Purple Prognosticating With Mike Otto - Pt. 1: The Offense

Movin' the chains, movin' the chains...

Mike Otto is Newest Industry's resident expert on both the Purple and all things NFL. As the season progresses we'll be seeing more posts from him.


With Vikings training camp moving to full-pad workouts this week, Mike just couldn't wait to get started on this year's version of the Vikings.

He decided to break down the offense position by position and move on to the defense next week.

Position By Position: What Needs To Change? What Should Stay The Same?

Offensive Line: This unit has the most important job on the field:  Keeping Christian Ponder upright.

On paper this is a vastly improved group.  Drafting Matt Kalil allows Charlie Johnson to switch back to left guard, a position he is more physically acclimated to playing.

John Sullivan is suddenly a veteran on this group, and a solid one at that.

Right guard, however, is a competition between 3 guys you've never heard of: Chris DeGeare, Brandon Fusco, and Geoff Schwartz.  Remember, though, there was a time when no one had ever heard of David Dixon or Randall McDaniel.

This is a big year for Phil Loadholt.  He needs to improve his footwork and speed to show he is worthy of his draft position three years ago.  If he has a good year, he's gonna get paid.  If not, he won't  be in purple much longer. (Ed. Note: Unless he signs with the Ravens. Fuckin' McKinnie...)

Quarterback: Last year Christian Ponder came out with a bang in the home game against the rival (fudge) Packers. He stuck a couple nice passes on a good Packers' secondary, most memorably a one-on-one touchdown to Michael Jenkins against future Hall Of Fame cornerback Charles Woodson.

Even though the Vikings lost, they put up quite a fight against and much better team and CP7 showed tons of promise.

Unfortunately, that may have been his best game.  You can't say you had a good season as a quarterback when your best play comes in a loss.

Game by game, CP7 seemed to grow more timid, more likely to panic in the pocket & take off running, and more likely to stare down a receiver for an interception.  I even started to see a little bit of the dreaded "Tarvaris Jackson Happy Feet" in the pocket.

Part of this may be tied to poor offensive line play (see above), but great QB's make a marginal O-line look good and he made a marginal O-line look awful.

A 50% completion rate simply won't cut it. He needs to complete at least 60% of his passes this year.

The Vikings will go as CP7 goes. I think he'll get over the rookie jitters and improve in his 1st full year.

Running Back:  All eyes on Adrian Peterson.

I know #28 will come out with the same passion he has always had. While this prospect excites me, it also frightens me.

The fact is, Adrian is one more major knee injury away from being a Toby Gerhart and we already have one of those.  My hope is the training/coaching staff hold him back until he is 100%.  If that means missing the first 6 games, that's fine with me.

Toby Gerhart was impressive filling in for #28, showed lots of heart, broke a couple of nice runs... but he's still no Adrian Peterson

Tight End: Another position this team will need improved production from in order to compete in the NFC North.

Ponder-to-Kyle Rudolph showed flashes of promise last year, but the two had trouble connecting with any consistency week to week.  So far in camp Rudolph appears to be CP7's favorite target, with the two looking in sync and connecting on touchdown after touchdown.

With the signing of John Carlson, the Vikings have two good pass catching tight ends.  I'm excited for the first time we line up in a two-tight-end set, showing run, go play action with All Day, watch those linebackers bit, then watch Kyle Rudolph go 30-20-10-TOUCHDOWN!! CALL IT PA! Yeah!

According to reports our boys have been watching tapes on the New England Patriots and how their tight ends roll.  If you can't beat 'em, join 'em, right?

The Vikings have five tight ends in camp & I wouldn't be surprised if we kept four of them.  With Jim Kleinsasser retired, we need a blocking TE.  Look for third year man Allen Reisner and big rookie Rhett Ellison (USC, 6'6", 260 lbs.) to round out the tight end corps.

Wide Receiver: For the Vikings to improve this season, they'll need much better production from their receivers.  That makes this one of the more interesting position battles to watch in camp.

Barring injury, Percy Harvin & Michael Jenkins will be the Week 1 starters. After that it gets much more muddied.

Without a doubt, Jerome Simpson will have a roster spot, but he is suspended for the first 3 games.  This opens the window for one of 2 rookies to make a splash early and never look back.

Let's have a look at their college careers year-by-year:

Greg Childs (Arkansas):

Freshman: 12 games, 0 starts, 18 receptions, 273 yards, 2 TD
Sophomore: 13 games, 8 starts, 48 receptions, 894 yards, 7 TD
Junior: 8 games, 8 starts, 46 receptions, 659 yards, 6 TD before suffering a season-ending Patella tendon injury

Greg Childs is fully recovered from his devastating injury and holds a size advantage on most NFL cornerbacks. At 6'3", 219 lbs. and sporting a 36" vertical, he's a big boy.

Childs clocked a 4.55 40 yard dash at the combine, so he is a bit slow.  He needs to work on being an excellent possession receiver.  I could see him becoming a competent wide receiver in the NFL along the lines of Jake Reed or Mike Williams

Jarius Wright (Arkansas):

Freshman: 12 games, 0 starts, 19 receptions, 348 yards, 2 TD
Sophomore: 13 games, 9 starts, 41 receptions, 681 yards, 5 TD
Junior: 13 games, 13 starts, 42 receptions, 788 yards, 5 TD
Senior: 13 games, 13 starts, 66 receptions, 1117 yards, 12 TD

Jarius Wright is smaller (5'10", 182 lbs.) but faster (a 4.4 40 at the combine). at 38", he also has a 2" vertical leap advantage.  He started the last 35 games of his college career, indicating strong durability for a guy his size.

In his senior year at Arkansas he broke school records for receptions in a year, receiving yards in a year, receiving yards in a game, and career receptions.  Not to mention the school record for receiving touchdowns in a season (12).

I  believe he will be 3rd on the depth chart Week 1, playing in the slot.  With hard work and a little luck he could turn himself into a Steve Smith-type of receiver.

Receivers last year left a lot to be desired. On paper, this group is better. At the very least they're a million times more exciting.

Boom! How's that for some offense! Thanks to Mike for breaking this side of the ball down for us. As mentioned, he'll be back next week to break down the defense.  Until then, you can get his thoughts on just about everything from the Vikings to the travails of biking around Minneapolis on Twitter (@SwervinTaters)

Of course, this blog is on Twitter as well (@NewestIndustry1) doing its best to do the Twin Cities proud.

SwervinTaters Bar Review #6: Brit's Pub

SwervinTaters: Doesn't care for the British, willing to drink they drank...

Heelllloooo, Twin Cities! Sorry it's been a minute since we did the old bar review. If you couldn't tell, Swervin is a busy, busy, suspicious man and tends to disappear for extended periods of time.

Fortunately for everybody involved, we caught up with him on the rooftop patio of Brit's Pub the other day.

If you're unfamiliar with Brit's, it's a downtown bar that, if you can believe it, is British-themed. You can always judge books by their covers. Located at 10^th & Nicollet, it features two levels (actually three if you count their up-upstairs lounge, and a rooftop patio that overlooks 10^th Ave & the Souteastern skyline.

They have a nice selection of beers, both English & local. They also have drinks that are, “dark, go in your belly, make ya warm,” which is always a nice combination. Also, they have a happy hour that runs from 4:30 to 6:30 and Midnight to 2:00 AM Sunday through Thursday.

Anyway, Ol' Swervin had a thing or two to say about Brit's. Check it: (do yourself a favor and bump the quality up to 360p. This camera's shit)

Damn! 4 Swerves for Brit's Pub! Let's check the big board and see where that leaves us:

CC Club: 4 Swerves

Brit's Pub: 4 Swerves

Loring Kitchen & Bar: 3.5 Swerves

Liquor Lyle's: 2 Swerves

Mortimer's: 2 Swerves

Tied for first place! You limey bastards!

 Alright, thanks for joining us this time. For more on Brit's Pub you can check out there website here.

As always, SwervinTaters is on Twitter (@SwervinTaters) and we can say, without hyperbole, that deciding to follow him is the best decision you'll make all year. 

Of course, this blog is on Twitter as well (@NewestIndustry1). Follow it. Frreal. Until next time...

Meal Time!#1: TCDroogsma at Bryant-Lake Bowl

TCDroogsma likes to eat things. He also likes to write blogs. Here we go...

Hey internets! How ya'll doing? Well? Yeah? Good. You know I worry about you.

As you can see, I took a walk down to the old Bryant-Lake Bowl the other day.  If you somehow don't know what B-LB is, well, get outside more. Christ.

B-LB is a bar/restaurant/old-timey bowling alley located, if you can believe this, on the corner of Bryant Ave. & Lake St. During the day it's very much a lunch spot and at night it becomes more of a date night/dj night/bowling night type of place. They have a theatre attached to the bar, but for our purposes, that's irrelevant (of course, if you're a fan of indie theatre and local bands, you should look into it).

Annnyyywayyy... I was hungry for breakfast yesterday (by breakfast I mean it was 2:00 in the afternoon but I hadn't eaten yet). Thanks to my old friend SwervinTaters, I remembered that B-LB actually has breakfast until 3 and that it's pretty solid. When I got there at 2:30, I had just missed the lunch rush, so I was working with this:

As you can see, with the exception of the server who was moving faster than my shutter speed, I pretty much had the run of the place. Though, oddly, the bowling lanes were mostly full. Who's bowling on at 2:30 on a Tuesday afternoon?

So, here's what we're dealing with. Here's the rundown.

Location: Bryant-Lake Bowl
Meal: Tofu Scramble
Main Ingredients: Tofu, Tamari, Spinach, Red Pepper, Onion, Seasame Seeds, Tamari
To The Side: B-LB Fries or Dirty Rice (cooked in canola oil), a variety of toast options
Beverage: Water
Seated: At The Bar
Music: The Current
Menu Price: $7:50 American for the scramble/sides, $0 for the water
Total Price: $10 American (w/tip)

(Cue the horns)

I present to you the Bryant-Lake Bowl Tofu Scramble!

As you can see, unlike the restaurant's very literal name, the Tofu Scramble does not actually feature scrambled tofu. The tofu is cubed and mixed in with the spinach, onion, red pepper & mixed all together with the tamari and sesame seeds.

The home fries have the texture and consistency of thin-cut potato chips.

(Pro Tip #1: Mix the tofu/veggie combo with the home fries and let it all sit for a minute or two. This lets the potatoes absorb some of the tahini and soften them up. Otherwise you're just eating potato chips with a fork, or as I like to call it, Chinese Potato Chip Fork Torture.)

Also, I went with the sourdough as my toast of choice because, as Congress declared back in the mid-90's, sourdough bread is un-fuck-withable.

Anyway, once I let the mixture come together, this meal was a damn fine meal. The tofu is not very browned, so if you're put off by the texture of tofu, this may not be the meal for you. You should also grow the fuck up.

The red pepper was definitely still crisp, which is awesome. The onion gave the whole thing a nice little kick. Obviously the spinach does what spinach does, namely taste pretty good while making you feel like you're being relatively healthy. We all know it's easy to let spinach get too soggy, so, to their credit, the cooks did an awesome job of getting it done just right.

Not to channel the ghost of Mitch Hedberg, but I'd be lying if I said I knew exactly what role the sesame seeds play in the meal. That being said, they are not an unwelcome addition.

The tamari does not have a super-prominent role in the taste of the entire meal. This is clutch, as nobody wants to eat a breakfast that's so salty they're chugging glass of water after glass of water. It does pull everything together nicely though.

(Pro Tip #2: Since the toast is dry, save it for last. Eat up the delicious tofu/veggie/home fries mix and then use the toast to soak up what's left of the tamari & canola oil. This improves the meal by at least 15%)

So that's that. A very, very good breakfast. Let's tally up the final score.

Flavor: 8/10 - Mild, which is perfect for a breakfast that is one part delicious and one part hangover cure.

Filling: 6/10 - Good and greasy (though without actual grease). However, you'd have to eat a whole cart of tofu & veggies to actually get full.

Price: 6/10 - $10.00 total seems a bit steep for a meal that wasn't super filling and didn't have a beverage. However, that's the going rate these days. If it was any cheaper I'd probably be there 3 days a week.

Ambiance: 8/10 - Given my distaste for people, an empty bar was pretty solid. Plus, they played the new Blur single on The Current while I was there. Bonus point.

Service: 9/10 - Kristen & Brendan were working  behind the bar. Both were super-friendly and, I'm secure enough in my manhood to admit, very good looking. If you ask Kristen nicely she may even tell you about her bacon & cheese tattoo. Also, I apologize if I misspelled your names, Kristen & Brendan. Or Christin & Brendon. Or Kirstin & Brian.

If This Meal Was A Former Twins Outfielder It Would Be: Shannon Stewart. You tend to forget about it, but it's actually really good and deserves more credit than it gets.

How Many Times Per Month Would I Eat This Meal If I Could Afford To: 3. It certainly deserves a spot in the rotation. Roughly once every 10 days seems about right.

Overall Score: 7/10 - A better than average breakfast experience. Thanks, B-LB!

So there you have it, Twin Cities. The Tofu Scramble at the Bryant-Lake Bowl. Definitely worth checking out.

For more TCDroogsma you can follow him on Twitter (@TCDroogsma) or on his own blog Caffeine & Obscenities.

As always, you can follow this blog on Twitter as well (@NewestIndustry1). Give us a follow.

Ryan's Record Of The Week #4: fIREHOSE 'Flyin' The Flannel'

Hey everybody!

It's been a minute since we went down to Extreme Noise to talk to certified punk rock-ologist Ryan, however, in a fit of rage at our stale, stale record collections, we made the trek in hopes that he'd have something special for us.

To the surprise of nobody, Ryan came through in the clutch with a re-pressed 80's classic. Sure, we touched on SST, the weather, the college radio in East Lansing, Twin Peaks, Daniel Johnston, skate videos, the low quality of 'high quality European vinyl, & Ryan's Mom, but it's all part of the journey, kids. Check it:



Boom! The re-issue of fIREHOSE's major label debut Flyin' The Flannel. Here's a little taste of what you're getting.

The video for album opener 'Down With The Bass.'



And the video for the aforementioned 'Walking The Cow.'



To quote modern day philosopher Will Smith: 'Parents just don't understand.'

As always, a huge thanks to Ryan down at Extreme Noise for taking the time to sharing his time. He's a busy man and he doesn't have to do it, but he's a good guy. With that in mind, watch those videos, head down to Extreme Noise, tell him, 'Hey, Ryan, thanks for turning me on to my new favorite record.' He'll appreciate it.

Newest Industry: Doing Big Things #2

Sorry for the lack of posts lately. We’ve been very busy lately auditioning rappers for potential contributions to Newest Industry.



As you can see, so far we’ve only found one with any potential, but she got scared off by a loud noise.

So, with that in mind, please note that All Tensed Up is always looking for contributions. Drawings, paintings, writing (fiction or non), reviews, videos, jokes, pretty much anything with a Twin Cities slant.

Also, if you’re a musician (band, rapper, producer, DJ, etc…) we’d love to have a listen to what your doing and potentially put it up on the blog.

Hit us up in the comments section if you're interested.

SwervinTaters Bar Review #5: Mortimer's

Hey Twin Cities! Big Brother Swervin is on a mission. That mission: Helping you achieve maximum enjoyment while slowly drinking yourself to death. And that’s not just the bar reviews. That’s a life mission.

Swervy spent the afternoon at Mortimer’s the other day. It didn’t go particularly well. Have a look:



Mortimer’s: It will turn you against old white people AND female white people! It will force you to form a new opinion on what’s wrong with America! And yet, 2 of 5 Swerves. Let’s check the scoreboard:

CC Club: 4 Swerves

Pat’s Tap: 3.5 Swerves

Loring Kitchen & Bar: 3.5 Swerves

Liquor Lyle’s: 2 Swerves

Mortimer’s: 2 Swerves

Welcome to last place, Mort’s!

Sadly, we can’t suggest a link to Mortimer’s website because they don’t have one. We’re assuming nobody there knows how to use a computer. If you want to know what it’s like, you’ll have to check it out yourself. Bring your coon skin cap.

As always, we thank SwervinTaters for his contributions to the blog, the Twin Cities, and the his tireless efforts to promote a sexy motion. If you need more SwervinTaters in your life (and you probably do), check him out on Twitter (@SwervinTaters).

Until next time, Amurrica…

Ryan's Record Of The Week #3: The Body & Braveyoung 'Nothing Passes'

Hey everybody! It’s been a little bit, but Newest Industry finally made its way back down to Extreme Noise to chat with our old friend Ryan. He’s in the process of getting the store ready for Record Store Day, but took a few minutes to tell us all about a new record we should check out:

The Body & Braveyoung - Nothing Passes



Boom! Check out the new split from The Body & Braveyoung.

If you’re wondering what you’ll get from these two bands, here’s a look:



More about The Body here.

More about Braveyoung here.

Also be sure to check out Record Store Day this Saturday. Free scones! Free veggie dogs! Condominum! Don’t miss it!

As always, be sure to check out Extreme Noise’s website when you have a minute. Better yet, stop by the store. They’re good people.

Big thanks to Ryan for turning us on to yet another great record. Until next time…

SwervinTaters Bar Review #4: Loring Kitchen & Bar

Hey America!

Handsome Uncle Swervin is back from… well… we’re not sure where, but he’s back and he’s still on his bar review grind.

This week he spent the afternoon in the heart of the city at Loring Kitchen & Bar. And, contrary to whatever Jay-Z thinks, he found plenty of love. Have a look:



Blaow! 3 and a half Swerves for the LKB! Let’s check the big board:

 1st Place: CC Club - 4 Swerves

2nd Place (Tie): Pat’s Tap - 3.5 Swerves

2nd Place (Tie): Loring Kitchen & Bar - 3.5 Swerves

4th Place: Liquor Lyle’s: 2 Swerves

For more on Loring Kitchen & Bar, you can check their website here.

If you’re itching for more SwervinTaters, be sure to give his Twitter a follow (@SwervinTaters). He’s a great time-out taker.

There you have it, kiddies. Play nice.

A New (Old) Pic Of MPLS From Ol' Schooler!

Just a reminder of what we missed this year:

According to Ol’ Schooler this pic is about 5 years old. He’s invoking his 5th Amendement Rights to explain how he was able to take it.

SwervinTaters Bar Review #3: CC Club

Hey Amerrica! SwervinTaters is back and he celebrated President’s Day by going to the most presidential bar he knows: The CC Club. Have a look at his thoughts on this iconic Uptown spot:



What CAN you say about the CC Club? It’s a bar or an establishment… Whatever you wanna call it. Swervin calls it four out of five! The CC Club is the, er… clubhouse leader. Here’s the standings so far.

CC Club: 4 Swerves

Pat’s Tap: 3.5 Swerves

Liquor Lyle’s: 2 Swerves

For more info on the CC Club, you’ll just have to go there, because they don’t have a website.

As always, you can find more of SwervinTaters’ insight on life, whoredom, drinking, Minnesota sports, whores, life, & drinking by following him on Twitter (@SwervinTaters)

Sammy Sosa, baby!

Vegan Cooking With MinneSarah #2: Mac Daddy!

Hello my hungry friends! MinneSarah was nice enough to invite Newest Industry over for another night of drinking, Spotify dancing, Instagram-ing, and delicious vegan food.

This time she undertook the Mac Daddy recipe from Veganomicon. If ya don’t know, Mac Daddy is a vegan baked macaroni & cheese dish and it’s phenomenal. Also, if you’re interested in vegan cooking, Veganomicon is an absolute must. Everything in that cookbook is three stars or better.

The first thing to do with this recipe is to boil up a box of pasta. She used elbows this time around. Sadly, NI showed up too late to get a picture, but, honestly, taking a picture of a box of pasta is pretty fucking pointless. You know what it looks like.

While you wait for the water to boil for your pasta, you may as well pour yourself a drink.

MinneSarah opted for some good old-fashioned vodka Red Bulls this time around.

For this recipe, you’ll need the Cheezy Sauce ingredients (see below) plus:

1 lb. of extra firm tofu
1 tsp salt
1 tbsp olive oil
2 tbsp lemon juice

Once the pasta is boiling and the drinks are poured, it’s time to start on the Cheesy Sauce. For those who’ve never tried it, this is pretty much the best vegan cheese option. It’s a little spicy and definitely better than anything that can be found in a store.

The Mac Daddy recipe calls for a double batch of Cheezy Sauce.  NI’s taken the liberty of doubling up the quantities in the recipe below, so if you decide to make this at home, just use the numbers below.

4 cups veggie broth or water
1/2 cup all-purpose flour
2 tbsp olive oil
6 cloves of garlic
A pinch of dried thyme
1/2 tsp salt
Several pinches fresh black pepper
1/4 tsp turmeric
1 1/2 cups nutritional yeast
2 tbsp lemon juice
2 tsp prepared yellow mustard

First, combine the broth and flour in a bowl and whisk it with a fork until it’s dissolved. Set aside momentarily.

Second, mince up the garlic and place it in a small sauce pan with the olive oil. MinneSarah owns a sweet garlic press that makes this step about a thousand times less tedious than actually chopping the garlic yourself.

Fry up the garlic or low heat for a couple of minutes. Once it’s sufficiently golden, add the thyme, salt, & pepper and let it fry for 15-20 seconds.

Add the broth, turmeric, & nooch and raise the heat to medium. Use a whisk to stir the mixture. It should start bubbling up within a couple of minutes.

 Once the mixture is bubblin’, stir in the lemon juice & mustard. Give it a couple more minutes and blaow! Best vegan cheese ever!

Preheat your oven to 325, because it’s time to put all the pieces together.

God willing, by this time your noodles are done, strained & good to go.

First, crumble up your tofu into the baking dish. Add the salt, olive oil, & lemon juice. Press & stir the mixture with a fork until it becomes something resembling ricotta cheese.

Add half a cup of the Cheezy sauce to the tofu & stir it all together.

Add the macaroni to the tofu/Cheezy mixture and then pour three more cups of Cheezy Sauce on top of that.

Stir up the whole mixture and then flatten it out with a spatula. Once the mixture is level, add the rest of the Cheesy goodness and smooth it all out with your aforementioned spatula. It should look something like this:

Put that in the oven and let it bake for about half an hour or until it’s slightly brown.

Now, last time I checked, this was America. As such, MinneSarah deemed it necessary that we add chopped up Smart Dogs to the mix. Also, because MinneSarah believes in at least attempting to balance out meals, she decided we should steam some broccoli to add to the finished dish.

So, while the Mac Daddy was baking, she chopped & steamed some broccoli.

Somewhere Dana Carvey is smiling.

While the broccoli was steaming, she chopped up the Smart Dogs so we could use the steaming water to boil them up.

Boil up the Smart Dogs for just a couple of minutes.

By now, hopefully, the Mac Daddy is lightly browned and ready for consumption.

Boom! Let the whole thing settle on the stove top for 10 minutes. Once it’s cooled off a bit, grab yourself a plate, fork, and 3rd or 5th drink: It’s time to eat!

That’s as real as it gets!

As always, big thanks to MinneSarah for hosting, cooking, letting Newest Industry take pictures, and being suitably passive-aggressive as we ate and left without cleaning up any of the dishes.

If you’re on the Twitter, you should definitely be following MinneSarah (@MinneSarah), especially if you enjoy cats, Mormon fashion, and the 90’s.

A New MPLS Pic From Ol' Schooler!

According to Ol’ Schooler:

“MN ALL DAY”

That’s as real as it gets! Thanks, Ol’ Schooler.

Ryan's Record Of The Week #2: Tenement "Blind Wink"

 Our old friend Ryan from Extreme Noise is back and he’s got another record suggestion for us!

This week Ryan suggested “Blind Wink” by the band Tenement. Here’s what he had to say:



Like early SST. High praise indeed.

Here’s a great example of what you’re getting into with Tenement:



For more on Tenement, visit their Myspace page here.

Always special thanks to Ryan for his suggestions.

Visit the Extreme Noise website here. And please, if you have the time, stop in and say hi to Ryan. He’s good people.

Newest Industry: Doing Big Things #1

Working hard to bring you the best Twin Cities blog in the, er, Twin Cities.



Grinding hard, 24/7, man.

SwervinTaters Bar Review #2: Liquor Lyle's

Hey everybody!

That good looking man-about-town SwervinTaters stopped by Liquor Lyle’s this week for the Bar Review. A drunken time was had by all. Here’s what he thought of the bar:


Liquor Lyle’s: Don’t come here if you like yourself.

 Truer words were never spoken.

Thanks to Swervin for stopping by NI and sharing his opinion. If you’re not following him on Twitter (@SwervinTaters) you’re life is an unequivocal failure. Until next week…

Ol' Schooler Drops Off A New Pic!

According to the man himself: This is the best pic I ever took.

Stellar work!

Ryan's Record Of The Week #1: Condominium "Warm Home"

Last week Newest Industry took a stroll down to Extreme Noise to talk to our local punk rock expert Ryan and hopefully get turned onto something new. He recommended the “Warm Home” LP by the St. Paul band Condominium.

Here’s what he had to say about it (apologies for the wobbly camera. It’s a phone and I’d had somewhere between 4-50 cups of coffee prior to the visit).



Like Black Flag without all that Henry Rollins nonsense. Who can’t get behind that?

Thanks to Ryan for the tip! Click the video below for a Condominium’s song “Life Is Amazing/Teeth.”



Condominium will be playing every Saturday night this March downtown at Grumpy’s. For more info, visit

Condomimium’s blog here.

Visit the Extreme Noise website here.

Be sure to stop by on Tuesdays and thank Ryan for his suggestions. Dude knows his shit.

SwervinTaters Bar Review #1: Pat's Tap

Welcome to the first edition of SwervinTaters Bar Review. Swervin is a longtime friend of ATU and a Twin Cities bar aficionado. This week he visited Pat’s Tap at 3510 Nicollet Avenue in South Minneapolis.



There ya go, folks! Not a bar for key bumps! Don’t act like he never told ya.

Pat’s Tap will inevitably be bragging about their 3 and a half Swerve rating very soon. Be sure to check their website here.

Thanks to Swervin for stopping by the blog. For more of his observations on life and bar, he’s a must-follow on Twitter (@SwervinTaters). Until next week…

Vegan Cooking With MinneSarah #1: Barbecued Seitan Ribz!

MinneSarah is arguably the best vegan cook in the Twin Cities. At the very least, she’s Newest Industry’s favorite. She’s also on a very short list of good reasons to visit St. Paul (just ahead of the Science Museum). Last night she was kind enough to invite NI over for a dinner of vegan ribs, scalloped potatoes, and citrus collard greens (and rum & cokes). Fortunately, she was kind of enough to share the recipe and take a few pictures so that everybody out there in the ether of the internet could indulge in vegan ribs as well.

It makes sense to start with the scalloped potatoes since they take about an hour to bake up. She was using the recipe from Vive Le Vegan! by Dreena Burton.

What ya need:

3 cups plain non-dairy milk
1 large garlic clove
1/4 cup miso
3 tablespoons arrowroot powder
2 tablespoons whole wheat pastry flour
2 tablespoons olive oil
2 teaspoons dijon mustard
1 teaspoon rosemary
1/4-1/2 cup honey alternative
1/4 teaspoon sea salt
1/8-1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg
pinch of ground pepper
2 lbs Yukon or red potatoes
1 1/2-2 cups thinly slice onion

Topping:

2 cups bread crumbs
2 tablespoons olive oil
1/4 teaspoon sea salt

Preheat the oven to 400 F and slice up those potatoes and onions.

In a blender or food processor, prep the the sauce with 1 cup of milk, garlic, miso, arrowroot, flour, olive oil, mustard, rosemary, honey alternative, salt, nutmeg, and pepper and blend until, er, blended.

Add 2 more cups of milk and blend again.

In a casserole dish (or hotdish dish where MinneSarah comes from) add about a 1/3 of the potatoes, followed by 1/2 the onions, repeat until you run out of onions and potatoes.

Add the topping mix, loosely cover with aluminum foil, and bake for 50-60 minutes until the potatoes are soft.

While that bakes…

For the main course she was working with a recipe from Fat Free Vegan (though she guiltlessly added fat by using olive oil). The recipe can be viewed here.

What ya need:

1 cup vital wheat gluten
2 teaspoons paprika
2 tablespoons nutritional yeast
2 teaspoons onion powder
1 teaspoon garlic powder
3/4 cups of water
2 tablespoons tahini (or other nut butter)
1 teaspoon liquid smoke
1 tablespoon soy sauce
1 cup of barbecue sauce (roughly)

Spray an 8x8 pan with with a bit of oil.

Mix the vital wheat gluten, paprika, nutritional yeast, onion powder and garlic powder in a large bowl.

Mix the water with the tahini, liquid smoke & soy sauce. Add that mix to the mixture of dry ingredients. Stir that shit up and knead it lightly.

Put the dough into the pan and flatten it out so it covers the dish evenly. Cut the whole thing into 8 strips, then cut those strips in half to for 16 strips.

Place it in the already heated-up oven for 25 minutes.

While you wait, feel free to indulge in a rum & coke and some dancing.

Once 25 minutes has passed, pull out the ribs and re-cut them along the lines. Brush the top of the ribs with barbecue sauce (continue dancing if you’re so inclined)

 Spatula them out of the dish, flip ‘em like they’re kilos and you’re name is Pusha P, put them on the stove/grill/griddle and brush the other side with more barbecue sauce. They should look like this:

Grill it up (keep an eye on it so it doesn’t burn). Once one side is brown, flip it over and brown the other side. Keep the heat low.

While the ribs are slowly browning up, get the collard greens ready. She used the recipe from Culinate.com (which you can read here.)

 What ya need:

2 large bunches of collard greens
1/3 cup fresh orange juice
1 tablespoon salt
1 tablespoon olive oil
2 minced garlic cloves
2/3 cups of raisins

In a large pot, bring 3 quarts of water to a boil and add the salt. While the water comes to a boil, chiffonade (yeah, that’s a verb, means ‘chop into thin strips.’ Who knew?) the collard greens.

Boil the greens uncovered for 8-10 minutes. While they boil, get a bowl of cool water ready, ya gon’ need it.

Meanwhile, pull the potatoes out of the oven, pull the cover off, and give them a poke. If they’re nice and soft, add the topping mixture of breadcrumbs, olive oil, and salt. Leave those spuds uncovered and put them back in the oven for 7-10 minutes (or until browned).

Meanwhile, pour yourself another drink and have a little dance, as you’re about 15 minutes from eating yourself into a coma.

Alright, once the collard greens are done, drain and pour them into the cold water (this preserves their color and texture).

In a pan over medium heat, heat up the oil and add the minced garlic. Saute that up for about a minute before adding the collards, raisins, and 1/2 a teaspoon of salt. Saute that mix for about 3 minutes, stirring frequently.

Add the orange juice and saute for another 15 seconds.

At this point the potatoes should be just about done. Let them cool for 5-10 minutes, finish off your drink, and it’s time for dinner!

Bam! Perfect for Minnesota’s chilly nights.

While MinneSarah did plenty of prepping, cooking, drinking, & dancing, she had only this to say about the meal:

"Those potatoes were bland.  Ribz are pretty darn easy.  Collards are the best!!!!’

Bland potatoes or not, that was a hell of a meal. Big thanks to MinneSarah for all the hard work and a delicious dinner! She can be found on Twitter (@MinneSarah) tweeting about cats, mormon fashion, the State Fair, and 90’s music. Highly recommended.