Well hello, baseball fans! Welcome to brand new column here on Newest Industry!
A lot of us here at Newest Industry are Twins fans. As such, we were hoping to incorporate a weekly Twins column into our usual mix of posts. We reached out to several people before finally finding somebody who was willing to embrace the challenge.
Ladies and gentlemen, please give a warm welcome to Newest Industry's newest contributor: Not Vance Worley!
We're planning on having Not Vance here all season, providing updates on the Twins season each Monday throughout the summer.
The season kicks off tomorrow, so we thought today would be a good time for our newest blogger to write his first column, introducing himself to our readers and Twins fans everywhere.
Not Vance, take it away!
Hello Twins fans! You'll have to bear with me just a bit here, I've never been asked to write a blog before. I guess I'd like to take a second to thank Newest Industry for inviting me to join their crew of bloggers for this season. Despite their generally unkempt appearance they seem like nice enough folks.
So this is my first season with the Minnesota Twins. I'm pretty excited. I've heard that Minnesota has some of the best fans in the world. Any fanbase that was willing to put up with Alexei Casilla for six years must have hearts of gold.
As most of you probably know, I spent the last couple of seasons with the Philadelphia Phillies. I had some great times in Philly before getting injured last season. I won't get into all the specifics, but let me be the first to tell you, you haven't lived until you've experienced one of Jimmy Rollins' "Cheesteak Parties." I'd tell you about them, but everybody who attends one has to sign a legal waiver banning them from discussing what goes on at the party. Let me just say this, nobody knows a Philly cheesesteak like Jimmy Rollins knows his cheesesteak.
But, that's in the past. I'm here in Minneapolis now and I'm looking forward to helping the Twins get back to their winning ways. I know that a lot of people were skeptical of Terry Ryan for trading Ben Revere for me. I can understand that. Let me just throw a couple of numbers at you:
Ben Revere HR total for 2012: 0
My HR total for 2012: 0
Think about that for a second. I think you made the right move, Minnesota. I know there's a lot of skepticism about our team this year, but let me tell you, we are .500 bound! We play in a division with the Royals and Indians, right? How could we not get to .500?
Spring training down in Fort Meyers has been a blast. I thought a fun thing for us to do to kick off the blog would be for me to tell you a little bit about my new teammates. Some of you probably know them better than I do, but that's part of the fun!
Let's have a look at the managers and the lineup first!
Manager Ron Gardenhire: I was impressed with Gardy from the first time I met him. His ability to scratch off lottery tickets using the cap from his Budweiser was particularly impressive. I've never seen anybody scratch off so many lotto tickets in one sitting! Truly a player's coach.
Pitching Coach Rick Anderson: I spent a lot of time with Coach Rick during the spring trying to get my arm back up to speed. He seems nice enough, but he has this pitching strategy that involves trying to get the batter to make contact with the pitch. Seems kind of counter-intuitive to me. I typically plan on striking out everybody that I face. I learned that from Roy Halladay. I think I'm gonna stick with that for a while.
Catcher Joe Mauer: Everybody knows Joe Mauer around the league, but let me tell you, few people really know Joe Mauer. When I arrived in Fort Myers he gave me a gift basket filled with Head & Shoulders shampoo, Kemps whole milk, and a note that read, "Shake me off and I'll have you in Rochester before the 7th inning. Sincerely, Rubber Band Man." It was surprising, and a little unpleasant, considering the milk had evidently just been sitting out for days.
First Baseman Justin Morneau: I was super excited to meet Justin Morneau when I got to Florida. I remember watching him win the MVP award during my senior year of high school. He was such a monster that year. It was cool meeting him, though for the first two weeks of spring training I think he thought I was Devin Setoguchi. He kept telling me the Vancouver Canucks were going to run away with the division. Being the new guy I didn't want to argue with him. The only way to get him to stop was to get him to face the sun and hope a headache took hold.
Second Baseman Brian Dozier: The Bull-Dozier seems like a good kid. Lot of energy and lots of fire. His passion reminds me of Chase Utley back when he was still alive.
Shortstop Pedro Florimon: Even though I don't speak much Spanish and Pedro doesn't speak much English it's important for a pitcher and his shortstop to develop chemistry. I figured the best way to share who I was with him would be to give him a good old "Sacramento Hello." For those who don't know, this is a tradition among those of us from Sacramento. Basically, you sneak up on a guy in the middle of the night, duct tape his mouth, tie up his hands, cover his eyes, put a Vlade Divac jersey on him just start whaling away on some cowbells. Pedro seems genuinely terrified of me now, but deep down I think he appreciates the gesture.
Third Baseman Trevor Plouffe: I never actually got to meet Trevor. I saw him sitting across the locker room from me, but every time he got up to come over and introduce himself he'd strain his quad and have to sit back down. Maybe we'll get to know each other in Minnesota.
Center Fielder Aaron Hicks: Man, this kid went nuts this spring! Home runs, gappers, stolen bases, scoring runs... Plus, he's a fellow California boy, which is nice. People have been telling me that Minnesota weather is tough on people from California, so I'm glad I'll have another homeboy there to lean on. I've heard it sometimes gets down to 50 degrees! In the spring! Crazy!
Right Fielder Chris Parmelee: Meeting Chris Parmelee was great! This guy is so talented! Not only a big league ballplayer, but he's great as Dr. Spaceman on my all time favorite show 30 Rock!
Designated Hitter Ryan Doumit: Doumit's a strange guy. First time I met him he demanded that I refer to him as The Supervillain and told me that, "just because someone wears a mask doesn't mean he done something automatically..." That seemed reasonable, but then he put on his metal mask and disappeared for the rest of spring training. Like I said, strange guy.
So that's the lineup. I'm excited to watch those guys. Top to bottom they're easily one of the top five lineups in the AL Central.
Now, on to my kind of guys, the pitchers!
Starting Pitcher Mike Pelfrey: Mike and I actually got to know each other pretty well last year as we each spent the season living in NL East DL purgatory! We would have nice long chats about how bad our arms hurt and who's lineup was worse defensively so it was probably a moot point that we weren't pitching. There's no bond stronger than the shared bond of lowered expectations. He's really bounced back this spring though. I think getting out of Queens was probably good for him. He told me that getting out of Queens is good for everybody.
Starting Pitcher Kevin Correia: Another new guy here in Minnesota. Seems like a nice guy, but let's just say that guys batting averages jump up a couple of points just by making eye contact with him. Just try not to get hurt out there, bud!
Starting Pitchers Liam Hendricks & Cole De Vries: If you can tell which of these guys is which you're a better man than me.
The Bullpen: A bunch of guys who aren't good enough to take a job from Kevin Correia. No sense discussing them.
So that's my first impression of the team. The Road To .500 starts tomorrow afternoon at Target Field with yours truly throwing bullets! Looks like the game time temperature is going to be in the high 30's, but there'll be so much heat coming off me that you can probably wear t-shirts.
Talk to you next Monday!
There you have it, folks! The very first edition of World Of Worley from our newest contributor Not Vance Worley! Be sure to check back each Monday as Not Vance recaps the week and scouts out the week ahead!
For more Not Vance Worley, be sure to give him a follow on Twitter (@TinyVancer). The next person to follow him will be the first!
For more Newest Industry, be sure to give us a follow on Twitter (@NewestIndustry1) to stay up on the work being done by all of our contributors. More importantly, we have a Facebook page here. Trivial as it seems, stopping by and giving us a "Like" is a free & legitimate way to support the blog.
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