Ten & Six With Mike Otto: The Mike Zimmer Hiring

Zimmer down now...

Well hello again, football fans!  Welcome back to Ten & Six With Mike Otto!

While the rest of the NFL continues to focus on such trivialities as "records," "legacies," and, y'know, "actual football games," the Vikings have had a whirlwind couple of weeks.  First they fired their head coach Leslie Frazier.  Stoic, even-keeled, well-respected, but ultimately very average, Frazier evidently didn't fit the traditional model of the Vikings franchise.

In an effort to find a coach who would more align with the Vikings tradition of passion, hubris, & an almost schizophrenic pattern of season-by-season competence, the brass looked outside of the organization.

Enter new head coach Mike Zimmer.  The former Cincinnati defensive coordinator will be given the big chair at Winter Park in an effort to co-opts some of that notorious Cincinnati Bengals winning culture.

Mikey, what do ya think of the new guy?

"I'm not going to go out there and just chew butts, like everyone says..."

That was a quote from the ninth Vikings head coach, Mike Zimmer during in his first press conference in the position. If only there were nine starting quarterbacks in franchise history (for the record, there have been 35).

All jokes aside, Mike Zimmer seems like a strong minded, confident coach. You can tell he believes in himself, and that's half the battle. At times last year, you could tell Leslie Frazier was defeated, you could tell that perhaps doubt had crept into his mind regarding whether he was cut out for the job of head coach in the NFL.

Mike Zimmer doesn't mince words. He is going to answer questions honestly and generally gives off the aura of a wise ass (with wisdom) that you might meet at the Minneapolis Auto Convention. "No, Mike Zimmer, I don't want to buy a 2014 Dodge Viper....

....
....

OK, I'll buy a 2014 Dodge Viper."

After his first press conference I can tell the man exudes confidence, but not in a Tim Brewster way (thank you, dear Lord). Brewster knew he was just spouting bullshit about Rose Bowls and Pasadena. You can tell Mike Zimmer has conviction behind his words, he believes everything he says. He is well spoken and humorous yet professional behind the podium. It looks like he was meant to stand there. Speaking of...

"I was destined to do this...I don't want to just be a defense guy, I want to call plays for the offense, I will be in all the meetings. As a defensive minded coach, I know what hurts certain defenses."

I agree, and I like having a defensive-minded head coach. I feel like it is easier for a defensive-minded head coach to grasp and understand what makes an offense dangerous than it is for an offensive-minded head coach to understand what makes a good defense. Zimmer seems like a natural leader, a real manager of different personalities, which is an incredibly necessary trait for a head coach in the modern day NFL.

"I have a chip on my shoulder, I want 31 other teams to know I'm here. I'm pretty good at my job, I'm pretty good at what I do."

Nothing wrong with that. Leslie Frazier always seemed to have a lack of chip-on-shoulder. I know he cared about his job, I just wish he showed it to the public every once and a while. I'm excited to see what Mike Zimmer can do with guys like Xavier Rhodes, Shariff Floyd, and whatever rookies the Vikings choose to draft on defense this year. He is a self-proclaimed and proven motivator of men, so I'm excited to see him mold some young guys into rounded out veterans.

"I want teachers, I want leaders. Great motivators and technicians."

So he wants a teacher, Bill Clinton, Dr. Oz and a mechanic? Zimmer would not commit to any of his staff yet with any certainty, as that process is still playing itself out. There have been rumors of a certain pock-marked whore being in negotiations for the offensive coordinator position, a prospect of which can only bring good things. Whether those things are the product of actual success on the football field, or simply the hilarity that follows Norv Turner wherever he goes, has yet to be decided. 

"I want to grab these players hearts and get them to follow me."

Originally a quote from the one and only Vince Lombardi, Mike Zimmer seems to want to build a family as much as a football team, and maybe he can do both. I certainly hope so, and at the very least, after this inaugural press conference, he has sold Vikings fans everywhere on his brand of coaching. I like the guy, and if he has his way, he will hoist Lombardi himself. 

Well there you have it, Vikings fans!  Mike Zimmer:  He will be in all the meetings.

For more Mike Otto be sure to give him a follow on Twitter (@SwervinTaters).  Mike will be joining us occasionally throughout the offseason to discuss the happenings around our favorite football squad.

 

For more Newest Industry be sure to give us a follow on Twitter (@NewestIndustry1) to stay up on the work being done by all of our contributors.  More importantly, we have a Facebook page here.  Trivial as it seems, stopping by and giving us a "Like" is a free & legitimate way to support the blog.     

Ten & Six With Mike Otto: Week 3 - Cleveland Browns at Minnesota Vikings (Plus Picks!)

And ya say Twin Cities!

 

Well hello again, football fans!  Welcome back to Ten & Six With Mike Otto!

Week 3 is upon us and hopefully the tide is turning for The Purple.  After losing in Detroit in Week 1 the Vikings hung tough and got a couple of breaks in Chicago in Week 2.  Alas, it was not to be as the Bears won the game on a last second touchdown because of course they did.  Go fuck yourself, Chicago.

So, this week presents yet another matchup between the Vikings and a team representing a Midwestern town that can't hold a candle to Minneapolis: The Cleveland Browns.

As we do every Saturday, our very own great football mind Mike Otto is here to break down last week's game, give us some keys to this week's game, some matchups to watch, and make his prediction.  But first, league picks!

Mikey, take it away!

"Fuck."

"And of course."

Those were the two partial sentences that left my mouth around 3:30 PM Central time last Sunday. At 3:15, when the Vikings settled for a field goal while leaving 3 minutes on the clock and a timeout in Jay Cutler's pocket, I said to myself, "they are GOING TO lose this game". I was 60-70 percent sure of it at that point.

When Blair Walsh hits a chip shot on the ensuing kick off, just GIVING Cutler the ball at the 35, that percentage went up to a solid 75.

When I realized Cutler had led two 80 yard 4th quarter drives a week earlier on the same field, it was a solid 80.

When I saw the Vikings defense was playing some bastardized form of prevent, I was 90 percent sure the team was going down.

Finally, with 16 seconds left from the 16, when Martellus Bennett slid out of the backfield, lined up slot left and I saw Chris Cook raise his hand and ask for safety help, I was 100 percent certain the Vikings were about to lose that game. Chris Cook followed Earl Bennett on his skinny post route just a bit too long, allowing Martellus to run a route right to the pylon, essentially uncovered. Chris Cook made a mistake, no doubt, (on this particular play, Earl Bennett becomes Harrison Smiths responsibility when he runs that post route) but I don't think he was really put in a position to succeed. Ball game.

Back to the debacle that was the Vikings last trip to the red zone. It was pathetic. It was illogical in more ways than one. The decisions made by the coaching staff lacked conviction, and reeked of indecision. In my opinion, in that situation, 1st and goal from the 6, 4 minutes to go in the game, up by 3, you have 2 options: either go run, run, run, make the Bears use all their time-outs, then make your decision whether to go for it on 4th down or kick the field goal. Personally, I go for it and take a shot at the end zone, I spread out the Bears defense and see what you get. (I also have your best athlete at the WR position in the game for more than 6 freaking plays!) If you fail to get it, the Bears have to go 96 yards to beat you, and in/on that weather/field, they are going to need 65 yards to be in field goal position to tie. The same 65 yards the Bears needed for a win after the pop-fly shit kick, except WITH NO TIME OUTS THIS TIME.

Your second option is to believe in your quarterback and offense and say, "odds are 4 straight passing plays will get us 6 yards and a TD one way or the other, even with Christian Fucking Ponder". GO FOR THE THROAT! Win the game, right then and there! The last fucking thing you do is get wishy-washy and go run, pass, run, meaningless field goal! What the fuck was that, a courtesy time-out you were leaving the Bears with!? That was nice of you!!!!!!!

My final point I took from last week's game. Everyone is saying, "you can't blame Ponder for this one, he played great after that pick six". At first I agreed with everyone and I now feel dirty for doing so.

I watched back the replays of Tim Jennings pick six, probably about 25 times and I noticed a few things that are entirely too indicative of Christian Ponders time with the Vikings. The Vikings were in a two tight end set with Jennings and Simpson out wide left and right, respectively. The blitz comes from the right, and is beautifully picked up by Adrian Peterson, the rest of the line holds their blocks and a nice pocket is set up for young Mr. Ponder. Jerome Simpson is triple covered, possibly because Ponder never looks away from him. If he looks slightly to his left, away from the sideline and towards the right hash, he sees Jon Carlson 15 yards downfield with no one within 10 yards of him. If he DARES to survey the entire field and look to his left, he sees a streaking Kyle Rudolph down the left hash with a desperate JULIUS PEPPERS 5 yards behind him, frantically trying to catch up because he has no safety help. We had one of the most athletic tight ends in the NFL, running a go-route, covered by an aging defensive end with no safety help, and Ponder never even saw it. His tunnel vision kicked in, he saw imaginary pressure, and he threw a terrible pass. You know the rest. I didn't even see if Greg Jennings was open, I was so disgusted. Kyle Rudolph would still be running.

Final "fun" fact. Since 1942, only 5 NFL teams have lost a game after winning the turnover battle, returning a fumble for a TD, and returning a kick for a TD.

Fuck.

And of course.

On to the picks:

Houston (2-0) at Baltimore (1-1)

The Ravens have fallen off offensively. It's starting to look like they got hot at the right time last year and cashed in in more ways than one. They still have lesser-Harbaugh though, and that's better than most teams. 

The Texans have powered through a semi-shaky first 2 weeks to find themselves at 2-0 and look to be an 11 or 12 win team again. Sorry Baltimore, I know it sucks to be in Baltimore, but this week, you're going to be losers in Baltimore. Redundant? Texans win 27-20

New York Giants (0-2) at Carolina (0-2) 

Fuuuuuuck. These are the hardest games to have an opinion on. Non-descript, inter-conference, with no personal interest on my part.

Cam Newton might be doomed and his curse may have started when he was drafted by Carolina. The Curse Of Chris Weinke does not fade so easily Mwahahahaha!

Eli Manning truly looked like a pouting little brother last week as the Giants were dismantled by the Broncos. 4 INT's isn't going to get it done against Archie's favorite son, sorry Eli (We all know its true). Giants win this one 23-20

Detroit (1-1) at Washington (0-2)

It must be Week 3 in the NFL season, because Reggie Bush is nursing a knee injury.

RG III is winless and he doesn't look like his old self quite yet. I think that starts to change this week against an undisciplined Lions club. He will have opportunities to run against the Lions, if he doesn't take them I think it's proof positive that he isn't 100% comfortable with his knee yet.

The Lions look like pretenders. I can't believe the Vikings fucking lost to them already. Skins win 26-24

San Diego (1-1) at Tennessee (1-1)

All offense vs. all defense. Virtually equal levels of terrible. Two teams that may excite their fan bases at certain points of the season, but aren't going to be playing in January.

Phillip Rivers throws the ball nearly 50 times a game. He's starting to remind me of an un-loveable Kurt Warner. Go bag some groceries, Rivers! Chargers win 27-16

Arizona (1-1) at New Orleans (2-0)

Sean Payton has turned the Saints defense around. I scoffed last year at the idea the only reason the Saints were choking week after week was the lack of their leader on the sidelines, but now I'm starting to think Payton does make all the difference. The Saints would have never won a game last year when scoring only 16 points. In fact they probably would have lost by 3 touchdowns. Its a different year, and the Saints are for real. Saints win 31-21

Tampa Bay (0-2) at New England (2-0)

The Patriots are barely winning games against crummy teams and here's the surprise of the year: Danny Amendola is hurt! Nobody saw that coming. The receivers Tom Brady Is throwing to look like they got picked up from a local high school. If Tom Brady can't make you look good, you're a terrible WR, its that simple. "Gronk Watch" reports Gronk might Gronk it up this weekend and get the Gronk out on the field. 

The Bucs are an NFL punch line and Josh Freeman is proving all my trash talking last year true. He really is the Ford Pinto of NFL Quarterbacks, this week he breaks down on the side of the road and starts on fire. Pats win 28-13

(Editor's Note: To our new Ten & Six readers, note that Mike comparing Josh Freeman to a flaming Ford Pinto is universal sign to bet on Tampa Bay this weekend.  Josh Freeman loves fucking with Mikey.)

Green Bay (1-1) at Cincinnati (1-1)

Jesus Christ, Aaron Rodgers is a football throwing God. It pains me to admit that, but it's the ugly, smelly, cheesy, truthy. The Bengals have a pretty solid defense and a strong front 7 so here's hoping they can get some pressure on Fucky The Cheesehead.

To understand my vitriol for the Packers you have to realize as long as I can remember the Packers have had a franchise QB while my team has started everyone from Jeff George to Kelly freaking Holcomb under center. It hurts. It makes me want to stab things. Fucky and the Cheesers win 24-20

St. Louis (1-1) at Dallas (1-1)

So it was reported this week that on game days, the Cowboys billion dollar stadium uses energy at a faster rate than the entire country of Liberia. America's Team indeed. As in one of the reasons why everyone hates America. Sorry, Liberia, Sundays in Dallas are just more important than you. Maybe if you got a football team we would care about you. All you got right now is drought. Drought don't sell tickets! Sheeeeeeeit.

I feel dirty. This must be what Jerry Jones feels like everyday, that's assuming he still has human emotions. Cowboys win 24-17 and stick it to Liberia, again

Atlanta (1-1) at Miami (2-0)

Could the Dolphins be... good? It's been so long, it just doesn't feel right. Last time the Dolphins went to the playoffs Chad Pennington was still a thing and Ray Lewis didn't need deer byproducts to stay on the field.

The Falcons are going to be fighting for a wild card spot this year with the resurgence of the Saints, and they really need to win tough road games like this if they want to keep pace with the Saints. Going to be a close one throughout but I think the Dirty Birds win by a field goal, 24-21

Buffalo (1-1) at New York Jets (1-1)

This is a big game. Mainly because we will see Geno Smith and EJ Manuel in the same place at the same time, putting to rest the theory that they are the exact same person.

Something that has already been confirmed: Rex Ryan is and idiot, Doug Marrone is a shmuck. Welcome NFL fans, to the Shmuck Bowl! Between Rex Ryan and Doug Marrone there is enough drooping skin to provide skin grafts for an entire burning building of Jets and Bills fans. Are there enough Bills and Jets fans to fill up a building? I guess we'll find out Sunday. Bills win 17-13, I guess

Indianapolis (1-1) at San Francisco (1-1)

Colin Kaepernick looked human against the Seahawks last week. In fact, he looked downright awful. That's the first time I've seen him just picked apart by a defense. He gets a reprieve this week against a pretty average Colts secondary. 

The Colts picked up Trent Richardson this week and he adds another dimension to their offense. I don't know about you, but Andrew Luck and Trent Richardson is a pretty frightening combination for defenses. This is going to be a close game, but the Niners take it in the end, 31-27

Jacksoville (0-2) at Seattle (2-0)

You might as well have The Sisters Of The Poor play the Seahawks in this one. Every week of the NFL season holds a game that makes you say "For Fuck's Sake" and this contest is the most recent installment. The Seahawks might win by 3 touchdowns easy. Maurice Jones Drew might come back this week, to which I say, why do that to yourself MJD? Don't be a martyr. Just wait until the Jags move to LA. Seahawks win 45-9

Chicago (2-0) at Pittsburgh (0-2)

Reports are Jay Cutler told his teammates, "The Vikings are going to give us this one" at the beginning of his game winning drive last week. Score one more point for the biggest asshole in the NFL. He was right, and they did. I hate to break this to him, but beating the Vikings by one point at Soldier Field doesn't make you a Super Bowl champion. You may need to get through an NFC Championship game without totally pussying out before anyone respects you.

Fuck off, Cutler. Enjoy your meaningless September wins. Bears win 26-20

Oakland (0-2) at Denver (2-0)

Here comes a real test for Terrelle Pryor. If he can put up a fight against Peyton Manning I will start to give his NFL ability some credit. Until then he can fuck off. You know what? Peyton manning can fuck off too. In fact I want everyone associated with the Raiders and Broncos to fuck off. I don't care. Peyton will never win a Super Bowl in Denver and that's the bottom line, cuz Stone Cold says so. WHAT!?! Broncos win ONE-FUCKING-MILLION-TO-THREE

There you have it, folks.  A progressively angry set of picks for Week 3.  That's enough snackin', though.  Mikey, take us to the main course.

CLEVELAND BROWNS (0-2) at MINNESOTA VIKINGS (0-2)

 
Well, if you can't win this one you can't win any of them.

Last week the Vikings lost a heartbreaker to the Bears in Chicago and they can't afford to have any kind of hangover. They also can't afford to look past a hapless, desperate Browns team. I already gave my thoughts on just what went wrong last week so lets just look at some quick positive(s) and negatives from the loss.

Positive(s):

-Matt Kalil   He shook off a bumpy Week 1 to dominate Julius Peppers, protecting Christian Ponder's blind side and keeping him upright in the process. The only way the Vikings have a chance this year is to keep that dufus on his feet. Kudos to Kalil for shaking off the rust and getting back to his All-Pro form.

Negatives:

-Christian Ponder  Put all the lipstick you want on a pig, it's still a fucking pig. Put all the positive spin on his performance last week you want, he's still a bad quarterback. I'm just about ready to give up on Ponder. He needs a dominant performance against the Browns to give me any hope.

-The Secondary  They got torched for a second week in a row. The veteran leadership provided by Antoine Winfield is gone and it is apparent after two weeks of opposing quarterbacks doing pretty much whatever they want. If Brian Hoyer goes for 300 yards (which is a distinct possibility) I might cry.

-The Linebackers  Running backs have gouged the Vikings for nearly 500 all purpose yards through two weeks of the season. I can't remember any of the linebackers making a tackle in the backfield yet. Troubling. They actually looked better last year with Jasper Brinkley. Erin Henderson needs to figure it out and figure it out fast.

Three Keys To A Vikings Victory:

Key #1: Get An Early Lead

The Browns just lost their best young player in Trent Richardson. That has to be demoralizing, not only to the fan base, but to the players as well. Get up on them early and they may just completely roll over.

Key #2: Finish Drives With Touchdowns

I'm sick of seeing trips to the red zone end in field goals. You can't let teams stay in the game whether they're good or whether they're the Browns. Scoring 3 points instead of 7 will keep the Browns in it until the 4th, and anything can happen with close games in the final quarter.

Key #3: For Fuck's Sake, Just Play Smart

The only way the Browns win this game is if the Vikings give it to them. Avoid turnovers, hand the ball to AP 30 times and you're looking at an easy "W". Don't get too fancy, and for the love of Pete, get Cordarrelle Patterson involved in the offense!

Two Matchups To Watch:

Matchup #1: Barkevious Mingo vs. The Vikings Offensive Line

The strongest part of the Browns entire team is there defensive Front 7 and considerable pressure on Christian Ponder is the only way the Browns can stay in the game. Barkevious Mingo is a very talented outside LB and truly a young sideline to sideline defender. If he is putting Ponder on his back regularly things could get ugly quickly for the Vikings.

Matchup #2: The Vikings Coaching Staff vs. Their Own Stupid Brains

Leslie Frazier and Co. coached their way out of a road victory in Chicago last week. Inexplicably, through two weeks of the season Cordarrelle Patterson has only seen 11 offensive snaps. He has been thrown a few bubble screens, but I want to see him go over the middle of the field. He is a freak athlete with incredible potential, but he's not gonna score any touchdowns from the sideline.

Hey Leslie, this week, if you're inside the 10 yard line with a chance to ice the game in the 4th quarter, do me a favor and ICE THE FUCKING GAME!

Mike's All-Purpose Flour Lock Of The Week:

Harrison Smith, Safety, YOUR Minnesota Vikings

An inexperienced Brian Hoyer at QB for the Browns should lead to a big game for the ball hawking second year safety. Really fun to watch him play. 9 tackles/2 INT 

Final Takes

I'd like to say I felt like the Vikings were going to win this in a route, but I know my Vikings all too well to predict that. This team plays up or down to the talent level of their opponent, which is not a good thing but its the reality of the situation.

If they lose this one it's time to bench Ponder. Hate to say that, but it's true. I see a game that is kept all too close by Vikings miscues and shoddy tackling, but our guys in purple win it by a field goal.

Final Score:
Cleveland Browns: 17
Minnesota Vikings: 20

On to London!

There you have it, football fans!  Mikey predicts victory at the Metrodome! An unnecessarily close victory, but a victory nonetheless!

For more Mike Otto be sure to give him a follow on Twitter (@SwervinTaters).  Be sure to follow him this Sunday during the game as he breaks down the Vikings home opener.  He can also be found right here on Newest Industry contributing to our Trendsetting column.

For more Newest Industry be sure to give us a follow on Twitter (@NewestIndustry1) to stay up on the work being done by all of our contributors.  More importantly, we have a Facebook page here.  Trivial as it seems, stopping by and giving us a "Like" is a free & legitimate way to support the blog.   

Ten & Six With Mike Otto: Week 2 - Minnesota Vikings at Chicago Bears (Plus Picks!)

Dennehey makes great flicks...

Well hello again. football fans!  Welcome back to Ten & Six With Mike Otto!

Last week didn't go particularly well for the hometown team, but one week does not a season make.  Mike's back to discuss what went right and what went wrong in Detroit last Sunday and lets us know what to watch for this week as the Vikings take on their longtime divisional rival Chicago Bears.

But first, like we always do at this time, Mike's going to give us his picks for the rest of this week's games.  Mikey, what's on tap for Week 2?

Welcome back to Ten & Six. Fittingly, my picks went 10-6 last week and I believe I absorbed the gut punch that was the Vikings game in stride.

Many things must be fixed, that is apparent. The offense looked rusty, and that is being kind. It was a troubling game in many ways, as the Vikings were handed every opportunity in the first half to put the contest out of reach & failed miserably every time. You can't allow teams to hang around and you can't lose games that you were given every chance to win. 

I stand steadfast in my prediction of 11-5, but the Vikings are going to have to steal one from the Steelers in London three weeks from now to get back on track. Much more on the Purple later, lets jump right into this weeks slate of games.

San Diego (0-1) at Philadelphia (1-0)

Watching that Texans/Chargers game and the incredible, yet unsurprising, collapse/erosion of ability from Phillip Rivers and Co. on Monday was quite enjoyable. I remember thinking "Ha, what a classic Norv Turner floundering collapse! Only a guy like Norv would let this happen to a tea- wait a minute where the fuck is Norv?"  Phillip Rivers, perhaps you were as much to blame as that old pock marked whore ever was. 

Chippy Kelly won a game using his up-tempo college style offense. Good for little Chippy. Safest bet in the NFL? Michael Vick will miss games this year. Eagles win 31-26

Dallas (1-0) at Kansas City (1-0) 

The Cowboys almost pissed away what should have been a rout handed to them by resident baby bro and family disappointment Eli Manning.

The Chiefs, on the other hand, dismantled the hapless Jags 28-2. I know it's just the Jaguars, but I was impressed by the Chiefs on both sides of the ball. They blew out a team they were supposed to and that's step one of being a playoff contender. 

Step two of being a playoff contender is getting Andy Reid to lose 50 lbs before he keels over. It looked like the fuckin' Kool-Aid man was on the sideline when Reid put on that big red Chiefs jacket. For Christ's sake Andy, when is the last time you saw your penis without a series of mirrors and a fork lift? Chiefs win 23-17

Miami (1-0) at Indianapolis (1-0)

Week 1 is in the books, the Dolphins won, and Mike Wallace is already grumbling about his role. Hey moron, you got $30 million guaranteed, your new team won, and your old team lost while failing to score 10 points. Can't you just be happy? Or is "insolent prick" the only setting a "Mike Wallace" comes with?

Tennessee (1-0) at Houston (1-0)

Get your Eddie George and Warren Moon throwbacks out, the Titans are headed back to Houston!

Whatever you do though, don't become the embodiment of Warren Moon, your wives will thank you later. Actually best not to become the embodiment of Eddie George either, unless you want to spend the rest of your days reliving your "best years" as you call them, at Ohio State. Poor Eddie. You were one yard shy of that ring! 

The Titans defense looked good, but I think that had more to do with the absolute horse shit offense they were facing last week. Texans win 27-13

Washington (0-1) at Green Bay (0-1)

Leave it up to my "friends" who are, unfortunately, Packer fans to tell me that their 0-1 isn't as bad as the Vikings 0-1. Don't get me wrong, in theory I see where they're coming from. The Packers barely lost to a Super Bowl favorite on the road, whereas the Vikings easily lost to the Lions in a bankrupt city. However 0-1 is fucking 0-1. At the end of the year, both the teams are going to look back at Week 1 and say "if only." 

The delusion in "Title Town", and throughout greater Wisconsin, is incredible. Also, did you see that Jordy Nelson commercial? (if you didn't, check it out HERE) Only someone from Kansas could be impressed with Wisconsin. I think Jordy has been hit in the head one too many times, but hey who hasn't? Packers win 27-24

Cleveland (0-1) at Baltimore (0-1)

You may have to read this twice before you believe it. Marqueis Gray made the Browns 53 man roster. I'll give you a second to digest that little fact.......

OK, now that you've accepted the crushing reality that Marqueis Gray is making $390,000 this year to "play" tight end for the Browns, understand that the Browns are going to need 5 touchdowns from Gray on Sunday to have a chance in this game. Ravens win 31-17

Carolina (0-1) at Buffalo (0-1)

Cam Newton and Ron Rivera are challenging Josh Freeman and Greg Shiano as the Dumbest QB/Head Coach Combination. If they lose this weekend in Buffalo, I'm officially handing them the title.

I put absolutely no stock whatsoever in Buffalo hanging with the Patriots. For whatever reason, they always seem to play them hard. Doug Marrone (who?) is the Bills new head coach. He looks like the Bills brass scoured the streets of Buffalo for hours until they found a homeless guy who happened to own a collared Bills shirt. Doug Marrone dresses bummy just like Bill Belechick except you know Marrone looks in the mirror before he leaves the house and says "I look good!  Coach is gonna be impressed I dresseded up today...wait... I'M COACH. I look great today." Doug Marrone is proud he tied his own shoes this morning. 

Panthers, Rivera, Cam, please don't lose this game. For your own sanity. Panthers win 23-13

New Orleans (1-0) at Tampa Bay (0-1)

The Saints might be back. An impressive Week 1 win against the Falcons, in which Drew Brees and Co. only had to put up 23 points, is a big sign. Last year the Saints only won games when they scored 110 points or more, holding the Falcons offense to 17 points should put the NFC South on notice.

I fully believe Greg Shiano will be fired by midseason and Josh Freeman will be gone next year. The Bucs haven't been good since a guy named Gruden came to town, and he is now safely tucked away between Mike Tirico aka "The Sports Knowledge Bowling Ball" and Tony Kornheiser, the always necessary bald asshole of the group. Nobody can save the Bucs. Saints win 35-24

Detroit (1-0) at Arizona (0-1)

Larry Fitzgerald is the Adrian Peterson of his position. A wide receiver in his athletic prime who just can't get over the hump with his team. His loyalty is unquestionable, his honor is apparent. He has a great attitude and just seems like such a great person. For all his wealth of character and financial security he hasn't achieved the ultimate professional success he so desires. I almost feel worse for Larry. He was essentially 2 minutes and change away from winning a Super Bowl and being the MVP of the game. Instead he had to watch it all slip away from the sideline to fucking Santonio Holmes, a mediocre-at-best NFL WR and admitted small time weed head in his younger years, as well as a petulant child and poor teammate. I'm always rooting for Larry, but I don't see it happening this week. Lions win a close one 31-27

Jacksonville (0-1) at Oakland (0-1)

Whoever loses this game might not win one all year. I think that the fact these two squads play each other this year is actively sabotaging our chance for dueling 0-16 teams for the first time in NFL history.

At least the Raiders made it close in Indy, which was admirable, not to mention Terrelle Pryor's college "just immediately freak out and start running around" style somehow translated to and NFL contest. He actually had a shot to win it at the end! Granted, presented with that opportunity, Pryor threw into triple coverage and was intercepted, but hell, I didn't think he would be that close.

The Jaguars scored 2 points last week. TWO. No offensive points. Blaine Gabbert did what he knows how to do best and got injured. Bring on Chad Henne! Raiders win 17-9, because someone has to, right?

Denver (1-0) at New York Giants (0-1)

Bro Battle! Quarterback Bro Battle!

Peyton Manning only wanted to talk about the Giants defense. The media only wanted to talk about Eli. How many times do you think Peyton has answered the question "What's it like to play in a league with your brother? Do you think its weird that there's 32 starting QB jobs out there and your family has 2 of them?" I'd get sick of talking about that shit too. It'd be like everyday before work I had to explain to a bunch of strangers how I felt about my sister filling oats across town. Peyton Manning could give a fuck about who he's playing. Brother, Father, Grandma, they're all just standing in his way.

The only thing Eli cares about is keeping Tom Coughlin's 107 year old foot out of his ass. Good luck Eli. Broncos win 35-23 

San Francisco (1-0) at Seattle (1-0)

So some reserve running back for the Niners piped up and called the Seahawks the "She-hawks", which is just fantastic. Notice there has been no story of Jim Harbaugh condemning such taunting in the lead up before a game? That's probably because Harbaugh told him to say that shit. I love it. Harbaugh is the anti-Belichick who gets the same results as proto-Belichick. He's my favorite coach in the NFL and knows there is nothing wrong with a little trash talking as long as you can back it up.

The Seahawks are in trouble this weekend, and they are going to find out they are a distant second in the division. PERCY WHERE ARE YOU!!!! Niners win 28-17. (I FEAR YOU ANTI-BELECHICK!)

Pittsburgh (0-1) at Cincinnati (0-1)

The Steel Curtain looks a little closer to a Satin Curtain at this point. Age has caught up with the Rapistberger, he can't extend plays like he used too. The whole team looks a step slow.

The Bengals looked rusty in Chicago. They gave up a game they could have had easily if they score early in the 2nd half, but no, they had to let that little bitch Jay Cutler pass his way back into the game. This guy kills me. He couldn't act like a professional if his life depended on it. Yell at your teammates, yell at your coaches, yell at the 12 year old ball boy etc. etc. The only justice would be if he went home everyday, looked in the mirror and yelled at himself for three straight hours. Didn't Jake Plummer teach you anything?!? If you're upset and angry, just grow a crazy beard, it'll make you feel better.

Sorry, got off track on a Bears/Jay Cutler rant. Just warming up for the next game...Bengals win 20-17

There you have it folks.  A nice, vitriol-filled appetizer before the main course.

 MINNESOTA VIKINGS (0-1) at CHICAGO BEARS (1-0)

Well, last week didn't go so well did it? I hate to throw this stat out there, but I think it's important to do it. The Vikings haven't lost to the Lions and made the playoffs since 1999. Ouch. Hey that could just mean we're due right? Ha ha....ugh.

Regardless I am not altering my 11-5 prediction. It's too quick to jump all over a team that looked completely rusty and out-of-sync in the first week. However, it is fair game to point out their many deficiencies compared to their very few proficiencies. Let get into some positive(s) and negatives from last week's loss in Detroit. As always the positive(s) first:

Positive(s):

-Jerome Simpson  JEROME!?! WHERES MY MIRROR!!?? Good to see him come through with a solid game. I said in my Vikings season preview that if he didn't perform early, his job could be quickly lost to rookie Cordarrelle Patterson. Well, perform he did!

140 yards on 7 catches is one of the best games of his career and he looked fast and precise. I want to see Simpson, Jennings, Patterson, and Rudolph all split out wide with Ponder in the shotgun and Adrian Peterson next to him! For that to be an option, some of these negatives need to be addressed.

Negatives:

-Offensive Line  Outside of Peterson's first run, the O-Line was unimpressive run blocking. Outside of 5-10 plays, the O-Lines' pass protection was terrible.

I can't say it enough: a guy like Christian Ponder needs at least 4 unmolested seconds in the pocket to look like a functional quarterback in this league. That's not ideal, but it's what you have. If Bill Musgrave is going to call 5 step drops for Ponder, protection is a must.

This offensive line has been together for a long time now, they are supposed to be cohesive, a strength of this team, not a liability. It needs to get better.

-Defensive Front 7  The linebackers? They were a step late the whole game.  They got sucked into blocks on multiple screen plays, biting on the play action or running too far up-field, leaving the secondary exposed. On Reggie Bush's untouched 77 yard TD they bit so badly it left the Lions offensive linemen to THROW BLOCKS ON SAFTIES AND CORNERBACKS. Next time, at the very least, could you guys occupy an offensive lineman so the secondary only has to get off a block form a wide receiver to make a TD saving tackle?

The defensive line? They failed to establish and change the line of scrimmage. They got no pressure the entire game. It was pathetic. Luckily, it sounds like Kevin Williams will be back this week in Chicago. Let's hope he makes all the difference.

-Jeff Locke  Dude, that fucking sucked. Get better.

-The Vikings "Fans"  For everyone calling for Matt Cassel to start in Week2:  You are an asshole, you are fairweather, and you don't understand the greater picture.

Rick Spielman and Leslie Frazier have invested everything in Christian Ponder. To pull the plug this quickly, would make them the John Kerry's of the NFL. Flip-floppers aren't elected and they don't keep high level NFL jobs. You stick to your guns, you go down with the ship if necessary. 

What happens if you start Cassel in Chicago and he throws 4 picks? What then? Mcleod-Bethel-Thompson? Or go back to Ponder and look completely pathetic like you're the New York Jets?

This is Ponders' year, like it or not. If you hate him that much, you should be excited for him to prove his failure, and make it clear-cut, not some wishy-washy bullshit.

Three Keys To A Vikings Victory:

Key #1: Win The Turnover Battle

The Vikings rarely win a game at home while losing the turnover battle, much less games on the road. Ponder needs to stop making rookie mistakes and handing the ball over like he's a pedophile with candy on a playground. 

The Vikings defense actually did a real solid job of creating turnovers against the Lions, lots of batted balls by the defensive line and good tip-drill skills by the 2nd and 3rd levels. The only problem is Christian Ponder did a better job at creating turnovers. 

Key #2: Make Jay Cutler Berate His Teammates

Getting to the Bears is as simple as getting to Cutler. If Baby Huey starts getting hit he starts yelling at things (his lineman, his receivers, his water bottle, the Gatorade cooler). Things descend into passive-aggressive madness on that sideline, which is not an environment conducive to victory. Make Cutlers' teammates fuck up around him consistently, and the infrastructure of the team will crumble by halftime, because Cutler is and always will be, a petulant child. 

Key #3: Stop Fucking Up, Christian Ponder

I'm not even going to quote his stat line last week because it wasn't good enough.

I want to believe in this dude, he just makes it so hard. He's terrible. I think, in all honesty, he is the football equivalent of a golfer with the yips. Ponder psyches himself out so bad, sometimes he can't even make the short putts. Prove me wrong, Ponder, I'm rooting for you to. 

Two Matchups To Watch:

Matchup #1: Matt Kalil vs. Julius Peppers

Kalil held Peppers without a sack in 2013 en route to a Pro Bowl rookie campaign, but has looked weak throughout the pre-season and against the Lions in Week 1.Peppers was held without a sack OR a tackle against the Bengals last week and is sure to be pissed off.

Something's got to give. Ponder has absolutely no blindside awareness, Kalil needs to win this battle if the Vikings want to win. 

Matchup #2: Matt Forte vs. The Vikings Linebackers

The linebackers have to put out a bounce-back game in terms of tackling and sniffing out plays before the snap. On certain plays in the Lions game I thought the linebackers looked lost in the shuffle, confused of where to be. Erin Henderson needs to step up and be more of a vocal leader if he is to be a functional starting middle linebacker. I hope I see more tackles in the backfield this week in Chicago. 

Mike's All-Purpose Flour Lock Of The Week:

Adrian Peterson, Running Back, YOUR Minnesota Vikings

AP scored 3 touchdowns last week but was boxed up after his initial 78 yard scamper. He does tend to destroy the Bears and I think you can count on him to break at least one long run and get a couple goal-line TD's. 120 yards/2TDs 

Final Takes

I don't like to harp on play calling, but I severely question the lack of plays for Cordarrelle Patterson and Jarius Wright. I want to let Christian Ponder open the offense up and see what he can do with 4-Wide on a regular basis. This 3 TE/1 WR bullshit isn't working much anymore. Not between the 20's anyway. It still looks like Musgrave is afraid to let Ponder air it out. That is not a good sign. I want the reigns to be released on Ponder so he can clearly succeed or fail as a starter.

Ponder has run out of excuses, put Patterson in the game and see what they can do together. I mean what the fuck? Its not rocket science!

This is going to be a close game and a frustrating loss for the Vikings, but they will make vast improvements in terms of execution, and the season is young. Don't panic yet, the best is yet to come. This ones going to hurt, but I said the Vikings would be 2-2 going into the bye, and that's still a very real possibility, even with this loss.

Final Score:
Minnesota Vikings: 24
Chicago Bears: 27

BOOOOOOOOOO!

There you have it, football fans.  Michael predicts that the Vikings will leave Chicago disappointed, giving them something in common with every other person who has ever visited Chicago ever.  Sad times all around.

For more Mike Otto be sure to give him a follow on Twitter (@SwervinTaters).  Be sure to follow him this Sunday during the game as he breaks down the Vikings efforts to steal a game at Soldier Field.  He can also be found right here on Newest Industry contributing to our Trendsetting column.

For more Newest Industry be sure to give us a follow on Twitter (@NewestIndustry1) to stay up on the work being done by all of our contributors.  More importantly, we have a Facebook page here.  Trivial as it seems, stopping by and giving us a "Like" is a free & legitimate way to support the blog.

Ten & Six With Mike Otto: Week 17 - Green Bay Packers At Minnesota Vikings (Sunday Bonus!)

They on some nonsense, we on some non-stop!

Well hello again, football fans!  Welcome to a special bonus edition of Ten & Six!

Now, we did something a little bit different this week.  As you all probably know by now, the Vikings and Packer faced off this afternoon with a Vikings playoff berth on the line.  Sadly, our usual football commentator Mike Otto was tied up at work and was unable to watch the game.  Bad times, as it was an incredible game and he certainly would have enjoyed it.

Fortunately, TCDroogsma was not working.  Since he was going to tune in anyway we asked him to keep a running diary of the game.  Keep an eye out for cameos from TCDroogsma's father and Mike Otto via text message.

So, TCDroogsma, rewind it back for us.

3:15 – Hey everybody! Welcome to my attempt to co-opt Mike's Ten & Six column! It's not every year that your beloved football team takes on their most hated rival in the last game of the season with a berth in the playoffs on the line. In fact, now that I think of it, I'm not sure that happens in any season.

Regardless, I figured it was important to commemorate the occasion by breaking out a running game diary for Week 17. Packers! Vikings! Metrodome! Playoff implications! Somewhat outdated internet gimmicks! Let's do it!

3:18 – For the record, I'm watching the game at my girlfriend's house with her pupper.  We're feasting on sesame tofu and Summits.  I wish every day was like Sunday.

3:19 – Jimmy Johnson: “Ponder has played... better the last few weeks. If he can be efficient the Vikings can win.” It's a recession, man! Efficient is the best we can hope for out of our quarterback.

3:20 – Howie Long: “Adrian Peterson put this football team on his back.” Doe! My leg hurts, but it doesn't matter!

3:22 – I should probably mention that I'm running on 5 cups of coffee after a day of work and 3 hours of sleep. This diary definitely has the potential to go off the rails.

And on that note: Summit!

Figured it was important to stay All 'Sota Everything when it came to the drinks this afternoon.

3:23 – We got Buck & Aikman! Err... great?

3:24 – My girlfriend: “Troy Aikman! That's a name I recognize! God, his hair's so shiny.” She's kind of new at this.

3:25 – Pam Oliver: “...............................” (footage of roof collapse, footage of AP's injury) “.............” Good contribution, Pam.

3:25 – Text from Mike Otto: “Vikings get the ball first, the game's over.”

3:25 – Text from Mike Otto: “Give us the trophy.”

3:25 - Here we go! Kickoff! Marcus Sherels past the 20!

3:26 – Joe Buck: “Understand, we've had some audio difficulties already.” Hadn't noticed.

3:27 – Ponder's 1 for 1 passing! First down, son!

3:28 – Buck: “The guy they love here in Minneapolis carries it for a first down.” You don't speak for us, Joe Buck! But, yeah, we do love him.

3:30 – Third down conversion! Jerome Simpson has an awful lot of swagger for someone who's essentially useless. He's like the Meek Mill of the Vikings.

3:31 – Ponder audible. This can't be good... Nope, throws it away.

3:32 – Here we go, Blair Walsh from 54...... Good! Blair Walsh for MVP! 3-0 Vikings!

3:35 – Thank god Randall Cobb is hurt. That guy is on the Mt. Rushmore of Guys Who Terrify Minnesota Sports Fans (in between Joe Sakic and Frank Thomas).

3:37 – Toyota's slogan is “Let's Go Places.” Advertising team, I like you, and that's why it's so hard to cut you, but you're cut.

3:38 – How is Mike McCarthy 10-3 all time against the Vikings? He's the NFL coach most likely to injure himself sneezing.

3:39 – Three and out! Mike Otto predicted the Vikes would go up 10-0 and never look back.... just sayin'...

3:42 - Jesus Christ, Ponder! Just take the sack!

3:42 – Mike McCarthy is challenging that the incomplete pass was actually a Clay Matthews sack. So basically, Mike McCarthy is risking a timeout 5 minutes into the game to try to move the Vikings from 2^nd and 10 to 2^nd & 15. Somewhere Bill Barnwell just hammered out 400 words.

I mean, McCarthy's going to get the call, but it's a risk/reward proposition. Are those 5 yards really worth potentially losing a timeout at this point in the game?

3:45 – Congratulation, Shamu, you won the challenge. C'mon, Vikes, get the first down on this play.

3:46 – Aikman: “I know Vikings fans are tired of hearing about how the Vikings are better at rushing the ball than throwing the ball...” And yet, here we are...

3:47 – Toby for the first down! Run, Toby, run!

3:47 – Do we really need gamebreaks for this Broncos/Chiefs game! Let me save you sometime, "Let's go to Denver.... It's Peyton Manning to Eric Decker for the touchdown!  The Broncos now lead 49-3 and Romeo Crennel had to leave the game after eating too much peanut butter on the sideline."

3:48 – All Day for 22! Aikman: “This is one of those backs that you can't just throw a should into him and think he'll go down.” Clearly, Troy's done his homework.

3:49 – Touchdown AP!!!!! 10-0!! Paging Nostra-Otto...

3:53 – Fox graphics just showed us that AP is now 147 yards away from Dickerson's record. Settle in, folks, you're about to witness history.

3:54 – Text from Mike: “I am so damn good it hurts. AP BAAAAABY!!”

3:55 – Three and out for the Packers!

3:56 – A montage of all the 2,000 yard backs set to Nas' “The World Is Mine?” Fox brought the A game today.

3:58 – Vikings go for it on 4^th and 1 and midfield and AP gets it because, well, he's Adrian fucking Peterson.

3:59 – Troy Aikman is comparing Adrian Peterson to Emmitt Smith. It's completely warranted.

4:00 – Another third down conversion! Ponder that!

4:01 – Aikman: “We've seen it all year long, if you give Christian Ponder a lane to run he's going to take it.” And sometimes he'll just start running regardless.

4:02 – End of the 1^st Quarter: Vikings: 10, Packers: 0. Vikings driving! Positivity abounds!

4:04 – Blair Walsh from 37.... Good! 13-0! Get some!

4:05 – Texas A&M is playing Oklahoma this Friday in the Cotton Bowl?!? But every other channel on TV will be showing something else, right? Thank god, that was a close one.

4:07 – Goddamnit! Jeremy Ross is not Randall Cobb!

4:08 – Let the record show that it was with 14:00 left in the second quarter that the Packers got their first first down.

4:08 – And Rodgers is promptly sacked by Jared Allen on first down! Loss of 12!

4:09 – Delay of game wipes away a big completion to Jermichael Finley! Holy hell, some days you get the breaks. At least that's the cliché. As a Vikings fan I have no idea if that's true.

4:11 - 4^th & 11 for the Packers on the Vikings 41.... time out. C'mon, Shamu! Pull the trigger!

4:12 – I'll bet it's fun playing against Cam Newton on his Xbox. Especially when he tosses your controller 5 feet over your head.

4:13 – Text from Mike: “Go for it, McCarthy. I fucking dare you.”

4:14 – And boom goes the punt... (Copyright: Gregggggg)

4:16 – Text from my dad: “Thanks to Fox glitches we get Pam Oliver the best way: Seen but not heard.”

4:18 – Three and out for the Vikes. Drat!

4:18 - GODDAMNIT! JEREMY ROSS IS NOT RANDALL COBB!!

4:19 – DuJuan Harris? Jeremy Ross? Who the fuck ARE these people?

4:21 – Damn! First third down conversion for the Packers. Momentum's shifting just a bit here....

4:22 – Girlfriend: “What's a down?”

4:25 – Third and goal and the Packers take a time out.

4:28 – Pass to Finley is complete. Might be a touchdown. Definitely a penalty against Erin Henderson.

4:29 – Alright, no touchdown, penalty enforced, first and goal from the 3. Love the fact that McCarthy couldn't challenge because if he was wrong he would be out of challenges. Why would he be out of challenges? Because he pissed away that one earlier! Even I know this shit! He's a professional football coach!

4:30 – Jennings drops the ball in the end zone! No catch! Timeout: Packers.

4:31 – Text from Dad: “Apparently Rodgers thinks you get 11 timeouts per half.”

4:31 - 2^nd and goal.... incompletion! Rodgers throws it away!

4:32 - 3^rd and goal... Damnit. Touchdown. God, I hate Aaron Rodgers.

4:36 – Big return from Sherels. I wonder if Percy Harvin is still alive?

4:38 – WHAAAATTTTTT!!!! That was the strangest catch I've seen in ages! Jarius Wright comes down with it!

4:38 – Ahahahaha! That's not a catch, but McCarthy can't do anything about it because Rodger's burned up all his timeouts!!!!

4:40 – Mike McCarthy's really making his case for stepping into Andy Reid's now departed shoes as the definitive, “I'm a fat yutz who has no idea how to manage a game” coach.

4:42 – Nice grab by Jerome Simpson on an out. How is this drive still happening?:

4:42 – Adrian Peterson abuses Morgan Burnett and turns it into 18 yards! 1st and goal from the 8.

4:43 – TOUCHDOWN!!!!!!! JARIUS WRIGHT!!!!!!! GREATEST DRIVE EVER!!!!! 20-7 VIKES!!!!

4:46 – Packers have 1:07 and no timeouts starting at their own 20.

4:47 – Buck: “Remember, the Packers do have a shaky kicker right now in Mason Crosby.” Haha!  That's right, they do have a shaky kicker don't they?

4:49 – Crosby from 51... good. Halftime. 20-10 Vikings

4:54 – I'm still nervous about this one. A lot of things went right that half and the Packers looked like they were gaining some momentum. Now they get the ball to start the second half. Maybe this is just years of tortured Vikings fan talking, but we'll see...

4:59 – Text from Mike: “I gotta good feeling. AP is 11 from 2000 and 117 from Dickerson. It's gonna happen.”

5:03 – Pam Oliver reports that Aaron Rodgers thinks the officials are taking too long to spot the ball. Just go fuck yourself, Aaron Rodgers.

5:04 – Three plays into the half and the Packers are into Vikings territory.

5:05 – Rodgers trips over his own lineman for a loss of three on first down and then a false start. Maybe the Vikings are going to get the bounces today.

5:06 – 45 yards and two colliding Vikings later... Maybe they aren't going to get the bounces.

5:08 – And Greg Jennings hauls in the wide open touchdown pass as three Vikings point at each other. 20-17 Vikings.

5:09 – It is not a coincidence that the wheels started coming off now that Antoine Winfield is stuck on the sideline. This may get worse before it gets better.

5:11 – Josh Robinson returns the kickoff? Josh Robinson?

5:11 – All Day goes for 20 on first down. Hello 2,000 yard mark!

5:13 – Buck: “Not a lot of teams should be able to get more out of play-action than the Vikings.” I'm glad Joe's here to explain these things to us.

5:14 – Three and out. Fuck.

5:16 - “Stars In Danger: The High Dive. A special two-hour event on Fox.” Because being responsible for American Dad just wasn't enough.

5:17 - Jasper Brinkley takes a brutal Roughing The Passer penalty after Aaron Rodgers throws the ball away. 15 yards and first down. Oh no...

5:18 – Text from Dad.: “Without a turnover we're beat.” That's 53 years of Viking fan talking.

5:20 - 3^rd and 7 and... fumble!!!!!!! Vikings recover at the 50!!!!!!! Dad calls it!

5:21 – Girlfriend: “Haha! The ball wasn't in his hands but he moved his hands like he was holding the ball.” That is indeed what happened.

5:23 – Ponder to Simpson for 20 yards! And it was a bullet! The fuck?

5:24 – Buck: “That's a deep play... by Vikings standards.” Joe Buck: Sassy! (Copyright: Phil Hartman)

5:26 – Ponder to... Jerome Felton?!? Looks like Leslie was saving a few tricks for Week 17.

5:27 – Oh, God no! Adrian Peterson knee was down before he dropped the ball! I swear to everything holy, he was down!!!!

5:30 – The fuck is Loadholt doing taking an Unsportsmanlike Conduct penalty at the end of a fumble that his team, supposedly, lost. That gets enforced regardless of the turnover review. LOADHOLT!!!

5:31 – Troy Aikman seems very impressed by his stat guys ability to do math. Do we have Troy's baseline tests somewhere?

5:32 – Second and 27 and Adrian Peterson takes it 28 yards for first and goal!!!! 64 yards to go to get the record. More importantly, 8 yards for a huge touchdown.

5:34 – Looks like finally caught up to Jerome Simpson. I hope they have his baseline test somewhere too.

5:36 – Text from Mike: “What's that I feel? Could it be a play-action pass to Rudolph?”

5:37 - 3^rd and goal and.... out of bounds. Wait! Flags! Holding on the Packers! First and goal from the two!

5:37 – TOUCHDOWN!!!!! PONDER-TO-PETERSON!!!!!!! SKOLLLL!!!!!!!

5:41 – Text from Mike: “2 TD's for young Mr. Ponder? No INT's? In the biggest game of his young career? Silencing some doubters today through 3 quarters!!! Whatta you think of my quarterback now!”

5:43 - Aikman: “Sorry, Joe. I've played some big games in this stadium, some playoff games, and when the crowd gets behind this team, it feels like you're playing against 15 defenders.” It should be noted that Troy routinely saw 14 defenders on the field.

5:44 – Jordy Nelson for 72 yards! Noooo!!!!!

5:44 – James Jones fumbles at the goal.line? Or scores a touchdown? Either way, it resulted in Aaron Rodgers sprinting over to the sideline and yelling. God, how do you Green Bay fans sleep and night cheering for this jackass?

5:47 – Oh god! Jordy Nelson just went out of his way to try to hide the fact that his fucking idiot of a coach threw the challenge flag illegally. Seriously, this is a NFL head coach? What a joke.

5:49 – It's a touchdown?!? AND a 15 yard penalty!?! God, I hate being a Vikings fan. 27-24 Vikings

5:49 – Aikman: “There's a host of people in Detroit, Michigan upset at this ruling after Jim Schwartz on Thanksgiving.” No, they're mostly upset because their boats are on fire and their houses have been stripped of copper.

5:51 – Alright, Pereira pretty much just kicked Detroit in the teeth. “It's most important that we get the call right. Penalize the coach 15 yards, but get the call right. It's a stupid rule anyway.” It's been six weeks since Thanksgiving! Six weeks! It was the rule then but not now?!?

5:53 – Wait, Adrian Peterson had knee surgery in the offseason? This is the first I've heard about it.

5:55 – Three and out... Ross is bringing this punt all the way back, isn't he?

5:56 – After a Facemasking penalty the Packers get the ball at their 49. The Vikings are all kinds of screwed.

5:57 – Text from Dad: “I'm very scared.” Couldn't agree more.

6:00 – 3^rd and 5 and James Jones runs six yards, turns around, and catches a pass. Football is so easy.

6:01 – Antoine Winfield needs to teach Marcus Sherels how to make open field tackles... and cover receivers... and read plays... and blitz....

6:02 – 3^rd and 4... incomplete. Thank God. Bring on the Mason Crosby show.

6:03 – 40 yard try... good. 27-27. The season is suddenly 12:21 long.

6:06 – Damn! Eric Dickerson had 40 more carries than AP? And he hadn't torn his knee up the year before? Interesting.

6:08 – 65 yards to Jarius Wright on first down! Where did that arm come from!?!?! Best pass of Ponder's career.

6:09 – All Day with the first down! First and goal, baby!

6:09 – GODDAMNIT LOADHOLT!!!!!!! That's 25 yards you've cost your squad today!!!!!! First and goal from the 12.

6:10 – Wow, A.J. Hawk is still in the league? That's surprising.

6:11 – Second and goal and Ponder overthrows Jenkins in the end zone.

6:12 – Aikman: “Those are the plays that make a difference between winning a game and losing.” Buck: “Or making the playoffs or not.” Shut up, shut up, shut up!

6:13 – Third and goal goes nowhere but Tramon Williams takes a cheap shot at Simpson's head away from the play! The same Simpson who looked concussed earlier. And the same Tramon William who was fined for a helmet-to-helmet on the back of John Carlson's head a few weeks ago. Stay classy, Tramon. Regardless, 1^st and goal!!!!

6:15 – Alright, third and goal... please... please... please... YES!!!!!!!! TOUCHDOWN!!!! MICHAEL FUCKING JENKINS!!!!! PULL THOSE 84 JERSEYS OUT!!!!!! 34-27!!!

6:16 – Aikman: “When Ponder released this ball I thought for sure it was an interception.” Nah, doe. NAH!

6:16 – And Fox goes to commercial playing “Jungle Love!” ALL! SOTA! EVERYTHING!

6:17 – Text from Dad: “Ponder is playing with a horseshoe up his butt.” Good! He had to try something!

6:18 – 1^st and 10 Packers from their own 22.

6:19 - 1^st and 10 Packers from their own 34

6:20 – SACK! EVERSON GRIFFIN!!!! That's 5 sacks today for your Vikings!

6:20 – False start! 3^rd and 20!

6:20 – Get a stop... get a stop... get a stop... 19 yard completion!?! Odd.

6:22 – Somehow the Packers convert the fourth down. Damnit.

6:23 - 3^rd and 4 from the Vikes 46... get a stop... get a stop... DAMNIT!!!! Threads the needle to Jennings!!!! Don't you do this to me again, Vikings!!!!

6:24 – Buck: “Every Chicago Bear and every Chicago Bears fan is hoping for the Packers to end this drive in the end zone.” Oh fuck you, everybody. Just fuck you.

6:26 – Pass interference on A.J. Jefferson. Evidently Rodgers has realized he can pick on the young man. First and goal from the 2.

6:26 – Touchdown Jordy Nelson. 34-34. I need 20 more beers.

6:29 – And just like that, the season is 2:51 seconds long.

6:30 - “Boy, let's hope the Vikings don't score too soon and leave Rodgers too much time.” - Nobody

6:31 – Dear Football Gods, I don't ask for much, and lord knows that's exactly what I've received, but please, find it in your hearts to deliver the Vikings a victory in this game. Let them get thrashed next week, I don't care. Just let them have this one.

6:32 – Text From Mike: “Time for a statement drive. 45 from Dickerson. Will CP7 notch his first 4 TD game? Ahhhhhh FUCK!!” I admire the homey's confidence. I don't feel so good.

6:34 – 3^rd & 11. Two minute warning. Big thanks to Fox for reminding us as they went to commercial that every Packers fan is uglier than the ugliest fan of every other team in the NFL. Seriously, get surgery.

6:34 – Here we go, 3^rd & 11.... Jenkins again!!!!! 25 yards and the first down!!!

6:37 – Not to bring up Mike's predictions again, but at the beginning of the year he said most of the Vikings games would be close and many would come down to Blair Walsh. Who knew that the whole season may come down to the rookie kicker?

6:38 – Text From Mike: “Ponder is doing this! He CAN handle the big spot!!” God bless your optimism, Mikey.

6:40 – AP for the first down and Joe Buck announces that they are now in Blair Walsh's range. Come on, boys, come on!

6:41 – Text from Dad: “Having a bad Gary Anderson flashback.” Well there's no such things as a GOOD Gary Anderson flashback now is there?!?!

6:42 – ALLLLLL DAAAAAYYYYYY!!!!!! AP takes it to the 15!!!!!!

6:43 – Blair Walsh from 29 and the win... c'mon... c'mon... c'mon....

6:43 – You can't ice Blair Walsh! Blair Walsh will ice you!

6:44 – Here we go... here we go... here we go... GOOOOOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SKOLLLLLL VIKINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PLAYOFFS, BABY!!!!! JAY CUTLER, SUCK IT!!!!!! AARON RODGERS, SUCK IT!!!!!!! MATT STAFFORD, it gets better, dude. Keep your head up. CHICAGO, SUCK IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GREEN BAY, SUCK IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

6:47 – Sorry, I got a little out of hand there. I didn't say anything I didn't mean, but I probably could have phrased it better..

6:52 – SUCK IT, CHICAGO!!!!!!!!!!!!! SUCK IT, GREEN BAY!!!!!!!!!!!

6:53 – Yeah, that's much better. All things considered, that is by far the best football game I've seen since the '09 NFC Championship Game. And for the first time in a while The Purple came through!!! Seriously, I feel like going downtown and hooking up with the hordes leaving the Dome! Everything is purple! Everything is purple!

Well there you go, everybody!  TCDroogsma's drunk and excited.  Mike Otto's Ten & Six prediction came true.  And, most importantly, the Vikings are off to Lambeau next week to meet the Packers for the third time this season.  Gee, wonder if the Vikings have ever won a playoff game at Lambeau field in spectacular, notorious, unforgettable fashion before?  We'll have to look that up.

Ten & Six will return later this week with Mike's recap of this game and his breakdown of next week's game (plus his playoff picks).  Gotta ride the hot hand.

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