Ten & Six With Mike Otto: Week 11 - Minnesota Vikings at Seattle Seahawks (Plus Picks!)

I read Seattle Times, I watch Seattle news...

Well hello again, fooball fans! Welcome to Ten & Six: Week 11!

The Vikings are riding high after defeating the Redskins last Thursday night.  This week they find themselves in Seattle, the sight of last season's lowest moment of the year.  They'll be squaring off against former teammate Percy Harvin, All-American boy Russell Wilson, and head coach Pete Carroll, history's greatest monster.

Mikey, what do we have to look forward to this week?

Welcome back football fans!

It was a wild week in the NFL and my picks went 8-6 as a result. Not terrible but well below the accuracy I strive for. That has been the story of my prognostication season thus far, so lets see if I can change some things this week. Lets make some picks!

New York Jets (5-4) at Buffalo (3-7) 

Welcome young and old, to the 2013 Shitbowl Of The Northeast!

This yawner certainly means something to someone somewhere, but absolutely nothing to this guy right here. Almost less than nothing. If you told me tomorrow that the Bills and Jets ceased to exist any longer on our plane of reality, I would shrug my shoulders and go about my day without any second thought of it.

One thing I have learned. If anything goes wrong in your life, it makes you feel better to blame Rex Ryan. Jets win (tries to scrub dirt off, can't scrub hard enough) 20-16.

Atlanta (2-7) at Tampa Bay (1-8)

The Falcons and Texans fanbases should play a pick up basketball game with the winner being awarded the Saddest Fan Base Of 2013 trophy.

Expectations for the Falcons was sky high this year and don't look now, but they have no more wins than our beloved Purple.

The Bucs are riding a high after their win against the controversy-maligned Dolphins. It would have been funny if the Bucs fired Shiano after his first win just to shake things up and further confuse their elderly fan base. I saw what a Mike Glennon looks like without a helmet on for the 1st time on Monday night and Jesus Christ! He looks like one of Santa's elves spawned with a Scandinavian farm hand. Falcons win 19-17.

Detroit (6-3) at Pittsburgh (3-6)

So Big Ben might be unhappy in the Steel City? Maybe what's really bothering Ben is the fact his second kid is on the way and his days of groping 4-out-of-10's are long gone. His rape scope is dusty and on the shelf. His hands aren't nearly as clammy as they used to be. He just isn't the same guy anymore. Sure, he's still a big tall idiot, but that's not unique! God, I'd want a change of scenery too. Stay the fuck out of Minnesota, Rapistberger! Lions win 27-17 and strengthen their hold on the NFC North lead. Nobody has had to write that sentence since 1991.

Washington (3-6) at Philadelphia (5-5)

The NFC East is pathetic and still very much up for grabs mainly because everyone in the division is marginal at best. I can't wait for the Cowboys to choke this division away in December, and that will happen. It doesn't really matter who comes out of the NFC East, they are going to be one and done.

Personally, I think it's going to be the Eagles, which may upset a certain great bulk buying mind I know, but hey, the truth hurts, I keep it real. Disregard the last sentence if you were at all confused by it. Also, frig off, ten people who read this column and didn't understand that. WE DON'T NEED YOU. Just kidding, I desperately need you, don't judge me IT'S JUST A COUPLE DRINKS OK?!?!? I HAVE CATS I'M NOT REALLY DRINKING ALONE! Eagles win 28-27.

Arizona (4-6) at Jacksonville (1-8) 

Could it be two in a row for the Jags? No, no it can't.

Worth noting: The Jaguars last 2 wins have come against the Titans though. Getting owned by the Jags hurts. 

The Cards defense is far to good to lose this game, and the Jags defense could make Scott Tolzien look like a decent QB. Larry Fitzgerald and Carson Palmer could probably win this game by themselves without an offensive line. I think the Jags got their only win of the year last week. Cards win easy 24-10.

Oakland (3-6) at Houston (2-7)

I kind of like this scrappy Raiders team. They aren't going to the playoffs or anything close, but they seem to be heading in a positive direction. They've been in most every game, some of them against quality teams. 

They run into a Texans team that is hungry for a win and starving for decent quarterback play. Detective Case Keenum can't seem to solve an NFL defense, or the mystery of the Central Park Strangler. You're about to ride the pine, Keenum! Texans pull out a win 16-13.

Baltimore (4-5) at Chicago (5-4)

Jay Cutler looked like an old man last week. Bum groin, bum ankle, bum brain, just BUM. He was obviously playing hurt and didn't get the win he so desperately wanted. I would bet Josh McCown starts this weekend and, going up against Joe Flacco, I actually like his chances.

The Ravens have struggled to string together multiple wins all year, and Flacco has looked pedestrian. Almost like they are still celebrating their championship from last year. Bears get the "W", 24-21.

Cleveland (4-5) at Cincinnati (6-4)

I really used up my reservoir of Ohio jokes the first time these two teams met. Amateur mistake. Can't blow the whole load at once, daddy might get called on again later. Yeah, shit just got weird.

The Bengals lost a game that the Ravens tried to give them a few different ways. Every time I see Marvin Lewis patrolling the Bengals sideline, I am, at first, fucking amazed, and second, impressed. He has held an icy, death-like grip on an often terrible franchise through all the bullshit, Chad Johnson Ochocinco, Terrell Owens, Carson Palmer, Akili Smith...ok not Akili Smith but it sure seems like it! Good on you, Marv. Bengals win 26-20.

San Diego (4-5) at Miami (4-5)

Richie Incognito should have acted more like his name suggests. The Dolphins offensive line is in shambles and it was easily noticeable in their loss to the lowly Buccaneers. Tannehill was under constant pressure to produce, and not just by that wife of his. The result was about what you would expect, abject failure. Tannehill is a poor man's Phillip Rivers at best, and that isn't a great recipe for success. Chargers win one on the road, 23-16.

Green Bay (5-4) at New York Giants (3-6)

The only good news for the Packers is Clay Matthews doesn't have to wear that ridiculous club on his right hand that rendered him about as useful as you would expect a one-armed linebacker to be. Aaron Rodgers said he finally was able to sleep through the night. It's unknown if he was being woken up due to pain from his injury or from the Mike McCarthy sexually-based night terrors he has suffered from since being drafted. Eli and the Giants win a close one, 20-19.

San Francisco (6-3) at New Orleans (7-2)

The Niners could easily be looking at their second loss in a row if Colin Kaepernick can't find a way out of this sophomore slump he has been mired in ever since dominating the Packers in the opening week.

Drew Brees is definitely not a sophomore and not in any sort of slump. the man is five feet ten inches of unstoppable quarterbacking fury. What would the Dolphins be like today if they had went after Brees instead of Daunte Culpepper all those year ago? Ha ha, sorry to twist that old rusty knife Dolphins fans, but Christ, your team fucked that one up. Kaepernick can't find his stride, saints win 31-20.

Kansas City (9-0) at Denver (8-1)

The game of the week! Peyton Manning took a beating last weekend and got an MRI that came back negative for any type of personality.

Dwayne Bowe, on the other hand, now there's a guy with some edge to him. Bowe was picked up for littering and, littering and, littering and...SMOKING THE REEFER. A little pot. Big deal. Wait, it was how much pot? Damn Dwayne! Wassup big dog holler, at your boy!

Alex Smith is going to have to throw a couple passing touchdowns to hang with the Peytie Manny and well, he certainly is due for a multi-touchdown game. It's going to be a close one and fun to watch, I think Manning gets knocked around early and thrown off his game, but battles back in the 4th to get the "W". Broncos win 29-27.

New England (7-2) at Carolina (6-3)

That Panthers defense has been playing out of their minds ever since the Vikings game, their Front 7 in particular. Not to mention they have the best "guy that sounds like a horse" in the league, Captain Muderland. Annnd DOWN THE STRETCH THEY COME!!!

If Killa Cam can upstage Captain America on national TV, the Panthers will all but solidify their status as a legitimate threat to make some noise in the playoffs. I'm as shocked as anybody that Ron Rivera is finding success this season, but I don't think there is another team in the league where said success has so little to do with coaching. With the Panthers defense flying around like it is, you don't need the gameplan to be as sound as say, the Cleveland Browns do, to win a game. The Panthers hot streak keeps rolling and they win 20-17. 

That's it, folks. On to the main event!

 MINNESOTA VIKINGS (2-7) at SEATTLE SEAHAWKS (9-1)

The Vikings actually managed to win a game! The streets were rich with purple celebration after last Thursdays victory and the Vikings got to enjoy a long weekend off to rest up, relax, or get DWI's.

Christian Ponder played his best game of the year and got a little bit banged up in the process. With the long week to heal it looks as though young Mr. Ponder will wear a harness on his left shoulder and give it a go. Yipee. Hooray. WOO-FUCKING-HOO!

Now that I've got my excitement under control I think we're ready to look at some positive(s) and negatives from the game against Warshington. As always, the positive(s) first.

Positive(s):

-Litchfield's Own Jon Carlson!  After his 7 catch, 98 yard performance, Jon Carlson has officially become the most successful thing to ever come out of Litchfield. It only took him two and a half years to produce anything worthwhile for this team so let's all give him a nice pat on the back.

-Adrian Peterson  He is leading the league with 9 rushing touchdowns and really put the team on his back in the 4th quarter. He drained the clock with punishing runs, weakening the defense in the process. Without this guy on the team, the Vikings wouldn't have a single win, much less a gaudy TWO wins. The heart and soul of this team deserves a nod every week.

-Ponder  I begrudgingly add him to this list of positives even though he didn't finish the game, he showed a lot of heart and even a little personality. It was a nice change of pace from the tasteless box of mashed potatoes we usually get from Ponder. Now who knows, if Ponder plays the 4th quarter he might throw a pick six or do something else ridiculously Ponder-esque but we can't necessarily hold that against him. He played his first three solid quarters of football since last year. 

Negatives:

-Same Old Shit  The defense went into some type of zone prevent and was 6 yards away from completely crumbling once again. Erin Henderson got away with holding in the end zone which would have put the ball on the one yard line. This coaching staff does not handle late game situations well at all. What else is new?

-Leslie Frazier's Final-Minute Time Out  I will give him this, it was really fucking gutsy to call that time out. He was watching Washington march down the field with ease and he says his guys were gassed. OK, I believe you. If he takes that time out and the Redskins score on the next play, I don't think Leslie Frazier is the head coach for this game. An unconventional choice for sure, and all is well that ends well, but your goddamn defense should be playing in a scheme that gets a stop before the fucking goal line.

-Josh Freeman's Movember "Mustache"  I've seen thicker hair on a cancer patient. That pube-stache was so very disappointing. I'm just thankful that November is half over already.

Three Keys To A Vikings Victory:

Key #1:  Force Some Turnovers

Seattle is simply going to destroy time of possession unless the Vikings can get some fumble recoveries or interceptions. The Vikings need to average one take away a quarter and finish AT LEAST +2 in the take/give to even have a chance in this game. It would also help if Ponder threw for more than 60 yards this time around.

Key #2:  Score A Special Teams Touchdown

The Vikings need points from every unit if they are going to win. Cordarrelle Patterson or Marcus Sherels need to take a kickoff/punt to the house. Not only is it quick points, but provides a real spark and swings momentum to the Vikings side. This would also be a great game for the Vikings second defensive touchdown of the year so, if anybody wanted to make that happen, it'd be great.

Key #3:  Get Really Fucking Lucky

The Vikings are going to need every bounce to go their way in order to win. Every stupid penalty, missed field goal, dropped pass has to go in the Purple's favor. Aside from all that, the Vikings only need to play a perfect fucking game and they should be just fine.

Two Matchups To Watch:

Matchup #1: Percy Harvin vs. His Old Squad

Percy last played an NFL game in Seattle ironically, as a member of the Vikings. We all remember that game. Ponder sucked, Percy blew up on Leslie on the sideline and he never took another snap in Purple. Harvin was traded to the Seahawks, and has yet to suit up for them while recovering from hip surgery.

As I predicted in my Vikings Season Preview, this would be Harvin's first game back (That's just about the only thing I predicted correctly in that preview). Well that prediction has come to fruition, and it adds a certain level of intrigue to what would normally be thought of as an easy NFL blowout.

One of the main reasons I think the Vikings have a chance in this one is because a lot of the guys on this team want to stick it to Percy. Spite and revenge are some great motivators. I guarantee all Ponder has been thinking about is out-performing Russell Wilson and showing Percy a thing or two. I think Percy's snaps will be limited in order to ease him back in, but if the Vikings showcase the tackling they did in the first half against Washington, Percy Harvin (and Marshawn Lynch) are going to do whatever they want. It should be interesting, I know I will be watching closely.

 Matchup #2:  Cordarrelle Patterson vs. Richard Sherman & Co.

The rookie is likely to get his 1st start in the NFL due to Jerome "Where's My Mirror" Simpson's arrest and I'm excited to see what he does with increased in-game snaps. I have high hopes for this kid, and I think we are looking at the Vikings future #1 wide receiver. If he can have a solid game against this defense, he can do it against anyone in the NFL. It's a tough first start for the rookie but I think he has a couple big plays on Sunday.

Mike's All-Purpose Flour Lock Of The Week

Adrian Peterson, running back, YOUR Minnesota Vikings!

He went for 180 and two TD's last year in the same stadium and AP has had to listen to comparisons to Marshawn Lynch all week. AP will be out to prove just why he is the best back in football. 120 Yards/2TD. 

Final Takes

On paper, the Vikings are set to get absolutely destroyed by the Seahawks.

This game is going to have a high level of intensity, I think it's going to be closer than many people think, even into the 4th quarter.

The odds are stacked against our beloved Purple an I wouldn't be surprised if they lost by two TD's. I also wouldn't be surprised if they lost on a last second field goal/touchdown. I will however, be very surprised if the Vikings find a way to pull this one out.

Ponder plays better than his last trip to Seattle, but I don't think he finishes the game either. He is going to get hit often and I think one of those hits will knock him out of the contest. Vikings perform admirably, but fall short.

Final Score

Minnesota Vikings: 24
Seattle Seahawks:  27

There you have it, folks!  A tough loss for The Purple in Seattle.  Look on the bright side, though:  At least you don't live in Seattle.

For more Mike Otto be sure to give him a follow on Twitter (@SwervinTaters).  The line between sad & entertaining runs awfully thin on a Sunday.  He can also be found right here on Newest Industry contributing to our Trendsetting column.

For more Newest Industry be sure to give us a follow on Twitter (@NewestIndustry1) to stay up on the work being done by all of our contributors.  More importantly, we have a Facebook page here.  Trivial as it seems, stopping by and giving us a "Like" is a free & legitimate way to support the blog.      

Ten & Six With Mike Otto: Breaking Down The Percy Harvin Trade

Peace out, keep out, take the scenic route...

Well hello again, Vikings fans!  It's been a little while since we've spoken with Mike about the Vikings, but the offseason officially starts tomorrow and the the Vikings jumped the gun today by dealing former Offensive Rookie Of The Year Percy Harvin to the Seattle Seahawks for a 1st round and 7th round pick in this year's draft and a 3rd round pick in next year's draft.

Obviously this qualifies as big news, so we asked Mike to take time out from his busy schedule of Trendsetting and providing Deadspin with jokes to send us his thoughts.  Mike?

 GOODBYE PERCY

 

As you may have heard, Percy Harvin was traded to the Seattle Seahawks today for the 'Hawks 1st and 7th round picks in this years draft, as well as a 3rd rounder next year. Not too shabby for a guy who was only supposed to garner a second round pick at most.

This is the first time a wide receiver has garnered a first round pick in a trade since March 2nd, 2005. Can you name that receiver? The one, the only, Randy Gene Moss! Since then many big name receivers have been traded with none garnering any more than a couple mid-round picks. Let's hope this trade turns out a little better than the Moss fiasco in '05. I mean, I know we all miss Napolean Harris, but let's hope we get more than what the great Napolean brought to the table.

Lets break down just how Rick Spielman milked all this potential value out of Percy, whether it was a good choice, and what the team should do from here.

Whether you think it was a good choice or not, you have to admit it was the best/only choice the Vikings had at this time. I equate the Percy Harvin/Minnesota Vikings relationship to that of a bad marriage, one so far fractured that the differences were irreconcilable, and separation was best for both parties.

Percy was not going to play for the Vikings this year. He was angry enough to waste an entire year of his prime in order to stick it to the Vikings purely out of spite. In this scenario, the Vikings get nothing for Harvin and look like a bunch of fucking morons in the process. Not ideal.

I believe Harvin when he says it wasn't about the money. He just really fucking dislikes Christian Ponder. In a perfect world, Harvin is still in a Vikings uniform, but fact is you simply can't make someone want to be here. Spielman and the Vikings got an insane amount of value for what had become a problem to them. The Seahawks might have gotten the final piece for a championship run. On paper, this trade was a win-win.

There is only one way Spielman pulled this off and it was a brilliant play on his part. He created a market for Harvin where there was none at the beginning of the offseason. How? He forced two fierce rivals into a bidding war for the prized receiver/return man/running back. Keep in mind this is only my speculation on what went down.

Spielman first contacts the San Francisco 49ers and says something along the lines of, "Hey, you guys were almost there last year, how would you feel about giving up your 1st round pick for a young, established talent in the prime of his career?" This undoubtedly sounded like a dream scenario for the Niners, I mean, after all, they aren't going to get a Percy Harvin with the 31st overall pick in this years draft.

Spielman then contacts the Niners' fierce division rival, the Seattle Seahawks and says, "Hey guys, the Niners are gonna give me this for Harvin, and I'm gonna do it unless you can top it." So the Seahawks had to ask themselves, who do we want Percy Harvin to play for, us or them?

Let the bidding begin! Like I said, brilliant.

Where to go from here? The possibilities are endless! They range from the likely - picking up one of the free agents Amendola, Jennings or Wallace while drafting 2-3 WR's this year, to the unlikely - packaging the two first-rounders for someone like Larry Fitzgerald.

I am sure of one thing, this is part of a bigger plan. It's come to light that the Vikings were attempting to acquire Anquan Boldin before the Niners traded for him (revenge trade?) and I'm fairly certain the Purple will aggressively go after one of those big name free agents.

Overall, I'm satisfied with the trade as a fan, even if I am a little sad. I'm sorry to see Harvin go. He was fun to watch and it hurts whenever your team loses a versatile talent who is a former rookie of the year. This is just the way it had to be. Harvin couldn't be a team player, he couldn't fall in line, and he especially couldn't accept Christian Ponder as his long-term QB.

The Vikings had a choice. Percy Harvin or Christian Ponder? Only time will tell if they made the right one, but at least you know there is some conviction behind this choice.

In terms of potential value, I think the Seahawks got fleeced by Rick Spielman. That opinion won't be finalized for a year or two when we find out what the Vikings do with their acquired draft picks, but for now, I think Spielman made the most of a bad situation.

Good luck Percy! When we face you in the future I hope Blair Walsh just kicks it out of the end zone.

(Weird sports fact: On March 11th, 1999 the Minnesota Timberwolves dealt budding star and malcontent Stephon Marbury to the New Jersey Nets for Terrell Brandon's aging knees and a 1st round draft pick. If the correlation between that trade and this one goes any deeper, you will find Percy Harvin playing for the XianJing Dragons in about 10 years. At least they don't drug test Chinese athletes.)

There you have it, folks!  The offseason begins with a bang here at Ten & Six!  Percy Harvin: Out!  Rick Spielman: Savvy!  Mike Otto: Succinct!

As you can probably imagine, Mike will be joining us throughout the NFL offseason to discuss major and minor moves made by The Purple.  Until then be sure to follow him on Twitter (@SwervinTaters) for pigskin rantings and ravings.  He can also be found right here on Newest Industry as  on our weekly news wrap-up Trendsetting.

For more Newest Industry be sure to give us a follow on Twitter (@NewestIndustry1) to stay up on all the work being done by our contributors.  More importantly, we have a Facebook page here.  Trivial as it seems, stopping by and giving us a "Like" is a free & legitimate way to support the blog.

Ten & Six With Mike Otto: Week 10 - Detroit Lions at Minnesota Vikings

Putting the “special” in special teams...

Well hello again, football fans! Welcome back to Ten & Six With Mike Otto!

This week, Ol' Mikey stops by to give us his take on the Vikings' make-or-break game with the Detroit Lions.

For those of you who are somehow still unfamiliar with Ten & Six, Mike is a longtime (and long-suffering) Vikings fans. He stops by every Saturday to give us his thoughts on the upcoming game as well as make some picks for the rest of the league.

If you include Thursday's game, Mike is sporting a record of 89-62, upping his classification from “kinda-shabby” to “better than average.” It's a marathon, not a sprint.

So, Mikey? Matt Staff? CP7? No Percy? What's the story?

Hello football fans! What a shit week! My picks went 11-3, but we have officially reached the point in the season where the Vikings success lives or dies! Beat the Lions and it changes everything. Lose to the Lions and you're essentially last year's Buffalo Bills. How do this year's Bills look again?

Fuck it, don't answer that.

Christian Ponder looks panic-stricken in the pocket. When he does somehow happen to get a pass off it usually floats harmlessly to the turf. On the off chance that Bill Musgrave dials up a proper pass play, blocking will break down leading to a sack before CP7 can make something happen.

Kyle Rudolph hasn't caught a pass in TWO FUCKING GAMES! Ignoring one of your best offensive weapons is inexcusable. Put Tom Brady on this team and #82 has 12 touchdowns.

Now, some of you may be saying, “it's unfair to compare Christian Ponder to Tom Brady...” Well too fucking bad! If you want “fair” you can go watch a chess game! Winners and losers are pretty cut and dry in that shit.

The fact is, I'm sick of being “fair” to Christian Ponder and, as a Vikings fan, I'm sick of accepting shitty quarterback play.

You give CP7 the rest of the year to try to remove the tampon from his vag, if only because you want his career as a Viking to depend on the success of this season. Take him out now and you have the same problem all over again next year. Leave him in and you at least get a clear-cut idea of whether this guy can get the job done

FUCK! Why is it always so difficult?!? On to the picks.

Oakland (3-5) at Baltimore (6-2)

Ray Rice may rush for 350 yards in this game. That means, even if Joe Flacco puts up as worthless performance as I think he will, the Rust Belt Ravens will still win easy.

I'm pretty sure Carson Palmer is the only quarterback in the league that could throw 4 touchdowns to 1 interception and still lose a game... to Josh Freeman?!? Frreal, that dude must be sere-bi-cur. Ravens win 26-17

Denver (5-3) at Carolina (2-6)

There's no betting against Peytie Manny at this point. That dude might win the Superwhore.

(Editor's note: Your guess is as good as ours.)

Cam Newton balls hard, but I think Peytie Manny's balls are harder ballin' balls. Cam and Peytie both ball hard, but only Cam gets fined. Probably because he's black.

As much as I like Cam and want to call an upset, I just think Peytie is too much for Carolina's defense. Broncos win 31-27

New York Giants (6-3) at Cincinnati (3-5)

Two quarterbacks who are currently trending toward the crap sack. It's like a nap sack except it's filled with shit from wounded ducks.

The last two weeks Eli Manning looked like a flaming bag of shit that was asked to play quarterback. Meanwhile, Andy Dalton looks like the Kathy Griffin & Jeff George had a lovechild and made it play football.

Having somehow escaping natural selection, one of these two morons has to win this weekend and I'm going with Eli and the Giants 24-16 (Sounds like a Bible psalm, doesn't it?)

Tennessee (3-6) at Miami (4-4)

The Jake Locker might play in this game. He might puke on the field. He might cry. He might stub his toe before the game and sit out, citing “radiator toe.” He might get dumped by his wife and go postal. Almost certainly, though, he loses this game. Miami 23-13

Buffalo (3-5) at New England (5-3)

Ryan Fitzpatrick will get to watch a real quarterback play. I'm rooting for a Fitzpatrick injury. Not because I dislike him, I just want to see T-Jack play Tom Brady. Pretty fair match-up, right?

I'm not totally sure T-Jack could outperform a monkey wearing a Tom Brady jersey. The Bills have no chance. They lose 42-17

Atlanta (8-0) at New Orleans (3-5)

This game has all the makings of being a football game. Reports indicate there will be a football and 11 guys on each side of it.

There's going to be two guys throwing the ball. Don't know if you've ever heard of Drew Brees and Matt Ryan (I certainly haven't). Something deep down in my belly (but not quite my colon) tells me this “Drew Brees” guy wins this game in a shootout 38-35.

San Diego 4-4() at Tampa Bay (4-4)

Too bad the Chargers can't play the Chiefs every week They'd actually have a shot at the playoffs.

It's back to reality for Philip Rivers and Co. this week.

The Bucs look good right now and, as long as the Muscle Hamster Doug Martin is running wild, the Bucs will continue to win.

Suddenly Josh Freeman looks like a real boy! He looks like a Top 10 QB right now. Woah! My nose just grew as long as a telephone pole! Pinocchio swag! Bucs win 28-16

New York Jets (3-5) at Seattle(5-4)

Rex Ryan was voted the most overrated coach in the league by a poll of players and, in typical dumb-and-fat Rex style, all he could say is “I finally beat Belechick at something.” He went on to say, “We will see who is overrated at the end of the year,” essentially sealing his fate.

Russell Wilson is starting to look pretty darn good. Even though we can all agree Pete Carroll is a jackass, you have to give him and his fellow coaches credit for fielding a mean team.

Wilson is short but athletic and has a rocket arm. Why does Tim Tebow still get stories on ESPN? He plays once or twice a game at meaningless times. The Jets can fuck right off. They lose to Seattle 24-13.

Dallas (3-5) at Filthadelphia (3-5)

This is going to be one great game. Watching two desperate teams, whose seasons teeter on the brink of failure, duke it out brings a warm glow to my heart.

Whichever team does not win this game will face big changed come the offseason (if not sooner). I'm talking “bye-bye” coach and “bye-bye” quarterback type changes. I wonder how Tony Romo or Michael Vick would look in purple? Well, that's a PONDERance for another day.

I think The Dog Murderer wins this one for the Eagles 23-20.

St. Louis (3-5) at San Francisco (6-2)

Watch out, everyone! Moss got a taste of the end zone last game. Once he gets the taste we all know he must feed constantly to satisfy his insatiable appetite for points and point-related celebrating. Although Moss didn't look close to the speed of his younger years, he did look like he could still outrun half the defensive back in the league.

The Rams seems stuck in this state of perpetual mediocrity. Occasionally they play a good game, but there is no week-to-week consistency.

Moss gets in the end zone again and the 49ers roll 27-17.

Houston (7-1) at Chicago (7-1)

I would love for the Texans to win this game, but I just don't see it happening. The Bears are playing turnover-rich football right now. The pace at which they are currently creating turnovers is unsustainable and it will come back to bite them come the playoffs when the competition gets stiffer.

If the Bears create turnovers against the Texans potent offense I will be surprised.

I think this one comes down to which QB plays better in the 4^th. I'm going with Jay Cutler at home 31-30.

(Editor's Note: Bears cornerback Charles Tillman announced that he will be playing this weekend despite the impending birth of his child. We'd just like to go on record and claim that we are outraged. Maybe during the first trimester he could get away with this, but this far along he's only risking his unborn baby's safety.)

Kansas City (1-7) at Pittsburgh (5-3)

Kansas City is comically bad. The last time a QB that was drafted by KC won a game for KC was 1987. 1987! If you're counting, that's 25 years. It may be time to draft a QB. And I thought my team was depressing!

From now on, anytime I start to feel bad about The Purple, I will find solace in the fact that I'm not a Chiefs fan.

Also, the fucking Chiefs got a Monday Night game? Steelers win easy, and I mean really fucking easy, 28-6

There you have it, everybody! The league picked to the bone. Now, on to the main attraction.

DETROIT LIONS (4-4) AT MINNESOTA VIKINGS (5-4)

The Vikings season will go one of two ways this weekend:

A win with an impressive offensive performance and the failures of the last three games are forgotten and forgiven.

A loss and all you have left is the ruin of a once promising season to go along with a locker room divided over who should be starting at quarterback.

The Vikings desperately need this win. The thing is, so do the Lions.

If the Lions lose, they will be 0-3 in the division and going nowhere but golfing come January.

I could sit here and scream about what needs to change regarding The Purple until I was blue in the face, but I'm not going to do that. Plain & simple, the quarterback needs to play better. You can sit and say the blocking isn't great, receivers aren't open, etc... The fact is receivers aren't always open, but they certainly have been single-covered a lot. It comes down to Ponder.

If you get to halftime this week and Ponder is halfway through another 63 yard performance, I think Coach Frazier owes it to the team, owner, and fans to let Joe Webb take the reigns for the second half. Personally, I don't believe it will come to that, but if it does, Webb should get a shot.

The season is on the line on Sunday! Time for some positives and negatives from last week. As always, we'll start with the positives. Sadly, there's only one this week.

-Adrian Peterson The perennial positive. Not only was his 182 yards and 2 TD performance spectacular, he is the ultimate team player. No sideline tantrum from Adrian, no yelling and screaming. In the waning moments of the loss to the Seahawks, FOX would pan over to Adrian and all you saw from him was the steely resolve and determination to get better. Adrian Peterson is a class act and deserves a better team (even though he would never admit it).

(Editor's Note: Somewhere Kevin Garnett is nodding right now.)

And, unfortunately, the negatives.

-Christian Ponder: He looks scared and nervous. He has wide receivers downfield in single coverage and isn't pulling the trigger. He has the best running back in the NFL running wild and still can't get anything on the play-action. Last, but not least, his accuracy has been fading and that's pretty much all he had left. All of this needs to change this weekend.

-Percy Harvin: Not only did he sustain two injuries last week (ankle, hamstring), he blew up on Coach Frazier, reportedly about the fact that Christian Ponder was still on the field. Really seems like the frustration boiled over. I can't really blame him, but it'd be nice if he could make his displeasure a little less obvious next time.

-Bill Musgrave: He needs to mix up the play calls. It's his job to put the right plays in the game at the right time in order to build CP7's confidence and give the offense a spark. Needless to say, he is not doing a great job right now.

Three Keys To A Vikings Victory:

Key #1: Establish some semblance of a passing game.

The Vikings will not win this game without a successful day from Christian Ponder, nor would they deserve to. The passing game has been pathetic lately, so I'll settle for simply below average. Hell, why not (gasp) average?!? Shoot for the stars!

Key #2: For God's sake, get off your blocks!

The Vikings need to improve against the run, as their last three weeks have been a disaster. If this defense can't stop the shitty running attack boasted by the Detroit Lions there is pretty much no hope for the rest of the year. The Vikings shut down the Lions offense earlier this year with pretty much the same players they have right now (minus Chris Cook). Fail this weekend and it will show us that the Vikings, as a team, are simply not in the right place mentally.

Key #3: Get angry!

This means you, Ponder! Not only is the arc of this season on the line, but pretty much the course of Christian Ponder's career will be affected by his performance this Sunday. Fuck it, I hope for his sake he plays pissed off on Sunday. Any more of this timid bullshit and the home crowd is going to jump all over young Mr. Ponder.

Two Matchups To Watch:

Matchup #1: Jarius Wright & Jerome Simpson vs. Lions Secondary

The rookie draft pick, who has yet to sniff the field, is sure to get some playing time across the field from Jerome Simpson with Percy Harvin sitting this one out. The Lions best player in the secondary is Louis Delmas, who is a good-but-not-great safety.

Besides Delmas there is a Chris Houston, an Alphonso Smith, and a rag-tag assortment of late-round rookie draft picks. Jerome and Jarius should see a lot of single coverage. I'm excited to see what they can do together.

Matchup #2: Christian Ponder vs. Himself

The young quarterback could very well be his own worst enemy come Sunday. If he comes out gun-shy the crowd is going to jump all over him. That won't be good for his poor little psyche.

Well, Christian, there is only one way to get yourself out of this funk and that's to throw your way out of it! Right now it looks like you couldn't throw your way out of a wet paper back so step it up!

Mike's All Purpose Flour Lock Of The Week:

Kyle Rudolph, Tight End, YOUR Minnesota Vikings

Double covered or not, a lot of balls are coming his way. Maybe that's a good thing. 8 catches, 85 yards, 1 TD.

FINAL TAKES

One thing is certain, the Vikings relevance as a playoff contender is gone if they lose this game.

A win going into the bye would be huge. This team needs a little momentum as well as a week of rest to reset their minds, their playbooks, and themselves as a team.

Detroit is desperate for a win themselves, so the Vikings are going to have to make every play count and make every trip into the red zone end in a touchdown.

The Purple kept Megatron out of the end zone in the first meeting and he only has one TD on the year. That will change this weekend. Let's all hope Calvin Johnson doesn't do his dance more than once.

I do believe Ponder bounces back with a decent game, if only because the Lions secondary is kind of shitty and his career as a starter depends on it. I see him around 250 yards to go along with 1 or 2 touchdowns.

The time to stop the bleeding is now! Season's on the line, homeboys! Vikings find a way to win.

FINAL SCORE:

Minnesota Vikings: 23

Detroit Lions: 20

Always the optimist (even if you have to get all the way to the end of the post to see it). We'd like to thank Mike for stopping by and giving us his thoughts on The Purple.

For more of the always-entertaining Mike be sure to give him a follow on Twitter (@SwervinTaters). His confidence is a little shaken right now and he could definitely use some new followers.

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