Do you think you've made the right decision this time?
Well hello again, football fans! Welcome back to Ten & Six With Mike Otto!
It's Week 4 of the NFL season and things are looking bad here in The Land Of 10,000 Lakes. YOUR Minnesota Vikings are sporting an 0-3 record, lost the the Cleveland Browns 3rd string quarterback, are sporting a quarterback controversy of their own, and are playing this week's "home" game in London, England against a winless & hungry Steelers team. Really, this couldn't be going worse.
Regardless, Mike Otto is not about to abandon you now. He bought his ticket and he's taking the ride.
As you can probably imagine, Michael has a few thoughts about last week's debacle at the Dome, but, as always, we'll start out with is picks for the rest of the league.
Take it away, Mikey!
Well here we are. Week 4 of the NFL season and the
Vikings are still winless. If you'll recall in my pre-season preview I
said the first opportunity for Ponder to get benched would be Week 4 in
London at halftime, but only if the team was still winless and getting
beat by the Steelers. I may have been prophetic on this one. I much
rather would have been prophetic about the squads record at this point
but oh well. WHAT CAN YOU DO RIGHT?
Now, it is true, Ponder is not the
sole reason the Vikings are 0-3. I wish it was that simple. This team is
fucking up in all 4 phases lately. The offense is terrible, they can't
block or throw downfield. The defense is Swiss cheese and makes every
opposing QB look like Joe Montana running a two-minute drill. Normally
perfect special teams got fooled with trick plays last week, and the
coaching has been high school-esque. How is it possible that NOBODY on
the field or the sideline noticed a Browns tight end lined up wide-right
on a field goal attempt? How is that possible? If you have eyes, and a
brain, you see that and call a time out. Pathetic.
Moving on. Christian
Ponder had a "solid" game against the Browns. I put the word solid in
quotes because it's only an acceptable stat line for a rookie quarterback. 25-42, 228 yards, 1 INT, 2 rushing TD's.
WHOOP-DEE-FREAKING-DOO!
I have had Ponder's back for the last 2 years,
through every sub-par performance, every prematurely broken pocket,
every rainbow when he needs a bullet, every stupid decision, every
failure to survey the field, and after last week, I just can't do it
anymore. I can't look on the bright side of a guy who can barely throw
the ball 40 yards in the air. I can't do it for a guy who underthrows
jump balls when he's standing on the opponent's 5 yard line. I can't do
it for a quarterback whose best asset three games into his third season is his running ability.
Let's look at some stats for old Mr. Ponder:
--Christian Ponder has 2 passing touchdowns this year. Peyton Manning had 7 in his 1st game.
--Only the Vikings and the Jaguars have yet to have a WR catch a TD.
--Christian Ponder is averaging just under 2 INT's a game with 5 total.
--In the last 2 losses, the Vikings have forced 8
turnovers and gotten only 17 points off them. (with 7 of those points come
from Brian Robison's fumble return TD)
--The Vikings are 2nd in the NFL in takeaways with
10. Unfortunately they are also 2nd worst in the NFL with giveaways,
also with 10. 7 of those are on Ponder.
Now, is this the only reason the team is losing? No way. One of
the main ones? ABSOLUTELY. Reports out of London are that Ponder has a rib injury that
puts his start in London in question. C'mon Leslie, you're not going to
get a more convenient, gift wrapped excuse to see what Matt Cassel can
do. If Ponder can't go on Sunday, we may have seen his last start in
Purple.
On to the picks.
Baltimore (2-1) at Buffalo (1-2)
Jacoby Jones had an Ace Of Spades champagne bottle
cracked over his head by a stripper named Sweet Pea on Bryant Mckinnie's
birthday party bus.
Also, the Buffalo Bills.
Hilarious right? Ravens win
23-13 and hopefully celebrate with a quiet night at home.
Arizona (1-2) at Tampa Bay (0-3)
Alright Carson Palmer, this one should be lose-proof.
I have Week 5 in my "When Shiano Gets Canned" pool, so let's hope the
Bucs just completely implode at home this week. My greatest fear as a
Vikings fan is the prospect of watching Josh Freeman where purple next
year. Please, God, no. Cards win 20-9.
New York Giants (0-3) at Kansas City (3-0)
The Chiefs defense look mean. Those guys were so
starved for decent team management that the simple arrival of a coach
with some credibility lit a fire under these guys. OH MY GOD WE GOT A
FAT GUY THAT ISN'T ROMEO CRENNEL!!!! AND HE HAS A WHOLE PLAYBOOK!!
It
looks like the Tom Coughlin Era may be coming to an end. Won't be long
now and Coughlin will be taking his Hoveround to the Grand Canyon.
Chiefs win 28-17.
Indianapolis (2-1) at Jacksonville (0-3)
The Colts are going to be a playoff team for years to
come. It must be rough to go from Peyton Manning to Andrew Luck. Some
teams get all the bounces.
On the other end of that spectrum, enter the
Jacksonville Jaguars. The last break they got was in Maurice Jones-Drew's foot. Jaguars fans recently held a protest asking the team to
sign Tim Tebow. 3 people showed up. Diseased. Colts win 31-20.
Seattle (3-0) at Houston (2-1)
The Texans got destroyed by the Ravens last week and
Matt Schaub looked like the bald, streaky QB we all know and love.
The
Seahawks were handed about as easy a victory as you'll find in the NFL
when they blew out the Jags at home. Shaub is going to see considerable
pressure again this week but I think he bounces back and picks up an
upset victory over Seattle 23-20.
Cincinnati (2-1) at Cleveland (1-2)
Brian Hoyer will come back down to earth this week
while facing a real NFL defense. There are no AJ Jeffersons to
completely blow a coverage assignment and gift wrap long TD's for the
rookie Hoyer. Wouldn't be surprised if he throws 4+ picks and struggles
to get to 200 yards.
The battle for Ohio's respect has no real winners,
but the Bengals win this game 26-13.
Chicago (3-0) at Detroit (2-1)
This NFC North battle is going to be close. The Lions
could be playoff contenders if Reggie Bush can stay healthy. However, that's a
big "if."
I don't think the Bears are as good as their 3-0 record
represents. The Bears always start out fast and typically start coming
back down to earth around Week 5 or 6. Oddly enough, Week 5 or 6 is the
same amount of time it takes Jay Cutler to completely alienate his
entire coaching staff. Lions win a close one, 34-31.
New York Jets (2-1) at Tennessee (2-1)
I can't believe I live in a world where the Jets have
a winning record, even if it is only Week 4. This can't continue. Rex
Ryan is supposed to be fat and fired, not fat and successful.
The Jake
Locker is having a decent season so far and has yet to throw an INT.
Something has got to give this week with these two surprise teams. Titans
stay hot, Jets begin their free fall. Tennessee wins 24-17.
Washington (0-3) at Oakland (1-2)
RG III has thrown for more than 300 yards in all 3
games so far this year and lost every last one. This week, he faces off
against poor man's RGIII aka Terrelle Pryor, in Oakland. If the Skins
can't win this one its going to be a long season.
Darren McFadden should
have taken the money in the offseason. A rule of thumb I generally live
by is if someone offers you 24 million dollars, you take it. Skins get
their first win of the year, 31-27.
Philadelphia (1-2) at Denver (3-0)
Thank God the smirk has faded from Chip Kelly's face. I don't think I could take another Pete Carroll type level of
fuckface in the NFL right now.
The Broncos look like Super Bowl favorites
right now. Unfortunately for them, Super Bowls aren't played in
September. That being said, Chip Kelly is going to get a lesson in what a
real NFL offense looks like on Sunday. Broncos roll 38-23.
Dallas (2-1) at San Diego (1-2)
Bring back the 'stache, Rivers! Your team needs a
boost, or, at the very least, a good laugh.
The Cowboys offense is
looking really solid, but I can almost guarantee it will all fall apart
right around December 1st. As we all know, December Romo is a much
different player than September-November Romo. I prefer December Romo,
but I generally enjoy any sadness associated with the Cowboys.
America's Team gets the W in America's arm pit, and soundly beat down San Diego's
thriving homeless population even further 34-20.
New England (3-0) at Atlanta (1-2)
The Falcons need this one bad. Tony Gonzalez will
really be questioning that un-retirement if they fall to 1-3. The
Falcons are currently a superior offensive team to the Patriots, but I
would take Tom Brady over Matt Ryan any day of the week.
Despite a slow
offensive start, Belichick still has his team at 3-0. Winning games when
your team isn't at its best is a good sign of real contender. Win this
one and the Pats will cement that status.
Really a tough one to call,
going to be close throughout, but I think the Patriots get the win in
thrilling fashion 27-26. Sorry, Tony.
Miami (3-0) at New Orleans (3-0)
Two undefeated teams! This might be the game of the
week. It's worth noting that's the first time those words have been uttered
about a game the Dolphins played in since 1975.
We will learn a lot
about Ryan Tannehill this week. If he can even hang with Drew Brees and
put up enough points to keep his team in the game my opinion of him will
be altered. Right now I think of him as some jock with a hot wife.
After this weekend he could elevate himself to competent jock with a hot
wife. Quite the jump I know.
Close game, but the Saints win 26-21 and
strengthen their stranglehold on the NFC South.
By the way, my picks last week went a miserable 6-10
and stand at 27-21 on the year, let's hope they get better this week. On
to the sad, main event!
PITTSBURGH STEELERS (0-3) at MINNESOTA VIKINGS (0-3)
Well, it's official: Christian Ponder is out with a
cracked rib and Matt Cassel will start on Sunday.
I won't lie, the whole way this
went down does seem a little fishy, but I have no doubt
Ponder's rib is cracked. I also have no doubt that if the team was 3-0 or
even 2-1 and Ponder was playing lights out, he would be fighting
through the pain and playing in this game. I think he wants to play, but
the coaching staff and team doctors are making the decision for him,
hiding behind the excuse that its "too risky" to put him out there.
It's a
convenient excuse and one I can't blame them for using. They want to
see what the offense looks like with Cassel under center.
Cassel brings a
much different style. He is completely immobile, but a more polished
pocket passer, which is just sad. In my opinion Matt Cassel sucks as
much as Ponder, if not a little more, but I guess we'll see. If he can
go through a couple reads back there it will be an improvement from
Ponder's one-read-then-freak-out-and-run routine.
Anyway, let's get into
this. All aboard the Pain Train. Let's look at some positive(s) and
negatives from last weeks debacle in the Dome. As always, the
positive(s) first:
Positive(s):
-Nobody Died On The Field Last week I was really impressed with the Vikings
ability to not die on the field during the course of the game. Near as I
could tell, no players even came close to dying last week. Christian Ponder's career as a starting quarterback on the other hand...
Negatives:
-The Offense Pathetic. No blocking, no protection, no creativity.
They couldn't finish drives with touchdowns when they really needed it.
They couldn't even pick up a first down on anything greater than 3rd and
4.
AP was dancing in the backfield, always looking for the home run,
probably because he knew it was the team's only hope.
Ponder was terribly
inaccurate on throws 10+ yards down the field.
Ugh...
-The Defense Injuries aside, the secondary has been miserable all
season. Brian Hoyer carved them up like he was playing the Tartan
Titans.
Jared Allen had no tackles and no sacks.
The 3 interceptions
were almost entirely meaningless because the offense couldn't move the
ball.
Why is AJ Jefferson still have a job on this team?
How old is
Jimmy Hitchcock?
Will the US Government allow us to clone three more
Harrison Smith's?
These were all questions rattling around in my mind
after last weeks defensive "performance."
-Special Teams Two trick plays by the Browns led to 10 points and was the
difference in the game. I've already said it's just unbelievable
that NOBODY called a time out on that fake field goal. Everything is
falling apart for this team.
-Coaching Leslie Frazier is doing a spectacular job...at
coaching himself out of a job. Throwing that challenge flag on the
change of possession play was bad. You have to know the rules,
regardless of whether the refs fucked up and penalized you incorrectly.
Bring on Jon Gruden and Johnny Football! Come on, you know those two
would love each other.
Three Keys To A Vikings Victory:
Key #1: Pass Protection Must Be Solid
As mentioned before, Matt Cassel is completely
immobile. He won't be avoiding any pressure. If somebody gets in the
backfield, Cassel is going down. If he is getting sacked all day, the
Vikings have no chance.
Key #2: Get Adrian Peterson Going Early And Keep Him Going
The Vikings need a heavy dose of medicine, and the
best medicine available is last year's MVP. The more Cassel is handing
the ball to All Day the less time he will be spending on his back. The
Vikings need 150 from AP to win on Sunday. Let's hope they get it.
Key #3: Leave AJ Jefferson At The Hotel
I know Chris Cook and Jamarca Sanford are out with
injuries, and I rarely believe in addition by subtraction, but this guy
is Ramos McDonald bad. Jefferson doesn't just get burned back there, he
spontaneously combusts. At the very least make sure there is a
bucket of water nearby to put him out when it happens because it isn't
an "if", it's a "when". Safest bet this week is Jefferson's man getting
into the endzone. Trust me.
Two Matchups To Watch:
Matchup #1: Matt Cassel vs. Troy Polamalu
The veteran safety is, miraculously, still healthy 3
weeks into the season and he is one of the craftiest in the league when
he is out there. Couple that with what is likely to be a rusty Matt
Cassel and it could lead to a long day for the Vikings and their QB.
Matchup #2: Cordarrelle Patterson vs. Ike Taylor
It will be interesting to see what Patterson does in a
game with a QB that doesn't have a half-cooked linguine noodle for an
arm. Ike Taylor isn't going to make Sea Biscuit blush and he has trouble
turning around and locating the ball in the air, so Patterson may have
some chances to make a big play or two.
Mike's All-Purpose Flour Lock Of The Week
The aforementioned Coradarrelle Patterson, Wide Receiver, YOUR Minnesota Vikings
I think Patterson is ready to let loose this week. He
saw increased reps last week but the offense couldn't a rhythm so it
was a tough go. Cassel is going to have to find a favorite target other
than handing the ball to #28 and I think Patterson is the guy. 6
catches/105 yards/1 TD.
Final Takes
Someone's 0 has got to go! Someone's 0 has got to
go!
Just like last week's Vikings contest, two winless teams will face
off and, barring a tie, one team's season will be completely lost and the
others will have the slightest glimmer of hope.
I don't like our
defense. The secondary is in shambles and you can expect Mistral Raymond
to be active for the first time this year. That should improve the
tackling/coverage deficiencies, right? Ha ha... ugh.
The pass rush has
been nonexistent except for parts of the Bears game.
Ben Roethlisberger
is a veteran who knows how to play in games with lots of national
attention, he won't be shook by Wembley Stadium and 100,000 screaming
Brits.
The Vikings only hope to win this one is a big game from AP and a
surprisingly decent performance from the offensive line and Matt
Cassel. I'll be rooting for all of that but I don't see it happening.
Final Score
Pittsburgh Steelers: 24
Minnesota Vikings: 23
LET'S TAKE A KNEEL AND DRAFT JOHNNY MAZIEL! LET'S TAKE A
KNEEL AND DRAFT JOHNNY MANZIEL!
LET'S STOP BROODIN' AND SIGN JON GRUDEN!
LET'S STOP BROODIN' AND SIGN JON GRUDEN!
THINGS ARE GETTING FUCKY, WE
NEED A DOSE OF CHUCKY! THINGS ARE GETTING FUCKY, WE NEED A DOSE OF
CHUCKY!
Until next week fellow Vikings fans. Don't forget to enjoy the
season.
There you have it, Vikings fans! Mikey predicts a swinging party in The Swinging City as the Vikes head into the bye week. Bring your own lampshade...
For more Mike Otto be sure to give him a follow on Twitter (@SwervinTaters). The line between sad & entertaining runs awfully thin on Sundays. He can also be found right here on Newest Industry contributing to our Trendsetting column.
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