Ten & Six With Mike Otto - Week 15 (Thursday Bonus!)

Better ingredients, better pizza...

Well hello again, football fans!  Welcome to Ten & Six's Week 15 kickoff!

The Vikings managed to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory in a new and exciting way last weekend in Baltimore.  Of course, Mike will be here on Saturday to discuss yet another chapter in the Vikings illustrious history of disappointment.

This Thursday, however, brings an intriguing matchup as mustache aficionado Philip Rivers & the Chargers head to Denver to take on pizza franchise/cable TV/neck surgery spokesman Peyton Manning & the Denver Broncos.

Mikey, who takes the W tonight?

San Diego (6-7) at Denver (11-2)

San Diego fans, you know what this week is all to well. This is the week of the year where your dim playoff hopes get flushed down the toilet once again, along with an 8 ounce glass of Phillip Rivers tears (at least). 

The Chargers have no chance whatsoever to win this game. They might make it close for one or two quarters, but unfortunately for them, modern NFL games run the course of 4 quarters.

Peyton Manning is going to carve this defense up. Eric Decker might catch another 4 TD's.

I feel for San Diego fans, it can't be easy. Their brand of failure is a special type. The potential for success seems constantly at the finger tips of their favorite franchise, yet just far enough away to ever be grasped and realized. Let us pray for the Chargers and their fans. To win this game on Thursday Night Football, they will truly need divine intervention.

Final Score

Denver Broncos: 31
San Diego Chargers: 20

There you have it, folks.  The San Diego Chargers find themselves screwed yet again by the rules of the modern NFL.

As we mentioned above, be sure to stop by Newest Industry as Mikey breaks down what went right and what went horribly, horribly wrong in Baltimore.  He'll also break down this week's Vikings/Eagles game by giving us some keys to the game, some matchups to watch, and his All-Purpose Flour Lock Of The Week.  All of that plus the rest of his league picks!

For more Mike Otto be sure to give him a follow on Twitter (@SwervinTaters).  He can also be found right here on Newest Industry contributing to our Trendsetting column.

For more Newest Industry be sure to give us a follow on Twitter (@NewestIndustry1) to stay up on the work being done by all of our contributors.  More importantly, we have a Facebook page here.  Trivial as it seems, stopping by and giving us a "Like" is a free & legitimate way to support the blog.

  

Ten & Six With Mike Otto - Week 5 Picks

You may hate me but it ain't no lie, baby...

Well hello again, football fans!  Welcome back to Ten & Six!

After notching their first W of the season our beloved Minnesota Vikings were given the week off.  It's been a exhausting four weeks for both the Vikings & our great Vikings mind Mike Otto.  Before he takes a well-deserved weekend off, however, Mikey did swing by to give us his picks for the rest of the league.

There will be plenty of time to break down the Vikes big win in London next week, so Mikey, take it away!

Turns out jolly old London was a jolly old time for the guys in purple!

The Vikings avoided another final minute defensive collapse in order to secure their first win of the year. After Everson Griffen toppled Big Ben for the final play of the game, the Wembley speakers started blasting Princes "Purple Rain", which is just fantastic, also, expect to hear from Prince about that one...flunkeys.

A first win is a first win, but Jesus, they know how to make it close don't they? I swear, the Vikings could make sorting socks interesting.

It's the bye week for our favorite football team, and much like the guys in purple, I'm going to take a week off. I don't know if you realize this, but its a serious burden writing about how much Ponder sucks/trying to sell Matt Cassel as a thing/finding anything positive to say about this defense, and doing it every week. 

Expect much more analysis of the London game coming next week, along with a preview of a Vikings/Panthers contest I'm already afraid of. Right now, I'm going to do what comes easiest to me: taunting the other teams that play this week. Lets make some picks!

My picks went 10-5 last week, and stand at 37-26 on the year. Not too shabby, but this week I'm striving for perfection.

New England (4-0) at Cincinnati (2-2)

Last week the Bengals lost the battle for Ohio, while the Patriots put the Falcons season on life support. 

Belichick loves destroying hopes and dreams of the young and old, this is a known fact. I'm pretty convinced Belichick takes a job as The Krampus in the offseason.

If losing to the Browns didn't hurt enough (I know all too well that it did), this week the Bengals will bumble and stumble through a game against on of the NFL's best, getting completely dismantled in the process. Pats win 28-17

Detroit (3-1) at Green Bay (1-2)

The Packers are 1-2. It felt good to write that. Worth noting, they were 1-2 last year as well, but still won 11 games. This year seems different to me.

This Packers team plays absolutely no defense and this Lions offense is suddenly top 3 in the league with the addition of former USC standout and Kim Kardashian cast-away, Reggie Bush. Oh how sweet would it be to have the Packers sitting at 1-3?

They don't lose many at Lambeau, and this may sound preposterous, but I think the Lions are for real. Lions steal one from the dirty cheesers, 38-34

Seattle (4-0) at Indianapolis (3-1)

The Seahawks remained undefeated much thanks to Matt Schaub once again choking in a big game scenario. Russell Wilson was unimpressive through the air, but extended more than one drive with his legs, the guy just always finds a way to get it done. He'll need a much better week in the passing game if he wants to keep up with Andrew Luck at home, I just don't think he's up to the task. Colts hand the 'Hawks their 1st loss 23-20

Baltimore (2-2) at Miami (3-1)

The Ravens are a hard team to figure out this year. One week they are dominating the Texans, the next they're losing to the scrubby Bills. I don't care what their record is, the Bills suck.

Ryan Tannehill came quickly back to Earth when put up against a QB like Drew Brees. Tannehill kind of reminds me of a poor man's Joe Flacco, so I think this is going to be a close one.

Rust belt Harbaugh might not be as good as Gold Coast Harbaugh, but he is certainly better than America's Wang Philbin. Ravens win 26-24

New Orleans (4-0) at Chicago (3-1)

The Saints are my favorite to win the Super Bowl as of right now. That offense is firing on all cylinders and the defensive woes of last season are a distant memory. They are creating turnovers and forcing 3-&-Outs with ease.

It only took four weeks for Bad Jay Cutler to make an appearance, which was a couple weeks sooner than I thought he would show up. Jay was at his pass forcing-worst last week, and the Bears only made it close against the Lions in garbage time. This week Jay gets to see an actual elite NFL QB, and an actually respectable human being, in Drew Brees. Fuck you, Jay Cutler. Saints win 31-21.

Philadelphia (1-3) at New York Giants (0-4)

Antrelle Rolle thinks the Giants can run the table and finish 12-4. Surrrrre you can buddy. I don't think the Broncos would trade Peyton for Eli, so there goes that theory.

I enjoy watching the Giants flounder. I have a couple friends who are Giants fans, because, I mean, you just can't escape these people. They're everywhere, and thankfully, this year, I haven't heard much from them. No "greatest team on earth in the greatest city blah blah blah," just peaceful silence and serenity. A guy could get used to this. Eagles win 27-20.

Kansas City (4-0) at Tennessee (3-1)

The Jake Locker went down last week like an old lady that just broke her hip and left her Life Alert button at home that morning. Poor bastard, just when things were looking up for him his fine crystal body suffered another crystal crack. Don't worry though, you've got Ryan Fitzpatrick to the rescue! Just because he wasn't good enough for the Bills doesn't mean he will completely derail your season in the next 4-8 weeks. OK, maybe that's exactly what it means. Chiefs win easy 23-10.

Jacksonville (0-4) at St. Louis (1-3)

Alright Bradford, if you can't win this game, you should probably just hang up the cleats.

The Jags are bad. Probably "0-16" bad. Can anyone out there imagine a scenario in which the Jags win a game this year? If so please forward said scenarios to Newest Industry's Facebook page. I'm all ears, Jags fan(s).

Seriously though, their best chance was probably against the Raiders and that didn't turn out so well. The only thing sadder than Maurice Jones-Drew's career in Jacksonville is his resignation to said sadness. What a waste. Bradford makes this one closer than necessary, but the Rams win 17-13.

Carolina (1-2) at Arizona (2-2)

I wish Cam Newton and Larry Fitzgerald were on the same team. Now you'd have something there. Right now the Panthers and Cards have nothing and less than nothing, respectively. 

Poor Larry. Such a wasted prime. Carson Palmer is washed up. I think he might have been born washed up.

I'm starting to question whether Cam Newton can get over his inconsistencies as a quarterback. As long as Ron Rivera is around, I don't feel good for his chances. Panthers win this one 27-14.

Denver (4-0) at Dallas (2-2)

Peyton Manning and the Denver Broncos look unstoppable so far. They have faced no adversity and haven't had to play from behind at all this year. It will be interesting to see how they handle their first real challenge. 

Unfortunately, their first real challenge will have to wait for another week, as toe-stubbing aficionados the Dallas Cowboys are their opponent on Sunday. The Cowboys are the kings of self-inflicted wounds, led by shotgun-to-foot accident waiting to happen, Tony Romo.

Romo and the 'Boys have no chance in this one. Broncos win 38-24.

Houston (2-2) at San Francisco (2-2)

The Texans are going to throw this season away aren't they? What a shame. You get the feeling that Matt Schaub could never deliver a team a Super Bowl appearance, much less a "W" in the big game.

Colin Kaepernick got his team back on the right track last week, but it had a lot more to do with Frank Gore turning back the clock five years with a 150 yard performance. Kaepernick is struggling through a mini- sophomore slump, but I think the home field advantage helps the Niners to a win this week, 26-24.

San Diego (2-2) at Oakland (1-3)

Phillip Rivers has been playing really well so far this year which can only mean one thing: the other shoe has yet to drop.

He can't keep it up, that's not the Phillip Rivers we all know and love. I'm still holding out hope he grows that 'stache back. Those were the deliciously dark days. Trust in the 'stache! The 'stache adds a little zip on those spirals Philly.

I've decided that the Raiders will probably never be good again. Rich Gannon isn't coming back, not without a time machine. Chargers win easy 23-10.

New York Jets (2-2) at Atlanta (1-3)

The Falcons need to get healthy real bad. Lucky for them they have the NFL's equivalent of a spoonful of Robitussin, the New York Jets, coming to Atlanta this week. Lose to the Jets and they should just let Tony Gonzalez retire. He thought he was going to the Super Bowl this year. At this point he'll be lucky to play in a wild card game. Oh well, I guess he'll just have to go home and sleep on his pile of money. Falcons win 28-13.

There you have it, folks!  No Vikings this weekend, but plenty of still plenty of other teams to laugh at.  Be sure to check right back here on Thursday when Mikey kicks off Week 6 by firing shots at both the Giants and Bears.
 

 

 

For more Mike Otto be sure to give him a follow on Twitter (@SwervinTaters).  He can also be found right here on Newest Industry contributing to our Trendsetting column.

 

For more Newest Industry be sure to give us a follow on Twitter (@NewestIndustry1) to stay up on the work being done by all of our contributors.  More importantly, we have a Facebook page here.  Trivial as it seems, stopping by and giving us a "Like" is a free & legitimate way to support the blog.

 

 

Ten & Six With Mike Otto: Divisional Playoffs Weekend

So here we are again...

Well hello again, football fans!  Welcome back to Ten & Six With Mike Otto!

Sadly, their will be no Vikings coverage for the next few weeks.  Unless, of course, someone gets arrested or annuls a marriage.  That doesn't mean Mike Otto isn'st still thinking thoughts.  Football thoughts.

So, we press on, purple or no purple.

Mike, what are we looking for this weekend?

Welcome back to Ten & Six!

The Vikings' season came to an unceremonious end last weekend and even though it was a great year, I can't help but think there could have been more.  Christian Ponder's badly bruised elbow/tricep prevented him from playing, leaving backup QB Joe Webb completely overwhelmed.

Joe Webb is one heck of an athlete, no doubt about that, but his accuracy and pocket presence as a passer is downright pathetic.  At least all the, "Why isn't Joe Webb starting?" people got an answer to their question.  At this point he is nowhere near a starting quarterback in the NFL.

Now, do I think the Vikings win that game if Christian Ponder starts?  Probably not, but it would have been close until the end.

I will completely break down the Vikings season after the Super Bowl, but for now I'm going ot try to improve on that 1-3 playoff record from last weekend. 1-3? Yuck!

(#4) Baltimore at (#1) Denver

Why the Ravens could win:

The Ray Lewis Farewell Tour!  His teammates want to give him a goodbye ring.

The Broncos played in a garbage division all year and didn't have to play good teams on a consistent basis.

Really, that's about it.  No real reasons Joe Flacco can win this game.

Why the Broncos could win:

They have the Peytie Manny.

They have one of the most complete defenses in football.

Joe Flacco will fuck this up.  One playoff win per year is pretty much his limit.

Who I think takes it:

Too much going against the Ravens in this one.  I think Peytie is going to take the Broncos to the Super Bowl this year.  This game is only close for two quarters.  Broncos win 27-13.

(#3) Green Bay at (#2) San Francisco

Why the Packers could win:

Colin Kaepernick could have the jitters.  Two months ago he was the backup quarterback.  Now he's going to start a playoff game with everything on the line.

The also have playoff-tested Aaron Rodgers, and one thing's for sure, he won't be cracking under the pressure Saturday night.

Why the 49ers could win:

Their defense is big and physical.  When they get rolling... wooo boy!  Watch out!

They have the power of Moss on their side.  We all know how much Randy loves sticking it to the Pack.

Dear Randy, 

Make every sad Vikings fan's day, get your first two touchdown game since 2009 and knock the Pack out!  For 'Sota!

Love always,

Spiteful, bitter Vikings fans everywhere.

Who I think takes it:

It's all going to come down to how Colin Kaepernick performs.  If the kid can handle the pressure, it's curtains for the Packers.  Unfortunately, I see this moment being a little too big for the young QB.

Close game throughout, but Aaron Rodgers ices it in the 4th with on of those Aaron Rodgers-type drives that leaves a good defense looking pedestrian.  Packers win 31-24.  Fuck.

 (#5) Seattle at (#1) Atlanta

Why the Seahawks could win:

It's Matt Ryan.  It's a divisional playoff game at home.  Sound familiar?

The Falcons never convinced me of their toughness this year and, compared to the physicality of the Seahawks, they look downright soft.

The Seahawks have a much better running game and Russell Wilson has proven time and again he can handle big spots.

The Seahawks have a ton of momentum built up and will be facing a team that has been resting for two weeks.  The Falcons may have trouble matching the Seahawks intensity out of the gate.

Why the Falcons could win:

They have Roddy White and Julio Jones, arguably the best wide receiver tandem in the league.

Matt Ryan knows all the questions that arise if he loses this game.  He should be playing like his career is on the line (even though it isn't).

Who I think takes it:

Defense wins championships!  The Seahawks don't have a single weak link in theirs.

Russell Wilson just keeps getting better.  If last year's draft was held again today Wilson would be a top 5 pick.

Seahawks win the bird battle 26-24.

(#3) Houston at (#2) New England

Why the Texans could win:

Jesus loves Texas?  Good god, I don't know!

I honestly sat for 10 minutes trying to come up with a real reason the Texans could pull this out and finally just accepted the fact that they're going to need a miracle.

Why the Patriots could win:

Belichik.  Brady.  Cocksborough.  Enough said?

The Texans offense looked terribly out of sync against the Bengals and, as good as J.J. Watt is, he's not going to win this game by himself.

Arian Foster has had some good numbers, but he's also looked a little plodding and pedestrian.

Matt Schaub, Andre Johnson, and Foster would all have to play the game of their lives to hang with Brady & Co.

Who I think takes it:

I just don't see any way the Texans beat Tom Brady in his own backyard this weekend.  I mean, anything can happen in football, but it's going to take 3 touchdowns from J.J. Watt ot even make this close.  Patriots win 35-20

There you have it, football fans!  The march to the Super Whore continues!

As always, a big thanks to Mike for stopping by to drop some knowledge bombs.  Be sure to give him a follow on Twitter (@SwervinTaters) for more commentary this weekend.  Expect lots of pro-Moss, anti-Pack ranting and raving.

Newest Industry also has a home on Twitter (@NewestIndustry1).  Give us a follow to stay up on the work being done by all of our contributors.  More importantly, we have a Facebook page here.  It may seem trivial, but stopping by and giving us a "Like" is a free & legitimate way to support the blog.

Ten & Six With Mike Otto: Week 14 (Thursday Bonus)

Supermassive Black Hole...

Hello again, football fans!  Welcome to Week 14 of Mike Otto's Ten & Six!

For those who are unfamiliar with the Ten & Six column, Mike is Newest Industry's resident football expert.  He's a loyal Minnesota Vikings fans, but he stops by every Thursday to give us his picks for the night's game.

Tonight's game features what used to be a great AFC West rivalry between the Denver Broncos and Oakland Raiders.  We say used to because, as far as we can tell, the Raiders abandoned playing competitive football sometime early in the 2000's.

Still, maybe Mike has a different opinion.  Michael? 

 

Denver Broncos (9-3) at Oakland Raiders (3-9)

Peyton Manning is going to shred the Raiders paper thin secondary like he's an ENRON executive at the turn of the millennium. Shred shred shred, take take take, score score score.

No jail time for John Elway, unless being a fuckin' BOSS is illegal! Excuse me Mr. Elway, but do you have a permit for that rocket attached to your left shoulder?

Carson Palmer is the most successful former USC quarterback to "grace" the NFL. Not exactly a tough competition to win with the likes of Leinart, Sanchez and Cassel being your only competition. (worth noting, Matt Leinart holds the USC record for biggest whore, which, ironically, IS a very tough competition to win)

That being said Carson is easily over-matched in this one by the Peytie Manny and his robot neck. Is there any hope for the Raiders? No, no there isn't. Broncos win easy 27-16

There you have it, folks.  An Enron-esque level of shredding at the hands of Peytie Manny.

Big thanks to Mike for stopping by.  He'll be back on Saturday to break down this week's game between YOUR Minnesota Vikings and the Chicago Bears.  Until then, be sure to give Mike a follow on Twitter (@SwervinTaters).  We promise he'll have nothing but kind words for the folks in Chicagoland.

 Of course Newest Industry also has a home on Twitter (@NewestIndustry1).  Give us a follow to stay up on the work being done by all of our regular contributors.  More importantly, we have a Facebook page here.  Trivial as it may seem, stopping by and giving us a "like" goes a long way toward supporting the blog. And lord knows, with no Percy this Sunday we need all the support we can get.