Trendsetting #4: Mike Otto & TCDroogsma

On to the next one, on to the next one...

Well hello again, everybody! Welcome to the fourth installment of Trendsetting!

For those of you who aren't totally sure what you're looking at right now, let us break it down for you. You see, each week we scan the newspapers and the internets to keep track of stories that are trending in Minnesota and around the world.

At the end of the week, we settle on ten or so and send them off to Mike Otto and TCDroogsma. They send us back their takes on these trending stories and we post them here. As always, Mike & Travis have not read each other's comments before we post them.

It was an eventful week. Mikey, Droogsy, break it down for us?

01. A meteor the size of a school bus blazes across the Russian sky before ultimately exploding with the force of 20 nuclear bombs, knocking out windows and injuring nearly 1,000 people.

Mike: 

     We all should have known that the universe couldn't be trusted. Between the solar flares, spy satellites and potentially dangerous asteroids us Earthlings feel as though nothing outside our atmosphere can be trusted. Now the universe goes and destroys the last 1,000 functional windows in Russia? Fuck off, thing my tiny human brain can't fully comprehend.

TCDroogsma:

      Seems to me that this meteor exposed a dangerous truth about Russians: Nearly all of them have cameras mounted to their dashboard. I guess that's what you get when you build a creep-shot-based economy.

02. President Obama delivers the first State Of The Union speech of his second term.

Mike:

     Our President focused on many topics during his most recent State of the Union speech. The state of our still-stuttering economy, our struggling middle class, and the fact the United States currently has over 70,000 "structurally deficient" bridges. It was the most inspirational political speech in decades.

TCDroogsma:

     I stayed home Tuesday to watch President Obama give his annual State Of The Union.  Unfortunately, Obama's relentlessly monotone delivery quickly put me to sleep.  I guess you could say Obama got me with a drone strike! (rimshot!)

03. Gophers' basketball coach Tubby Smith is caught on camera doing the Harlem Shake after his team's victory over Wisconsin.

Mike: 

     I'd be dancing too if i was getting paid 3.3 million dollars to lead a slightly above average Big 10 basketball team. Go Gophers! Reigning NIT RUNNER-UP!!

TCDroogsma:

      It was all fun and games until the celebration awoke Old Man Mbakwe from his nap. “Turn off the hippity-hop jibber jabber,” the center implored. “You kids call that music?” He then put on a Lawrence Welk LP and proceeded to show the team a dance he calls the “Strained Quad Shuffle.”

04. Alden Anderson, a Missouri sex offender living in St. Paul, is killed after stabbing & killing Kody, a police dog, during a fight with the police.

Mike: 

     Jesus Christ. This guy would have been better off banging the police chief's wife.

TCDroogsma:

     I don't even have a joke for this one.  Being fatally shot immediately by the police was too good for this worthless human being.

05. A food fight at Minneapolis South High School erupts into a racially-motivated riot.

Mike: 

   "Ethnic tensions" were cited as the source of the melee, but really it was all about Reggie taking the last Italian Dunker.

TCDroogsma:

      Meanwhile, across town, Minneapolis North High's regularly scheduled third period race riot went unnoticed by media and faculty alike.

06. Farmington Senior goaltender Austin Krause, upset about playing time, intentionally scores on own goal before flipping off coach and leaving the ice on Senior Night.

Mike: 

     The goalie in question, a senior, was riding the bench more than he liked, while a fellow student goalie, a sophomore, was accumulating better statistical ratings and keeping his mouth shut. This senior was trying to make a point, and he did. He proved he is a petulant little bitch. Don't worry though bro, HIGH SCHOOL IS EVERYTHING, THIS SHIT MATTERS!

TCDroogsma:

     You know who was probably super-psyched about this?  That sophomore goalie!  He must be thinking, "Damn!  Not only am I better than Kruase, but the bar for the next two years has been set at, 'Did he freak out and flip off the coach like a little bitch?'  I could lose every game for the next two years, but as long as I don't score on my own goal and piss off the entire city, I'm pretty much coming out ahead.  Thanks for being completely incapable of dealing with even the most trivial amount of adversity, Austin!"

07. Double amputee Olympic track star Oscar Pistorius is arrested for allegedly murdering his model girlfriend.

Mike: 

    He is sticking to the story that "he made a mistake, he was startled" by his girlfriend , model Reeva Steenkamp and "fearing a home intrusion, accidentally" shot his girlfriend in the face 4 times. Yah sure and I "accidentally" used to ask for 5 orders of mozzarella sticks when I bought an Arby's 5 for $5.95.

TCDroogsma:

     I'd be startled enough to accidentally shoot if Reeva Steenkamp snuck into my house too. And I don't own a gun, if ya know what I'm sayin'!  Huh?  Am I right?  Huh?  Ugh... I'm sorry...

08. A crippled cruise ship stranded in the Gulf Of Mexico and carrying 4,200 people (nearly all of whom has resorted to living in their own filth without power or running water) is finally pulled to port in Mobile, Alabama.

Mike: 

     THANK GOD! These peoples' NIGHTMARE in the Gulf is finally over! 

     You know this was a ship full of out-of-touch richies, whining about drinking toilet water and pooping in bags, WAH WAH. If that was a ship full of poor people, the real fun WOULD HAVE STARTED when the power went out. Hell, there are plenty of people in this world that would KILL to be stuck on a dysfunctional cruise ship in the Gulf of Mexico. "I've been adrift on my cruise ship for THREE DAYS!!!" Fuckin' Western problems.

TCDroogsma:

      Upon arriving in Mobile, many of the passengers of the ship were surprised to find that they were by a large margin, the best dressed, cleanest, and most coherent people in town.

09. North Korea, in a show of strength meant to provoke South Korea and the United States, detonates a nuclear device underground.

Mike: 

     Well played North Korea, well played. Your people might not have food, but you have successfully threatened the World Police. You think America play?

     For better or worse, our government has always had their finger on the trigger. Hey Kim Jong-un, if it's gonna be a "you or us" type-of-thing you won't like he result. I truly feel for North Korean citizens who just want to wake up, go to their jobs and live their lives. This isn't their battle, they just have to pay the price for it.

TCDroogsma:

      When reached for comment, President Obama was unimpressed, “Really, Kim Jong-un? You detonated a nuclear device? All by yourself?  Because, y'know, I'm currently trying to reduce the number of ACTIVE NUCLEAR WARHEADS at my disposal from 1,700 down to about 1,000. But I'm meeting some resistance, so maybe, I don't know, I'll just hold on to the EXTRA 700 NUCLEAR WARHEADS. Save 'em for a rainy day or something.”

10. A two year old Minneapolis boy is slapped for being too noisy by a 60 year old Idaho man on board a Delta flight from Minneapolis to Atlanta.

Mike: 

     Leave it to Idaho. The baby slapper in question, Joe Rickey Hundley reportedly uttered the words, "shut that n****r baby up" right before he open hand slapped the 2 year old boy on a Delta flight from Minneapolis to Atlanta. Personally, I hope they sent that fuckin' honky to the back of the plane.

     Many Minneapolitans who witnessed the incident jumped to the aid of the young boy and his mother, 33 year old Jessica Bennet, who admitted it was, "regrettable she got stuck next to the most rotten potato to ever come out of Idaho."

TCDroogsma:

      What is it about the Minneapolis-St. Paul airport that causes residents of Idaho to think they can they can get away with whatever they want?

Well there you have it, folks. Another week's worth of trending topics broken down by our experts.

For more of Mike's errr.... “unique” take on life, be sure to give him a follow on Twitter (@SwervinTaters).

For more of TCDroogsma's errr... ramblings, be sure to follow him on Twitter (@TCDroogsma) or right here on Newest Industry hosting our weekly Flatbasset Radio podcast.

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