Oh, we got Ping...
Oh, hello again my hungry friends. It was getting a little late Sunday night and I was tired, hungry, and a little drunk. So I decided to take a stroll down to the neighborhood Chinese spot, Ping's Szechuan Bar & Grill (which will be shortened to just 'Ping's' for the rest of this post).
If you're unfamiliar with Ping's, it is somewhat of a staple in the Stevens/Nicollet Mall community. It's located at 1401 Nicollet, just at the southern edge of Nicollet Mall. Check their website here for more info.
I've been there once or twice before and I honestly have no idea how this place makes enough money to stay open. I turned up around 8 and this is what the place looked like.
As you can see, it was a packed house. Big ups to the 18 for photobombing this shot though. Score another one for Metro Transit. I mean, do you know how big a bus is?!? Timing is everything in life.
I came to the conclusion that Ping's must make all it's money with their lunch buffet. I could totally see some Target Whore-porate (copyright: SwervinTaters) employees deciding to stroll down the mall and stuff their sexy faces with crab legs and lo mein noodles before heading back downtown and working on new ways to get a little dog to sell me socks.
So, as is my style, I posted up at the bar, which was equally bustling.
Outside of the ghost drinker, I pretty much had the place to myself. Although I was a bit skeptical of that shady guy sitting by the window. Come find out, son. Come find out.
Of course, there are a couple of regulars at Ping's.
Damn! Koi fish like a motherfucker!
So, what to get? Admittedly, I was craving some tofu, but all the tofu dishes on the menu had that stupid little pepper next to them indicating 'spicy.' If you didn't know, I have the spice tolerance of a toddler who was raised on grapes & Enfamil. However, there was one tofu dish on the menu that didn't have the pepper next to it:
(Cue the horns)
I present to you: Ping's Sesame Glazed Fried Tofu!
That's right! A second straight Meal Time! featuring tofu & sesame seeds! I didn't even plan this shit! It's possible that I secretly love sesame seeds and don't even know it.
So, here's where we're at:
Location: Ping's
Time Of Day: 8:00 Sunday night
Ambiance: Non-existent, save for the Olympics on mute and stereotypical Chinese restaurant music
Level Of Sobriety: Medium
Level Of Energy: Like a cat in a sun room
Meal: Sesame Glazed Fried Tofu
Main Ingredient: Tofu
To The Side: White rice
Beverage: Tsingtao
Menu Price: $10.95 American for the tofu/rice. $5 American for the Tsingtao.
Total Price: $18 American (w/tip)
As you could imagine, I was pretty fucking psyched to see that small mountain of tofu sitting in front of me. However, my enthusiasm was short-lived since, as you can see by the picture, there is not a vegetable to be found. Not a one. I mean, I would've been pretty pissed off if there were mushrooms involved, but some onions or green peppers would've been nice. Or better yet, broccoli. Although adding broccoli almost certainly would've bumped up the price another $1.50 American since, as we all know, broccoli has the highest IQ of any vegetable.
I decided to have a Tsingtao with this meal because, well, when in Rome, etc...
(Pro Tip #1: Don't get Tsingtao. If you want to know why the Chinese are so ruthlessly efficient, look no further than this beer. You'd have to drink something like 30 of these things to get a buzz.)
As the picture above shows, the tofu cubes were large. In fact, I actually cut a couple of them in half. They were also cooked perfectly, with the outside being nice & crisp and the innards chewy. When I find myself craving tofu, I'm craving that kind of texture. Well played, Ping's.
Unlike the B-LB scramble (where I couldn't figure out why the sesame seeds were involved), the sesame seeds actually provided a nice little kick to the tofu. Crunchy seeds + crunchy outer tofu + chewy inner tofu = delicious. I'm coining the phrase 'Ping's Theorem' for that equation.
However, since there are not vegetables, the deliciousness of this meal hinged almost entirely on the sesame glaze. Let me tell you, it just didn't pass the test. Unlike the typical 'brown sauce' that's found at most Chinese restaurants, this glaze didn't appear to contain any garlic to balance out the sweetness. I mean, after five or six cubes, the glaze was just overwhelming. I'm talking Mandy-Moore-Fronting-The-Lightning-Seeds levels of sweetness. Frankly, it's just too damn much.
I managed to get through about half the mountain of tofu before I hit the wall. As I've mentioned before, tofu is not particularly filling and this held true at Ping's. Unfortunately, the glaze was just so fucking sweet that I thought my thyroid was going to come out of my throat and push the plate off the table. I boxed up what was left, finished my beer, and headed home.
(Pro Tip #2: We all know that nobody can go more than 90 minutes without digging into their Chinese food leftovers. This is a two-way street with tofu, as the longer it sits in the fridge the more the flavor is absorbed by the cubes. With a meal like this one it's important to go home, maybe drink some water, and then finish it off when the hunger hits. If this sits in the fridge all night the tofu will absorb every last bit of that sugary glaze and you'll basically be eating cubed diabetes for lunch the next day.)
All things considered, this was not an un-delicious meal. It was a disappointing one though. This plate of tofu seems like it would be fantastic as a shared appetizer for a group of three or four people, but I'm just one man. It's just overwhelming.
Let's break this thing down:
Flavor: 4/10 - Initially delicious, but much like sex that goes on longer than 45 minutes, it just had to stop.
Filling: 3/10 - Tofu just isn't filling. Anytime you have to stop eating a meal for a reason other than a full belly, you're probably getting a low 'filling' score.
Price: 2/10 - I paid $18 American for this?!? I mean, I could've picked a better beer. That's on me. But $10.95 American for the type of tofu I could get at any shitty wok in MPLS.... sorry, Ping's. That's just not happening.
Ambiance: 7/10 - I suppose this ranking depends on how you feel about people. As I dislike pretty much all people, I'm bumping it up. Since I also like sports on television, it gets a 7. Admittedly, though, it is a little odd sitting in that big restaurant with nothing but smug fish & servers looking at you while you eat. And that one guy. Fuck that guy.
Service: 10/10 - I dealt exclusively with the bartender called Spencer. Spencer has clearly been doing playing this game for a long time. He was super prompt (though, again, I was the only person there), friendly, chatty, and mildly handsome in an ugly sort of way (like David Schwimmer). Frreal, this guy's killin' it.
If This Meal Was A Simpsons Character It Would Be: Nelson Muntz. Nice when deployed in the right setting (i.e. appetizer for a large group), but far too one-dimensional to carry a whole episode (or meal).
How Many Times Would I Eat This Per Month If I Could Afford To: Zero. Sorry, Spencer. It's not your fault.
Overall Score: 3/10 - Just not getting the job done as a meal. I think I spent the night sweating out that glaze. $18 American to sweat out a meal is unreasonable. It just is.
That's that. I'll leave you with this: I was given two fortune cookies at the end of the night. I was not with anybody else.
First of all, cookies, I'm a chronic procrastinator. It's never a good time to finish up old task. Second, if you're willing to classify student loan officers as 'fortune hunters,' then yeah, you kinda nailed that one, thanks for reminding me. Smart ass cookie...
For more TCDroogsma, he can be found on Twitter (@TCDroogsma). He also maintains his own blog, Caffeine & Obscenities which you should check out if you've finished up reading every other thing on the internet.
Of course, this blog can be found on Twitter as well (@NewestIndustry1) and we now have our own Facebook page here. If you dig what we do check it out and give it a like. I mean, we like you, y'know? Fair is fair.
Oh, hello again my hungry friends. It was getting a little late Sunday night and I was tired, hungry, and a little drunk. So I decided to take a stroll down to the neighborhood Chinese spot, Ping's Szechuan Bar & Grill (which will be shortened to just 'Ping's' for the rest of this post).
If you're unfamiliar with Ping's, it is somewhat of a staple in the Stevens/Nicollet Mall community. It's located at 1401 Nicollet, just at the southern edge of Nicollet Mall. Check their website here for more info.
I've been there once or twice before and I honestly have no idea how this place makes enough money to stay open. I turned up around 8 and this is what the place looked like.
As you can see, it was a packed house. Big ups to the 18 for photobombing this shot though. Score another one for Metro Transit. I mean, do you know how big a bus is?!? Timing is everything in life.
I came to the conclusion that Ping's must make all it's money with their lunch buffet. I could totally see some Target Whore-porate (copyright: SwervinTaters) employees deciding to stroll down the mall and stuff their sexy faces with crab legs and lo mein noodles before heading back downtown and working on new ways to get a little dog to sell me socks.
So, as is my style, I posted up at the bar, which was equally bustling.
Outside of the ghost drinker, I pretty much had the place to myself. Although I was a bit skeptical of that shady guy sitting by the window. Come find out, son. Come find out.
Of course, there are a couple of regulars at Ping's.
Damn! Koi fish like a motherfucker!
So, what to get? Admittedly, I was craving some tofu, but all the tofu dishes on the menu had that stupid little pepper next to them indicating 'spicy.' If you didn't know, I have the spice tolerance of a toddler who was raised on grapes & Enfamil. However, there was one tofu dish on the menu that didn't have the pepper next to it:
(Cue the horns)
I present to you: Ping's Sesame Glazed Fried Tofu!
That's right! A second straight Meal Time! featuring tofu & sesame seeds! I didn't even plan this shit! It's possible that I secretly love sesame seeds and don't even know it.
So, here's where we're at:
Location: Ping's
Time Of Day: 8:00 Sunday night
Ambiance: Non-existent, save for the Olympics on mute and stereotypical Chinese restaurant music
Level Of Sobriety: Medium
Level Of Energy: Like a cat in a sun room
Meal: Sesame Glazed Fried Tofu
Main Ingredient: Tofu
To The Side: White rice
Beverage: Tsingtao
Menu Price: $10.95 American for the tofu/rice. $5 American for the Tsingtao.
Total Price: $18 American (w/tip)
As you could imagine, I was pretty fucking psyched to see that small mountain of tofu sitting in front of me. However, my enthusiasm was short-lived since, as you can see by the picture, there is not a vegetable to be found. Not a one. I mean, I would've been pretty pissed off if there were mushrooms involved, but some onions or green peppers would've been nice. Or better yet, broccoli. Although adding broccoli almost certainly would've bumped up the price another $1.50 American since, as we all know, broccoli has the highest IQ of any vegetable.
I decided to have a Tsingtao with this meal because, well, when in Rome, etc...
(Pro Tip #1: Don't get Tsingtao. If you want to know why the Chinese are so ruthlessly efficient, look no further than this beer. You'd have to drink something like 30 of these things to get a buzz.)
As the picture above shows, the tofu cubes were large. In fact, I actually cut a couple of them in half. They were also cooked perfectly, with the outside being nice & crisp and the innards chewy. When I find myself craving tofu, I'm craving that kind of texture. Well played, Ping's.
Unlike the B-LB scramble (where I couldn't figure out why the sesame seeds were involved), the sesame seeds actually provided a nice little kick to the tofu. Crunchy seeds + crunchy outer tofu + chewy inner tofu = delicious. I'm coining the phrase 'Ping's Theorem' for that equation.
However, since there are not vegetables, the deliciousness of this meal hinged almost entirely on the sesame glaze. Let me tell you, it just didn't pass the test. Unlike the typical 'brown sauce' that's found at most Chinese restaurants, this glaze didn't appear to contain any garlic to balance out the sweetness. I mean, after five or six cubes, the glaze was just overwhelming. I'm talking Mandy-Moore-Fronting-The-Lightning-Seeds levels of sweetness. Frankly, it's just too damn much.
I managed to get through about half the mountain of tofu before I hit the wall. As I've mentioned before, tofu is not particularly filling and this held true at Ping's. Unfortunately, the glaze was just so fucking sweet that I thought my thyroid was going to come out of my throat and push the plate off the table. I boxed up what was left, finished my beer, and headed home.
(Pro Tip #2: We all know that nobody can go more than 90 minutes without digging into their Chinese food leftovers. This is a two-way street with tofu, as the longer it sits in the fridge the more the flavor is absorbed by the cubes. With a meal like this one it's important to go home, maybe drink some water, and then finish it off when the hunger hits. If this sits in the fridge all night the tofu will absorb every last bit of that sugary glaze and you'll basically be eating cubed diabetes for lunch the next day.)
All things considered, this was not an un-delicious meal. It was a disappointing one though. This plate of tofu seems like it would be fantastic as a shared appetizer for a group of three or four people, but I'm just one man. It's just overwhelming.
Let's break this thing down:
Flavor: 4/10 - Initially delicious, but much like sex that goes on longer than 45 minutes, it just had to stop.
Filling: 3/10 - Tofu just isn't filling. Anytime you have to stop eating a meal for a reason other than a full belly, you're probably getting a low 'filling' score.
Price: 2/10 - I paid $18 American for this?!? I mean, I could've picked a better beer. That's on me. But $10.95 American for the type of tofu I could get at any shitty wok in MPLS.... sorry, Ping's. That's just not happening.
Ambiance: 7/10 - I suppose this ranking depends on how you feel about people. As I dislike pretty much all people, I'm bumping it up. Since I also like sports on television, it gets a 7. Admittedly, though, it is a little odd sitting in that big restaurant with nothing but smug fish & servers looking at you while you eat. And that one guy. Fuck that guy.
Service: 10/10 - I dealt exclusively with the bartender called Spencer. Spencer has clearly been doing playing this game for a long time. He was super prompt (though, again, I was the only person there), friendly, chatty, and mildly handsome in an ugly sort of way (like David Schwimmer). Frreal, this guy's killin' it.
If This Meal Was A Simpsons Character It Would Be: Nelson Muntz. Nice when deployed in the right setting (i.e. appetizer for a large group), but far too one-dimensional to carry a whole episode (or meal).
How Many Times Would I Eat This Per Month If I Could Afford To: Zero. Sorry, Spencer. It's not your fault.
Overall Score: 3/10 - Just not getting the job done as a meal. I think I spent the night sweating out that glaze. $18 American to sweat out a meal is unreasonable. It just is.
That's that. I'll leave you with this: I was given two fortune cookies at the end of the night. I was not with anybody else.
For more TCDroogsma, he can be found on Twitter (@TCDroogsma). He also maintains his own blog, Caffeine & Obscenities which you should check out if you've finished up reading every other thing on the internet.
Of course, this blog can be found on Twitter as well (@NewestIndustry1) and we now have our own Facebook page here. If you dig what we do check it out and give it a like. I mean, we like you, y'know? Fair is fair.
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