Ten & Six With Mike Otto: Week 1 - Minnesota Vikings at Detroit Lions (Plus Picks!)

Can't pay my automo-bills...

Well hello again, football fans!  Welcome back to Ten & Six!  Mike Otto is back for Year 2 of Vikings coverage here on Newest Industry.

For those of you who are new to the column (or those of you who have forgotten how this works), each Saturday Michael stops by break down the week's Vikings' game.  He gives us some positives and negatives from the previous week, provides us with three keys to a Vikings victory, points out some key matchups to keep an eye on, and predicts the final outcome.

Along the way we'll be subjected to all matter of obscenities, biases, personal grudges, non-sequiturs, and so, so much anger.

And, as if all that wasn't enough, Mike also starts each column by making his picks for the rest of the NFL's slate of games and that's where we'll start today.

Michael, take it away!

It's Week 1 of the NFL season and that means its time for my sarcastic, dim-witted league picks. Based rarely on logic and mainly on my personal bias. But hey, my record last year wasn't too shabby so maybe my bias towards these teams isn't that far off base. Enough dilly dallyin'! Let's jump right in.

Baltimore at Denver

The warmth of a Super Bowl victory will wear off quickly in the Denver night for Joe Flacco and the Ravens, especially when he realizes he has no one to throw the ball too. If Ray Rice goes down at any point this year, the Ravens and Harbaugh East are screwed

 Playoffs? Quoth the Raven, Nevermore. Broncos win 27-17

(Editor's Note: Michael sent these game picks on Tuesday afternoon and we completely forgot that this game took place Thursday night.  Our bad.)

New England at Buffalo

Buffalo fans, welcome to The Jeff Tuel Era! The first 10,000 fans in attendance will receive a complimentary cyanide pill, to be taken at one's leisure, but let's face it, most of them will be downed after the first Bills "offensive" possession. 

If the Patriots lose this game I will drink a glass of freshly squeezed monkey piss. Pats win 38-10 

Seattle at Carolina

Russell Wilson: 5'11", intelligent, quietly confident

Cam Newton: 6'6", athletic, boisterous showman

Two very different styles. As of now Russell Wilson is the more accomplished NFL QB. I think the Seahawks are going to come out of the gate slow this year and Superman has a big game. Panthers win 24-17

Cincinnati at Chicago

Fuck Jay Cutler. I hope he gets destroyed the first snap he takes. Fat, turkey neck, baby bitch actin' dickhead douchebag thinkin-he-special-but-he-ain't mother fucker be yelling at 12 year old ball boys! Somebody needs to chokeslam this little prick so he curls into a ball. Only thing Jay Cutler is elite at is being a little bitch. Bengals win 23-16

Miami at Cleveland

Two sad fan bases. Two crime-ridden cities. Two average Quarterbacks. One pock-marked whore of an offensive coordinator. One Trent Richardson. One Mike Wallace.

What do you get when you add all this up? 23 combined points and one incredibly boring game. Dolphins win 13-10

Oakland at Indianapolis

The Raiders might not win a game this year. They are starting Terrelle Pryor at QB for God's sake. Why not just direct snap the ball to Darren McFadden every play? Also, Matt Flynn, you have somehow managed to be deemed worse at football than Terrelle Pryor. You hear that? That was your slim hope for ever starting in this league curling into a ball and dying. Raiders get blown out 28-3

Kansas City at Jacksonville

Fuuuuuck. The most exciting part of this game is going to be my first glimpse of Chiefs Head Coach and Executive Walrus Andy Reid. I mean, he's gotta be 400 lbs by now right? All that Kansas City barbeque combined with the bucket of fish he gets for his daily performance at the Kansas City Aquarium, and the blubber must be compiling at a staggering rate. 

Jaguars, I just can't care about you, and I never will. Chiefs win 17-16

Atlanta at New Orleans

The power will go out in the 2nd quarter with the Saints trailing 35-21 and in the darkness, Drew Brees will finally lose it and slaughter everyone on his defense while screaming, "FINE I WILL PLAY YOUR POSITIONS TOO!!!!" Seriously though the Saints defense can't be any worse than last year right?

I don't think so, and I think the Saints get a key early victory. You shoulda stayed retired, Tony Gonzalez. Saints win 31-27

Tampa Bay at New York Jets

I am going to thoroughly enjoy watching the professional shit show that will be the New York Jets. What week will Rex Ryan be fired? Tricky question, but I can guarantee he will be at some point. Wouldn't it be great if he just had a meltdown and quit in the middle of a game? Anything is possible with this idiot. I can't believe he wasn't let go last year after the way his team completely fell apart

Shiano vs. Ryan. This is a battle of the stupidest NFL coaches. Rex retains his crown as King Dummy and the Jets lose 20-6

Tennessee at Pittsburgh

Both these teams are freaking boring.

The Steelers success or failure will come down to one thing: The Rapistberger.

The Titans have no hope for success. Jake Locker has a strong arm and a dull brain, but most importantly, a terrible offensive line. He has no chance. I almost feel bad for him. 

Wait, no I don't. Steelers win 23-13

Green Bay at San Francisco

Does anyone want to remind me how the Packers season ended last year? Anybody? Oh yah! That's right! They were picked apart by Colin Kaepernick and the read option offense!

Don't worry, Packer fans, your squad made a ton of offseason improvements to the defens...err... I mean to the offens..err...

OK they didn't make an addition on either side of the ball (sorry Eddie Lacy doesn't count). What's that old saying about the definition of insanity? 49ers roll 27-17

Arizona at St. Louis

Ooooh my bones are just tingling with excitement! At least I hope that's excitement.

The first glimpse of Tavon Austin should be interesting. If he can't make Sam Bradford worthy of the #1 pick all those years ago, will anyone ever? If Bradford flops this year he might be done as a Ram.

He wins this first one though, 23-16

New York Giants at Dallas

This is the best time of year for Cowboys fans. Long before their first loss, long before December Romo rears his ugly, turnover-ridden head, shortly before Jerry Jones refers to himself as a dad to his players (I think he means Grandpa)... 

Jerry Jones recently shared with reporters that his doctor told him he had the brain of a 40 year old. Makes sense to me, the man makes decisions like he's been in a perpetual mid-life crisis. HOW ABOUT DRAFTING AN OFFENSIVE LINE TO PROTECT THAT 100 MILLION DOLLAR QB OF YOURS, JERRY? NO!!??? OK THAT'S COOL I GUESS!!! Cowboys win this one 31-21

Philadelphia at Washington

Chip Kelly is not the answer. Michael Vick never was. Nick Foles is a choir boy. DeSean Jackson weighs 130 lbs. LeSean McCoy is the only hope for the Eagles, and that's simply not enough hope.

RG III will come back like nothing happened, but Jesus, he is one more torn ACL away from being in serious trouble. Tear me once, shame on you, tear me twice, shame on me, tear me a third time? SHAME ON SHANAHAN! Lets get that trending on Twitter if RG III goes down this year. Skins win 27-16

Houston at San Diego

I really enjoy watching Phillip Rivers get worse every year. His sham marriage with Norv Turner is finally over and that gives a sliver of hope for Rivers. I think he's done. Nobody in the NFL needs a change of scenery quite like Phillip Rivers. I hope to see his ugly pube-stache in another city next year. 

Close game, Rivers blows it with a late INT. Same old shit, different year. Texans win 27-24

Nice work, Michael! Remember, Mikey went 174-100-1 with his picks last season.  That's pretty... um... good?  Is that good?  Sure, why not?

Those games, however, are just the appetizer.  Mikey, tell us about the main course that is this NFC North battle!

 MINNESOTA VIKINGS at DETROIT LIONS

The first game of the year for The Purple is here! The Vikings will travel to Ford Field to face the Lions and it will be no cakewalk victory against these kitties. They've added Reggie Bush in the off season to give them another freak athlete and offensive threat outside of Calvin Johnson. Let's break this one down, starting with 3 Keys To A Vikings Victory.

Three Keys To A Vikings Victory:

Key #1: Defend The Screen Play

The Vikings are historically terrible at defending well-drawn screen plays. Catch the linebackers in a blitz and suddenly it's up to the last line of defense getting off their blocks to make a tackle. Not ideal.

Reggie Bush is a threat to take it to the house anytime he gets his hands on the ball, so if the Vikings can sniff out any screen plays going his way, their day will go much better. If he gets to the third level of the defense, watch out, he might go all the way. 

Key #2: Get In Matt Stafford's Face Early

If Stafford is given large amounts of time in the pocket, he will find open receivers. It's important to rattle his cage early, make him uncomfortable, and let him know he can't just stand back there as long as he wants. Stafford isn't mobile at all, so he won't be breaking any long runs. Corral him and he is only going one place: down. 

Key #3: Protect Christian Ponder

On the flip side, the Vikings offensive line needs to improve on a dismal showing in the preseason. Ponder needs to develop confidence early this year and he needs to feel comfortable in the pocket. He isn't going to throw any touchdowns if he is running for his life.

Like it or not, Ponder needs a lot of help in order to succeed. He is never going to be a guy that can do it behind a shoddy offensive line. Keep the sacks down this weekend, which is no easy task against this Front 7, and the Vikings will be leaving bankrupt Detroit with a "W". (Though in all honesty, anyone who is leaving Detroit is winning)

Two Matchups To Watch:

Matchup #1: Chris Cook vs. Calvin Johnson

Last year, before Chris Cook went down with an injury, he held Calvin Johnson to a handful of catches, 50 yards, and, most notably, he kept Megatron out of the end zone. When the Vikings faced the Lions without Cook in the lineup, Johnson racked up 10 catches for 200 yards and a TD. Quite the difference. It's going to be fun to watch. Let's hope Cook stays healthy and has a solid game.

Matchup #2: Adrian Peterson vs. The Lions Defense

The Lions have never been able to keep AP in check. It is retribution for all those years of watching Barry Sanders destroy those 90's Vikings teams. 

AP is always fun to watch run through defenses, but particularly exciting to watch run through the Lions like they're wet tissue paper year after year. Stack the box Detroit! Nine can't stop Adrian? Why not ten? In reality, I don't think there is any chance the Lions hold AP under 100 yards this week.

Mike's All-Purpose Flour Lock Of The Week:

Christian Ponder, Quarterback, YOUR Minnesota Vikings

The Lions are going to sell out to stop Adrian Peterson and dare Ponder to beat them. I think he will kindly oblige. 210 yards/2TD

Final Takes

It's really important for the Vikings to get ahead early on the road in a hostile, potentially loud Ford Field. This team is not designed to come from behind. They are however perfectly designed to play with a lead. Get up 7-10 points at halftime and the Vikings can come out and pound the rock to AP to shut the door in the second half.

The Vikings can't let Stafford get in a groove or Megatron and Reggie Bush will carve them up. I think this one is going to be a close one throughout, but the Vikings will close the door in the 4th quarter and seal this one up. 

Final Score:

Minnesota Vikings: 26
Detroit Lions: 20

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

There you have it, Vikings fans!  A trip to the Motor City leads to a Week 1 victory and the Vikings start the season off on the right foot!

For more Mike Otto be sure to give him a follow on Twitter (@SwervinTaters).  He's been tweeting his way into game shape for a month now, so be sure to follow him during the game this Sunday.

For more Newest Industry be sure to give us a follow on Twitter (@NewestIndustry1) to stay up on the work being done by all of our contributors.  More importantly, we have a Facebook page here.  Trivial as it seems, stopping by and giving us a "Like" is a free & legit way to support the blog.

  

Ten & Six With Mike Otto: Week 4 - Minnesota Vikings at Detroit Lions (Plus Picks!)

Here kitty, kitty, kitty...

Hello again, Vikings fans! Welcome back to Ten & Six with Mike Otto.  Again, lifelong Vikings fan Mike Otto is with us this season to break down the Purple and the rest of the league.  It's Week 4, which means we're entering the quarter-pole for the 2012 NFL season.  Yes, already.

So Mr. Otto: Talk to us.

(Editors Note: A large chunk of this column was hammered out by Mike and myself during the days before the regular officials and NFL struck a deal).

Well, another wild and, at times, ragged week in the NFL is complete!  Another week of hard-to-believe upsets, controversial play calls, and player/commissioner animosity.

My picks went 6-10 last week, but my Vikings played their most complete game in over 2 years, so I'm a happy guy.

(Editors Note: Mike's pick for Thursday night's game between the Ravens & Browns was posted on our Facebook page here. Yet again, he picked against the Browns.  Yet again, he was correct.  OK, I'll shut up now.)

No one can deny the replacement officials have lost control of the situation.  The tension and anger with some coaches & teams is building and nearing a breaking point.  I am not denying any of that, as it is a very serious problem that only the real refs can fix.

However, throughout the history of the NFL, calls have been missed almost every week, sometimes on much greater stages than what occurred Monday night.  Unless proof of direct intent to alter games through bad calls comes to light we cannot blame these poor bastards known as the replacement refs.

They are just guys who got an opportunity to better their lives and, regardless of the challenges that came with that opportunity, said, "Hey, I'm gonna give it a shot."  If Roger Goodell knocked on my door and asked if I wanted $25 grand to ref maybe five weeks of football I'd be a fucking idiot not to take him up on it.  Do I know the game well enough to give it a good effort and do an average job?  Hell yes!  Will I be as good as the guys who do this every year? Probably not.

For guys like T.J. Lang & Josh Sitton to insult these poor bastards (from the comfort of their multi-million dollar homes), saying "they knew what they were getting into..." yeah, they knew they were getting into $25 grand!  Which is probably what you wipe your ass with.

Hey Josh Sitton & T.J. Lang, maybe you should work on those screen door blocking techniques before you open your big dumb mouth and let words fall out.  Maybe next time.

(Mike's Late Note: The replacement officials will be gone for this week's games, so this can all be put behind us.  All things considered though, I think they did a decent job.  The Packers lost that game because they played poorly for 3 quarters.)

Now that I've got that off my chest, on to the picks for this week!

(Mike is currently 25-24 (including last Thursday) so far this season.)

Carolina (1-2) at Atlanta (3-0)

Is the sophomore slump in effect for Cam Newton?  It sure seems like it.  After losing only one game in college, Killa Cam hasn't even sniffed a winning record in the NFL.

It doesn't get any easier this week as the Panthers travel to Atlanta to take on one of the best teams in the league.  Julio Jones looks unstoppable with Matt Ryan throwing him the ball.  Falcons roll 38-21.

New England (1-2) at Buffalo (2-1)

Ohhh poor little Boston is 1-2!!  Poor little bitches!  Hey Belicheck, YOU DON'T get to grab a ref when he's leaving the field.  That ref isn't starstruck, he doesn't care who you are or what you've done.  He's probably thinking about the frozen burrito he's going to eat tonight.

The entitlement attitude displayed by some coaches and teams really bothers me.  Whether they deserve to or not, I think Boston gets back to .500 this week with a 28-20 victory.

Tennessee (1-2) at Houston (3-0)

Tennessee pulled off the upset last week against the Lions with the aid of two special teams touchdowns.  They will more than likely need four special teams touchdowns to beat the Texans.

Houston might be the best team in the NFL right now.  They win this one easy 35-17.

San Diego (2-1) at Kansas City (1-2)

Next to the Packers and Bears, I hate the Chargers Most.  Not really sure why, just do.  Phillip Rivers and Norv Turner are a big part of it.  It will be fun to see Norv on Proactiv infomercials after he gets fired.  It will be even more fun to see Phillip Rivers on Stay Free Ultra Dry commercials in the offseason.

Kansas City is coming off a big road win against the Saints and I think they build on it this week.  Chiefs win a close one 24-21.

Seattle (2-1) at St. Louis (1-2)

If you haven't heard, Seattle is coming off a hard fought victory on Monday night.  St. Louis is coming off an all-to-common thrashing by their last opponent... DA BEARS.

The Seahawks fought, clawed, pushed, and shoved until the final minute to win that game.  The Rams were thoroughly mounted by the Bears for four quarters.

The Seahawks defense is mean and will win them this game, just like it won their last one.  Hawks roll 23-10.

San Francisco (2-1) at New York Jets (2-1)

The Jets are in trouble.  You don't normally say that about a 2-1 team, but most teams don't have fat, doomed Rex Ryan as head coach.  "Revis Island" is no longer accepting tourists for the rest of the year and this does not bode well for their playoff hopes & (foot fetish) dreams.

The Niners are coming off a loss where they were beaten at their own game by my favorite 11.  They are angry, they are hungry, and they are still scary good.  Did I mention Rex Ryan is fat and doomed?  I mentioned that, right?  Niners win 28-17

Miami (1-2) at Arizona (3-0)

The Cardinals are a surprising 3-0 and they're getting it done the old-fashioned way: hard-nosed defense and ball control offense.  They are for real.  Kevin Kolb out-performed former teammate and convicted dog murderer Michal Vick (fuck you, Michael Vick).

No Reggie Bush for Miami?  No chance for Miami!  Cards win at home 20-6.

Oakland (1-2) at Denver (1-2)

Oakland pulled off a stunning second half comeback last week against the Steelers behind a big day by Darren McFadden.

Seems like Peyton Manning is still trying to figure out timing & chemistry with his new teammates.  They had better hurry up.  A season can get away from you real fast.  Broncos get back in the win column this week with a 24-17 victory.

Cincinnati (2-1) at Jacksonville (1-2)

God, I just don't care about this game.  Let's say... Bengals win 20-10.

New Orleans (0-3) at Green Bay (1-2)

The Packers offense is ranked 28th through 3 weeks of the season.  This, more than anything else, is the reason they are 1-2.  All the delusional Packer fans in the world can't change that.

The Packers offense has a great chance to get healthy against a Saints defense that is just godawful.  I just don't see a Drew Brees-led team starting 0-4.  Saints pick up a huge road win and put the Packers in a tough early season hole.  31-28 Saints.

Washington (1-2) at Tampa Bay (1-2)

Last week I apologized to Josh Freeman and put him on a big game.  What happened?  The Ford Pinto that is Josh Freeman broke down (once again) with a stinky 10-28 performance and made me look stupid (once again).  At least we know he's good at one thing consistently.  So listen up, Freeman!  I don't think you're qualified to throw my trash away, much less throw a football for an NFL team!  You're as mobile as a sloth after a mid-day nap and as accurate as a pre-Iraq War New York Times article!  Time to watch a real QB play ball this week, Joshy boy.

RG III and the 'Skins win this one 28-13

New York Giants (2-1) at Philadelphia (2-1)

Philly is garbage.  Michael Vick is trash.  Their fans are scumbags.  Andy Reid can't manage the clock.  Have fun wallowing in your own misery, you fucks.  Way to sign Vick a $100 million contract after a few good games.  Fuck yourself, Philly.  Giants win 24-10.

Chicago (2-1) at Dallas (2-1)

The Bears are a tough test in Dallas, but the Cowboys are a different team at home.  Tony Romo really seems to feed off his home crowd and Jay Cutler seems to hold the ball too long.  That could be a problem with Demarcus Ware coming after him.  Cowboys win 20-17.

And with that, on to the Purple!

The Vikings are coming off their biggest win in over two years.  All three phases of the game were clicking for my favorite squad and it was a breath of fresh air.

The refs gave the Niners two extra timeouts, but it didn't matter because the Vikings played well enough to overcome a referee mistake (can't say that about the Packers).

Follow up a victory against the Niners with a victory in your first divisional game of the season and suddenly the league will be paying attention to the Purple.

There's no reason we can't win this game.  We took the Lions to the wire twice last year, only to come up just short both times.  If the refs don't miss a blatant 15-yard facemasking penalty committed on Joe Webb in the final minute the Vikings win one of those games for sure.

Unlike Packer fans, none us that bleed purple flew to New York, none of us stood outside the Metrodome protesting, and their was no national outrage.  Why, you ask?  For one, we're all adults with real lives.  Second, the happiness of our lives does not depend on football wins and losses.

My point being, we almost won last year when the team was much less complete.

Before we get into this week's game, though, let's look at the positives and negatives from last week.  First, the positives:

-Play calling: I was hard on Bill Musgrave last week and, to his credit, he put together a great game plan against a great defense.  The players, to their credit, executed it to perfection.

-Defense: For the first time in over two years the Vikings won the turnover battle.  Wow, has it been that long?  Sadly, yes, but well done.

-Christian Ponder: It's starting to look like he could be "the guy."  It's been so long since this team has had "the guy" at QB that I don't even know exactly how to feel.  I keep waiting for rug to be pulled out from under me.  Ponder that.

-Offensive Line: Ponder wasn't sacked once!  Against a defense as fierce as the 49ers, that might be the biggest accomplishment of them all.

-Penalties: Only one penalty last week!  How about that, Packers fans?

Now, the negatives:

-Toby Gerhart: Frazier and Musgrave inexplicably allowed Gerhart to touch the ball after two consecutive fumbles.  We were quickly rewarded with another fumble.

MINNESOTA VIKINGS (2-1) at DETROIT LIONS (1-2)

Three Keys To A Vikings Victory:

Key #1: Establish the pace of the game.

We can't win a fast-paced, quick-touchdown type of contest.  Look for the Vikings to try to open the game with a long, methodical drive like they did against the Niners.

Key #2: Knock Matthew Stafford down early.

He's got a tweaked hamstring, so his mobility may be affected.  If we can get a couple hits and a sack on him early he might start to rush some throws, giving the Vikings an opportunity to grab an interception.

Key #3: Keep a safety deep.

We don't have a corner that can cover Megatron one-on-one over the course of an entire game.  He's a threat to take it to the house at anytime and the Vikings can't let him beat them single-handedly.

Matchups To Watch: 

Matchup #1: Jerome Simpson vs. Louis Delmas

The Vikings get their best deep threat receiver back after his 3 game suspension for smokin' the weed.  Yes, Chong Simpson is fast and athletic while Delmas   is a step slow for an NFL safety.  I hope to see the Vikings take a couple shots deep.

Matchup #2: Christian Ponder vs. The World

Ponder played the best game of his career last week and still faces plenty of doubters and questions.  This kid is dedicated (I can call him a kid because he's younger than me!).  I mean, he dumped his girlfriend to focus on football! (And he could have any woman in MPLS)  If CP7 follows up last week with another stellar performance against an average Lions defense it's time to throw those middle fingers up to everybody.

(Editor's Note: Kacie McDonnel, above, is CP7's now-ex-girlfriend.  Also, 'gratuitous' is in the eye of the beholder)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF MY QUARTERBACK NOW!

Mike's All Purpose Flour Lock Of The Week:

Running Back Adrian Peterson: 19 carries, 120 yards, 1 touchdown

Adrian has been consistently great against the Lions, topping 100 yards more times against Detroit than any other team.  The longest run of his career came against the Lions, an 80 yard scamper back in 2009.

Final Takes:

Vikings beat the Niners, Niners beat the Lions, ergo Vikings should beat the Lions!  Oh, if only it were that simple!

I don't see any reason the Vikings can't win this game if they come out with a solid gameplan and execute.  They need to keep the balance of run/pass they had last week, which kept a great defense guessing all day.

I want to see 15-20 touches for Adrian, 5-6 intermediate throws to Rudolph, and at least 1-2 completions of 20+ yards to Chong Simpson.  Add in the 9-10 receptions that Percy will get and there is no way we lose this game.

The Vikings discovered an identity last week for the first time since 2009.  They now have the model for victory, it's just a matter of keeping it fresh and recreating it week after week.  I find myself being legitimately excited about this squad.  We've got the pieces, now let's put the puzzle together!

Win this game and the rest of the league will have to start respecting us as a legit playoff contender.  Suck a dick, America, here comes the Purple!

FINAL SCORE:

Minnesota Vikings: 23
Detroit Lions: 20

Bam! 3-1 here we come!  For more of the always entertaining Mike Otto, be sure to give him a follow on Twitter (@SwervinTaters).  He'll be commenting on the game this Sunday in between creeper tweets directed at Kacie McDonnel.

Of course, this blog has a Twitter home too (@NewestIndustry1), which you should follow if you want to watch someone attempt to crush Mike's attempts to woo Ms. McDonnel.  We're also on Facebook here.  Stop by and give us a like and we will personally guarantee you that the Vikings will make the playoffs (guarantees not void on any planet consisting of vegetation).