World Of Worley: Hello Twin Cities!

And ya say Twins City!

Well hello, baseball fans!  Welcome to brand new column here on Newest Industry!

A lot of us here at Newest Industry are Twins fans.  As such, we were hoping to incorporate a weekly Twins column into our usual mix of posts.  We reached out to several people before finally finding somebody who was willing to embrace the challenge.

Ladies and gentlemen, please give a warm welcome to Newest Industry's newest contributor: Not Vance Worley!

We're planning on having Not Vance here all season, providing updates on the Twins season each Monday throughout the summer.

The season kicks off tomorrow, so we thought today would be a good time for our newest blogger to write his first column, introducing himself to our readers and Twins fans everywhere.

Not Vance, take it away!

Hello Twins fans!  You'll have to bear with me just a bit here, I've never been asked to write a blog before.  I guess I'd like to take a second to thank Newest Industry for inviting me to join their crew of bloggers for this season.  Despite their generally unkempt appearance they seem like nice enough folks.

So this is my first season with the Minnesota Twins.  I'm pretty excited.  I've heard that Minnesota has some of the best fans in the world.  Any fanbase that was willing to put up with Alexei Casilla for six years must have hearts of gold.

As most of you probably know, I spent the last couple of  seasons with the Philadelphia Phillies.  I had some great times in Philly before getting injured last season.  I won't get into all the specifics, but let me be the first to tell you, you haven't lived until you've experienced one of Jimmy Rollins' "Cheesteak Parties."  I'd tell you about them, but everybody who attends one has to sign a legal waiver banning them from discussing what goes on at the party.  Let me just say this, nobody knows a Philly cheesesteak like Jimmy Rollins knows his cheesesteak.

But, that's in the past.  I'm here in Minneapolis now and I'm looking forward to helping the Twins get back to their winning ways.  I know that a lot of people were skeptical of Terry Ryan for trading Ben Revere for me.  I can understand that.  Let me just throw a couple of numbers at you:

Ben Revere HR total for 2012: 0
My HR total for 2012: 0

Think about that for a second.  I think you made the right move, Minnesota.  I know there's a lot of skepticism about our team this year, but let me tell you, we are .500 bound!  We play in a division with the Royals and Indians, right?  How could we not get to .500?

Spring training down in Fort Meyers has been a blast.  I thought a fun thing for us to do to kick off the blog would be for me to tell you a little bit about my new teammates.  Some of you probably know them better than I do, but that's part of the fun!

Let's have a look at the managers and the lineup first!

Manager Ron Gardenhire:  I was impressed with Gardy from the first time I met him.  His ability to scratch off lottery tickets using the cap from his Budweiser was particularly impressive.  I've never seen anybody scratch off so many lotto tickets in one sitting!  Truly a player's coach.

Pitching Coach Rick Anderson: I spent a lot of time with Coach Rick during the spring trying to get my arm back up to speed. He seems nice enough, but he has this pitching strategy that involves trying to get the batter to make contact with the pitch.  Seems kind of counter-intuitive to me.  I typically plan on striking out everybody that I face.  I learned that from Roy Halladay.  I think I'm gonna stick with that for a while.

Catcher Joe Mauer: Everybody knows Joe Mauer around the league, but let me tell you, few people really know Joe Mauer.  When I arrived in Fort Myers he gave me a gift basket filled with Head & Shoulders shampoo, Kemps whole milk, and a note that read, "Shake me off and I'll have you in Rochester before the 7th inning.  Sincerely, Rubber Band Man."  It was surprising, and a little unpleasant, considering the milk had evidently just been sitting out for days.

First Baseman Justin Morneau: I was super excited to meet Justin Morneau when I got to Florida.  I remember watching him win the MVP award during my senior year of high school.  He was such a monster that year.  It was cool meeting him, though for the first two weeks of spring training I think he thought I was Devin Setoguchi.  He kept telling me the Vancouver Canucks were going to run away with the division.  Being the new guy I didn't want to argue with him. The only way to get him to stop was to get him to face the sun and hope a headache took hold.

Second Baseman Brian Dozier: The Bull-Dozier seems like a good kid.  Lot of energy and lots of fire.  His passion reminds me of Chase Utley back when he was still alive.

Shortstop Pedro Florimon: Even though I don't speak much Spanish and Pedro doesn't speak much English it's important for a pitcher and his shortstop to develop chemistry.  I figured the best way to share who I was with him would be to give him a good old "Sacramento Hello."  For those who don't know, this is a tradition among those of us from Sacramento. Basically, you sneak up on a guy in the middle of the night, duct tape his mouth, tie up his hands, cover his eyes, put a Vlade Divac jersey on him just start whaling away on some cowbells.  Pedro seems genuinely terrified of me now, but deep down I think he appreciates the gesture.

Third Baseman Trevor Plouffe: I never actually got to meet Trevor.  I saw him sitting across the locker room from me, but every time he got up to come over and introduce himself he'd strain his quad and have to sit back down.  Maybe we'll get to know each other in Minnesota.

Left Fielder Josh Willingham: Looking at last year's Twins team I saw that Josh had a big year for the club.  Since he's the team's offensive leader I thought it would be important to get to know him, but when I went over to meet him all he said was, "Great, another fucking new guy.  Listen, whoever you are, I don't know why I'm still on this team and you can bet your ass I won't be here come August."  When I explained that I was the new pitcher he said, "Oh, the guy they traded my center fielder for?  You know how much more running I'm going to have to do because of you?  For every ball hit to the left-center gap while you're pitching you owe me $4,500.  I suggest striking out everybody."  Seems like we're on the same page.

Center Fielder Aaron Hicks:  Man, this kid went nuts this spring!  Home runs, gappers, stolen bases, scoring runs... Plus, he's a fellow California boy, which is nice.  People have been telling me that Minnesota weather is tough on people from California, so I'm glad I'll have another homeboy there to lean on.  I've heard it sometimes gets down to 50 degrees!  In the spring!  Crazy!

Right Fielder Chris Parmelee: Meeting Chris Parmelee was great!  This guy is so talented!  Not only a big league ballplayer, but he's great as Dr. Spaceman on my all time favorite show 30 Rock!

Designated Hitter Ryan Doumit: Doumit's a strange guy.  First time I met him he demanded that I refer to him as The Supervillain and told me that, "just because someone wears a mask doesn't mean he done something automatically..."  That seemed reasonable, but then he put on his metal mask and disappeared for the rest of spring training.  Like I said, strange guy.





So that's the lineup.  I'm excited to watch those guys.  Top to bottom they're easily one of the top five lineups in the AL Central.

Now, on to my kind of guys, the pitchers!

Starting Pitcher Mike Pelfrey:  Mike and I actually got to know each other pretty well last year as we each spent the season living in NL East DL purgatory!  We would have nice long chats about how bad our arms hurt and who's lineup was worse defensively so it was probably a moot point that we weren't pitching.  There's no bond stronger than the shared bond of lowered expectations.  He's really bounced back this spring though.  I think getting out of Queens was probably good for him.  He told me that getting out of Queens is good for everybody.

Starting Pitcher Kevin Correia: Another new guy here in Minnesota.  Seems like a nice guy, but let's just say that guys batting averages jump up a couple of points just by making eye contact with him.  Just try not to get hurt out there, bud!

Starting Pitcher Scott Diamond: Scott made a point of coming up to me on the first day of spring training to, "make a couple of things clear.  First off, I'm the ace of this staff.  If you think you're coming in here and taking my spot you got another thing coming.  Second, you call me 'Black Diamond.'"  I was surprised by the nickname.  "'Black Diamond,' like the KISS song?" I asked.  "Well, kinda.  The KISS song, but not the KISS version.  The Replacements version on Let It Be is kind of the one I took the name from."  I told him that's a lot to ask of a nickname, but he assured me that most of the people in Minneapolis get it right away.  In fact, most don't even know it's KISS song.

Starting Pitchers Liam Hendricks & Cole De Vries:  If you can tell which of these guys is which you're a better man than me.

The Bullpen: A bunch of guys who aren't good enough to take a job from Kevin Correia.  No sense discussing them.

So that's my first impression of the team.  The Road To .500 starts tomorrow afternoon at Target Field with yours truly throwing bullets!  Looks like the game time temperature is going to be in the high 30's, but there'll be so much heat coming off me that you can probably wear t-shirts.

Talk to you next Monday!

There you have it, folks!  The very first edition of World Of Worley from our newest contributor Not Vance Worley!  Be sure to check back each Monday as Not Vance recaps the week and scouts out the week ahead!

For more Not Vance Worley, be sure to give him a follow on Twitter (@TinyVancer).  The next person to follow him will be the first!

For more Newest Industry, be sure to give us a follow on Twitter (@NewestIndustry1) to stay up on the work being done by all of our contributors.  More importantly, we have a Facebook page here. Trivial as it seems, stopping by and giving us a "Like" is a free & legitimate way to support the blog.

Songs Of The Week #33: TCDroogsma

Wooden Wand, Ducktails, Ulrich Schnauss, Foxygen, & Strange Relations...

Well hello again, everybody! Welcome to Songs Of The Week #33!

For those of you who aren't quite sure what you're looking at, here's the scoop: Each week we ask two of our contributors to download the songs given away via The Current's Song Of The Day podcast. After spending a few days with them, we as them to write a review of each song and give it a score of 1-5.

As always, we strongly suggest that you follow this link and subscribe to the podcast yourself. It's free music! To that end, we've also posted a poll to the righthand side of the page. Please vote for whichever of this week's songs was your favorite. The artist with the most votes at the end of the week receives the peace of mind that comes with winning an anonymous poll on a blog. High stakes!

Now, if you've been following the Songs Of The Week column at all, you'll know that we've been unable to find a second person to review the songs. Who knew it would be so hard to find a blogging music critic in the Twin Cities?

So, yet again, all we can offer you is the perpetually available TCDroogsma and his take on the tracks.

So, Droogsy... thoughts?

01. Wooden Wand – Supermoon (The Sounding Line) (from the album Blood Oaths Of The New Blues)

TCDroogsma:

      “Supermoon (The Sounding Line)” is a tough song to pin down. Wooden Wand (essentially singer-songwriter James Toth) has made a career of left turns and “Supermoon” is yet another.

      To those who are not overly-familiar with Toth's work (like, say, myself), this doesn't prove to be a benefit. If you've been a fan for him, I'm sure the airy-spaced-out country vibe he's hitting on here is just another intriguing guise for a man who's built a career out of them. For the rest of us, however, it's just an airy-spaced-out country song, and not a particularly compelling one at that. Without that frame of reference, what are we supposed to make of this?

      The actual song is a bit charming enough, if not confounding. The titular “supermoon” is a reference to the time that Toth and his significant other fell off. The line leading up to the chorus, “No one's gonna climb this sounding line,” lends an air of dread to the fallout from this supermoon breakup. Down past, “the Mark Twain at two fathoms... the Deep Six at six fathoms...” we expected to find something more sinister than just Toth's emotional struggles. Sadly, that's all that's waiting at the bottom of the water. Frankly, they probably could have just stayed there.

Final Score: 2/5

02. Ducktails – Letter Of Intent (from the album The Flower Lane)

TCDroogsma:

      I'll be honest, I had never heard of Ducktails before this song. Turns out it's the solo work of Mathew Mondanile, guitarist for Real Estate. It took me a few listens to finally “get” “Letter Of Intent.” Secretly, I was hoping it was a song about the struggles of committing to a college as a high school football player.

      Unfortunately, that wasn't the case. Fortunately, we are treated to 80's-style, synthed-out groove that's one half Madonna and one half Hall & Oates (or, I guess, one quarter Hall & one quarter Oates). For about the 1,000^th time here on Songs Of The Week, my love for boy/girl vocals is going to trump any other factor in song evaluation, and Ducktails does it surprisingly well. To their credit, they ride the female's lead (sorry, I don't know their names) as far as her charming voice can take before a bridge built around the Molandile's voice. This vocal trade-off lends the song a lot of color.

      Really, that's where the appeal of “Letter Of Intent” lies. Stripped down, it's an average-to-good song, but Ducktails do a remarkable job of adding just enough little things to reward repeated listens. A keyboard flutter here, a vocal affectation there, and just enough room to breathe that “Letter Of Intent” sounds tailor-made to be the spring anthem of every skinny, awkward kid saying goodbye to his first crush at the end of freshman year.

Final Score: 3.5/5

03. Ulrich Schnauss – I Take Comfort In Your Ignorance (from the album A Long Way To Fall)

TCDroogsma:

      This is the second week in a row that I've been tasked with reviewing an instrumental track here on Songs Of The Week. Unlike last week's song from Mister Lies, with its club-ready drums and keyboard blips, Ulrich Schnauss takes a little more time to stretch his legs out with “I Take Comfort In Your Ignorance.”

      (Sidenote: That's a brutal title for an instrumental song. For better or worse, the title is going to set the mood of a track, moreso if it's lyric-less. Calling a song “I Take Comfort In Your Ignorance” comes off as condescending at best. However, that's only an initial take that, for the most part, leaves your brain after a few listens.)

      “I Take Comfort In Your Ignorance” is not built for sweaty clubs. Oh, it acts like it is. The keyboard buildup at the beginning of the song is just begging for that pause... DROP moment. Wisely, it never comes. A lot of electronic music seems built for people on ecstasy. “I Take Comfort In Your Ignorance” sounds more like it was made for someone who's had a few bowl hits.

      Those keyboards that sound like a buildup at the beginning eventually turn into a canvas for Schnauus to paint on. Melodic keyboard lines show up and then disappear just as quickly, giving the listener the sensation that a lot is happening, when, in actuality, there's so much less to it than you think.

      “I Take Comfort In Your Ignorance” can be framed as a two-part suite. The pulsing of the keyboards is eventually replaced with actual percussion in the second half of the song, but again, it's not a Drop moment. In fact, the second half of the song is almost like sequel to the first half. Not as good, lacking the subtle rewards of the first, but a necessary climax.

Final Score: 3/5

04. Foxygen – No Destruction (from the album We Are The 21^st Century Ambassadors Of Peace And Magic)

TCDroogsma:

      Woah, woah, woah... Put down the copy of Nashville Skyline and step away from the turntable...

      Listen, when it comes to Bob Dylan, there's a difference between “influenced by,” and “hero worship.” When it comes to Foxygen's “No Destruction,” the only question left on the table is spit or swallow?

      I should note right off the top that I'm predisposed to hate shit like this. Growing up on punk rock taught me that the idealism of the 60's was a fool's pursuit, self-centered and fruitless. Evidently, Sam Francis and John Rado did not grow up on punk rock. “No Destruction” is drowning in long-dead tropes like, “the door of consciousness, San Francisco,” and a world of, “no destruction in the waking hour...” The fact that the most rebellious action they could come up with in our post-OWS world is smoking pot in a subway gives them away as aping their idols rather than updating the message.

      And then, just in case the weezing vocals and middling lyrics weren't bold enough signposts, the harmonica shows up to take us out. The title “No Destruction” is brutally appropriate. Those idealistic hippies from the 60's were concerned with the destruction of a flawed system. Foxygen seems concerned strictly with leaving the system intact and ringing every last cent from the bloated corpse of those same hippies.

Final Score: 0/5

05. Strange Relations – Endurance (from the EP Ghost World)

TCDroogsma:

      Remember last week when I reviewed Fury Things? If not, I lamented how the key to a really good shoegaze-pop song is giving the listener something new to discover each listen. You can't just turn up the reverb and hope that's enough.

      To that end, Strange Relations has done their homework. “Endurance” got better and better every time I listened to it. Coming off like the bastard child of Gospel Gossip, Solid Gold, and Night Moves, there's a lot of things going on in “Endurance” and all of them are being done very well.

      The guitar doesn't squall so much as it lingers like a fog, with random leads rising up like steam from a sewer. The rhythm section is deceptively tight, conjuring up a danceable groove that can, I'm assuming, be turned into a monster live. Add to that mix a vocal line that takes half a dozen listens to really reveal itself and Strange Relations comes off like your older brother's impossibly cool girlfriend, cigarette hanging between jet black nails and the smell of whiskey following her up the stairs.

Final Score: 4/5

There you have it, music fans! Another week's worth of songs downloaded, reviewed, and filed away!

As always, please bear in mind that neither Newest Industry nor its contributors is in any way affiliated with the artists above, The Current, or MPR. We're just music fans with laptops and a little too much time on our hands.

For more TCDroogsma he can be found on Twitter (@TCDroogsma). He can also be found right here on Newest Industry hosting our free weekly podcast Flatbasset Radio.

For more Newest Industry we can also be found on Twitter (@NewestIndustry1). Give us a follow to stay up on the work being done by all of our contributors. More importantly, we have a Facebook page here. Trivial as it seems, stopping by and giving us a “Like” is a free & legitimate way to support the blog.

Trendsetting #7: Mike Otto & TCDroogsma

I'll come back like Jordan, wearing the 4-5...

Well hello again, everybody!  Welcome back to Trendsetting!

We're thrilled that you've decided to stop on by.  As you may have noticed, Trendsetting took a couple of weeks off.  Mike Otto has been busy breaking down the Vikings many offseason moves right here on Newest Industry.  TCDroogsma has been busy recording podcasts and maintaining his Minnesota Wild blog Wildly Biased Observations. Fortunately, they're both back and they've got a thing or two to say about a thing or two.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with the Trendsetting format, here's what you're looking at.  Each week we gather up 10 of the trending news topics from Minnesota and around the world.  We then take those ten topics and send them off to Mike and Travis and have them give us their takes on the events.

As always, neither Mike nor Travis has seen what the other has written prior to this posting.

So, guys... It's been another crazy week out there.  What'd you think?

01. Catholics around the world celebrated the election of Jorge Mario Bergoglio, who then took the name Pope Francis.  Francis is the first Pope elected from the Americas.

Mike Otto:

     The world rejoices at the choice of Pope Francis aka "Pope Everyman". He gives to the poor! He rides the bus to work! He was in love as a young man but rejected by the apple of his eye! Shit. This guy might be my uncle.

     15 years from now Pope Tommy from Cleveland will take the "Pope Everyman" image to a new level when he makes it OK to bring any outside food or drink into movie theaters around the world. Cleveland in the house!

TCDroogsma:

     While Catholics around the world were excited at the selection of Bergoglio, that new-Pope sheen wore off quickly thanks to his initial address to members of the church:

     "The name's Jorge, but everybody calls me Francis.  Any of you guys calls me Jorge, I'll kill ya. And I don't like nobody touching my pope stuff. So just keep your meat-hooks off. If I catch any of you guys in my pope stuff, I'll kill you. Also, I don't like nobody touching me. Now, any of you homos touch me, and I'll kill you."

     The speech baffled much of the constituency, but saw Francis' popularity skyrocket among the anti-gay community and hipsters who won't shut the fuck up about how great Bill Murray films are.

02. After falling to Florida in the second round of the NCAA tournament, the Gophers decide to fire head men's basketball coach Tubby Smith.

Mike Otto:

     No way, the Gophers lost?

     No way, they parted ways with a coach who had gotten them farther than they have in the last decade?

     No way, the U of M now owes millions to a fourth coach who no longer works for the school?

     None of this adds up. U of M athletics has always been such a well-oiled machine, a pillar of the community and the pride of all alumni. This makes no sense to me. I mean its not like the U of M is in the business of losing money....

TCDroogsma:

     While discussing the firing with the media, Smith lamented the fact that he failed to achieve his goals at the U, but is excited to finally have time to work on other things:

     "Oh sure, I'm disappointed, but I finally have time for me.  I'm at least a season behind on Two Broke Girls, I haven't shoveled my sidewalk in about four years, I'd like to take a microwave cookery class, I'm sure there's a bunch of hot new stuff on Brazzers, I'm going to spend a lot of time reading the Harry Potter novels, and my car could use a good wash.  You know, it may not sound like much, but all of these things are infinitely more compelling than any college basketball game ever played.  Now where's my fucking money?"

03. The University Of Minnesota also announced this week that they somehow managed to lose $15,000 selling alcohol at TCF Bank Stadium during the last football season.

Mike Otto:

     So what the Gophers lost fifteen grand adding booze concessions at TCF bank stadium? It's not easy to sell booze to our laid back, calm, passive U of M students. Everyone knows these kids simply aren't interested in drinking, not to mention most of them aren't 21 yet, and, I mean, that would just be illegal! Its not like any of these kids have the fake ID's necessary to purchase alcohol before they are 21. Our kids respect authority AND the rules that govern society.

TCDroogsma:

     Meanwhile, over at the Kappa Beta Kappa house, Cutter and Tay just pulled a cool $400 bucks from a kegger last night.  Not surprisingly, they also managed to accrue more passing yards then the Gophers and nobody had to leave the party because they were suffering a seizure. 

04. Residents of the Highland Park neighborhood in St. Paul are fighting a plan to place a Buffalo Wild Wings into the open storefront that used to be home to Cheapo Records, citing noise and the potential for intoxicated college students.

Mike Otto:

     I'm gonna have to side with the Snelling Ave. residents on this one. Having grown up on Grand and Wheeler in St. Paul, I know firsthand that there is nothing worse than drunk Macalester students.

TCDroogsma:

     So, Highland Park is opposed to bars featuring sports on TV and a boisterous crowd of college kids.  Check me if I'm wrong, Scotty, but aren't you people the ones who remind me constantly that Highland is home to the very first Green Mill?  Sounds to me like somebody is a little to accustomed to being a big fish in a small pond.  A small pond filled with Bud Light and terrible, terrible food.

05. President Obama visits Israel and Palestine for the first time as president.

Mike Otto:

    OH SHIT things about to get real now. We all know wherever Obama goes, change follows, and he als-

     What's that? Nothing changed at all? Damnit. BARRRRRRYYYYYYYY!!!

TCDroogsma:

     That's some fine work there, President Obama.  I mean, you've only been in office for four and half years. It's not like this is a real pressing issue or anything like that.

06. In Steubenville, Ohio, two high school football stars are sentenced to at least a year in jail each for raping an intoxicated 16 year old girl.

Mike Otto:

     Wait you mean my status as a local football star DOESN'T exonerate me from performing sexual acts on a passed out 16 year old girl and filming the whole thing? Well why the fuck am I even playing football? This is some bullshit. Coach promised me this would all go away and if I can't trust my slimy high school football coach, who can I trust?

     Enjoy jail boys, and don't fall asleep, because you never know what might happen if you let your guard down for a second. It'll be your fault anyway, you weren't protecting yourself and you were prancing around in that hot orange jumper all night.

TCDroogsma:

     Oh man, there is no way I'm touching this topic...

     Then again, if I heard CNN correctly, the topic's asking for it.  It's just sitting there, looking good, making eyes at me.  Besides, the topic seems a little tipsy.  It's probably down for whatever.  I mean, just look at it.  I'll bet it wouldn't even put up a fight.  Harlow, you got my back on this, right?

     Wait a minute, what am I talking about?  I'm an inherently decent blogger.  There are some things you just don't do as a blogger, even though you can be absolutely sure that the media won't do a damned thing about it.  I'm sure that they would defend me as a, "bright, young blogger who had a promising future, but who's life has now literally fallen apart."  In a weird way, I'd even become a sympathetic figure.  Sure, I'd have made some horrible, horrible joke, but the fame and sympathy that comes with my punishment would teach my fellow bloggers a lesson: It's OK to do something unconscionably terrible as long as the minor punishment is outweighed by sympathy & notoriety via talking heads on 24 hour news stations.

     The lesson, as always:  The media is an absolute fucking disgrace, making a mockery of both your intelligence and the first amendment.  Rape is a horrible, horrible thing.  Sympathizing with the plight of convicted rapists to garner ratings?  No better.

07. The University Of Minnesota defeats Boston University 6-3, winning the NCAA championship and becoming the first women's team to go undefeated for an entire season.

Mike Otto:

     41 straight and these women can't film ONE goddamn Harlem Shake video? Fuckin' amateurs.

TCDroogsma:

      Much to the chagrin of hockey fans both here in the "State Of Hockey" and around the country, the championship game wasn't televised despite the built in narrative of the Gophers winning the championship at home and the potential for a historic season.

     What the fuck, ESPN?!?  God forbid Loyola & Georgetown play a preseason women's college basketball game without a fucking national broadcast and breathless Scott Van Pelt leading Sportscenter with the line, "Big tune up for the Lady Hoyas tonight on the hardwood!"  But a hockey team trying to go UN-FUCKING-DEFEATED for an entire season doesn't warrant a spot on any of the dozen of ESPN channels?  Am I wrong or don't you jerk-offs have a network called ESPNU for shit JUST LIKE THIS!  BLAH!  I"M SO DISGUSTED I'M CHOKING ON MY CAPS LOCK KEY HERE!

08.Tiger Woods won at Bay Hill over the weekend, regaining the ranking of #1 golfer in the world after two and a half years.

Mike Otto:

     The facts speak for themselves, when this man is hookin' up with blondes he becomes completely unstoppable. His kryptonite is trashy strippers... turns out Tiger Woods isn't so different from you and I.

TCDroogsma:

     Tiger back on top...  no, wait.

     Tiger comes from behind... no, wait, that's almost worse.

     Tiger pounds opponents... no, wait, that's not it either

     Tiger gets balls deep... no, wait, what?

     Lindsey Vonn's new boyfriend is #1 golfer in the world.  There it is.  For shizzle.

09. Ford Motor Company apologizes for European ads depicting Italian politician Silvio Berlusconi drving a Ford Figo with three women tied up in the trunk.

Mike Otto:

     Those women wouldn't have been stuck in the trunk for so long, but the trunk release button fell off and the key wouldn't work, so we had to go back to the dealership and wait for Larry to get off lunch break, when he got back he just took a crowbar to the trunk and charged me $500. In other words, this apology is nice, but we're still waiting for an apology regarding the last 30 years of poor service and terrible automobiles.

TCDroogsma:

     I'm sorry, I'm trying to come up with a joke, but what could possibly be funnier than that picture?  What's the underlying message?  Did Berlusconi sign off on this?  Are those women strippers or do traffic cops actually look like that in Europe?  Were the ball-gags necessary? Is this what showing tits on broadcast television across Europe eventually leads to?  What the hell is a Ford Figo? And, most importantly, who are the ad wizards that came up with that one?

10. Atlanta rapper (and Newest Industry's Spirit Animal) Gucci Mane arrested after allegedly hitting an off-duty military officer with a champagne bottle after the man asked to take a picture with the rapper.

Mike Otto:

     "For reals doe, dis du' had dat comin mane. I mean take my name out ya mouf ya hear? Talkin' bout service to ya country, mane I don't care bout no service cept some bottle service and dats Gucci bitch. Is you a waitress? Cuz what you wearin' you look like a waitress. Naw tell ya what heres a hundred dollas go get me and my crew ten more orange juices, we thirsty, if you lucky I won't hit you in the face wit one dem when you get back. cuz I might forget i eva seent ya I mean I'm high as fuck ya see and tends to forget my interactions minute to minute. BRICKSQUAD BURR!"

TCDroogsma:

     After the arrest, Gucci Mane's family, concerned that Gucci's vices were getting the best of him, reached out to Gucci's rap group Brick Squad to help intervene with the wayward rapper.

     Unfortunately, the plan proved fruitless, as OJ Da Juiceman is currently feuding with Gucci, Slim Dunkin & YG Hootie can't remember who's who, and Waka Flaka Flame spent the entire meeting throwing wadded up dollar bills at everybody in sight.  The only member of Brick Squad who seemed concerned was Joe Moses, who reiterated, "You've got the wrong Joe Moses!  I'm an accountant!  I don't know what Joe Moses you're looking for, but I'm not him!  Stop throwing dollar bills at me!"

There you have it, folks!  Another weeks worth of trending news stories from around the world put in their place!

For more Mike Otto, be sure to give him a follow on Twitter (@SwervinTaters).  Unless, of course, you live in the greater Detroit area.  Just trust us on this one.

For more TCDroogsma, be sure to give him a follow on Twitter (@TCDroogsma).  He can also be found right here on Newest Industry hosting our free weekly podcast Flatbasset Radio.

For more Newest Industry, be sure to give us a follow on Twitter (@NewestIndustry1) to stay up on all the work being done by our contributors.  More importantly, we have a Facebook page here.  Trivial as it seems, stopping by and giving us a "Like" is a free and legitimate way to support the blog.

Singles Mixer #6: "Lady, You Shot Me" by Har Mar Superstar

You broke my one rule, you treated me cruel...

Hello again, music fans! Welcome to Singles Mixer #6!

For those of you who are unfamiliar with the Singles Mixer column, here's the story. On the occasion of Minnesota musicians releasing singles of note, we ask one of our regular contributors to give us their take on the song. As is the case with our Songs Of The Week column, the song is reviewed and then given a score of 1-5.

Last week Minnesota native Har Mar Superstar released the song “Lady, You Shot Me,” the lead single from his new album Bye Bye 17. We asked the perpetually-available TCDroogsma to give us his thoughts on the song.

So, Droogsy, thoughts?

On first listen to “Lady, You Shot Me,” the question that comes to mind is, “has Har Mar Superstar finally grown up?”

Now, that's not a fair question. Anybody who's been around the Twin Cities music scene long enough is well familiar with both sides of Sean Tillman. As Sean Na Na ,Tillman has been making poppy, hook-laden indie pop sporadically for years. And over the course of three full-length albums and a handful of EP's he's proven repeatedly that he is capable of subtlety, nuance, maturity, and a keen eye for observation. Unfortunately, this often-brilliant work has led to little more than cult fandom and headlining gigs at places like The Kitty Kat Club & The Whole.

Har Mar Superstar, on the other hand, has always trafficked in synth-y, funk-y, sex-drenched rave ups. Oh, the songs are still packed with hooks (the man knows how to make a song stick), but the lyrics have, on occasion, veered close to novelty. On the strength of those hooks, bump-and-grind jams, who's-in-on-the-joke curiosity, and the eternal appeal of a chubby guy in a Speedo, Har Mar Superstar became, well, a star (especially in Europe), finding his way to headlining gigs in New York City and buddying up with the likes of Karen O.

Even though the two sides of Sean Tillman rarely met in the middle, they always shared one common trait: killer hooks. Neither of these two acts would have succeeded if Tillman didn't have a knack for earworms that most songwriters would kill for (he was famously enlisted to write a song for Britney Spears, the excellent “Tall Boy,” which she rejected and he eventually just recorded himself.)

True to form, “Lady, You Shot Me” goes for the gusto right off the bat. One quick drumroll and next thing you know the horns are blaring and Tillman is wrapping his voice around the latest in a long line of classic hooks. The surprise is in the lyrics to the chorus. “Lady, you shot me, on top of all the tears you brought me. You broke my one rule, you treated me cruel,” is devoid of any sort of irony or detachment. After a career built at least somewhat on setups and punchlines, “Lady, You Shot Me” is refreshing in that, for the first time I can remember, people downloading the “new Har Mar Superstar single” and waiting for the joke are going to be disappointed. More than likely, they'll be surprised the the guy who wrote “Almond Joy” could put out something like this.

While that chorus is what grabs your attention, it's the verse that gives the song its staying power. The tempo picks up, there's some nifty guitar pickin', and Tillman sounding like the happiest heart-broken guy ever. Perhaps the most telling line in the whole song comes in this verse, as Tillman tells his ex, “I'll get back in line behind the other guys, there's a chance you'll let me back into your heart.” The Har Mar Superstar we all know would never have taken this approach, likely choosing to walk away, tell her that she's the one missing out, and then having sex with her sister.

The track as a whole has a definite throwback feel to it (a marked departure from the dance-funk that makes up most of the Har Mar Superstar catalog). Tillman finds the soul in his voice that he's only hinted at in the past (notably on another jilted-lover track, “Alone Again (Naturally)”) and spends most of the song sounding like Julian Casablancas doing an Otis Redding impression. That's a compliment. He sounds assured & confident, knowing just where his voice can go and how to use it best. Vocally, he's come a long way from Dance 'Til Your Baby Is A Man.

Still, in addition to Tillman's excellent vocals, the song's texture is provided by the musicians manning the horns and guitar. Both instruments sound like they came straight out of Nashville circa 1975, bold yet rough, aware that they're playing a role. Stars but not the star. Despite the Nashville sound, they don't call to mind old Al Green records as much as The Replacements “Can't Hardly Wait,” another song that featured an artist making an unexpected push toward maturity. Maybe that's just a Minnesota thing, but I don't think so. Much like Paul Westerberg found a new voice in some old soul (and the old soul in his voice), Tillman sounds like he's reaching for something and the horns are there to push him along.

The title of Har Mar Superstar's new album is Bye Bye 17 and it's easy to see why “Lady, You Shot Me” was the first song released off it. I can't help but think that the “17” in the title is less about Tillman growing up (he's done plenty of that as Sean Na Na) and more about the average age of his audience. Trust me, I was a young man when “Baby, Do You Like My Clothes?” came out. It was a blast then, but not something I find myself listening to at 31. “Lady, You Shot Me” definitely gives me the impression that Bye Bye 17 is the first Har Mar Superstar album I can listen to as an adult and make a connection with. I didn't need another version of “Body Request” to drunkenly sing along with anyway.

“Lady, You Shot Me” stands out as the closest Tillman's two personalities have come to sharing a song. Is he growing up? Not necessarily. More accurately, he seems to be growing into his skin, letting his “personalities” finally blend together. By letting a bit of Sean Na Na seep into the Har Mar Superstar side of things, maybe it'll finally get to the point where Tillman is known more for his remarkable talent then his schtick. If not, well, Speedo's are cheap and plentiful.

Final Score: 4/5

There you have it, folks. “Lady, You Shot Me,” the lead single from the new Har Mar Superstar album Bye Bye 17 reviewed and filed away.  Bye Bye 17 will be released April 23rd.

For more TCDroogsma, be sure to give him a follow on Twitter (@TCDroogsma). He can also be found right here on Newest Industry hosting our weekly Flatbasset Radio podcast.

For more Newest Industry, be sure to give us a follow on Twitter (@NewestIndustry1) to stay up on the work being done by all of our contributors. More importantly, we have a Facebook page here. Trivial as it seems, stopping by and giving us a “Like” is a free & legitimate way to support the blog.

Songs Of The Week #32: TCDroogsma

Ladyfinger (ne), The Cave Singers, Gliss, Mister Lies, & Fury Things...

Well hello again, MP3 junkies! Welcome to Songs Of The Week #32!

For those of you who are still not quite sure what you're looking at, here's the scoop: Each week we ask two of our regular contributors to download the songs given away via The Current's Song Of The Day podcast. We ask them to spend a couple days with the songs, get to know them, perhaps even love them. We then ask them to write up a review of the songs and give them a score of 1-5.

As always, we strongly suggest that you follow this link and subscribe to the podcast yourself. It's free music and it's fun for the whole family. We also strongly encourage you to vote in our poll to the right side of the page. The winning artists receives the validation of winning an anonymous poll on a blog, arguably the greatest achievement any artist can hope for.

Regrettably, our search to find a second contributor who is available to review the songs each week has been fruitless. For better or worse, you're all stuck with consistently-available TCDroogsma and his thoughts on the songs.

So, Droogsy, what'd you think of this week's batch?

01. Ladyfinger (ne) – Dark Horse (from the album Errant Forms)

 
TCDroogsma:

      Ladyfinger (ne) is a Saddle Creek band and, at least in the case of “Dark Horse,” they give you exactly what you'd expect from that label? Confessional lyrics? Check. Meticulously “ragged” musicianship? Check. A slow burn buildup? Check. Catharsis? Check.

      It's not that I dislike this song. In fact, I like it in the same way I would like an album of Pedro The Lion b-sides. The arc of the lyrics, from a cynical young man who was a, “wild horse out to stir” to an adult with with a child on the way, no doubt speak to many of us who have grown up with the Saddle Creek family as a soundtrack.

      Sadly, the recklessness and excitement that marked both that label's early work and the young man in this song have given way to a level-headed practicality that sees that young man of the songs settling down and Ladyfinger (ne) (and by extension, Saddle Creek) coloring firmly within the lines.

Final Score: 2.5/5

2. The Cave Singers – No Tomorrow (from the album Naomi)

 
TCDroogsma:

      I've spent four days with “No Tomorrow” now and it's just not taking. It's built around a fine-enough country bounce, but the lyrics about forgiveness and letting go ring hollow. It's not that this is a bad song, just a relentlessly average one. The music doesn't drop or build, it just keeps bouncing. The chorus doesn't pop. The singer seems neither happy nor sad with his chosen pass. To put it bluntly, nothing happens.

      While there is still plenty of mining to be done in this genre (see: The Growlers or Akron/Family), with “No Tomorrow” The Cave Singers offer nothing bad, but nothing great either

Final Score:

03. Gliss – Blur (from the album Langsom Dans)

 
TCDroogsma:

      It takes all of thirty seconds to realize why this song is called “Blur.” The opening lyrics (after a wave of reverb-drenched guitar & girl group harmonies that sound like they're being beamed in from the moon), are “I'm falling out, out of love, again... and again...”

      There's an inherent contradiction in the way the lyrics imply sadness over this breakup and yet the song bounces along in a haze of guitars & coos. “Blur” lives in the moment a relationship ends and the happy confusion of starting fresh trumps the sadness & conflict of the breakup

      It's hard to believe that Gliss could take these seemingly disparate parts (keyboards, cooing harmonies, a breakup lament, & a wall of reverb) and turn them into a coherent whole, but they've created a lovely song that rewards repeated listens.

Final Score: 3.5/5

04. Mister Lies – Align (from the album Mowgli)

 
TCDroogsma:

      As recently as two years ago I would have checked out of a song like “Align” after thirty seconds. It's an instrumental that has no tempo change and only, to my then untrained ear, would've sounded like a collage of sounds thrown together by people who either can't or won't write a decent melody.

      However, that was two years ago and my exposure to Moon Glyph Records (and specifically Food Pyramid) have given me a real appreciation for tracks like this. Yes, the beat comes in at a certain tempo and never changes, but if you use that as the canvas, a lot of interesting things are happening in this one.

      There's the fuzzed out bassline that comes in after about thirty seconds, the off-beat piano blinking that drifts in and out of the mix, a great buildup (around the one minute mark) that echoes the sound of hearing a song from outside a club and then opening the door (Copyright: The beginning of “Some Girls Are Bigger Than Others”). Once all the sounds become clear, the percussion jumps around the headphones, the piano drifts back in, and you find yourself lost in the far off voices. “Align” was built for anything from headphones at night to warehouse parties to one of those awful English rave festivals.

Final Score: 3.5/5

05. Fury Things – Vapors (from the EP EP2)

 
TCDroogsma:

      For years and years I've made a point of listening to all five SOTD tracks to start each day Monday through Friday because some songs take repeated listens to reveal their charms. Typically this a very rewarding approach.

      Sadly, I experienced the opposite with “Vapors.” As the week wore on, the song became less and less interesting. I know what you're thinking, “Droogsy, you love shoegaze, pop-rock, & hooks. You should love this!”

      That's a valid hypothetical point, hypothetical person. On first listen, I did enjoy the song. The problem is that, while yes, it is a fuzzed-out, hook heavy, shoegaze pop song, it lacks the little nuances that makes those things work. A good fuzz-pop song should have something that feels found. A little guitar bit, a vocal tick, hell, even putting the guitars in either speaker of the headphones. For a good example of what I'm talking about, put on any Polara album.

      Fury Things seem to have taken the approach that just turning up the volume of the guitars is enough. It's an intriguing enough sound that I'll definitely keep an eye on this band in the future. I wouldn't be surprised to find that, in two or three years time, Fury Things will look back on “Vapors” as a nice building block, but not much more.

Final Score: 2.5/5

There you have it, everybody! Another week's worth of songs downloaded, reviewed, and filed away!

As always, please remember that neither Newest Industry nor its contributors is in any way affiliated with the artists above, The Current, or MPR. We're just music fans with laptops and a little too much time on our hands.

For more TCDroogsma, be sure to give him a follow on Twitter (@TCDroogsma). He can also be found right here on Newest Industry hosting our free weekly podcast Flatbasset Radio.

For more Newest Industry, be sure to give us a follow on Twitter (@NewestIndustry1) to stay up on the work being done by all of our contributors. More importantly, we have a Facebook page here. Trivial as it seems, stopping by and giving us a “Like” is a free & legitimate way to support the blog.