Ten & Six With Mike Otto: Week 3 - San Francisco 49ers at Minnesota Vikings (Plus Picks!)

Pull Your #84 Jerseys Out...

Well hello football fans! Welcome to Mike Otto's Ten & Six: Week 3. This week Mr. Otto will break down this Sunday's Minnesota Vikings/San Francisco 49ers “contest” and give us his picks for the rest of the league. So far this season Mike is sporting a 18-14 record with the picks and 1-1 picking the Purple's games. Mr. Otto, the floor is yours.

It was a crazy week in the NFL! The Patriots, Ravens, Saints, & Cowboys all lost & my picks still managed to go 9-7! I like that, but I can't help lamenting what could have been had the teams who are “better on paper” all won. If the NFL has taught us anything over the years it's that who is "better on paper" doesn't mean a damn thing.

The hardest part of picking games is locating upsets and trap games. This proves even more difficult during the early stages of the season. That being said, I can still do better (much like my favorite football team). Let's see if I can hit a few upsets this week.

St. Louis (1-1) at Chicago (1-1)

St. Louis & Brad Samford pulled off a legitimately epic comeback against RG III and the rest of his kinda-just-OK-at-football Redskins.

Can we all just accept that Jay Cutler will never be elite? He's a good QB who can have great games but is also prone to the occasional stinker. He's a risk-taker. High risk, high reward. He is also a genuine prick and I consider him the A.J. Pierzynski of football. Funny, two of the biggest douchebags in sports play in Chicago. Now that just makes sense. Bears D is too good to lose this one at home. Final score 27-14

(Editor's Note: Yup, Brad Samford)

Buffalo (1-1) at Cleveland (0-2)

Perhaps the strangest occurrence last week was the Weed Whacker himself, Brandon Weeden, throwing for 300+ yards. He got a lot of help (good protection, lots of short passes, Trent Richardson) and the Browns still lost! Ouch. Poor Cleveland.

C.J. Spiller had a huge first half for the Bills last week as they dispatched the Chiefs easily. I think they get this one too. Final score 21-10 (Cleveland just loves disappointing home crowds).

Tampa Bay (1-1) at Dallas (1-1)

I have trashed Josh Freeman's ability to be a successful NFL quarterback twice this season. Well, Mr. Freeman's ears must have been burning because he has had two impressive performances and his team's 1-1. So no more! Josh Freeman, you are everything and I am nothing. You are a stellar individual, a pillar of strength in the community, while I am a sad little man of poor quality, stature, and standards.

The Bucs coaches are letting Freeman air it out and it's working. The Tampa Bay secondary looks elite and this does not bode will for a certain dim-witted quarterback with a star on his helmet.

Last week was really a CLASSIC Tony Romo Era-Cowboys let down game, wasn't it? Like so many times in the the past, Tony Romo & the rest of the Cowboys came out and laid an egg after a big win the week before. Every time you think, “Wow, this team is gonna turn the corner!” they come out and remind us all that Romo isn't Aikman, D'marco Murray isn't Emmit Smith, & Little Dezzy Bryant isn't Michael Irvin.

Sidenote: My co-worker (an avid Cowboys fan) said “I am done with football” after last week's game. Sure, haven't heard that before. Bucs win 21-17

Jacksonville (0-2) at Indianapolis (1-1)

Poor Jacksonville barely managed 100 yards total against the Texans last week. I'm not entirely certain anyone has ever taken the time to teach Blaine Gabbert how to throw a spiral.

It is apparent, however, that somebody taught Andrew Luck. Man, did he have some zip on that ball last week! Looked surprisingly elusive as well. Colts win 24-10.

New York Jets (1-1) at Miami (1-1)

An interesting matchup here and a tough choice. The Dolphins surprised me last week with that offensive explosion. Reggie Bush is going nuts, topping 100 yards rushing in 5 of his last 6 games dating back to last season.

Rex Ryan and the Jets can't beat good teams that have a strong defense, so they rely upon a fast start to win games. I don't think they get it this week and fall to the Dolphins in a close game in Miami. Final score 23-17.

Kansas City (0-2) at New Orleans (0-2)

The Saints defense is worthless and it's killing this team. It may be a passing league, but if Drew Brees has to continue throwing the ball 50 times a game and only connecting on half of them it's gonna be a long season.

The Saints get a chance to establish the run a bit more against a sad Kansas City Chiefs team. To be fair, I'd be sad if I lived in Kansas City too. Matt Kassel got severely out-performed by Ryan Fitzpatrick (ugh, that has to hurt) and the Chiefs defense looks like garbage. The Saints can't lose this game, right? Saints roll 35-17.

Detroit (1-1) at Tennessee (0-2)

Wow. It's getting ugly quickly for the Titans. Jake Locker is pressing and looks lost. CJ(No)K is blaming everyone else when he needs to look in the mirror. He also needs to learn how to hit a hole and stop dancing around in the backfield. Perhaps he should just give up and sign a contract with “Dancing With The Stars” already.

The Motor City Kitties take this easily 28-7

Sidenote: Can we just change Chris Johnson's nickname from "CJ2K" to “The Million Dollar Baby?”

Cincinnati (1-1) at Washington (1-1)

Washington lost defensive star Brian Orakpo for the season last week and I think it damages their playoff hopes. They could have won last week's game against the Rams if it wasn't for hot-head Josh Morgan and a terrible special teams effort. Redskins punter Sal Rocca can't block the rush & punt the ball! Come on! That special teams coordinator should be in hot water.

The Red Menace Andy Dalton won an unlikely shootout against the Browns last week, but can he win road games? Naw, probably not. RG III single-handedly carries the 'Skins to victory this week. Final score 27-21.

Philadelphia (2-0) at Arizona (2-0)

Two teams with big upset victories last week. Two teams I can't believe are 2-0. The Eagles are the first team since 1983 to win their first two games while committing 8 or more turnovers. That won't last. To keep winning they must cut back on the turnovers.

The biggest strength for both of these teams is their defensive front 7. Those groups are big, mean, and tough. Whichever team's offensive line performs better will win. I mean, one of these teams has to lose, right?

The Dog Murderer will continue to throw picks this week and the surprising Cardinals improve to 3-0! Go Kevin Kolb! (I feel dirty writing that) (Editors note: Me too). 20-13 Cards on top.

Atlanta (2-0) at San Diego (2-0)

Did you know that “San Diego” is German for “A Phillip Rivers Vagina?” Also, fuck Norv Turner. What an overrated coach. Can't wait until the end of this year, the Chargers miss the playoffs, and Norv Turner will finally get the ax. Get his pock-marcked face off my TV once and for all!

Atlanta is the most complete team in the NFL and I think they will end the regular season with the best record in the NFL.  Atlanta wins on the road 31-21.

Houston (2-0) at Denver (1-1)

Peyton Manning is frustrated with questions about his arm strength. I think he's actually just frustrated with his weak-ass arm.

Two weeks into the season and Houston looks scary good on both sides of the ball. This will be, by far, their biggest test yet this season and we should have a better understanding of just how good the Texans are come Sunday night.

I think this game could go either way, but I'm betting Peyton Manning wins the game in the 4^th despite the aforementioned questionable arm. 34-28 Broncos win.

Pittsburgh (1-1) at Oakland (0-2)

Roll over, boy! Roll over... Good Oakland Raiders! Good boy, yes you are!

In what may be the football equivalent of a Globetrotters/Generals game, Big Ben Rapistburger will somehow avoid sack after sack while getting the ball downfield.

The Raiders, on the other hand, will get Carson Palmer-ed once again en route to another impressive defeat. I do like Darren McFadden though. I think he could have a big game. Final score 31-14 Pittsburgh.

New England (1-1) at Baltimore (1-1)

This might be the game of the week! Neither of these teams want to be 1-2, but one of them will be after this weekend.

Wes Welker is seemingly being phased out, but that was before they lost Aaron Hernandez. If the Patriots want to win this game I think they're going to need Welker.

The Pats have the better quarterback, but the Ravens are the more physical team. I think that the Ravens will try to slow the pace of this game and make it more of a “grind it out” contest. 1-2 will indeed sting... FOR THOSE LITTLE BOSTON BITCHES!! Ravens win 27-24.

Green Bay (1-1) at Seattle (1-1)

I will just come out and say it: This is going to be a close game that the Packers will lose. Sorry Green Bay fans, but this is a big time trap game.

If the Seahawks are allowed to establish Marshawn Lynch and get him into Beast Mode, as I think they will, the Packers will be tripped up just enough by a good Seahawks defense. Boom! There's your upset game. Seahawks win 24-17.

Now for the Purple:

Well, last week was a tough game for our favorite squad. After the loss I went through a range of healthy emotions, starting with anger, into rage, then back to anger, and then ending up at a hatred of everything.

After a week of decompression, I think I can analyze last week and this week's games properly. Let's look at what we're left with: Just the facts.

The game against the Colts was almost identical to the game against the Jags except for the most important part: the outcome.

I am disturbed with the play-calling on both sides of the ball for the Vikings.  I want to see more risks taken early in the game on offense. Christian Ponder has masterfully executed touchdown drives in the 4^th quarter when we had no choice but to throw every down. How about infusing a few of those plays into our 1^st, 2^nd, & 3^rd quarter offense instead of going run, run, checkdown, punt every freaking time!

In my opinion, if we have smarter coaches and a more aggressive gameplan we beat the Colts last week.

Let's look at some positives & negatives from last week. First, the positives:

-Percy Harvin: He is a beast. Our offense would be very sad without this guy. I'm talking sad-clown-scaring-children sad.

-Christian Ponder: For the first time in a long time the QB isn't our biggest problem. Let him air it out early! See what happens. What do you have to lose this week? We're not going to get to the end of this game and say, “Wow, a few more 2 yard runs and we'd have won this game!”

-Matt Kalil: Through two games he's only give up one sack. Keep it up, rook!

And the negatives:

-PLAY CALLING: It lacks creativity offensively and shows no faith in our downfield passing game. If I'M getting that vibe how do you think Ponder and the receivers feel? Our favorite play call is a quick screen to Percy out in the flat. Really re-inventing the wheel with that one, aren't we?!?

On defense, can someone please explain to me why Erin Henderson is being asked to cover Reggie Wayne 30 yards downfield? Maybe the Tampa 2 isn't the defense to call when teams have 3 or more receivers on the field. I hope Zygi Wilf is paying attention, because if this is a season-long trend the coaches need to go! Just drive a dump truck full of money up to Bill Cowher's house. Fuck it.

SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS (2-0) at MINNESOTA VIKINGS (1-1)

Three Keys To The Vikings Not Being Embarrassed:

Key #1: Surprise the 49ers with your gameplan early.

Take some shots downfield right away. Fuck it, what do you have to lose? Nothing! What do you have to gain? Everything

 

Key #2: Stop the run.

The 49ers are going to gouge us with the pass down the middle of the field. There is no avoiding this. If we can't stop the run either it's going to be a blowout.

Key #3: Lock Bill Musgrave in a closet before the game.

No, seriously.

Matchups To Watch:

Matchup #1: Vernon Davis vs. Marvin Mitchell or Mistral Raymond.

Oh god, we're doomed.

Matchup #2: Randy Moss vs. The Downtown MPLS Metermaids.

Move, bitch, get out the way, get out the way bitch, get out the way! I'm excited to see Randy back in the Metrodome even if he's not playing for my favorite team. San Francisco is going to score some TD's and I hope Randy gets one of them.

Mike's All Purpose Flour Lock Of The Week:

Punter Chris Kluwe

I hope he stretches before the game, 'cause it's going to be a long day. 6 punts, 49.5 yards per punt with 2 inside the 20. Wooo!

Final Takes:

The 49ers are big, strong, and fast. First, I want to get out of this game with no major injuries to our big guns. Second, I want this team to put up a fight. Get angry! This is your home turf! If Musgrave is calling bullshit run plays and we're down by more than 10 points audible out of that shit! The players need to take control of their own destiny.

Erin Henderson is injured and I wouldn't mind seeing a little Audie Cole out there. Again, what do you have to lose?

Somehow find a way to win this game and it's a season-changer. I hope the Vikings believe in their chances more than I do.

I think the Vikes would need 30+ points to win this game. As much as I want to believe this will happen, it probably won't.

FINAL SCORE:

San Francisco 49ers: 28

Minnesota Vikings: 13

Enjoy the game and GO PURPLE!

There you have it, folks. If anybody has a vacant, soundproof closet available tomorrow afternoon, feel free to hit up Mike Otto on Twitter (@SwervinTaters). Even if you don't have a closet and a borderline pathological desire to see more passing plays, you should probably still give him a follow for his Vikings commentary. Second to none.

This blog also has a Twitter home (@NewestIndustry1) and a Facebook page here. If (read: when) the Vikings lose this Sunday you should stop by the page and give us a “Like.” It would cheer us all up. We're in this together, people!