Ten & Six With Mike Otto: Week 7 - Arizona Cardinals at Minnesota Vikings (Plus Picks!)

Our A.P ran over their P.P...

Helllooooo football fans!  Welcome back to Ten & Six with the one, the only, the inimitable Mike Otto.  If you're new to the blog, Mike is our resident football expert.  He's also a diehard Vikings fan since the day he could spell "Purple."

This week Mike will be breaking down last week's loss to the Washington Redskins and looking ahead to tomorrow's game against the Cardinals right here at the Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome.  That's right, the HHH Metrodome.  Until the Mall Of America cuts Mike a check, that will stay its name on this blog.

However, before he wades neck deep into The Purple, Mike's going to give us his picks for the rest of the league.  So far this season Mike's racked up a record of 58-50.  It's also been determined that he controls the fate of the Saints, Chargers, and Browns.  Also, based on his play, Josh Freeman's goal in life is to make Mike look like a fool.

(Editor's Note: Mike is currently 59-50 after Thursday night's 49ers victory.  Scroll down to have a look at that pick.)

Anyway, enough of this rabble.  Michael!  Talk to us!

Welcome back, football fans!

Tough week for my picks, which fell to 6-8 after two spectacular weeks

It was a tough week for The Purple as well, with their three game win streak coming to an end at FedEx Field with a 38-26 loss to the Redskins.

Ultimately, their demise came in the 1st quarter in which they were dominating, oddly enough, but failed to score touchdowns on 3 ocnsecutive trips to the red zone.  Needless to say, if those three drives end in touchdowns it's a whole different game.

On the bright side, Christian Ponder again showed his 4th quarter comback potential and who knows what happens in the freak that is Robert Griffin III (Can we all just start calling him "Bob?") doesn't abuse a Vikings all-out blitz for a 76 yard dagger of a touchdown run.

I am impressed with Ponder's performance when forced to pass every down for an entire half of football.  Regardless, playing from behind is not a good thing for the Vikings because they are forced to become one-dimensional.  Phasing out the best running back in the NFL is not a recipe for success.

In the end, though, all of Christian Ponder's gaudy passing stats were worthless.  The Vikings were daggered in the 4th by the rookie freak himself, Bob III.

There is a long history of dual-threat quarterbacks daggering the Vikings with their legs.  First, it was Steve Young.  Then The Dog Murderer, Michael Vick, took his turn.  Finally, the freak himself Bob III did his dance last Sunday.

Which one is the best/saddest?  Watch these clips and vote on the right side of the page.  Yay history!

Now, on to this week's picks.

Dallas (2-3) at Carolina (1-4)

The Cowboys can't even win a game when they play better than the other team!  Lil' Dezzy Bryant had a great game only to drop what would have been the game-tying two point conversion.  The Cowboys are cursed.  You get a great game from your QB, RB, & WR's, play better than the opposing team, and still lose.

Tony Romo, for whatever reason, cannot take this team to the promised land.  Now now, not ever.

The Panthers didn't lose last week, mainly because they didn't play.  I'd like to suggest an addition to Newton's Laws Of Physics. Law #4:  For every positive rookie season their shall be an equal and opposite negative sophomore season to match it.

Cam Newton everybody!  Re-writing the laws of the universe one turnover at a time!  Cowboys win 27-17 (one of the 7 wins they will tally this year).

Tennessee (2-4) at Buffalo (3-3)

Are the Titans better than everyone thought?  Naw, probably not.

Ryan Fitzpatrick must be a conservationist, as he releases quite a few ducks every Sunday!  (Rim shot, please)

In what certainly will be a battle of noodle arm quarterbacks, I see Fitzpatrick noodling a little better the the old noodle himself, Matt Hasselbeck.  Get out the colander, it's noodles galore! Bills win 17-16.

Cleveland (1-5) at Indianapolis (2-3)

The Weed Whacker did it!  Yes, Brandon Weeden won a football game for his Cleveland Browns.  All he needed was for me to believe in him!

That's right, I am officially declaring my predictions as the deciding factor in Cleveland Browns games.  For every Browns game I predict incorrectly, I will eat a bite of cat food.  Promise.

I think we need to ask the guys with horseshoes on their helmets what happened to Chuckstrong?  You got blown out by the Jets?!?  Ugly stuff! They won't lose at home to the Browns.  Colts roll to victory 31-21.  Chuckstrong!  Don't make me take food outta Doug's mouth!

(Editor's Note: This is Mike's cat Doug.  If you can't tell by his body language, he's also a lifelong Vikings fan. The only thing he loves more than The Purple, though, is his food.  Keep doing what you do, Brandon Weeden.)

Green Bay (3-3) at St. Louis (3-3)

I was wrong.  I wanted to be right so bad.  I said the Texans would put up 42 points last week.  Instead, the Packers did.

Aaron Rodgers is a big enough prick to "shhh" his "critics" in his post-game interview.  News flash, dickhead, even if you sneak into the playoffs, you aren't going anywhere if you can't run the ball and play defense.

It's about time Mr. Rodgers played like the best quarterback in the NFL.  He's all the residents of Green Bay have... well, him and rampant obesity.  Congratu-fucking-lations you fat dumb fucks!  Packers win 28-17.

Washington (3-3) at New York Giants (4-2)

What about Bob?  The Third?  Yes, last week the Vikings played the role of Richard Dreyfuss and RG III was Bill Murray.  Bob III drove The Purple to insanity and then married their daughter at the end of the game.

OK, it wasn't exactly the same, but it was maddening nonetheless.

The Giants dismantled the Niners in their NFC Championship rematch.  Eli & those Giants might be the newest "best team in the NFL," but it's going to be a tough win this week.  Close game, but the Giants win 27-26.

New Orleans (1-4) at Tampa Bay (2-3)

The first four weeks of the year I picked the Saints to win and they lost.  Week 5 I predicted the Saints to lose and they won!  What the hell?!?

Maybe the Saints found out all the horrible things I said about their squad after the '09 NFC Championship game.  More likely is the fact that, outside of Drew Brees, the Saints are just terrible and only capable of beating the most inept of teams (Enter: The San Diego Chargers).

Josh Freeman, I know we've had our differences.  I know you hate me for comparing you to flaming car wreckage from time to time.  But please, try not to fuck me over this weekend.  Bucs win 27-20.

Baltimore (5-1) at Houston (5-1)

The Ravens not only lost starting cornerback Ladarius Webb for the year, they also lost starting Entry Dance Specialist and team captain Ray Lewis.

Some are speculating the we've seen Ray-Ray play his last down as a Raven.  If that's the case, the rest of the Ravens should honor him by getting to Houston in the trunk of their buddies' cars, preferably to avoid prosecution for something they didn't actually do.  It's a craazzzy world!

The Texans really let me down last week.  Their failures brought back the Smug Aaron Rodgers that I hate so much.  Damn you!  Damn you to hell!  Texans bounce back with a 31-20 win.

Jacksonville (1-4) at Oakland (1-4)

Who cares?  Does anybody care?  Does anybody in California or Florida even care?  Didn't think so.

In the NFL's latest edition of the "Who Gives A Fuck Bowl?," the Jags travel to Oakland and let's just hope no one gets stabbed in the parking lot after the game.  Oakland wins 17-13.

New York Jets (3-3) at New England (3-3)

Bill Belichick needs to break out the spyware!  Rex Ryan needs to break out the Ab-Flexor!

Sources close to The Jets report that Mark Sanchez wakes up every morning, turns all the lights off in house, and whispers the words "Elite NFL Quarterback" five times in the hopes he becomes one.  Hell, it's worth a shot.

Coincidentally, Tim Tebow does the same thing, except he whispers the words, "a penis that works."  Sad days in New York.  Pats win 35-10.

Pittsburgh ()2-3 at Cincinnati (3-3)

The Cincinnati Bungles lost the Battle For Ohio!  The Browns?!?  You lost to THE BROWNS!!  That is just sad.

Oh, the things I would do to see A.J. Green in a purple jersey.

Pittsburgh is old and slow.  Troy Polamalu can't walk to the corner store for a gallon of milk without straining his calf.  James Harrison's eyes are more crossed than ever before.  Big Ben Rapistberger is playing better than ever, but he just can't do it alone.  Even his inspirational, "You have to grope with your heart AND mind" pre-game speech seemingly fell on deaf ears.

I'm picking the Bengals for a big upset.  They triumph at home 24-21.

Detroit (2-3) at Chicago (4-1)

With a win, the Bears can maintain sole possession of first place in the NFC North.  I hate living in a world where Jay Cutler is first at anything but being an asshole.  Be the best asshole you can be, Jay.

It'll be fun to see if Cutler can make it through a whole game without pouting like a sixteen year old girl.  I doubt he can.  I've heard J-Cuts is a middle-of-the-monther.

Detroit is over-matched, but I think they can make this one close.  Bears win 27-24.

Boom!  Picks on picks on picks!  Thanks for that, Michael.  Now, on to The Purple:

The Vikings suffered a tough defeat last week, but their fast start this season makes the loss easier to accept and overcome.

This is the first "must win" game for the Vikings this season.  Playoff teams bounce right back from losses, especially at home against the league's worst offense.

After this week one of these 4-2 teams will be classified as a "pretender," the other a "contender."  Obviously the Vikings would rather be the latter.

Arizona's defense is as stout as their offense is anemic.  Kevin Kolb won't play this weekend, but in my opinion, he and John Skelton are the same person.  Let's not forget, Skelton started the Cardinals first game before he was injured.  If the Cardinals quarterbacks score any 76 yard rushing touchdowns this week I'll leave town.

If the Vikings can put up TOUCHDOWNS early, they will increase their chances of winning dramtically.  None of this drives-stalling-in-the-red-zone bullshit.

Hey, speaking of bullshit, let's take a look at the positives and negatives of last week  As always, I'll start with the positives:

-CP7 (Second Half Version): He had a very rough 2nd quarter and single-handedly put the Vikings in a hole.  When faced with playing from behind and forced to throw almost every down he got the job done and brought us to the brink of an epic comeback.

His final stat line: 35-52, 335 yards, 2 TD's, & 2 INT's.  Prestty solid.  Unfortunately, that's not a recipe for a Vikings victory.

-Antoine Winfield: Had a spectacular pick deep in Redskins territory (that the Vikings failed to put in the endzone).  Regardless, "Winny" is defying Father Time and is on pace for 5-6 interceptions this season.  Let's not waste this awesome season Antoine is giving us!

-Adrian Peterson: Left the game with both ACL's intact!  Sometimes it's the small victories.

And, sadly, the negatives.

-Red Zone Efficiency: The Vikings made it to the red zone 7 times and only scored 2 touchdowns.  Three 1st quarter drives to the red zone ended in field goals and, if you would have ended with touchdowns, the Vikings undoubtedly win that game.  Would, shoulda, coulda...

-Interior Offensive Line:  I specify "interior" because Kalil and Loadholt played a pretty good game.  Right guard is the Vikings most visible weakness on the line and it showed last Sunday.  Ponder faced constant pressure up the middle and you could see it heavily affecting his pocked poise (especially during the 2nd quarter).  I'm not exactly sure what a "Brandon Fusco" is, but I know it isn't a decent right guard.

-Madieu Williams Got A Fucking Pick Six!: Fucking MADIEU WILLIAMS!  Vikings fans know firsthand how terrible he is.  That was fucking embarrassing.

-Devin Aromashadu: 'Shadu should not be allowed to run "go" routes.  He is decent deep, down the middle of the field, but can't make adjustments to the ball in the air and also can't win jump balls.  He was lucky to draw that pass interference call.  This team needs Jerome Simpson desperately.

ARIZONA CARDINALS (4-2) at MINNESOTA VIKINGS (4-2)

Three Keys To A Vikings Victory:

Key #1: Score points. Touchdown points.

The Cardinals do not have the offense to play from behind successfully.  In my perfect world the Vikings would score two 1st quarter touchdowns and never look back.  That probably won't happen against a stout Cardinals defense.  Regardless, The Purple must finish red zone tirps with touchdowns.  A 14 point halftime lead would hold up for a victory.

Key #2: Target Jerome Simpson downfield.

The Vikings are going to see a lot of 8- and 9-man fronts unless we can burn the Cardinals once or twice deep.  Jerome Simpson will have some opportunities, as I'm sure Patrick Peterson will be shadowing Percy Harvin most of the game.

Key #3: Please, please double Larry Fitzgerald all game.

Larry is the only guy the Cards have who is a threat to take it the distance at any time.  I'm pretty, pretty, prettttyyy sure that if the Vikings keep Larry out of the endzone they will win the game.

Two Matchups To Watch:

Matchup #1: Percy Harvin vs. Patrick Peterson

Not only will they face off against each other on passing downs, they are both dynamic kick returners with the ability to change momentum in the game whenever they field a kick.  As two of the league's premiere athletes, it's going to be fun to watch this all day.

If either one of these guys scores a touchdown in the return game, it will go a long way toward their team winning.

Matchup #2: The Ghost Of Boomer Esiason vs. Vikings players and fans

Boomer never seemed to like, or give much credit to, the Vikings when he was alive.  Maybe it's because the Vikings always destroyed him when he came to The Dome.

I remember a game I went to as a young boy.  Boomer and the Cards were in town to play the beloved Purple.  Boomer threw four picks and the Vikings put up 40-something points in the victory.  The home crowd taunted Boomer mercilessly the entire game and I, as a 5 year old, remember the pure joy I felt chanting, "Boooooooomer" over and over again.

Now that Boomer is dead, will his noodle-armed ghost come back to The Dome on Sunday to trip our players and spill our beers?  Let's hope not.  Rest in peace, Boomer.  You gave me some good memories.

(Editor's Note:  Boomer Esiason is not actually dead.  He's only dead on the inside.)

Mike's All Purpose Flour Lock Of The Week:

Antoine Winfield, CB, Your Minnesota Vikings

That interception last week was sick and it was 'Toine's second straight game with a pick.  The Vikings finally have the luxury of keeping Antoine fresh because Josh Robinson and Chris Cook have been playing solid football.  I think 'Toine keeps his hot streak going and snatches another interception to go along with 8 tackles (2 for loss).

FINAL TAKES

The Vikings need this one like they need air in their lungs.  The thing is, the Cardinals need it just as much.  Win and all the mistakes from last week are forgotten.  Lose and they all get magnified.

This has the makings of a physical, black & blue slugfest.  The more physical the Vikings offensive line is this week the better chance they have of winning this game.

Ponder still seems to get a little flustered when under constant pressure, so it's important to keep him comfortable. I fully expect the offensive line to have a bounce-back week in pass protection.

Lots of interesting matchups to watch and I think it should be a great game.  There is no reason the Vikings shouldn't win this game if they execute and finish drives with touchdowns.

FINAL SCORE:

Minnesota Vikings: 20

Arizona Cardinals: 16

Woooooooo!

There you have it folks, straight from the horse's mouth.  If the Vikes get in the endzone this week they'll be looking at 5-2 and that looks pretty damn good from here.

For more of Mike's maniacal rantings, be sure to give him a follow on Twitter (@SwervinTaters).  At the very least follow him on Sunday and cut him on Monday.  He's like Twitter's version of Darren McFadden in your fantasy league.

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