Happy Thanksgiving, football fans!
Welcome back to Ten & Six With
Mike Otto. For those of you who are new to the column, Mike is a
lifelong Vikings fan and our resident football expert. Each week he
breaks down the upcoming Vikings game and gives us his picks for the
rest of the league.
Well, because America is
indisputably the greatest country on Earth, we're celebrating
Thanksgiving with not one... not two... but three NFL games! Of
course, Mike is no stranger to binging on Thanksgiving, so he gave us
his picks for all three games.
Mike, put down that pie and give us
some thoughts.
Hello football fans
and turkeynecks! We have arrived at the annual NFL Turkey Day
Extravaganza!!!
Three games on the
slate for Thursday and oh, can't we just taste the excitement! I'll
get to those picks later, but first, a bit of Thanksgiving tradition.
As we all know,
this is the time of year people sit around the table with their
families, stuff their faces, drink too much wine, and pass out before
the pumpkin pie is served. Also, it's a time we give thanks for
things in our lives. Or things that just generally exist.
So here it is,
everybody. Ten things that I'm thankful for!
- Tramp Stamps – For alerting me that I should probably wear a condom and most definitely lose your number tomorrow.
- Keith Morrison – His Dateline murder mysteries are to die for... or ARE they?? Yes, yes they are.
- The Pioneer Press – It really is great fire-starting material.
- The Entire Jets Organization – You're all so fat & doomed. Thank you for making my family look capable, functional, and sane.
- Norva Turner & Philip Rivers – They remind all those couples out there that it could be worse. Norva, Philip... Just remember that a strong relationship is built on communication, love, compassion, and a solid TD-to-INT ratio.
- Beer – Because... I mean, c'mon! I mean... you gotta have beer. I mean... c'mon!
- Shannon Sharpe Being On TV - “Uh-buh-dee, uh-buh-dee, that's all folks!” Never has there been a less concise TV analyst. Tarvaris Jackson, there's still hope for a post-football career in broadcasting. Shannon, can you say “enunciate?” Probably not. Moving on...
- Headlines With The Word “Gronk” In Them – Just kidding. The only “Gronk” headline that would make me happy is, “Gronk Mauled To Death By Walrus At Seaworld.” Which leads me to #9...
- Andy Reid, Prime Attraction At Seaworld – He has to do something Monday-Saturday, right? The kids love you, Andy. And now I do too, because you killed Rob Gronkowski.
- YOUR 2012 Minnesota Vikings! - Thank you for still being relevant at Week 11! Nobody believed in you, but I did. Six games left and you need 4 wins to make the playoffs. I believe!!
Well that's that. In all seriousness, I am most thankful for my
friends and family (you know who you are).
Also, bacon. Bacon is the best.
On to the picks!
Houston
(9-1) at Detroit (4-6)
The Lions are faced with a must win situation. In fact, they must
win out to even have a shot at the postseason. That seems unlikely,
especially with Houston's high-powered offense du up next.
Matt Schaub will no doubt feast on a very weak Lions secondary and I
don't think Matt Stafford has what it takes to keep up.
The Lions will put up a fight on Thanksgiving with their season on
the line, but the Texans win 28-23.
Washington
(4-6) at Dallas (5-5)
You down with RG III? Yeah, you know me!
The Cowboys have reached .500! And, at 5-5, the national media will
not get off the Cowboys' nuts. They barely squeaked out a
victory at home against the Browns in a sloppy, penalty-ridden game.
The Cowboys are garbage. They are pretenders and I seriously doubt
they beat any more than a select few NFL teams on a regular basis.
Cowboys lose to the Skins 24-16 and their season is lost.
New
England (7-3) at New York Jets (4-6)
Life Without Gronk
Gronk Watch
The Gronk Effect
Winning Without Gronk
The Curve Of Gronk's Dick
These were all stories on ESPN after Sunday. I hate ESPN so fucking
much. Not to mention this is the second time in as many years Rob
Gronkowski has been hurt and I've had to read these insufferable
headlines. The next person to say the word “Gronk” makes my shit
list for the rest of time.
The Jets actually won a road game last Sunday? Behind some decent QB
play from Mark Sanchez?
The only explanation is that, for three hours last Sunday, we all
entered a time vortex that transported us to some bizarro universe
where down is up, black is white, Mark Sanchez is a capable
quarterback, and his coach is the brilliant Ryan Rex (who is not fat
& doomed, but thin and destined for success).
How boring. Back to our universe on Turkey Day. Patriots win 31-20.
There you have it, turkeynecks! Everybody have a safe and happy
Thanksgiving here in our universe!
For more Mike Otto be sure to give him a follow on Twitter
(@SwervinTaters). Assuming he awakes from his tryptophan & wine
induced coma Mike will be back this Saturday to break down the
upcoming Vikes game and give us his picks for the rest of the league.
Of course Newest Industry also lives on Twitter
(@NewestIndustry1). Be sure to give us a follow to stay up on the
work being done by all of our contributors. More importantly, we
also have a Facebook page here. Stop by and give us a “like” and
we'll reveal the secret to our Grandma's pumpkin pie recipe (hint:
It's MSG).
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