be some rampaging Swedish D-Beat making the list. In lieu of any new recordings by Heratys (new LP soon on Prank Records), Desperat are 2012's best offering. Well, 5th best for me anyway!

Top Reissues:

01. Rites Of Spring - Demo 10" - Not much needs to be said about this. I listen to this. Then I listen to the Rites Of Spring LP. Then I listen to this. Then the All Through A Life 7". Then this.

02. Warhead - Never Give Up! LP - Early 7" and compilation recordings. Top-tier Japanese hardcore punk!

Almost every single 7" and LP from Svart Records classic Finnish punk reissues series. Last year brought us the obvious ones like Lama and Ratsia. This year is making me go broke with tons more from Loose Prick, Nolla Nolla Nolla, Sensurri, Stalin, and so many more. I can barely keep up with this stuff. Pricey but so worth it.

Honorable Mentions: (quite possibly my 6-10s if I only started this earlier this evening) - Boston Strangler Primitive LP, Prisoner Abuse LP, Confines Some Sick Joke 7", Anasazi s/t 7", Permaculture Swallow What You're Given 7", Troubled Sleep Wacky Past Is Now 7", White Lung Sorry LP, Crazy Spirit s/t LP, Retisonic Robots Fucking LP, Criaturas LP and the Pottymouth Sun Damage 12".

Wow!  Thank you, Ryan!  Looks like it was quite a year in the punk rock world!

As you all hopefully know by now Ryan is a volunteer down at Extreme Noise and has been for quite some time.  People like him are the reason the Twin Cities has such a vibrant music scene.  Stop by and see him some time. His cat's name is Rabies.




Though most of you probably know Justin Meyers as our resident synth expert, he's also our resident beer expert.  If you think about it long enough, it makes perfect sense.

Justin Meyers' Favorite Local Beers Of 2012

Honorable Mentions: Schell's Emerald Rye, Indeed Midnight Ryder, Surly Wet & Coffee Bender

5. Lucid Air - The lightest beer on this list, but it doesn't lack in the flavor department. Toasted malts impart a delicious cereal like quality to the brew.

4. Indeed Day Tripper - Not balanced at all. The resinous and spicy nature of the selected hops really shine in this one with little malt to speak of.

3. Steel Toe Rainmaker Double Red: Great malt and hop balance. Could move up on the list with better availability.

2. Harriet Brewing West Side: Fruity Belgian yeast meets the light bitterness of a West Coast style IPA. BOTTLE THIS PLEASE!

1. Surly Furious: Minnesota is so spoiled when it comes to beer. This one could be on the top five on any best of list and it's only available here. Perfect malt and hop balance. I will drink a billion of these in my life time.

There you have it, Sota! It's a good time to be fan of beer!

For more of Justin Meyers, be sure to give him a follow on Twitter (@JustinCMeyers).  He also runs his own record label, Tone Filth. He's working on big things for 2013.  His cat's name is Missy Spacek.

Even though Dr. Bill is relatively new to Newest Industry, he's already our indie music expert.  We're hoping to have a lot more posts from him in 2013.  Here, though, we have his 10 favorite songs of 2012.

Dr. Bill's Top 10 Tracks Of 2012

10. Paws - Sore Tummy

09. DIIV - How Long Have You Known?

08. Cloud Nothing - No Future/No Past

07. Guided By Voices - Class Clown Spots A UFO

06. Frank Ocean - Forrest Gump

05. Chromatics - Kill For Love

04. Aesop Rock - Fryerstarter

03. Beach House - Myth

02. FIDLAR - Cheap Beer

01. Joey Bada$$ (w/Chuck Strangers) - Fromda Tomb$

There are so many I could put on here. Killer Mike, Kendrick Lamar, Grimes, Swans, Bloc Party, Blur, Mountain Goats, but these are the ones that I've had stuck in my head. Now my top 10 albums are a little different, but that I still have a little pondering left to do.

That's that.  Thanks for tuning in.  You can step back out of the light now.

For more Dr. Bill, be sure to give him a follow on Twitter (@DrBillRubin).  We're hoping to feature him a lot more here over the next year.  His cat is named Oliver. 

Alright, let's get back to our beautiful Twin Cities.  We asked KPlow and SwervinTaters to tell us their favorite spots to grab a bite to eat or a stiff drink.

KPlow's Top 5 Restaurants Of 2012

1. Bachelor Farmer - It’s perfect. Splurge and hand over the cash. Comparable to higher end restaurants, but won’t break the bank. If you are short on cash shell out $3 for the popover with honey butter…an absolute must!

2. 112 Eatery - Servers are the too-good-to-serve-you type but the food is stellar!!! Priced from cheap to turn around-walk out the door expensive, but it’s still a definite must! Certainly worth a stop.

3. Craftsman - Delightful ambiance, stellar wait-staff and nummy comfort food. Not much is cheap, but hey, no metered parking!

4. Lucia’s - It’s ancient but it’s always a treat. To-Go, Wine Bar and Restaurant, there is something to fit your style and price. Alas, however, it’s in the heart and heat of a busy, busy Uptown.







5. All the places I think you should go but I haven’t gotten to yet:

1. Victory 44.
2. Left Handed Cook
3. Ngon Vietnamese Bistro
4. Piccolo
5. Kenwood Restaurant

Nom nom nom.  Plenty of good choices and plenty of places yet to be explored.

KPlow is our resident higher-end, non-vegan restaurant reviewer.  Here's hoping she can get to some of those new spots in 2013.  Her pup's name is Belle. 

SwervinTaters Top 5 Bars Of 2012

5. Bryant Lake Bowl - A great atmosphere and long list of specialty cocktails gets the good ol' BLB on the list. Plus you just can't hate on any bar that does breakfast 7 days a week! Go enjoy some late night happy hour accompanied with a great drunken pastime, BOWLING! And hey, if you wake up with a pounding headache go right back to the BLB for a giant starch filled breakfast that will set you back on the right track.

4. Pat's Tap - In terms of bar food, it doesn't get any better than Pat's Tap. Try the unbelievable Harissa and Honey Roasted Chicken sandwich and some cheese curds to go along with it - you won't regret your choice. The bartenders mix a strong drink, so get a cab home if you weren't lucky enough to meet a friend who lives nearby. Heh-heh

3. My Porch - Strongest drinks in the whole damn city and my chances of getting laid are much higher than anywhere else. If I don't know you, ya ain't gaining admittance!

 


2. The CC Club - So many memories. So much History. The CC Club is so great for so many reasons! If you're a regular, you can probably get away with more than you should be able too, which is always a plus! The place gets packed at night, but the over-matched wait staff handle it well. There is nothing more relaxing than going to The CC at noon on a day off, having a couple beers and watching a little American Pickers with a friendly bartender who knows what you want to drink before you ask for it. Feels like home... drunk home.

1. Rudolphs BBQ - A generous happy hour of drink and food specials got me in the door and assures any patron of this bar does not need a pot of gold to get sloppy! What really makes Rudolph's number one though is the amazing wait staff and bartenders. These people go hard, they are courteous, timely, and know how to make a damn good drink! Add on the new on-tap craft beer selection they have recently added and you have everything you would want from a bar. Kudos to everyone at Rudolph's!

There you have it you hungry, thirsty Minnesotans.  Food and drinks, drinks and food.

For more of the always charming SwervinTaters be sure to give him a follow in Twitter (@SwervinTaters).  Here's hoping for some new bar reviews in 2013! His cat's name is Doug.






And, to end our lists of lists, we asked Minnepolis resident TCDroogsma and St. Paul resident MinneSarah to try to settle the greatest of arguments: Which is better, Minneapolis or St. Paul?

TCDroogsma's Top 5 Reasons Minneapolis Is Best

01. People outside of Minnesota have actually heard of Minneapolis - When people from the Twin Cities move to new cities, it's common practice to just tell new acquaintances that they're from Minneapolis?  Why?  Because telling a Brooklyn-ite that you're from St. Paul will leave you with a confused hipster.  Not to mention the fact that I've watched something like 90% of all Minnesota Wild games.  National broadcaster frequently greet viewers by saying, "Welcome to tonight's game from wintery Minneapolis..."  I can promise you that no commentator has ever introduced a Twins or Vikings game by saying, "Greetings from St. Paul!"

02. We actually build new things - Minneapolis is in a constant state of flux, which I say is a great thing.  New bars, restaurants, concert venues, and theatres are constantly popping up.  Whether it's Uptown, Downtown, or Northeast, there's always something new to try.  Plus, this constant shifting leaves the cream to rise to the top (CC Club, First Avenue, Electric Fetus, The State Theater... I could go all day).  All of these venues earned their iconic status by weathering different trends and economics over the years.  In St. Paul you're left with places like Moscow On The Hill and The Nook which survive simply because there's nowhere else to go.  Wait, that's the original Green Mill? Special.  (Exemptions for Mickey's Diner & The Turf Club).

03. Things happen in Minneapolis after 8:00 -  I realize that's an old joke, but frreal, have you ever been in St. Paul past 8:00?  If you have, chances are you were sleeping.  When I head over to St. Paul for Wild games I can't even stop at the downtown Chipotle before the game because it's closed.  The game that starts at 7:00!  Shit, the Chipotle on Nicollet Mall is open until 10 every night!  St. Paul's flagship block party, Grand Old Days, runs until about 4:00 in the afternoon, which is just about the time you can catch one of MPLS's dozens of block parties during the summer. 

04. Minneapolis actually created it's own reputation - MPLS is known as a Gay & Lesbian friendly city thanks to the city's efforts to turn the Gay Pride Festival in to one of the best in the country.  It's become a nationally renowned biking city thanks to efforts from bikers, drivers, and city planners alike.  It's known as a vibrant music community thanks to DIY efforts from musicians of every genre.  It's built more theatres per capita than any city in America, lending it the reputation of a cultured, art-appreciating city.

St. Paul is known as the Capital Of Minnesota.  A distinction I'm sure it's citizens worked diligently to earn.

05. Celebrity most associated with each city - MPLS: Prince.  St. Paul: Garrison Keillor.  Done.

Well, that was pretty much coherent, which is really all we ask of TCDroogsma these days.

TCDroogsma hosts our weekly podcast and also contributes to our Songs Of The Week column with MinneSarah.  For more he can be found on Twitter (@TCDroogsma) and on his personal blog Flatbasset. His pup's name is Margo.

And the other side of the coin...

MinneSarah's Top 5 Reasons St. Paul Is Best

1.  More natural beauty - Have you even seen the sun rise over Cathedral Hill?  Breathtaking. St. Paul has more geographical beauty than its sister city - it's a city of changing elevation, beautiful bluffs, and caves for all you homebrew/old school crime fanatics!  I'm pretty sure there are more trees per capita than Minneapolis, and Como Park beats Loring Park any day of the week.  Plus, our street names are way more creative than that numeric grid Minneapolis has allowed itself to become.

2.  You probably won't get shot here -  St. Paul is definitely more low key, and the result is, you are less likely to get yourself into trouble.  While the occasional knife fight is bound to happen in any big city, you can rest assured that you have less of a chance of being the victim of a violent crime in sleepy St. Paul.  It's the perfect place to pop a Werthers Original in your mouth on your front porch and watch all the businesses close up shop at 6pm on weeknights.  I'll bet you can catch up on your reading list at any of our historic libraries and many private universities.  St. Paul, keeping you on the straight and narrow since 1854.

3. It's the capital - beat that Minneapolis!  If a bill wants to become a law, it has to go through this city.  Along with that honor is our distinguished capital building and the fact that the city name is a star on every elementary school map in the country.  Plus Mark Dayton's adorable pups call this city home, and if you walk past the Governor's Mansion on a snowy evening, they'll say hello (bark bark).

4.  Prettier residents with less pretense - So, this one might be a tad subjective, but seriously.  I live here, and also all of my friends are quite attractive and decent people.  Sure, we might be the Garrison Keillor to your Josh Hartnett, but at least we stick to ourselves.  Plus, we have better coffee shops (J & S, Nina's, Kopplins, Ginko's) and thrift stores (Goodwill on University and St. Vincent on West 7th) because there are less pretentious people to contend with, but all the same quality you'd expect from places with a way higher hipster quota.

5. More iconic events - What would the state of Minnesota be without the "Great Minnesota Get Together?"  Those state fair grounds lay mostly fallow throughout the year, but then host the biggest party you'll see in this state.  I'd like to see Minneapolis block off that much land for an annual ten day party.  Also, the Winter Carnival is St. Paul taking over an entire season - the worst season, but the longest and most annoying.  This city has turned it around as something to celebrate and also get frostbite trying to find a lucite medallion in a snow globe. Sure beats a tribute to lakes.

Honorable mention to Izzy's for serving the best vegan ice cream in the state.

Hmmm.... They both make good points.  Seems that it's best to just agree that we're two cities filled with talented, smart, funny, literate, drunk, sexy, sexy people.

MinneSarah regularly contributes to our Songs Of The Week column with TCDroogsma and is a big fan of caramel candies.  She can be found on Twitter (@MinneSarah) pining for the 90's.  Her cat's name is Theodore.








Well that's it, folks!  2012 is in the books.  We hope it was a good one for you, as it was certainly a good one for us.  Again, a huge thanks to anybody who's checked out the blog and/or shared the blog via social networks.  It means a lot to us.  We've got plenty planned for 2013 so please stay tuned.

We have a Twitter home (@NewestIndustry1) which you should follow to stay up on the work being done by all of our contributors.  As always, we have a Facebook page here.  Stopping by and giving us a "Like" is the easiest, cheapest way to support what we do.