Well hello again, football fans! Welcome back to Ten & Six With Mike Otto!
It's Week 4 of the NFL season and things are looking bad here in The Land Of 10,000 Lakes. YOUR Minnesota Vikings are sporting an 0-3 record, lost the the Cleveland Browns 3rd string quarterback, are sporting a quarterback controversy of their own, and are playing this week's "home" game in London, England against a winless & hungry Steelers team. Really, this couldn't be going worse.
Regardless, Mike Otto is not about to abandon you now. He bought his ticket and he's taking the ride.
As you can probably imagine, Michael has a few thoughts about last week's debacle at the Dome, but, as always, we'll start out with is picks for the rest of the league.
Take it away, Mikey!
Well here we are. Week 4 of the NFL season and the Vikings are still winless. If you'll recall in my pre-season preview I said the first opportunity for Ponder to get benched would be Week 4 in London at halftime, but only if the team was still winless and getting beat by the Steelers. I may have been prophetic on this one. I much rather would have been prophetic about the squads record at this point but oh well. WHAT CAN YOU DO RIGHT?
Now, it is true, Ponder is not the sole reason the Vikings are 0-3. I wish it was that simple. This team is fucking up in all 4 phases lately. The offense is terrible, they can't block or throw downfield. The defense is Swiss cheese and makes every opposing QB look like Joe Montana running a two-minute drill. Normally perfect special teams got fooled with trick plays last week, and the coaching has been high school-esque. How is it possible that NOBODY on the field or the sideline noticed a Browns tight end lined up wide-right on a field goal attempt? How is that possible? If you have eyes, and a brain, you see that and call a time out. Pathetic.
Moving on. Christian Ponder had a "solid" game against the Browns. I put the word solid in quotes because it's only an acceptable stat line for a rookie quarterback. 25-42, 228 yards, 1 INT, 2 rushing TD's. WHOOP-DEE-FREAKING-DOO!
I have had Ponder's back for the last 2 years, through every sub-par performance, every prematurely broken pocket, every rainbow when he needs a bullet, every stupid decision, every failure to survey the field, and after last week, I just can't do it anymore. I can't look on the bright side of a guy who can barely throw the ball 40 yards in the air. I can't do it for a guy who underthrows jump balls when he's standing on the opponent's 5 yard line. I can't do it for a quarterback whose best asset three games into his third season is his running ability.
Let's look at some stats for old Mr. Ponder:
--Christian Ponder has 2 passing touchdowns this year. Peyton Manning had 7 in his 1st game.
--Only the Vikings and the Jaguars have yet to have a WR catch a TD.
--Christian Ponder is averaging just under 2 INT's a game with 5 total.
--In the last 2 losses, the Vikings have forced 8 turnovers and gotten only 17 points off them. (with 7 of those points come from Brian Robison's fumble return TD)
--The Vikings are 2nd in the NFL in takeaways with 10. Unfortunately they are also 2nd worst in the NFL with giveaways, also with 10. 7 of those are on Ponder.
Now, is this the only reason the team is losing? No way. One of the main ones? ABSOLUTELY. Reports out of London are that Ponder has a rib injury that puts his start in London in question. C'mon Leslie, you're not going to get a more convenient, gift wrapped excuse to see what Matt Cassel can do. If Ponder can't go on Sunday, we may have seen his last start in Purple.
On to the picks.
Baltimore (2-1) at Buffalo (1-2)
Jacoby Jones had an Ace Of Spades champagne bottle cracked over his head by a stripper named Sweet Pea on Bryant Mckinnie's birthday party bus.
Also, the Buffalo Bills.
Hilarious right? Ravens win 23-13 and hopefully celebrate with a quiet night at home.
Arizona (1-2) at Tampa Bay (0-3)
Alright Carson Palmer, this one should be lose-proof. I have Week 5 in my "When Shiano Gets Canned" pool, so let's hope the Bucs just completely implode at home this week. My greatest fear as a Vikings fan is the prospect of watching Josh Freeman where purple next year. Please, God, no. Cards win 20-9.
New York Giants (0-3) at Kansas City (3-0)
The Chiefs defense look mean. Those guys were so starved for decent team management that the simple arrival of a coach with some credibility lit a fire under these guys. OH MY GOD WE GOT A FAT GUY THAT ISN'T ROMEO CRENNEL!!!! AND HE HAS A WHOLE PLAYBOOK!!
It looks like the Tom Coughlin Era may be coming to an end. Won't be long now and Coughlin will be taking his Hoveround to the Grand Canyon. Chiefs win 28-17.
Indianapolis (2-1) at Jacksonville (0-3)
The Colts are going to be a playoff team for years to come. It must be rough to go from Peyton Manning to Andrew Luck. Some teams get all the bounces.
On the other end of that spectrum, enter the Jacksonville Jaguars. The last break they got was in Maurice Jones-Drew's foot. Jaguars fans recently held a protest asking the team to sign Tim Tebow. 3 people showed up. Diseased. Colts win 31-20.
Seattle (3-0) at Houston (2-1)
The Texans got destroyed by the Ravens last week and Matt Schaub looked like the bald, streaky QB we all know and love.
The Seahawks were handed about as easy a victory as you'll find in the NFL when they blew out the Jags at home. Shaub is going to see considerable pressure again this week but I think he bounces back and picks up an upset victory over Seattle 23-20.
Cincinnati (2-1) at Cleveland (1-2)
Brian Hoyer will come back down to earth this week while facing a real NFL defense. There are no AJ Jeffersons to completely blow a coverage assignment and gift wrap long TD's for the rookie Hoyer. Wouldn't be surprised if he throws 4+ picks and struggles to get to 200 yards.
The battle for Ohio's respect has no real winners, but the Bengals win this game 26-13.
Chicago (3-0) at Detroit (2-1)
This NFC North battle is going to be close. The Lions could be playoff contenders if Reggie Bush can stay healthy. However, that's a big "if."
I don't think the Bears are as good as their 3-0 record represents. The Bears always start out fast and typically start coming back down to earth around Week 5 or 6. Oddly enough, Week 5 or 6 is the same amount of time it takes Jay Cutler to completely alienate his entire coaching staff. Lions win a close one, 34-31.
New York Jets (2-1) at Tennessee (2-1)
I can't believe I live in a world where the Jets have a winning record, even if it is only Week 4. This can't continue. Rex Ryan is supposed to be fat and fired, not fat and successful.
The Jake Locker is having a decent season so far and has yet to throw an INT. Something has got to give this week with these two surprise teams. Titans stay hot, Jets begin their free fall. Tennessee wins 24-17.
Washington (0-3) at Oakland (1-2)
RG III has thrown for more than 300 yards in all 3 games so far this year and lost every last one. This week, he faces off against poor man's RGIII aka Terrelle Pryor, in Oakland. If the Skins can't win this one its going to be a long season.
Darren McFadden should have taken the money in the offseason. A rule of thumb I generally live by is if someone offers you 24 million dollars, you take it. Skins get their first win of the year, 31-27.
Philadelphia (1-2) at Denver (3-0)
Thank God the smirk has faded from Chip Kelly's face. I don't think I could take another Pete Carroll type level of fuckface in the NFL right now.
The Broncos look like Super Bowl favorites right now. Unfortunately for them, Super Bowls aren't played in September. That being said, Chip Kelly is going to get a lesson in what a real NFL offense looks like on Sunday. Broncos roll 38-23.
Dallas (2-1) at San Diego (1-2)
Bring back the 'stache, Rivers! Your team needs a boost, or, at the very least, a good laugh.
The Cowboys offense is looking really solid, but I can almost guarantee it will all fall apart right around December 1st. As we all know, December Romo is a much different player than September-November Romo. I prefer December Romo, but I generally enjoy any sadness associated with the Cowboys.
America's Team gets the W in America's arm pit, and soundly beat down San Diego's thriving homeless population even further 34-20.
New England (3-0) at Atlanta (1-2)
The Falcons need this one bad. Tony Gonzalez will really be questioning that un-retirement if they fall to 1-3. The Falcons are currently a superior offensive team to the Patriots, but I would take Tom Brady over Matt Ryan any day of the week.
Despite a slow offensive start, Belichick still has his team at 3-0. Winning games when your team isn't at its best is a good sign of real contender. Win this one and the Pats will cement that status.
Really a tough one to call, going to be close throughout, but I think the Patriots get the win in thrilling fashion 27-26. Sorry, Tony.
Miami (3-0) at New Orleans (3-0)
Two undefeated teams! This might be the game of the week. It's worth noting that's the first time those words have been uttered about a game the Dolphins played in since 1975.
We will learn a lot about Ryan Tannehill this week. If he can even hang with Drew Brees and put up enough points to keep his team in the game my opinion of him will be altered. Right now I think of him as some jock with a hot wife. After this weekend he could elevate himself to competent jock with a hot wife. Quite the jump I know.
Close game, but the Saints win 26-21 and strengthen their stranglehold on the NFC South.
By the way, my picks last week went a miserable 6-10 and stand at 27-21 on the year, let's hope they get better this week. On to the sad, main event!
PITTSBURGH STEELERS (0-3) at MINNESOTA VIKINGS (0-3)
Well, it's official: Christian Ponder is out with a cracked rib and Matt Cassel will start on Sunday.
I won't lie, the whole way this went down does seem a little fishy, but I have no doubt Ponder's rib is cracked. I also have no doubt that if the team was 3-0 or even 2-1 and Ponder was playing lights out, he would be fighting through the pain and playing in this game. I think he wants to play, but the coaching staff and team doctors are making the decision for him, hiding behind the excuse that its "too risky" to put him out there.
It's a convenient excuse and one I can't blame them for using. They want to see what the offense looks like with Cassel under center.
Cassel brings a much different style. He is completely immobile, but a more polished pocket passer, which is just sad. In my opinion Matt Cassel sucks as much as Ponder, if not a little more, but I guess we'll see. If he can go through a couple reads back there it will be an improvement from Ponder's one-read-then-freak-out-and-run routine.
Anyway, let's get into this. All aboard the Pain Train. Let's look at some positive(s) and negatives from last weeks debacle in the Dome. As always, the positive(s) first:
Positive(s):
-Nobody Died On The Field Last week I was really impressed with the Vikings ability to not die on the field during the course of the game. Near as I could tell, no players even came close to dying last week. Christian Ponder's career as a starting quarterback on the other hand...
Negatives:
-The Offense Pathetic. No blocking, no protection, no creativity. They couldn't finish drives with touchdowns when they really needed it. They couldn't even pick up a first down on anything greater than 3rd and 4.
AP was dancing in the backfield, always looking for the home run, probably because he knew it was the team's only hope.
Ponder was terribly inaccurate on throws 10+ yards down the field.
Ugh...
-The Defense Injuries aside, the secondary has been miserable all season. Brian Hoyer carved them up like he was playing the Tartan Titans.
Jared Allen had no tackles and no sacks.
The 3 interceptions were almost entirely meaningless because the offense couldn't move the ball.
Why is AJ Jefferson still have a job on this team?
How old is Jimmy Hitchcock?
Will the US Government allow us to clone three more Harrison Smith's?
These were all questions rattling around in my mind after last weeks defensive "performance."
-Special Teams Two trick plays by the Browns led to 10 points and was the difference in the game. I've already said it's just unbelievable that NOBODY called a time out on that fake field goal. Everything is falling apart for this team.
-Coaching Leslie Frazier is doing a spectacular job...at coaching himself out of a job. Throwing that challenge flag on the change of possession play was bad. You have to know the rules, regardless of whether the refs fucked up and penalized you incorrectly. Bring on Jon Gruden and Johnny Football! Come on, you know those two would love each other.
Three Keys To A Vikings Victory:
Key #1: Pass Protection Must Be Solid
As mentioned before, Matt Cassel is completely immobile. He won't be avoiding any pressure. If somebody gets in the backfield, Cassel is going down. If he is getting sacked all day, the Vikings have no chance.
Key #2: Get Adrian Peterson Going Early And Keep Him Going
The Vikings need a heavy dose of medicine, and the best medicine available is last year's MVP. The more Cassel is handing the ball to All Day the less time he will be spending on his back. The Vikings need 150 from AP to win on Sunday. Let's hope they get it.
Key #3: Leave AJ Jefferson At The Hotel
I know Chris Cook and Jamarca Sanford are out with injuries, and I rarely believe in addition by subtraction, but this guy is Ramos McDonald bad. Jefferson doesn't just get burned back there, he spontaneously combusts. At the very least make sure there is a bucket of water nearby to put him out when it happens because it isn't an "if", it's a "when". Safest bet this week is Jefferson's man getting into the endzone. Trust me.
Two Matchups To Watch:
Matchup #1: Matt Cassel vs. Troy Polamalu
Matchup #2: Cordarrelle Patterson vs. Ike Taylor
Mike's All-Purpose Flour Lock Of The Week
The aforementioned Coradarrelle Patterson, Wide Receiver, YOUR Minnesota Vikings
I think Patterson is ready to let loose this week. He saw increased reps last week but the offense couldn't a rhythm so it was a tough go. Cassel is going to have to find a favorite target other than handing the ball to #28 and I think Patterson is the guy. 6 catches/105 yards/1 TD.
Final Takes
Someone's 0 has got to go! Someone's 0 has got to go!
Just like last week's Vikings contest, two winless teams will face off and, barring a tie, one team's season will be completely lost and the others will have the slightest glimmer of hope.
I don't like our defense. The secondary is in shambles and you can expect Mistral Raymond to be active for the first time this year. That should improve the tackling/coverage deficiencies, right? Ha ha... ugh.
The pass rush has been nonexistent except for parts of the Bears game.
Ben Roethlisberger is a veteran who knows how to play in games with lots of national attention, he won't be shook by Wembley Stadium and 100,000 screaming Brits.
The Vikings only hope to win this one is a big game from AP and a surprisingly decent performance from the offensive line and Matt Cassel. I'll be rooting for all of that but I don't see it happening.
Final Score
Pittsburgh Steelers: 24
Minnesota Vikings: 23
LET'S TAKE A KNEEL AND DRAFT JOHNNY MAZIEL! LET'S TAKE A KNEEL AND DRAFT JOHNNY MANZIEL!
LET'S STOP BROODIN' AND SIGN JON GRUDEN! LET'S STOP BROODIN' AND SIGN JON GRUDEN!
THINGS ARE GETTING FUCKY, WE NEED A DOSE OF CHUCKY! THINGS ARE GETTING FUCKY, WE NEED A DOSE OF CHUCKY!
Until next week fellow Vikings fans. Don't forget to enjoy the season.
There you have it, Vikings fans! Mikey predicts a swinging party in The Swinging City as the Vikes head into the bye week. Bring your own lampshade...
For more Mike Otto be sure to give him a follow on Twitter (@SwervinTaters). The line between sad & entertaining runs awfully thin on Sundays. He can also be found right here on Newest Industry contributing to our Trendsetting column.
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