Ten & Six With Mike Otto: The Mike Zimmer Hiring

Zimmer down now...

Well hello again, football fans!  Welcome back to Ten & Six With Mike Otto!

While the rest of the NFL continues to focus on such trivialities as "records," "legacies," and, y'know, "actual football games," the Vikings have had a whirlwind couple of weeks.  First they fired their head coach Leslie Frazier.  Stoic, even-keeled, well-respected, but ultimately very average, Frazier evidently didn't fit the traditional model of the Vikings franchise.

In an effort to find a coach who would more align with the Vikings tradition of passion, hubris, & an almost schizophrenic pattern of season-by-season competence, the brass looked outside of the organization.

Enter new head coach Mike Zimmer.  The former Cincinnati defensive coordinator will be given the big chair at Winter Park in an effort to co-opts some of that notorious Cincinnati Bengals winning culture.

Mikey, what do ya think of the new guy?

"I'm not going to go out there and just chew butts, like everyone says..."

That was a quote from the ninth Vikings head coach, Mike Zimmer during in his first press conference in the position. If only there were nine starting quarterbacks in franchise history (for the record, there have been 35).

All jokes aside, Mike Zimmer seems like a strong minded, confident coach. You can tell he believes in himself, and that's half the battle. At times last year, you could tell Leslie Frazier was defeated, you could tell that perhaps doubt had crept into his mind regarding whether he was cut out for the job of head coach in the NFL.

Mike Zimmer doesn't mince words. He is going to answer questions honestly and generally gives off the aura of a wise ass (with wisdom) that you might meet at the Minneapolis Auto Convention. "No, Mike Zimmer, I don't want to buy a 2014 Dodge Viper....

....
....

OK, I'll buy a 2014 Dodge Viper."

After his first press conference I can tell the man exudes confidence, but not in a Tim Brewster way (thank you, dear Lord). Brewster knew he was just spouting bullshit about Rose Bowls and Pasadena. You can tell Mike Zimmer has conviction behind his words, he believes everything he says. He is well spoken and humorous yet professional behind the podium. It looks like he was meant to stand there. Speaking of...

"I was destined to do this...I don't want to just be a defense guy, I want to call plays for the offense, I will be in all the meetings. As a defensive minded coach, I know what hurts certain defenses."

I agree, and I like having a defensive-minded head coach. I feel like it is easier for a defensive-minded head coach to grasp and understand what makes an offense dangerous than it is for an offensive-minded head coach to understand what makes a good defense. Zimmer seems like a natural leader, a real manager of different personalities, which is an incredibly necessary trait for a head coach in the modern day NFL.

"I have a chip on my shoulder, I want 31 other teams to know I'm here. I'm pretty good at my job, I'm pretty good at what I do."

Nothing wrong with that. Leslie Frazier always seemed to have a lack of chip-on-shoulder. I know he cared about his job, I just wish he showed it to the public every once and a while. I'm excited to see what Mike Zimmer can do with guys like Xavier Rhodes, Shariff Floyd, and whatever rookies the Vikings choose to draft on defense this year. He is a self-proclaimed and proven motivator of men, so I'm excited to see him mold some young guys into rounded out veterans.

"I want teachers, I want leaders. Great motivators and technicians."

So he wants a teacher, Bill Clinton, Dr. Oz and a mechanic? Zimmer would not commit to any of his staff yet with any certainty, as that process is still playing itself out. There have been rumors of a certain pock-marked whore being in negotiations for the offensive coordinator position, a prospect of which can only bring good things. Whether those things are the product of actual success on the football field, or simply the hilarity that follows Norv Turner wherever he goes, has yet to be decided. 

"I want to grab these players hearts and get them to follow me."

Originally a quote from the one and only Vince Lombardi, Mike Zimmer seems to want to build a family as much as a football team, and maybe he can do both. I certainly hope so, and at the very least, after this inaugural press conference, he has sold Vikings fans everywhere on his brand of coaching. I like the guy, and if he has his way, he will hoist Lombardi himself. 

Well there you have it, Vikings fans!  Mike Zimmer:  He will be in all the meetings.

For more Mike Otto be sure to give him a follow on Twitter (@SwervinTaters).  Mike will be joining us occasionally throughout the offseason to discuss the happenings around our favorite football squad.

 

For more Newest Industry be sure to give us a follow on Twitter (@NewestIndustry1) to stay up on the work being done by all of our contributors.  More importantly, we have a Facebook page here.  Trivial as it seems, stopping by and giving us a "Like" is a free & legitimate way to support the blog.     

Ten & Six With Mike Otto: Week 13 - Chicago Bears at Minnesota Vikings

If you don't know by now I'm talkin' 'bout Chi-town...

Well hello again, football fans!  Welcome to Ten & Six: Week 13!

We hope you all had a lovely Thanksgiving, especially those of you in Wisconsin.  Hey, at least the Packers held the Lions to 40.

With the Lions putting a nail in the coffin of the Packers NFC North hopes, the focus now shifts to beautiful Minneapolis.  The Bears and their 32nd ranked run defense come to town to face off against Adrian Peterson, the greatest running back on the face of the Earth, needing a win to keep pace with Detroit.

Mikey, tell us all about it.

CHICAGO BEARS (6-5) at MINNESOTA VIKINGS (2-8-1)

Now that Tie-gate is nearly a week in the rear view mirror I find myself more disappointed in the outcome than ever before. Granted, the Lions absolute destruction of the Packers made me feel momentarily sane once again, (in a "sporting world" sense) but it also made me realize just how bad the Vikings defense played against Matt Flynn in the 4th quarter last week. Matt Flynn is not good at football, and the Vikings secondary made him look like a young Joey Montana by the end of last week. The Packers had no business coming back to send that game into overtime, yet somehow they did.

The worst part about all of this? You can't blame any of it on Christian Ponder! That's no way to live. He's my favorite Purple scapegoat. Well what's done is done and lets thank god for that. Let's look at some positive(s) and negatives from last week.

As always, the positive(s) first.

Positive(s):

-Audie Cole  I've been begging for this coaching staff to give him some playing time ever since he picked off the Bills twice (taking one to the house) in his first pre-season. He never saw regular season action until last week and he made the most of it, tallying a sack and a couple of beautiful hits on the QB. He did exactly what a young MLB is supposed to do, run downhill towards the football with reckless abandon, making a couple plays in the backfield in the process. Something Erin Henderson's drunk ass has failed to do all year. Have another drink, Erin, I hope you never start at MLB again. 

-Cordarrelle Patterson  He has been seeing increased playing time week by week and tallied a career high in receptions against the Packers with 5 catches in 9 targets. I would have liked to see him make one more important catch late in the game, on a deep ball that was perfectly placed by Ponder (hard to believe, but it's true). Those ball skills will come with time, but it's great to see the rookie wideout get more involved as time goes on.

Negatives:

-Late Game Defense  This Vikings defense has been epically bad all year in the final quarter when an opposing team decides the only way to get back in the game is through the air. It seems like every week the Vikings defensive players and coaches are finding a new way to screw the pooch and piss away a close game. Watching this shit was terrible the first time, the fact that it has happened time and time again is indescribably terrible. Week after week, the one thing you can count on is the Vikings defense choking away a close game.

Three Keys To A Vikings Victory:

Key #1:  Hit Them Hard, Hit Them Early

Last week the Rams blew out the Bears by getting early turnovers and turning them into touchdowns. The Bears are defensively depleted after a series of injuries to starters and their ability to protect a short field is practically non-existent. Force them into early turnovers and make them pay and the offense won't have the firepower to come back.

Key #2:  Josh McCown Sucks, Remind Him Of That

A man's confidence is only as strong as the last time he was horribly maimed. Harass him, and make sure every time he drops back he is fearing for his pathetic life. The Vikings owe McCown payback for 2003 at Sun Devil stadium, when he and a pathetic Cardinals team knocked the Vikings out of the playoffs with their win. Revenge is a dish best served cold, and this one is nearly frozen. Time to teach McCown an important lesson: that he's a worthless fuck.

Key #3:  Contain Matt Forte

The Bears offense will go as he goes. The passing game only has a chance to get going if Forte can find some room on the ground. Stop him in his tracks and the Bears will suddenly become very one dimensional. The Vikings secondary is really bad, and the only chance they have is to know exactly what's coming. The only way to accomplish that is by making any yardage gained on the ground hard earned and painful.

Two Matchups To Watch:

Matchup #1:  Audie Cole vs. The Pressure Of His Second Start

Audie had a good game last week and now faces the pressure of having expectations placed upon him for the first time in his very young career. Sometimes a bit of pressure is enough to throw a young man's game. He stops playing and starts thinking too much. Football isn't a thinking man's game, so let's hope he just keeps hitting things hard.

Matchup #2:  Cordarrelle Patterson vs. The Depleted Bears Secondary

No Peanut Tillman and the rookie looks primed for a break out game. This could be the perfect recipe for his first hundred yard receiving game and let's hope he finds the endzone once or twice.

Mike's All-Purpose Flour Lock Of The Week

You guessed it!  Cordarrelle Patterson, wide receiver, YOUR Minnesota Vikings

He has to break through at some point right? Why not Sunday! 110 Yards/1 TD

Final Takes

The Bears are easily my second least favorite team, and they typically have a bad time when they come to the Dome. No Cutler, no Tillman, no win for the Bears.

The Vikings were on the doorstep of a divisional victory last week and I think they will finish the job off on Sunday. The Bears are down, and they're about to be out. Look for big games from AP, Cordarrelle and another solid performance from rookie LB Audie Cole. It all adds up to a Vikings victory.

Final Score

Chicago Bears: 23
Minnesota Vikings: 27

There you have it, folks!  The Vikings nearly played spoiler in Green Bay last week and they complete the task this week!

For more Mike Otto be sure to give him a follow on Twitter (@SwervinTaters).  The line between sad & entertaining runs awfully thin on a Sunday.  He can also be found right here on Newest Industry contributing to our Trendsetting column.

For more Newest Industry be sure to give us a follow on Twitter (@NewestIndustry1) to stay up on the work being done by all of our contributors.  More importantly, we have a Facebook page here.  Trivial as it seems, stopping by and giving us a "Like" is a free & legitimate way to support the blog.        

Ten & Six With Mike Otto: Week 10 - Washington Redskins at Minnesota Vikings

Cesspool! Cesspool! Cesspool!

Well hello again, football fans!  Welcome to Ten & Six: Week 10!

As you've hopefully notice, Mike usually uses this Thursday post to crack some jokes and make his pick for the Thursday night game.  However, this week's Thursday night game features our beloved Vikings inflicting their unique style of "football" on both the Washington Redskins and a national television audience.

As such, Mike's giving us his usual column, breaking down what happened last week and telling us what to watch for tonight against the Redskins.  Of course Mike will be back on Saturday to give us his picks for the rest of the league.

Mikey, RG III is in town tonight.  What do you think?

Welcome back, Vikings fans! Another week, another heart wrenching loss for our beloved purple.  That was the 3rd game this year the Vikings gave up a late lead in the final minute, allowing a touchdown to Tony Romo and the Cowboys and once again snatching a loss from the jaws of victory.

What can you do right? I myself was fully prepared for that outcome. In fact, when Adrian Peterson single-handedly orchestrated the Vikings last drive to the end zone, capping it with a beast-like 11 yard power punch-in touchdown, and I saw 3 minutes left on the clock, I knew the chances the defense could hold were slim.

Can't completely blame the players for the all-to-frequent late game collapses this year. As terrible as the defense has been at times, I put the losses to the Bears, Browns and now the Cowboys on the coaches inexplicably abandoning the game plan that got them in a position to win in the first place. Prevent, cloud, whatever Alan Williams wants to call his late game defensive scheme, it fucking sucks. Rushing three that entire final drive makes absolutely no sense, especially when the Vikings had been getting successful pressure on Romo all game with 4 man fronts and the occasional linebacker blitz. The Cowboys had been trying to stretch the field the entire game and The Purple was finding success getting pressure on them, so why change anything on that last drive?

These coaches are toast! Jon Gruden, meet dump truck of Zygmunt Wilf's money.

Quick turnaround for the Vikings this week as they face RGIII and the Washington Daniel Snyders on Thursday Night Football! Almost half of the Vikings starters from the beginning of the year are injured and the QB situation is still a disaster, but hey, what else is new? Lets look at a couple positive(s) and negatives from that demoralizing Dallas loss.

As always, the positives first.

Positives:

-Adrian Peterson!  As I previously mentioned, AP put the team on his back in the Vikings last successful drive, and he looked like the MVP of last year once again. Adrian hadn't been himself the last 3 games. Some of that was dictated by a lack of carries, but I really think he wasn't quite mentally ensconced in the warm embrace that is football, and who could blame him? I was noticeably distracted when the Monarch butterfly I raised from caterpillar through chrysalis died, I can only imagine what losing a child would be like. That being said, we all saw a fully-focused AP last Sunday.

Brian Robison  I was starting to get concerned, ever since Robison signed his new contract he hadn't made much of an impact on defense at all. He made mincemeat of the Cowboys offensive lineman in Dallas, and it was a sight for sore eyes.

Al Jefferson?!?  He intercepted a pass? And it wasn't sandwiched between being burned on long touchdowns? It's all downhill from here... 

Negatives:

-The Coaches  I tend to agree with the players who spoke out after the game questioning the play calling, particularly on the final drive. The coaching staff went away from what had been working for 4 quarters and got soft. They protected deep, yet allowed underneath routes to turn into catch-and-runs that hurt just as much as a 25 yard completion where the receiver is tackled immediately. Garbage, and a disservice to a defense that played their hearts out most of the game.

-That Last Second Christian Ponder "Hail Mary"  Oh boy. He had all the time in the world, the ability to step into the pocket and uncork his longest throw. Ponder released it at about his own 45 yard line, he had Jarius Wright open in the paint and might actually have a game-winner if he can throw it to the back of the end zone. Naturally, the pass bounced at the Cowboys 5 yard line after travelling roughly 50 yards in the air, and the most fitting end to a game ever was officially sealed.

On to the main event!

WASHINGTON REDSKINS (3-5) at MINNESOTA VIKINGS (1-7)

Three Keys To A Vikings Victory:

Key #1:  Ground & Pound, Baby!

Last week the Vikings got back to what made them 10-6 last year. Ball control offense helped by a heavy dose of Adrian Peterson. Mix in a couple 3rd down conversions by Christian Ponder and you put yourself in a position to win in the 4th quarter. The Vikings are never going to win an air-it-out shootout, not with any of these quarterbacks anyway.

Key #2:  Make RGIII A Pocket Passer

Something the Vikings failed to do last year and it cost them the game. The only reason I think they have a chance this year is because Griffin has appeared much less mobile through the first half of the season. However, in the last two weeks, he has added a little bit of the swerve that made him Rookie Of The Year. The Vikings need to keep a spy on RGIII all game and the defensive ends can't shoot upfield every down looking for a sack, or The Purple will get consistently burned.

Key #3:  Lock Down Pierre Garcon!

He is quietly having a Pro Bowl year and he is far more talented than any individual the Vikings have in the secondary, so I expect the Vikings to double him for the majority of the game. The depleted Vikings secondary might be in a lot of trouble in this one no matter what, but winning the war starts with winning the battle against this Frenchman wideout.

Two Matchups To Watch:

Matchup #1:  Brian Orakpo vs. J'Marcus Webb

With LOADHOLT!?! on the shelf with an injury, the Vikings look to right tackle and revolving door J'Marcus Webb. I'm warning you all now, this is not going to be pretty. Webb has been previously terrible with the Bears and in his first drive last week for the Vikings he gave up a strip sack in the end zone that the Cowboys fell on for a touchdown. I'm not going to hammer on Ponder for staying in the pocket/ holding the ball too long because I always hammer on him for giving up on the pocket too quickly. It is ironic however, that the first time in his fucking career he decides to stay in the pocket is when he's standing in his own fucking end zone. Whatever, lets hope they keep a tight end tied to Webb's right hip.

Matchup #2:  Christian Ponder vs. DeAngelo Hall

 

The most overrated cornerback in the NFL gets his shot at the much maligned Christian Ponder. If you get burned by Ponder on national TV, you will be the laughingstock of the league and I will feel personally vindicated, so I'm seriously hoping for a Hall Burning. C'mon CP7! You have done so little for me, could you please make him look like Ramous McDonald, just once? FLAMBE! C'MON!! 

Mike's All-Purpose Flour Lock Of The Week

Sharrif Floyd, defensive tackle, YOUR Minnesota Vikings 

Shariff had his best game as a Pro last week against the Cowboys and I think he keeps it going this week against a somewhat suspect offensive line. 4 tackles/1 sack/1 fumble recovered. 

Final Takes

It seems like everyone is hurt right now for the banged-up Vikings. Seriously, they are one Chad Greenway injury away from having ABSOLUTELY NOTHING on the 2nd and 3rd levels of defense.

The Redskins just won a bruising game that went into overtime and both teams are sure to be sore with the quick turnaround that playing a Thursday night game brings.

I think this one is going to be ugly as game plans get much less attention on such a short week. My fear is Leslie and Co. will just go with last year's game plan they used against the Daniel Snyders. In case you forgot, it failed miserably. That game was also played on the shit grass of Fedex Field, as this one is in the Dome sweet Dome! It gives our guys a fighting chance I think.

This is going to be a very tightly contested battle that is close going into the 4th quarter. Unfortunately, I don't trust this coaching staff at the end of close games. I miss Fred Pugic. Never thought I'd say that. Alan Williams, your days are numbered, and you might be taking everyone else on that coaching staff down with you. Another tough loss for the Vikings.

Final Score

Washington Daniel Snyders: 29
Minnesota Vikings: 27

Ouch. Just remember, each last second loss hurts less the the one before it. ENJOY THE SEASON.

There you have it, Vikings fans!  Just try to enjoy the season.

As we mentioned above, Mike will be back on Saturday to give us his picks for the rest of the league and, let's be honest, probably to vent some anger about tonight's game.

For more Mike Otto be sure to give him a follow on Twitter (@SwervinTaters).  The line between sad & entertaining runs awfully thin on a Thursday night.  He can also be found right here on Newest Industry contributing to our Trendsetting column.

For more Newest Industry be sure to give us a follow on Twitter (@NewestIndustry1) to stay up on the work being done by all of our contributors.  More importantly, we have a Facebook page here.  Trivial as it seems, stopping by and giving us a "Like" is a free & legitimate way to support the blog.     

Ten & Six With Mike Otto: Week 8 - Green Bay Packers at Minnesota Vikings (Plus Picks!)

Guess who's back and he's stuntin' on these hoes...

Well helllo again, footballs fans!  Welcome back to Ten & Six!

It's been a long, strange week here in the land of snow & purple rain.  Monday's game in New Jersey went... well... it went poorly.  New quarterback Josh Freeman struggled and, it was later revealed, suffered a concussion.  Which means The Purple are returning to the one & only Christian Ponder for Packers week.  Ya gotta dance with who brung ya.

As you can probably imagine, Mikey has a few thoughts on all of this.

Mr. Otto, the floor is yours.

This coaching staff is done for. It's just a matter of when.

I don't believe Zygi Wilf wants to part ways with his coaches in the middle of the season, but if it becomes obvious that the players are tanking it on Leslie Frazier, Musgrave, etc., he won't have a choice. I don't see that happening, these players have too much pride and don't seem to have an entitlement attitude. If the team continues to play uncompetitive, ugly, downright pathetic football, getting blown out by average or below average teams and not showing even an ounce of offensive fight, Leslie and co. won't make it to seasons end. Wilf is trying to sell personal seat licenses to his new stadium, at a certain point, it will simply become a business decision for him. I never want to see anybody lose their job, but come seasons end there won't be an alternative.

I actually have to give Zygi a little credit for not signing his coaching staff to a long term extension last off-season. A lot of owners would have after his coaches led that team to a 10-6 record. Shit, I probably would have. I guess that's why I'm writing this and he owns an NFL franchise. I didn't see this coming. Zygi must have had a feeling. A decent football mind sits atop the Vikings owners shoulders, so I know any decision he makes won't be rash, but rather well thought out and proper.

Monday's game itself was horrible. The Vikings have scored one offensive touchdown in the last 8 quarters, and that came in garbage time. Josh Freeman is as bad as I feared. He tossed 16 overthrows, the most in any game since the NFL started tracking the stat 8 years ago. His 35% completion rate is the worst since 2007. He said before the game he was ready and that when it comes down to it, "football is football". So I'm not accepting the cop out that he was "thrown to the wolves" or in some way unprepared to play. I saw a couple plays attempted that the Vikings hadn't called yet this year, the playbook wasn't slimmed down too drastically. He said he was ready, he gave his best effort, and he failed miserably.

The only good thing I took away from Freeman's performance was his dedication to stay in the pocket and take a hit. He threw 53 times and I think he got hit on 30 of those drop backs. He had plenty of wide open receivers that he missed by 5 feet or more. If the Vikings could combine the best attributes of Freeman, Cassel and Ponder, they might have a good NFL QB. Unfortunately, Eric Sugarman is not Doctor Frankenstein.

Time for me to apologize. I'm sorry for predicting 11-5. I called the 10-6 record last year and it may have went to my head. I was fooled.

The head-scratcher in all this is that, outside of the loss of Antoine Winfield, the roster is nearly identical to last year. The receivers, on paper got an upgrade. The most confusing part is trying to understand exactly what the fuck has happened to the offensive line. The same 5 guys who led the way for AP's historic season last year seem to have forgot how to run block. Their pass protection is one of the worst in the league and I just don't understand where this extreme regression is coming from. It's almost like they have gotten physically weaker before our very eyes. 

Regardless, I failed to read the tea leaves and see this coming. Eleven wins? I'm having trouble finding a second win right now.

The rest of the schedule is as follows: host Green Bay, at Dallas, host Washington, at Seattle (oh god no), at Green Bay, host Chicago, at Baltimore, host Philadelphia, at Cincinnati, host Detroit. Yikes. Maybe Chicago or Detroit?

We could be witnessing the worst Vikings season in their long, winding history. Be easier on yourself and find a way to embrace the suck. Enjoy the suck. Let's keep starting Freeman, as the rest of the season unfolds we can watch his confidence and abilities erode right in front of us. Minneapolis may serve as your careers tomb, Mr. Freeman. I have never been more convinced he is the quarterback equivalent of a burning Ford Pinto on the side of 94 West. Nothing left to do but slow down and watch the fire. This team is epically bad from top to bottom, yet the roster isn't much different from last year. Such is the life of an NFL franchise.

The worst part about all of this for me? Bill Barnwell was right.

Let's move onto some league picks. My picks went 8-7 last week including an embarrassing prediction that the Jaguars would beat the Chargers. They scored 6 points. Never again, Jacksonville, never again. STUPID, STUPID, STUPID!

San Francisco (5-2) at Jacksonville (0-7) 

The only thing stupider than picking the Jaguars to beat the Chargers last week would be if an NFL team asked a new QB to throw 53 times behind a shitty offensive line...sigh.

I find myself becoming a Jaguars fan, simply because I want them to nab a couple wins and give my team the #1 pick in next year's draft. Not going to happen this week, the Niners destroy the Jags 31-13.

Cleveland (3-4) at Kansas City (7-0)

The Chiefs are the only undefeated team in the NFL and they are fun to watch. Another thing that was fun to watch was Andy Reid's celebration dance after the Chiefs last win. It looked like he ate Alvin and The Chipmunks. For a man that is larger than life, that dance was funnier than fuck.

As we watch yet another Browns season flush down the tubes, I am somewhat saddened. I just want success for the Browns fans. Cleveland is a terrible city, you'd think eventually the football gods would throw them a bone. Nope. Chiefs win, 23-16.

Miami (3-3) at New England (5-2)

Speaking of seasons flushing down the tubes, it's the Miami Dolphins! The Dolphins acquired Bryant McKinnie this week, signaling the official end to any prosperity and success that McKinnie shall ever enjoy. It's his hometown and there are simply too many strip clubs, parties, and cheap women for him to have any time to workout or focus on football. Brady and Belichick get back in the win column with a 28-20 victory.

Buffalo (3-4) at New Orleans (5-1)

The Bizarro World Game Of The Week! Up is down, good is bad, and the Bills have a chance to win this game!

J/K babe, the absolute destruction of the Buffalo Bills is blatantly imminent. Drew Brees could drink a bottle of Nyquil before the game and still lead the Saints to a 10 point victory. The ghost of Bruce Smith can't save you now, Buffalo! Saints roll 37-9.

Detroit (4-3) at Dallas (4-3)

The Lions need to get their edge back. Maybe they should start spelling their name with a "z" on the end like every moronic 18-23 year old girl in America. Lolzzzz, the Lionz play the Cowboyzzz today!

In all seriousness, the Lions need this one if they want to keep up with the Packers in the NFC North. However, we all know the Detroit Lions better than that. Lose this game and it is the beginning of the end for the kitties and mostly, Jim Schwartz. And that's Schwartz with a "z" bitchezzz! 'Boyz win 26-23.

New York Giants (1-6) at Philadelphia (3-4)

Time for the Giants to get back to what they do best: losing. That was a fun week for Giants fans, but even those simple-minded idiots have to realize that beating that Vikings team last week is no special accomplishment. The Vikings would have lost to all 31 teams last week. The Eagles aren't great, but they're average and that is going to be more than enough against this shitty Giants team. Mike Vick and the Eagles win easy, 24-14.

Pittsburgh (2-4) at Oakland (2-4)

Terrelle Pryor should watch old tapes of Big Ben and his quarterbacking style. I think that is his best path to sustained success in the NFL. He needs to extend plays from the pocket and outside of it. Roethlisberger is getting old. I'm not entirely certain if he will still be effective 2-3 years from now. He's always avoided the big injury, but as father time catches up with Big Ben, that could easily change. Raiders win a close one 20-19.

New York Jets (4-3) at Cincinnati (5-2)

The fucking Jets just won't die! Go away! This was supposed to be the end of Rex Ryan! Not a new, terrible beginning!

What truly troubles me is that at times Geno Smith looks like a competent NFL quarterback. I then remember, with great relief, that so did mark Sanchez the first couple years of his career. Remember how that all ended? How could we forget? The GQ covers, the interceptions, the subsequent butt fumble and countless failures we all know and love. Maybe I should embrace this momentary success by the Jets, because it may just be the path to a whole new, exciting collection of Jets blunders somewhere in the near future.

Yeah, that's what I'm going with, if only because I want to get to sleep at night. Bengals win 23-20.

Atlanta (2-4) at Arizona (3-4)

Is there a more boring team in the NFL than the Cards? I can't find a damn thing interesting about them. That's how I generally feel about whatever team Carson Palmer signs with. He has made a long career of wasting 1-2 years of every franchise he goes to. Yet every year he keeps getting a chance from teams who swear all they need is a "game manager". Well all I need is for Carson Palmer to fuck off into the sunset. 

Falcons season isn't what they hoped, but 10-6 is still a possibility for them if they can figure out how quit dicking around. Falcons win 22-16.

Daniel Snyder (2-4) at Denver (6-1)

The Washington R-words travel to Denver as the Broncos try to bounce back from their 1st loss of the year. 

Hey Snyder, what's so hard about changing your name to the Washington Natives? It still is a stylish name, that makes as much sense as a Jaguar in Jacksonville or a Lion in Detroit. The logo becomes much less offensive in my opinion, if you just change the name. Whatever. RG III makes this one close, but Peyton wins it for the Broncos late, 27-24.

Seattle (6-1) at St. Louis (3-4)

The Rams actually called a 44 year old Brett Favre in the last week to try and drag him out of his rocking chair and back onto the football field. Hilarious! In related news, Rob Chudzinski was spotted pounding on the tomb of Otto Graham on Wednesday. I mean come on Jeff Fischer, I can smell the desperation from here. Favre will be fielding these calls until the day he forgets what a phone ringing means. So, you know, a few more years. Seahawks win 30-6.

On to the main event/purple bloodbath and the return of Christian Ponder! That's right folks, things are getting fucky, and fast...

GREEN BAY PACKERS (4-2) at MINNESOTA VIKINGS (1-5)

Things have officially come full circle in the Vikings Quarterback Carnival as this week thee Vikings will have their 5th different QB depth chart in 7 weeks of play. This has gotten comically bad and downright embarrassing, and, much like a horrific car crash, it is impossible for me to look away.

Maybe Freeman has a concussion. I wouldn't be surprised considering he got hit during nearly every drop back in the Giants game. I also can't help but think had Freeman scored a couple TD's and thrown for a respectable completion percentage last week, we would have never heard about these concussion symptoms.

So now it's Christian Ponder's turn to get thrown to the wolves. He says he plans to play relaxed (good luck behind that offensive line) and that he has nothing to lose (except a few brain cells). I agree with him there. His future as an NFL starter goes no farther than Sunday night at this point. He had better take it one play at a time and find a way to enjoy every second.

Good luck, Mr. Ponder, I'll be rooting for you.

Let's take a look at some positive(s) and negatives from the Giants game. As always, the positive(s) first.

Positives:

-Good Marcus Sherels  He was the only reason the team avoided being shut out by a terrible Giants team. He has a little swerve on those punt returns and can be fun to watch at times.

Negatives:

-Bad Marcus Sherels  The wind might still be knocked out of him after that sure pick six bounced right off his chest. That pass hit him right between the 3 and the 5. DOINK. On the ensuing punt, the usually sure-handed Sherels managed to fumble without anyone laying a hand on him. DERP.

-The Offensive Line  I hope they are all playing hurt, because they can't pass block or run block. They are constantly getting pushed backwards into the quarterback. It's downright B-R-U-T-A-L. It's actually hard to watch unless you figure out how to embrace the suck, as I have.

-Josh Freeman  That is just about as inaccurate as I have ever seen a QB be during a regular season game he started for an NFL team. He was terrible, and even though it's hard to look good lying on your back for four quarters, I thought he left at least 10-15 easy completions for big time yards out on the field. Embrace the suck, people! Your heart won't hurt so much in the morning.

Three Keys To A Vikings Victory:

Key #1: Get Pressure On Mr. Rodgers!

You need to force him into speedy deliveries if you want to have a chance. If Rodgers is allowed 5 seconds to stand in the pocket unmolested, he will carve up the secondary no matter who he is throwing to. The Vikings only chance is to constantly harass Rodgers and even then there is a big mountain to climb.

Key #2: Convert Third Downs

The Vikings need to take advantage of an average Packers defense and make sure they are getting into 3rd and manageable. Anything less than 3rd & 5 and the Vikings offense needs to find a way to stay on the field. Conversely, the defense need to find a way to get off the field when they get the Packers into a 3rd & long. If Rodgers starts stringing together 7 and 8 minute drives, its going to be a long night for the guys in purple.

Key #3: Red Zone Trips Need To End In Touchdowns

Every time the Vikings offense manages to get inside the 20, they need to finish with 7 points, not 3. The Vikings as a whole are going to have to play a perfect game and get some bounces to have a chance to win. As Leslie Frazier pointed out a couple weeks ago, points are important to being a good football team. Using that dynamic theory, I can extrapolate out the need for touchdowns over field goals, ya dig? 

Two Matchups To Watch:

Matchup #1:  Jared Allen vs. David Bakhtiari

The rookie Persian left tackle has managed to stop driving his white Mercedes to various car washes long enough to produce a pretty solid season. Jared Allen appears as though father time has caught up with him a bit. He isn't getting around the edge as quickly as in past seasons. However, Jared has a long history of abusing Aaron Rodgers. He had his career best game against the Packers and Rodgers in 2012, when he tallied 4.5 sacks. He will need to get at least 3 on Sunday if the Vikings want a chance to win. 

Matchup #2:  Aaron Rodgers vs. Xavier Rhodes

 

The rookie corner had an overall positive game against the Giants, but he has never faced a quarterback quite like this guy. Rodgers is going to try to pick on all of our cornerbacks, but I see him coming after the rookie specifically, early and often. This will be a true test for the rookie, and it will either be a truly humbling experience or, hopefully, an awakening and an arrival. 

Mike's All-Purpose Flour Lock Of The Week:

Jared Allen, Defensive End, YOUR Minnesota Vikings

I've been talking about pressure a lot, and I think Jared turns back the clock this weekend and abuses the Packers rookie left tackle. 4 tackles/3 sacks/1 FF. 

Final Takes

Packer week is always fun, whether from 1-5 or 5-1.

I feel the pain of my fellow Vikings fans and don't get me wrong, a few years ago a 1-5 start would have put me into a six week bender, while I took my sadness out on my loved ones and cats daily. It was, needless to say, not a healthy mindset. It is hard to find bright spots when mired in the middle of such a sad, pathetic season, and from a football standpoint, there really are none. No need to sugar coat things: The Vikings suck. They suck so bad it is almost funny.

Embrace the suck, accept the failure, watch on Sunday and have a couple laughs at the complete ineptitude of our beloved Purple. As fans who aren't on the payroll, we are allowed to view this disaster as somewhat comical. Its better than waking up every day miserable and pissed off.

Christian Ponder has said all the right things this week, and I think this game is going to be much closer than it would have been had the Vikings trotted out Josh Freeman again. I actually think Ponder is going to be decisive and play his best game of the year by far.

I also think Aaron Rodgers is going to carve up this secondary like an early Thanksgiving turkey. Right now Aaron Rodgers is thinking, "How many points do I have to score this week to make Greg Jennings wish he didn't exist?" Is it 40? Maybe 50? Nice attempt at back-tracking this week by the way Greg, but I'm afraid it's a little too late for that. Rodgers is here to send a personal and professional message this week. This is going to be a fun game to watch, one way or the other.

Final Score
Green Bay Packers: 34
Minnesota Vikings: 26

Ya gotta love Packer week.

There you have it, football fans!  A positive attitude and a negative result.  Embrace the suck.  It could always be worse: You could be from Wisconsin.

For more Mike Otto be sure to give him a follow on Twitter (@SwervinTaters).  The line between sad & entertaining runs awfully thin on a Sunday night.  He can also be found right here on Newest Industry contributing to our Trendsetting column.

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