Putting the “special” in special
teams...
Well hello again, football fans!
Welcome back to Ten & Six With Mike Otto!
This week, Ol' Mikey stops by to give
us his take on the Vikings' make-or-break game with the Detroit
Lions.
For those of you who are somehow
still unfamiliar with Ten & Six, Mike is a longtime (and
long-suffering) Vikings fans. He stops by every Saturday to give us
his thoughts on the upcoming game as well as make some picks for the
rest of the league.
If you include Thursday's game, Mike
is sporting a record of 89-62, upping his classification from
“kinda-shabby” to “better than average.” It's a marathon,
not a sprint.
So, Mikey? Matt Staff? CP7? No
Percy? What's the story?
Hello football
fans! What a shit week! My picks went 11-3, but we have officially
reached the point in the season where the Vikings success lives or
dies! Beat the Lions and it changes everything. Lose to the Lions
and you're essentially last year's Buffalo Bills. How do this year's
Bills look again?
Fuck it, don't
answer that.
Christian Ponder
looks panic-stricken in the pocket. When he does somehow happen to
get a pass off it usually floats harmlessly to the turf. On the off
chance that Bill Musgrave dials up a proper pass play, blocking will
break down leading to a sack before CP7 can make something happen.
Kyle Rudolph hasn't
caught a pass in TWO FUCKING GAMES! Ignoring one of your best
offensive weapons is inexcusable. Put Tom Brady on this team and #82
has 12 touchdowns.
Now, some of you
may be saying, “it's unfair to compare Christian Ponder to Tom
Brady...” Well too fucking bad! If you want “fair” you can go
watch a chess game! Winners and losers are pretty cut and dry in
that shit.
The fact is, I'm
sick of being “fair” to Christian Ponder and, as a Vikings fan,
I'm sick of accepting shitty quarterback play.
You give CP7 the
rest of the year to try to remove the tampon from his vag, if only
because you want his career as a Viking to depend on the success of
this season. Take him out now and you have the same problem all over
again next year. Leave him in and you at least get a clear-cut idea
of whether this guy can get the job done
FUCK! Why is it
always so difficult?!? On to the picks.
Oakland (3-5) at
Baltimore (6-2)
Ray Rice may rush for 350 yards in this game. That means, even if
Joe Flacco puts up as worthless performance as I think he will, the
Rust Belt Ravens will still win easy.
I'm pretty sure Carson Palmer is the only quarterback in the league
that could throw 4 touchdowns to 1 interception and still lose a
game... to Josh Freeman?!? Frreal, that dude must be sere-bi-cur.
Ravens win 26-17
Denver (5-3) at
Carolina (2-6)
There's no betting against Peytie Manny at this point. That dude
might win the Superwhore.
(Editor's note: Your guess is as good as ours.)
Cam Newton balls hard, but I think Peytie Manny's balls are harder
ballin' balls. Cam and Peytie both ball hard, but only Cam gets
fined. Probably because he's black.
As much as I like Cam and want to call an upset, I just think Peytie
is too much for Carolina's defense. Broncos win 31-27
New York
Giants (6-3) at Cincinnati (3-5)
Two quarterbacks who are currently trending toward the crap sack.
It's like a nap sack except it's filled with shit from wounded ducks.
The last two weeks Eli Manning looked like a flaming bag of shit that
was asked to play quarterback. Meanwhile, Andy Dalton looks like the
Kathy Griffin & Jeff George had a lovechild and made it play
football.
Having somehow escaping natural selection, one of these two morons has to win this weekend and I'm going with Eli and the Giants 24-16
(Sounds like a Bible psalm, doesn't it?)
Tennessee (3-6)
at Miami (4-4)
The Jake Locker might play in this game. He might puke on the
field. He might cry. He might stub his toe before the game and sit
out, citing “radiator toe.” He might get dumped by his wife and
go postal. Almost certainly, though, he loses this game. Miami
23-13
Buffalo (3-5) at
New England (5-3)
Ryan Fitzpatrick will get to watch a real quarterback play. I'm
rooting for a Fitzpatrick injury. Not because I dislike him, I just
want to see T-Jack play Tom Brady. Pretty fair match-up, right?
I'm not totally sure T-Jack could outperform a monkey wearing a Tom
Brady jersey. The Bills have no chance. They lose 42-17
Atlanta (8-0) at
New Orleans (3-5)
This game has all the makings of being a football game. Reports
indicate there will be a football and 11 guys on each side of it.
There's going to be two guys throwing the ball. Don't know if you've
ever heard of Drew Brees and Matt Ryan (I certainly haven't).
Something deep down in my belly (but not quite my colon) tells me
this “Drew Brees” guy wins this game in a shootout 38-35.
San Diego 4-4()
at Tampa Bay (4-4)
Too bad the Chargers can't play the Chiefs every week They'd
actually have a shot at the playoffs.
It's back to reality for Philip Rivers and Co. this week.
The Bucs look good right now and, as long as the Muscle Hamster Doug
Martin is running wild, the Bucs will continue to win.
Suddenly Josh Freeman looks like a real boy! He looks like a Top 10
QB right now. Woah! My nose just grew as long as a telephone pole!
Pinocchio swag! Bucs win 28-16
New York Jets
(3-5) at Seattle(5-4)
Rex Ryan was voted the most overrated coach in the league by a poll
of players and, in typical dumb-and-fat Rex style, all he could say
is “I finally beat Belechick at something.” He went on to say,
“We will see who is overrated at the end of the year,”
essentially sealing his fate.
Russell Wilson is starting to look pretty darn good. Even though we
can all agree Pete Carroll is a jackass, you have to give him and his
fellow coaches credit for fielding a mean team.
Wilson is short but athletic and has a rocket arm. Why does Tim
Tebow still get stories on ESPN? He plays once or twice a game at
meaningless times. The Jets can fuck right off. They lose to
Seattle 24-13.
Dallas (3-5) at
Filthadelphia (3-5)
This is going to be one great game. Watching two desperate teams,
whose seasons teeter on the brink of failure, duke it out brings a
warm glow to my heart.
Whichever team does not win this game will face big changed come the
offseason (if not sooner). I'm talking “bye-bye” coach and
“bye-bye” quarterback type changes. I wonder how Tony Romo or
Michael Vick would look in purple? Well, that's a PONDERance for
another day.
I think The Dog Murderer wins this one for the Eagles 23-20.
St. Louis (3-5)
at San Francisco (6-2)
Watch out, everyone! Moss got a taste of the end zone last game.
Once he gets the taste we all know he must feed constantly to satisfy
his insatiable appetite for points and point-related celebrating.
Although Moss didn't look close to the speed of his younger years, he
did look like he could still outrun half the defensive back in the
league.
The Rams seems stuck in this state of perpetual mediocrity.
Occasionally they play a good game, but there is no week-to-week
consistency.
Moss gets in the end zone again and the 49ers roll 27-17.
Houston (7-1) at
Chicago (7-1)
I would love for the Texans to win this game, but I just don't see it
happening. The Bears are playing turnover-rich football right now.
The pace at which they are currently creating turnovers is
unsustainable and it will come back to bite them come the playoffs
when the competition gets stiffer.
If the Bears create turnovers against the Texans potent offense I
will be surprised.
I think this one comes down to which QB plays better in the 4th.
I'm going with Jay Cutler at home 31-30.
(Editor's Note: Bears cornerback Charles Tillman announced that he
will be playing this weekend despite the impending birth of his child. We'd just like to go on record and
claim that we are outraged. Maybe during the first trimester he
could get away with this, but this far along he's only risking his
unborn baby's safety.)
Kansas City
(1-7) at Pittsburgh (5-3)
Kansas City is comically bad. The last time a QB that was drafted by
KC won a game for KC was 1987. 1987! If you're counting, that's 25
years. It may be time to draft a QB. And I thought my team was
depressing!
From now on, anytime I start to feel bad about The Purple, I will
find solace in the fact that I'm not a Chiefs fan.
Also, the fucking Chiefs got a Monday Night game? Steelers win easy,
and I mean really fucking easy, 28-6
There you have it, everybody! The league picked to the bone.
Now, on to the main attraction.
DETROIT
LIONS (4-4) AT MINNESOTA VIKINGS (5-4)
The Vikings season will go one of two ways this weekend:
A win with an impressive offensive performance and the failures of
the last three games are forgotten and forgiven.
A loss and all you have left is the ruin of a once promising season
to go along with a locker room divided over who should be starting at
quarterback.
The Vikings desperately need this win. The thing is, so do the
Lions.
If the Lions lose, they will be 0-3 in the division and going nowhere
but golfing come January.
I could sit here and scream about what needs to change regarding The
Purple until I was blue in the face, but I'm not going to do that.
Plain & simple, the quarterback needs to play better. You can
sit and say the blocking isn't great, receivers aren't open, etc...
The fact is receivers aren't always open, but they certainly have
been single-covered a lot. It comes down to Ponder.
If you get to halftime this week and Ponder is halfway through
another 63 yard performance, I think Coach Frazier owes it to the
team, owner, and fans to let Joe Webb take the reigns for the second
half. Personally, I don't believe it will come to that, but if it
does, Webb should get a shot.
The season is on the line on Sunday! Time for some positives and
negatives from last week. As always, we'll start with the positives.
Sadly, there's only one this week.
-Adrian Peterson The
perennial positive. Not only was his 182 yards and 2 TD performance
spectacular, he is the ultimate team player. No sideline tantrum
from Adrian, no yelling and screaming. In the waning moments of the
loss to the Seahawks, FOX would pan over to Adrian and all you saw
from him was the steely resolve and determination to get better.
Adrian Peterson is a class act and deserves a better team (even
though he would never admit it).
(Editor's Note: Somewhere Kevin Garnett is nodding right now.)
And, unfortunately, the negatives.
-Christian Ponder: He looks
scared and nervous. He has wide receivers downfield in single
coverage and isn't pulling the trigger. He has the
best running back in the
NFL running wild and still can't get anything on the play-action.
Last, but not least, his accuracy has been fading and that's pretty
much all he had left. All of this needs to change this weekend.
-Percy Harvin: Not only did
he sustain two injuries last week (ankle, hamstring), he blew up on
Coach Frazier, reportedly about the fact that Christian Ponder was
still on the field. Really seems like the frustration boiled over.
I can't really blame him, but it'd be nice if he could make his
displeasure a little less obvious next time.
-Bill Musgrave: He needs to
mix up the play calls. It's his job to put the right plays in the
game at the right time in order to build CP7's confidence and give
the offense a spark. Needless to say, he is not doing a great job
right now.
Three Keys To A Vikings Victory:
Key #1: Establish some semblance of a passing game.
The Vikings will not win this game without a successful day from
Christian Ponder, nor would they deserve to. The passing game has
been pathetic lately, so I'll settle for simply below average. Hell, why not (gasp) average?!? Shoot for the stars!
Key #2: For God's sake, get off your blocks!
The Vikings need to improve against the run, as their last three weeks
have been a disaster. If this defense can't stop the shitty running
attack boasted by the Detroit Lions there is pretty much no hope for
the rest of the year. The Vikings shut down the Lions offense
earlier this year with pretty much the same players they have right
now (minus Chris Cook). Fail this weekend and it will show us that
the Vikings, as a team, are simply not in the right place mentally.
Key #3: Get angry!
This means you, Ponder! Not only is the arc of this season on the
line, but pretty much the course of Christian Ponder's career will be
affected by his performance this Sunday. Fuck it, I hope for his
sake he plays pissed off on Sunday. Any more of this timid bullshit
and the home crowd is going to jump all over young Mr. Ponder.
Two Matchups To Watch:
Matchup #1: Jarius Wright & Jerome Simpson vs. Lions Secondary
The rookie draft pick, who has yet to sniff the field, is sure to get
some playing time across the field from Jerome Simpson with Percy
Harvin sitting this one out. The Lions best player in the secondary
is Louis Delmas, who is a good-but-not-great safety.
Besides Delmas there is a Chris Houston, an Alphonso Smith, and a
rag-tag assortment of late-round rookie draft picks. Jerome and
Jarius should see a lot of single coverage. I'm excited to see what
they can do together.
Matchup #2: Christian Ponder vs. Himself
The young quarterback could very well be his own worst enemy come
Sunday. If he comes out gun-shy the crowd is going to jump all over
him. That won't be good for his poor little psyche.
Well, Christian, there is only one way to get yourself out of this
funk and that's to throw your way out of it! Right now it looks like
you couldn't throw your way out of a wet paper back so step it up!
Mike's All Purpose Flour Lock Of The Week:
Kyle Rudolph, Tight End, YOUR Minnesota Vikings
Double covered or not, a lot of balls are coming his way. Maybe
that's a good thing. 8 catches, 85 yards, 1 TD.
FINAL TAKES
One thing is certain, the Vikings relevance as a playoff contender is
gone if they lose this game.
A win going into the bye would be huge. This team needs a little
momentum as well as a week of rest to reset their minds, their
playbooks, and themselves as a team.
Detroit is desperate for a win themselves, so the Vikings are going
to have to make every play count and make every trip into the red
zone end in a touchdown.
The Purple kept Megatron out of the end zone in the first meeting and
he only has one TD on the year. That will change this weekend.
Let's all hope Calvin Johnson doesn't do his dance more than once.
I do believe Ponder bounces back with a decent game, if only because
the Lions secondary is kind of shitty and his career as a starter
depends on it. I see him around 250 yards to go along with 1 or 2
touchdowns.
The time to stop the bleeding is now! Season's on the line,
homeboys! Vikings find a way to win.
FINAL SCORE:
Minnesota Vikings: 23
Detroit Lions: 20
Always the optimist (even if you have to get all the way to the
end of the post to see it). We'd like to thank Mike for stopping by
and giving us his thoughts on The Purple.
For more of the always-entertaining Mike be sure to give him a
follow on Twitter (@SwervinTaters). His confidence is a little
shaken right now and he could definitely use some new followers.
Newest Industry also lives on Twitter (@NewestIndustry1) and you
should give us a follow to stay up on all the work being done by our
contributors. We also have a Facebook page here. The arc of our
career depends also depends on this Sunday, so stop by and give us a
“like.”
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