Well helllo again, footballs fans! Welcome back to Ten & Six!
It's been a long, strange week here in the land of snow & purple rain. Monday's game in New Jersey went... well... it went poorly. New quarterback Josh Freeman struggled and, it was later revealed, suffered a concussion. Which means The Purple are returning to the one & only Christian Ponder for Packers week. Ya gotta dance with who brung ya.
As you can probably imagine, Mikey has a few thoughts on all of this.
Mr. Otto, the floor is yours.
This coaching staff is done for. It's just a matter of when.
I don't believe Zygi Wilf wants to part ways with his coaches in the middle of the season, but if it becomes obvious that the players are tanking it on Leslie Frazier, Musgrave, etc., he won't have a choice. I don't see that happening, these players have too much pride and don't seem to have an entitlement attitude. If the team continues to play uncompetitive, ugly, downright pathetic football, getting blown out by average or below average teams and not showing even an ounce of offensive fight, Leslie and co. won't make it to seasons end. Wilf is trying to sell personal seat licenses to his new stadium, at a certain point, it will simply become a business decision for him. I never want to see anybody lose their job, but come seasons end there won't be an alternative.
I actually have to give Zygi a little credit for not signing his coaching staff to a long term extension last off-season. A lot of owners would have after his coaches led that team to a 10-6 record. Shit, I probably would have. I guess that's why I'm writing this and he owns an NFL franchise. I didn't see this coming. Zygi must have had a feeling. A decent football mind sits atop the Vikings owners shoulders, so I know any decision he makes won't be rash, but rather well thought out and proper.
Monday's game itself was horrible. The Vikings have scored one offensive touchdown in the last 8 quarters, and that came in garbage time. Josh Freeman is as bad as I feared. He tossed 16 overthrows, the most in any game since the NFL started tracking the stat 8 years ago. His 35% completion rate is the worst since 2007. He said before the game he was ready and that when it comes down to it, "football is football". So I'm not accepting the cop out that he was "thrown to the wolves" or in some way unprepared to play. I saw a couple plays attempted that the Vikings hadn't called yet this year, the playbook wasn't slimmed down too drastically. He said he was ready, he gave his best effort, and he failed miserably.
The only good thing I took away from Freeman's performance was his dedication to stay in the pocket and take a hit. He threw 53 times and I think he got hit on 30 of those drop backs. He had plenty of wide open receivers that he missed by 5 feet or more. If the Vikings could combine the best attributes of Freeman, Cassel and Ponder, they might have a good NFL QB. Unfortunately, Eric Sugarman is not Doctor Frankenstein.
Time for me to apologize. I'm sorry for predicting 11-5. I called the 10-6 record last year and it may have went to my head. I was fooled.
The head-scratcher in all this is that, outside of the loss of Antoine Winfield, the roster is nearly identical to last year. The receivers, on paper got an upgrade. The most confusing part is trying to understand exactly what the fuck has happened to the offensive line. The same 5 guys who led the way for AP's historic season last year seem to have forgot how to run block. Their pass protection is one of the worst in the league and I just don't understand where this extreme regression is coming from. It's almost like they have gotten physically weaker before our very eyes.
Regardless, I failed to read the tea leaves and see this coming. Eleven wins? I'm having trouble finding a second win right now.
The rest of the schedule is as follows: host Green Bay, at Dallas, host Washington, at Seattle (oh god no), at Green Bay, host Chicago, at Baltimore, host Philadelphia, at Cincinnati, host Detroit. Yikes. Maybe Chicago or Detroit?
We could be witnessing the worst Vikings season in their long, winding history. Be easier on yourself and find a way to embrace the suck. Enjoy the suck. Let's keep starting Freeman, as the rest of the season unfolds we can watch his confidence and abilities erode right in front of us. Minneapolis may serve as your careers tomb, Mr. Freeman. I have never been more convinced he is the quarterback equivalent of a burning Ford Pinto on the side of 94 West. Nothing left to do but slow down and watch the fire. This team is epically bad from top to bottom, yet the roster isn't much different from last year. Such is the life of an NFL franchise.
The worst part about all of this for me? Bill Barnwell was right.
Let's move onto some league picks. My picks went 8-7 last week including an embarrassing prediction that the Jaguars would beat the Chargers. They scored 6 points. Never again, Jacksonville, never again. STUPID, STUPID, STUPID!
San Francisco (5-2) at Jacksonville (0-7)
The only thing stupider than picking the Jaguars to beat the Chargers last week would be if an NFL team asked a new QB to throw 53 times behind a shitty offensive line...sigh.
I find myself becoming a Jaguars fan, simply because I want them to nab a couple wins and give my team the #1 pick in next year's draft. Not going to happen this week, the Niners destroy the Jags 31-13.
Cleveland (3-4) at Kansas City (7-0)
The Chiefs are the only undefeated team in the NFL and they are fun to watch. Another thing that was fun to watch was Andy Reid's celebration dance after the Chiefs last win. It looked like he ate Alvin and The Chipmunks. For a man that is larger than life, that dance was funnier than fuck.
As we watch yet another Browns season flush down the tubes, I am somewhat saddened. I just want success for the Browns fans. Cleveland is a terrible city, you'd think eventually the football gods would throw them a bone. Nope. Chiefs win, 23-16.
Miami (3-3) at New England (5-2)
Speaking of seasons flushing down the tubes, it's the Miami Dolphins! The Dolphins acquired Bryant McKinnie this week, signaling the official end to any prosperity and success that McKinnie shall ever enjoy. It's his hometown and there are simply too many strip clubs, parties, and cheap women for him to have any time to workout or focus on football. Brady and Belichick get back in the win column with a 28-20 victory.
Buffalo (3-4) at New Orleans (5-1)
The Bizarro World Game Of The Week! Up is down, good is bad, and the Bills have a chance to win this game!
J/K babe, the absolute destruction of the Buffalo Bills is blatantly imminent. Drew Brees could drink a bottle of Nyquil before the game and still lead the Saints to a 10 point victory. The ghost of Bruce Smith can't save you now, Buffalo! Saints roll 37-9.
Detroit (4-3) at Dallas (4-3)
The Lions need to get their edge back. Maybe they should start spelling their name with a "z" on the end like every moronic 18-23 year old girl in America. Lolzzzz, the Lionz play the Cowboyzzz today!
In all seriousness, the Lions need this one if they want to keep up with the Packers in the NFC North. However, we all know the Detroit Lions better than that. Lose this game and it is the beginning of the end for the kitties and mostly, Jim Schwartz. And that's Schwartz with a "z" bitchezzz! 'Boyz win 26-23.
New York Giants (1-6) at Philadelphia (3-4)
Time for the Giants to get back to what they do best: losing. That was a fun week for Giants fans, but even those simple-minded idiots have to realize that beating that Vikings team last week is no special accomplishment. The Vikings would have lost to all 31 teams last week. The Eagles aren't great, but they're average and that is going to be more than enough against this shitty Giants team. Mike Vick and the Eagles win easy, 24-14.
Pittsburgh (2-4) at Oakland (2-4)
Terrelle Pryor should watch old tapes of Big Ben and his quarterbacking style. I think that is his best path to sustained success in the NFL. He needs to extend plays from the pocket and outside of it. Roethlisberger is getting old. I'm not entirely certain if he will still be effective 2-3 years from now. He's always avoided the big injury, but as father time catches up with Big Ben, that could easily change. Raiders win a close one 20-19.
New York Jets (4-3) at Cincinnati (5-2)
The fucking Jets just won't die! Go away! This was supposed to be the end of Rex Ryan! Not a new, terrible beginning!
What truly troubles me is that at times Geno Smith looks like a competent NFL quarterback. I then remember, with great relief, that so did mark Sanchez the first couple years of his career. Remember how that all ended? How could we forget? The GQ covers, the interceptions, the subsequent butt fumble and countless failures we all know and love. Maybe I should embrace this momentary success by the Jets, because it may just be the path to a whole new, exciting collection of Jets blunders somewhere in the near future.
Yeah, that's what I'm going with, if only because I want to get to sleep at night. Bengals win 23-20.
Atlanta (2-4) at Arizona (3-4)
Is there a more boring team in the NFL than the Cards? I can't find a damn thing interesting about them. That's how I generally feel about whatever team Carson Palmer signs with. He has made a long career of wasting 1-2 years of every franchise he goes to. Yet every year he keeps getting a chance from teams who swear all they need is a "game manager". Well all I need is for Carson Palmer to fuck off into the sunset.
Falcons season isn't what they hoped, but 10-6 is still a possibility for them if they can figure out how quit dicking around. Falcons win 22-16.
Daniel Snyder (2-4) at Denver (6-1)
The Washington R-words travel to Denver as the Broncos try to bounce back from their 1st loss of the year.
Hey Snyder, what's so hard about changing your name to the Washington Natives? It still is a stylish name, that makes as much sense as a Jaguar in Jacksonville or a Lion in Detroit. The logo becomes much less offensive in my opinion, if you just change the name. Whatever. RG III makes this one close, but Peyton wins it for the Broncos late, 27-24.
Seattle (6-1) at St. Louis (3-4)
The Rams actually called a 44 year old Brett Favre in the last week to try and drag him out of his rocking chair and back onto the football field. Hilarious! In related news, Rob Chudzinski was spotted pounding on the tomb of Otto Graham on Wednesday. I mean come on Jeff Fischer, I can smell the desperation from here. Favre will be fielding these calls until the day he forgets what a phone ringing means. So, you know, a few more years. Seahawks win 30-6.
On to the main event/purple bloodbath and the return of Christian Ponder! That's right folks, things are getting fucky, and fast...
GREEN BAY PACKERS (4-2) at MINNESOTA VIKINGS (1-5)
Things have officially come full circle in the Vikings Quarterback Carnival as this week thee Vikings will have their 5th different QB depth chart in 7 weeks of play. This has gotten comically bad and downright embarrassing, and, much like a horrific car crash, it is impossible for me to look away.
Maybe Freeman has a concussion. I wouldn't be surprised considering he got hit during nearly every drop back in the Giants game. I also can't help but think had Freeman scored a couple TD's and thrown for a respectable completion percentage last week, we would have never heard about these concussion symptoms.
So now it's Christian Ponder's turn to get thrown to the wolves. He says he plans to play relaxed (good luck behind that offensive line) and that he has nothing to lose (except a few brain cells). I agree with him there. His future as an NFL starter goes no farther than Sunday night at this point. He had better take it one play at a time and find a way to enjoy every second.
Good luck, Mr. Ponder, I'll be rooting for you.
Let's take a look at some positive(s) and negatives from the Giants game. As always, the positive(s) first.
Positives:
-Good Marcus Sherels He was the only reason the team avoided being shut out by a terrible Giants team. He has a little swerve on those punt returns and can be fun to watch at times.
Negatives:
-Bad Marcus Sherels The wind might still be knocked out of him after that sure pick six bounced right off his chest. That pass hit him right between the 3 and the 5. DOINK. On the ensuing punt, the usually sure-handed Sherels managed to fumble without anyone laying a hand on him. DERP.
-The Offensive Line I hope they are all playing hurt, because they can't pass block or run block. They are constantly getting pushed backwards into the quarterback. It's downright B-R-U-T-A-L. It's actually hard to watch unless you figure out how to embrace the suck, as I have.
-Josh Freeman That is just about as inaccurate as I have ever seen a QB be during a regular season game he started for an NFL team. He was terrible, and even though it's hard to look good lying on your back for four quarters, I thought he left at least 10-15 easy completions for big time yards out on the field. Embrace the suck, people! Your heart won't hurt so much in the morning.
Three Keys To A Vikings Victory:
Key #1: Get Pressure On Mr. Rodgers!
You need to force him into speedy deliveries if you want to have a chance. If Rodgers is allowed 5 seconds to stand in the pocket unmolested, he will carve up the secondary no matter who he is throwing to. The Vikings only chance is to constantly harass Rodgers and even then there is a big mountain to climb.
Key #2: Convert Third Downs
The Vikings need to take advantage of an average Packers defense and make sure they are getting into 3rd and manageable. Anything less than 3rd & 5 and the Vikings offense needs to find a way to stay on the field. Conversely, the defense need to find a way to get off the field when they get the Packers into a 3rd & long. If Rodgers starts stringing together 7 and 8 minute drives, its going to be a long night for the guys in purple.
Key #3: Red Zone Trips Need To End In Touchdowns
Every time the Vikings offense manages to get inside the 20, they need to finish with 7 points, not 3. The Vikings as a whole are going to have to play a perfect game and get some bounces to have a chance to win. As Leslie Frazier pointed out a couple weeks ago, points are important to being a good football team. Using that dynamic theory, I can extrapolate out the need for touchdowns over field goals, ya dig?
Two Matchups To Watch:
Matchup #1: Jared Allen vs. David Bakhtiari
The rookie Persian left tackle has managed to stop driving his white Mercedes to various car washes long enough to produce a pretty solid season. Jared Allen appears as though father time has caught up with him a bit. He isn't getting around the edge as quickly as in past seasons. However, Jared has a long history of abusing Aaron Rodgers. He had his career best game against the Packers and Rodgers in 2012, when he tallied 4.5 sacks. He will need to get at least 3 on Sunday if the Vikings want a chance to win.
Matchup #2: Aaron Rodgers vs. Xavier Rhodes
Mike's All-Purpose Flour Lock Of The Week:
Jared Allen, Defensive End, YOUR Minnesota Vikings
I've been talking about pressure a lot, and I think Jared turns back the clock this weekend and abuses the Packers rookie left tackle. 4 tackles/3 sacks/1 FF.
Final Takes
Packer week is always fun, whether from 1-5 or 5-1.
I feel the pain of my fellow Vikings fans and don't get me wrong, a few years ago a 1-5 start would have put me into a six week bender, while I took my sadness out on my loved ones and cats daily. It was, needless to say, not a healthy mindset. It is hard to find bright spots when mired in the middle of such a sad, pathetic season, and from a football standpoint, there really are none. No need to sugar coat things: The Vikings suck. They suck so bad it is almost funny.
Embrace the suck, accept the failure, watch on Sunday and have a couple laughs at the complete ineptitude of our beloved Purple. As fans who aren't on the payroll, we are allowed to view this disaster as somewhat comical. Its better than waking up every day miserable and pissed off.
Christian Ponder has said all the right things this week, and I think this game is going to be much closer than it would have been had the Vikings trotted out Josh Freeman again. I actually think Ponder is going to be decisive and play his best game of the year by far.
I also think Aaron Rodgers is going to carve up this secondary like an early Thanksgiving turkey. Right now Aaron Rodgers is thinking, "How many points do I have to score this week to make Greg Jennings wish he didn't exist?" Is it 40? Maybe 50? Nice attempt at back-tracking this week by the way Greg, but I'm afraid it's a little too late for that. Rodgers is here to send a personal and professional message this week. This is going to be a fun game to watch, one way or the other.
Final Score
Green Bay Packers: 34
Minnesota Vikings: 26
Ya gotta love Packer week.
There you have it, football fans! A positive attitude and a negative result. Embrace the suck. It could always be worse: You could be from Wisconsin.
For more Mike Otto be sure to give him a follow on Twitter (@SwervinTaters). The line between sad & entertaining runs awfully thin on a Sunday night. He can also be found right here on Newest Industry contributing to our Trendsetting column.
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