Well hello again, football fans! Welcome to Week 16 here at Ten & Six!
With us, as always, is the greatest of football minds, Mr. Mike Otto. For those of you who are still unfamiliar with the column, here's the story: Mike is a lifelong Vikings fan. Each week he stops by to give us his thoughts on Sunday's Vikes game and gives us his picks for the rest of the league's matches. End story.
This week finds the Vikings playoff flame burning a little brighter than last week, but still merely a flicker in the larger scheme of the NFL. Will they win in H-Town and ignite the postseason dream? Will they let us down like they have so, so many times in the past? We don't know and that's why we've brought Mikey back.
So, Michael, thoughts?
Well here we are! It's Week 16, the Vikings are 8-6, and this is Ten & Six! Who woulda thought the Vikings would still be in playoff contention at this point?
Me! That's who!
I said from the beginning, this team was going to be much better than anticipated and whether they make the playoffs or not, that is already true! I'd like to think of myself as a better-than-average football mind and, speaking of that, my picks went 13-3 last week! Bam! Suck on that, America!
(Mike's record for the season now stands at 148-94-1... America.)
Does anybody else think Eric Dickerson is being an asshole for being the only person on the planet not rooting for AP to break his record? If AP had been 100% the first 6 games of the year he'd already have your record, Dickerson!
It's interesting to look back at the beginning of this year and realize Christian Ponder was actually able to win us a few games while AP was getting his legs under him.
Well, it's time for you to step aside, Eric Dickerson, because AP's comin' for that record!
Much more on The Purple later, now it's time for some excellent football picks!
(Editor's note: Excellence not guaranteed. All guarantees void in San Diego, Cleveland, New Jersey, & Kansas City.)
Atlanta (12-2) at Detroit (4-10)
The Lions desperately need to find a running back next year. The Matt Staff throwing 60 times a game isn't working. That's just too many times for an overgrown, somewhat frightening bro-child to be throwing the ball.
The Lions seems to have given up. A 28 point loss to the Cardinals? Bleh!
All that they have to play for is Megatron chasing Jerry Rice's record. That's not enough motivation to win this game. Falcons roll 31-17
New Orleans (6-8) at Dallas (8-6)
Tony Romo has been on fire! That can only mean one thing: a total and complete letdown is fast approaching.
I actually think Romo will go blow-for-blow with Drew Brees in this game. After all, the Saints secondary couldn't cover a barn with a fresh coat of paint.
No, I'm pretty sure it will be Romo's teammates that drop the ball (literally & figuratively) this weekend. Saints win 35-31
Tennessee (5-9) at Green Bay (10-4)
What a joke. Here, Green Bay, take this Week 16 total bullshit matchup that might as well be a bye week that earns you a victory.
I'm rooting for a rift in the space-time continuum to create small black hole that sucks both these teams into an eternity of nothingness for an infinite amount of years.
IF that doesn't happen, the Packers win easy 28-10.
Indianapolis (9-5) at Kansas City (2-12)
Chuckstrong! earns a start in the playoffs this week!
With Brady Quinn injured (rectal bleeding), the Chiefs turn to rookie quarterback Ricky Stanzi, who hails from the University of Iowa, I think.
Good god. This makes me wonder what happens if a "Ricky Stanzi" gets hurt in this game? Sign Jeff George! You've got to have some insurance, right?
Personally, I cannot wait to see this little bitch try to throw an NFL pass. Let the hilarity and sadness ensue! Colts win 23-6
Buffalo (5-9) at Miami (6-8)
Does anyone care? Do the players on either team care? You know how I know there is no such thing as God? He/She wouldn't make us suffer through shit like this.
Let's have 3 cheers for 3 solid, unadulterated hours of total crap! Hip, hip hooray! Hip, hip hooray! Hip, hip... Fuck Off! Dolphins win, I guess, 20-13.
San Diego (5-9) at New York Jets (6-8)
Battle Of The Dumb, Fat, Whorey, Ugly, & Doomed! Battle Of The Totally Worthless!
This week Norva held a late press conference and publicly accepted her fate & future as the offensive coordinator of the San Diego Pump 'n' Munch. Squee-gee blue! 42 wipe! Down, set, HUT!!
It's OK Norva, you paved the way for women everywhere. You were the first female head coach, and that's something even you could be proud of. Plus, not even you and Rivers could lose to Rex and McElroy. Chargers win 24-10
Washington (8-6) at Philadelphia (4-10)
Bob III will return this week to attack an Eagles defense that has completely given up. Not that they were very good to begin with, but Jesus! Ya'll really suck right now.
Bob III's "blackness" was brought into question this week. This is not only completely delusional, but pretty sad too. Whatever color you think he is, one thing is for sure, he is a damn talented quarterback. Skins win easy 26-17.
Cincinnati (8-6) at Pittsburgh (7-7)
You'd think the Steelers have to win out to get in the playoffs. One thing is for sure, if they lose this divisional matchup their playoff hopes are over!
Fuck the Steelers, though. Six fucking rings? You can piss right off.
Women of Pittsburgh, watch out. If Big Ben doesn't make it to the post-season his rape scope will be turned on earlier than usual. Carry your mace everywhere you go.
I think the Bengals take this one and destroy all hope for the black & yellow 23-20
St. Louis (6-7-1) at Tampa Bay (6-8)
Once-promising seasons have now faded for these two squads.
Last week coaches and players were fighting on the Bucs sideline while Josh Freeman quietly wept into a Gatorade towel. Such is the life of an NFL team that scores no points. I wouldn't totally blame the Bucs players. Their head coach is a complete fucking moron. Rams win 20-17.
Oakland (4-10) at Carolina (5-9)
Why do the Raiders even bother playing games anymore? Will they ever be good again? Ever since getting fucked by the "Tuck Rule," they entered a decade-long run of terrible play.
Contract the team! Move them back to L.A., then contract them! Have some monster truck rallies at their stadium. At least it would be entertaining. Panthers win 27-9
New England (10-4) at Jacksonville (2-12)
Wow... Well... I mean... You could... You see... When you look at this game... If the Jaguars... You never know... The thing about football is... What it all boils down to... Purple monkey... Roger dodger... Over and out...
Patriots win 38-16
Cleveland (5-9) at Denver (11-3)
I will double down the cat food bet this week and promise to make and eat a cat food casserole if the Cleveland Browns beat Peytie Manny and the Denver Broncos. That shit just ain't going to happen! Denver wins 28-10
Chicago (8-6) at Arizona (5-9)
The Bears can't lose this game, right? If they do, it's time for either Lovie Smith or Jay Cutler to go. Guess which one gets the axe? It ain't the douchebag, it's Lovie.
Poor Lovie. I think he's a decent head coach. I'm not sure anybody could get the best out of Cutler on a regular basis. Not even Belichick.
Cutler is a hopeless asshole and that's the way I like it. Regardless, I think the Bears win 23-17.
New York Giants (8-6) at Baltimore (9-5)
Both these teams are slumping at the wrong time.
I think the Ravens might just be doomed. Joe Flacco is overrated, but for whatever reason, the team refuses to make Ray Rice the focal point of the offense.
The Giant's signature cockiness is starting to look dumb & unwarranted. If it was possible for both teams to lose then that's what I would predict.
Since it's not, I'll say Ravens at home 21-20
San Francisco (10-3-1) at Seattle (9-5)
I'm not terribly impressed with the Seahawks last two blowout wins against the Cardinals and Bills. They are certainly a playoff team worthy considerable merit for doing all this with a 3rd round, rookie quarterback. I'm just not certain they can win in the playoffs.
Beating the Niners would shut everybody up, but they aren't going to because they're all about to get Moss'd this weekend! Straight loss, homies! Niners win 27-20
See? Excellence. Now, on to the main attraction.
MINNESOTA VIKINGS (8-6) at (HOUSTON TEXANS (12-2)
Well, well, well... Hey, hey, hey... Ho Ho Ho! All I want for Christmas is another Vikings victory!
If the Vikings can somehow get a win tomorrow and bring their playoff chances into the final week of the season this will be one of the more remarkable seasons in recent memory (mainly from a how-the-fuck-did-this-happen standpoint). I'll tell you how! Old school, hard-nosed, smash-mouth football!
In a league now dominated by great quarterbacks with strong arms the Vikings have stayed relevant through a basic, yet bruising and effective running attack.
The quarterback has only been asked to be a facilitator of the offense, convert the occasional 3rd & 7, complete a high percentage of throws, and don't turn the ball over. Christian Ponder did a fine job of that last week.
However, I got news for you, he is going to have to do a lot more than simply facilitate on Sunday if the Vikings want to win in Houston.
I am of the belief that young Mr. Ponder will have to throw a couple of touchdowns (and no interceptions) for the Vikings to have a chance. Win one for your new wife, Ponder!
Let's look at some positives and negatives from last week! Positives abound!
-Adrian Peterson Have to start with the perennial positive, the unstoppable force that is the best running back in the NFL. His vision has caught up with his freakish athletic ability and that is bad for anyone without horns on their helmets. Or, as the Rams found out, even some with horns on their helmets. AP simply abused the Rams safeties last week, playing coy and sucking them in towards a logjam of bodies only to immediately cut back towards the middle of the field once they had over-committed on a terrible angle. Pure football brilliance and a joy to watch.
-Blair Walsh 5 for 5 last week including a couple 50 yarders. That's 15 points and the Vikings won by 14. Kid broke the record for 50 yard field goals in a single season! He's now 8-8. Big props to Rick Spielman for drafting the best kicker to come out of college in a long time.
-The Vikings Defensive Line This group has had a pretty solid year overall, but have really stepped it up the last two games. Opposing quarterbacks have faced constant harassment leading to hurried throws and interceptions. Last week defensive end Everson Griffin dropped into coverage, picked off Sam Bradford, and took it to the house, essentially ending the game in the 2nd quarter. I can see why the Vikings tried him at linebacker in training camp. Dude can run!
And, this week, a lone negative.
-Finish Drives With Touchdowns Five field goals is great, but you'd like to see a couple of those drives end with people other than Blair Walsh doin' their dance. The Vikings are going to need more touchdowns than field goals if they want to beat the Texans.
Three Keys To A Vikings Victory:
Key #1: No turnovers!
Houston is going to score their points just fine without us giving them the ball in good field position. When you're playing good teams on the road you cannot afford fumbles or interceptions, especially this Vikings team. The Purple's margin for error is so slim in this game that one turnover could derail the whole damn game and a surprisingly successful season.
Key #2: Prove you can hurt them with the pass too.
As good as Adrian Peterson has been, I don't think he can outscore the entire Texans offense by himself. I wouldn't be surprised if Bill Musgrave tried to get Christian Ponder an opportunity for a touchdown pass early to build his confidence, not unlike last week's game against the Rams.
It's going to be important to get Ponder going early because the Vikings may need him to convert key third downs throughout the later quarters.
Key #3: Pressure Matt Schaub
The defense has been playing great team football as of late. They will need to continue that if they are expected to control the Texans potent passing and rushing attacks.
Force Matt Schaub into some hurried throws and disrupt his timing with Andre Johnson and Co. If the Vikings defense can hold the Texans around 23-26 points they can win this game.
Two Matchups To Watch:
Matchup #1: Adrian Peterson vs. Arian Foster
This will be the first time these two star running backs have gone head-to-head in their already impressive careers. Either one of these backs has the ability to pull off a monster game lead their team to victory Sunday.
Their is a big difference between the two though. Adrian Peterson has pulled off his soon-to-be record breaking season with little production from the passing game all year. There is no question who is the better running back at this point.
Matchup #2: Christian Ponder vs. Danieal Manning
Danieal Manning is one of the better young covermen in the NFL. He is sneaky fast and good at pre-snap recognition. Ponder cannot afford to lock on to receivers or telegraph passes. Manning will catch on quickly and he will bait the young quarterback into a poor decision.
As mentioned earlier, the Vikings cannot afford any turnovers, so it's important that Ponder always be aware of Manning's location on the field.
Mike's All-Purpose Flour Lock Of The Week
The Entire Vikings Secondary!
I'm feeling a big week for our guys. 2 interceptions, 4 passes deflected, while only allowing Matt Schaub to throw 2 TD's and less than 300 yards.
Final Takes
This is a big one! I really believe that if the Vikings can manage to get even a somewhat balanced offensive attack going they can win this game. As we learned in Green Bay, even as Adrian Peterson chases history, I think the Vikings must have solid play from Christian Ponder or nothing Adrian can do will matter.
Unless we carelessly turn the ball over, I think our defense will keep us in the game right up to the final quarter.
It's going to be very important to get a lead on the Texans early, because they become a much different, much more one-dimensional team when playing from behind. The passion and grit our defense has shown this year gives me a really good feeling about this. I know they are going to come out fired up.
It's the biggest game of the year and I think this Vikings team is up to the test.
Final Score:
Minnesota Vikings: 27
Houston Texans: 26
VIKINGS WIN and stretch their playoff hopes into the final week of the season!
Their you have it, football fans! Not just one meaningful game left, but two! Let's all hope Mikey's right about this one.
For ore of the always entertaining Mike Otto be sure to give him a follow on Twitter (@SwervinTaters). When he's not berating struggling musicians he's always up for talking some football.
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