(Bengals Cheerleader Sarah Jones aka The Greatest Cheerleader There Ever Was)
As we mentioned earlier this week, the whole structure of this week's Ten & Six was turned on its head thanks to the Vikings/Buccaneers game taking place Thursday night. Scroll down to see how Mike thought that one was going to play out (hint... It could've gone better).
However, today is indeed Saturday and we know that it wouldn't be a Saturday without Mike's picks for the rest of the league.
If you include Thursday's Vikings game Mike is sporting a record of 69-54.
And so here we are, NFL. Week 8. What do ya think, Mikey?
Last week was a pretty good week for my picks, which went 10-3. I'm going to wait to recap the Vikings/Bucs game until next week due to the fact that I'm still very angry and need a week to straighten the thoughts and let the rage fade. With that said, on to this weekend's games.
Miami (3-3) at New York Jets (3-4)
Lots of bad blood between these division rivals. Lots of trash talk. First, the droopy Rex Ryan telling his team to "put hot sauce" on Reggie Bush, whatever the fuck that means. Then the brutish Laron Landry said he wasn't, "gonna stop head-hunting." At least he was straight forward!
Why are these two teams so angry? Probably because accepting you're terrible isn't easy and the normal reaction is to just lash out.
The Jets somehow pissed last week's Patriots game away and they will find a way to piss this one away as well. Dolphins win 24-23
San Diego (3-3) at Cleveland (1-6)
Ever wondered how NFL players and coaches spend their bye weeks?
Well, if you're Norv Turner the majority is spent crying, filming Proactiv commercials, and throwing darts at a picture of Phillip Rivers.
Speaking of Phillip Rivers, it will be interesting to see if his bye week diet of pizza bagels and Mountain Dew: Code Red will affect his play. Can't make it worse, right?
As sad a team as the Chargers are, they will bounce back and beat the Browns 27-17
Indianapolis (3-3) at Tennessee (3-4)
Ever since the Titans got trounced by the Vikings their play has improved and they have two wins to show for it.
The Colts did their part last week in keeping cat food in my cat's mouth and out of mine.
So, here we have two slightly-below-average teams both coming off narrow victories. The intrigue! The excitement!
The Colts will be interesting again in two years when Andrew Luck starts dominating. The Titans may never be interesting again, but they win this week 26-20
New England (4-3) at St. Louis (3-4)
The Patriots were lucky to escape with a win last week. They can't seem to get out of their own way in the fourth quarter.
Last week, Tom Brady got the ball in the fourth at a point when a long drive would end the game. What happened? He went three & out! That's something nobody is used to seeing. Usually Captain America makes it look easy, drives the length of the field, and scores a touchdown with about 30 seconds left in the game. Maybe things are changing in New England.
Regardless, Pats win this week 31-24
Jacksonville (1-5) at Green Bay (4-3)
It seems the Packers have reached the "cakewalk" part of their schedule. Aaron Rodgers has hit his stride and that isn't a good sign for the hapless Jaguars.
I don't think any Jaguars team in history could win this game on Sunday. Prove me wrong! Packers win 31-17
Atlanta (6-0) at Philadelphia (3-3)
It's hard to figure out if the Falcons are contenders for a championship. To me, they seem like the same old Falcons who have a 12 win regular season and get bounced early in the playoffs.
There simply isn't any clear-cut Super Bowl frontrunner at this point in the season. Some would call it "league parity," I happen to think that there just aren't that many good teams.
This is no easy victory for the Falcons, In fact, I'm taking the Eagles to win this game in 27-26.
P.S. Michael Vick is a dog owner again. If I were that dog, I wouldn't want to go near the pool when Vick The Dick is around. Probably stay away from that dusty rape stand in the attic too.
Washington (3-4) at Pittsburgh (3-3)
Is there a more perennially-overrated cornerback than D'Angelo Hall? I gotta give him credit, all he does is get burned by the NFL's best wide receivers, yet he somehow maintains the paycheck & status of an elite cornerback. Must've sucked a lot of dick along the way.
D'Angelo Hall: The Cameron Diaz of the NFL.
If you gave me a choice between Bob III and the Rapistberger... I'm sorry Big Ben, you bring a lot to the table, but it's Bob III all the way. Too bad he can't play cornerback too. Skins win 28-24
Seattle (4-3) at Detroit (2-4)
The Lions are dead. All they needed to do was score two touchdowns last week and they couldn't get it done.
Now Megatron (1 TD this season) has a sore knee and Matt Stafford continues to do this weird sidearm throwing motion. What the fuck is that? Where did it come from? He looks like an overgrown teenager. Maybe after curling his hair one morning he was practicing his throwing motion in the mirror and said, "Yeah, this looks cool, this will get you laid Matty S."
(Editor's Note: It's a fact all teenagers refer to themselves in the third person. You can't argue with science.)
The Seahawks look tough. They are built to win on the road and in the playoffs. Feeling pretty good about picking the Seahawks as a surprise playoff team in my preseason preview. Seahawks win easy 23-13.
Carolina (1-5) at Chicago (5-1)
Man, why does everyone have to be so racist? They're only hating on Cam because he's black, we all know that. It has nothing to do with his terrible completion percentage, his poor TD/INT ration, or his inability to, y'know, win football games. Nope, it's just because he's black.
I heard it's supposed to rain on Sunday in Chicago... fucking racist jet stream. Trying to keep Cam down? Can't handle an African-American quarterback succeeding can you, jet stream? I thought we'd come to a point in American history where race didn't have to come into play unnecessarily. Shame on you, jet stream! Thank goodness smart men like Warren Moon are around to protect our African-American athletes from racial bias.
Bears win 31-20 because Jay Cutler is white and Cam Newton is black.
Oakland (2-4) at Kansas City (1-5)
What a wretched game this will be. I honestly would rather watch women's indoor volleyball than sit through this. I would rather spend three hours shoveling horse manure. I would rather watch Miley & Billy Ray Cyrus debate the meaning of life for 3 hours (if only for that really creepy father-daughter sexual tension they have). Raiders win 20-10. Yay.
New York Giants (5-2) at Dallas (3-3)
The Cowboys season-opening win against the Giants seems like a long time ago.
I will admit, I do enjoy watching the Cowboys, if only because it seems like Lil' Dezzy Bryant could freak out at any moment and start punching his mom again.
I think the Giants return the favor and win one in Jerry Jones' house, 27-21.
New Orleans (2-4) at Denver (3-3)
Drew Breezy vs. Peytie Manny!
I owe an apology to Peytie, whom I told to retire before he was upstaged by Phillip Rivers. I learned my lesson, never bet on Phillip Rivers to upstage anyone.
I'm sorry, Peytie. You shouldn't retire and I probably should. You have everything, except, of course, a normal-sized forehead.
I have yet to call a Saints game correctly, but I think that ends Sunday. Broncos win 38-28
San Francisco (5-2) at Arizona (4-3)
The Cardinals suck. I mean, really suck. Plus, let's all be mad at them for pissing away Larry Fitzgerald's prime.
Alex Smith is regressing and I think he needs a heavy dose of Moss Medicine. I know it might not always taste good, but just take your Moss Medicine and you will like the results. 49ers win, Moss gets in the end zone. Final score 23-13.
(Editor's Note: Moss Medicine has not been reviewed by the FDA. It is not suitable for seniors, children under 10, Brad Childress, the Tennessee Titans, Green Bay fans or, just to be safe, JaMarcus Russell.)
Well there you go everybody! Picks on picks on picks! What's that Michael? Your rage hasn't subsided from Thursday night's loss but you have to say something? Alright, fair play.
Mike's Vikings Note:
The only thing I will say after that debacle of a Thursday night game, where everything that could go wrong did go wrong is this:
Anyone who thinks it's time for Joe Webb to replace Christian Ponder as starter is either drunk, dumb, or has no understanding of football (probably a combo of all 3).
The Vikings weren't Super Bowl Champions when they beat the Niners and they aren't the worst team in the league after this loss to the Bucs. The Vikings are an average team that, when playing their best, are a good team. When playing their worst, they're a bad team. The sky isn't falling, it's not time to panic. It all depends on how they respond next Sunday.
You all missed it because we cut off his microphone, but Mike then went on to claim that, "Newest Industry is for the children! Fox Sports is good, but Ten & Six is the best!" We're as surprised as you.
For more Mikey Otto be sure to give him a follow on Twitter (@SwervinTaters). He's America's Finest Tweeter On Sundays. Wait, AFTOS? We need to spend less time googling Sarah Jones pictures.
This blog also lives on Twitter (@NewestIndustry1). Give it a follow to stay up to date on our new posts as well as other work from our regular contributors. More importantly, this blog has a Facebook page here. Stop by and give us a "like" if you have the time. The more "likes" we get the better chance we have to get paid for this. And frankly, we need it. We're down to generic Moss Medicine. It tastes kind of like Troy Williamson. Please, give us a "like."
No comments:
Post a Comment