Well hello again, football fans! Welcome back to Ten & Six!
After notching their first W of the season our beloved Minnesota Vikings were given the week off. It's been a exhausting four weeks for both the Vikings & our great Vikings mind Mike Otto. Before he takes a well-deserved weekend off, however, Mikey did swing by to give us his picks for the rest of the league.
There will be plenty of time to break down the Vikes big win in London next week, so Mikey, take it away!
Turns out jolly old London was a jolly old time for the guys in purple!
The Vikings avoided another final minute defensive collapse in order to secure their first win of the year. After Everson Griffen toppled Big Ben for the final play of the game, the Wembley speakers started blasting Princes "Purple Rain", which is just fantastic, also, expect to hear from Prince about that one...flunkeys.
A first win is a first win, but Jesus, they know how to make it close don't they? I swear, the Vikings could make sorting socks interesting.
It's the bye week for our favorite football team, and much like the guys in purple, I'm going to take a week off. I don't know if you realize this, but its a serious burden writing about how much Ponder sucks/trying to sell Matt Cassel as a thing/finding anything positive to say about this defense, and doing it every week.
Expect much more analysis of the London game coming next week, along with a preview of a Vikings/Panthers contest I'm already afraid of. Right now, I'm going to do what comes easiest to me: taunting the other teams that play this week. Lets make some picks!
My picks went 10-5 last week, and stand at 37-26 on the year. Not too shabby, but this week I'm striving for perfection.
New England (4-0) at Cincinnati (2-2)
Last week the Bengals lost the battle for Ohio, while the Patriots put the Falcons season on life support.
Belichick loves destroying hopes and dreams of the young and old, this is a known fact. I'm pretty convinced Belichick takes a job as The Krampus in the offseason.
If losing to the Browns didn't hurt enough (I know all too well that it did), this week the Bengals will bumble and stumble through a game against on of the NFL's best, getting completely dismantled in the process. Pats win 28-17
Detroit (3-1) at Green Bay (1-2)
The Packers are 1-2. It felt good to write that. Worth noting, they were 1-2 last year as well, but still won 11 games. This year seems different to me.
This Packers team plays absolutely no defense and this Lions offense is suddenly top 3 in the league with the addition of former USC standout and Kim Kardashian cast-away, Reggie Bush. Oh how sweet would it be to have the Packers sitting at 1-3?
They don't lose many at Lambeau, and this may sound preposterous, but I think the Lions are for real. Lions steal one from the dirty cheesers, 38-34
Seattle (4-0) at Indianapolis (3-1)
The Seahawks remained undefeated much thanks to Matt Schaub once again choking in a big game scenario. Russell Wilson was unimpressive through the air, but extended more than one drive with his legs, the guy just always finds a way to get it done. He'll need a much better week in the passing game if he wants to keep up with Andrew Luck at home, I just don't think he's up to the task. Colts hand the 'Hawks their 1st loss 23-20
Baltimore (2-2) at Miami (3-1)
The Ravens are a hard team to figure out this year. One week they are dominating the Texans, the next they're losing to the scrubby Bills. I don't care what their record is, the Bills suck.
Ryan Tannehill came quickly back to Earth when put up against a QB like Drew Brees. Tannehill kind of reminds me of a poor man's Joe Flacco, so I think this is going to be a close one.
Rust belt Harbaugh might not be as good as Gold Coast Harbaugh, but he is certainly better than America's Wang Philbin. Ravens win 26-24
New Orleans (4-0) at Chicago (3-1)
The Saints are my favorite to win the Super Bowl as of right now. That offense is firing on all cylinders and the defensive woes of last season are a distant memory. They are creating turnovers and forcing 3-&-Outs with ease.
It only took four weeks for Bad Jay Cutler to make an appearance, which was a couple weeks sooner than I thought he would show up. Jay was at his pass forcing-worst last week, and the Bears only made it close against the Lions in garbage time. This week Jay gets to see an actual elite NFL QB, and an actually respectable human being, in Drew Brees. Fuck you, Jay Cutler. Saints win 31-21.
Philadelphia (1-3) at New York Giants (0-4)
Antrelle Rolle thinks the Giants can run the table and finish 12-4. Surrrrre you can buddy. I don't think the Broncos would trade Peyton for Eli, so there goes that theory.
I enjoy watching the Giants flounder. I have a couple friends who are Giants fans, because, I mean, you just can't escape these people. They're everywhere, and thankfully, this year, I haven't heard much from them. No "greatest team on earth in the greatest city blah blah blah," just peaceful silence and serenity. A guy could get used to this. Eagles win 27-20.
Kansas City (4-0) at Tennessee (3-1)
The Jake Locker went down last week like an old lady that just broke her hip and left her Life Alert button at home that morning. Poor bastard, just when things were looking up for him his fine crystal body suffered another crystal crack. Don't worry though, you've got Ryan Fitzpatrick to the rescue! Just because he wasn't good enough for the Bills doesn't mean he will completely derail your season in the next 4-8 weeks. OK, maybe that's exactly what it means. Chiefs win easy 23-10.
Jacksonville (0-4) at St. Louis (1-3)
Alright Bradford, if you can't win this game, you should probably just hang up the cleats.
The Jags are bad. Probably "0-16" bad. Can anyone out there imagine a scenario in which the Jags win a game this year? If so please forward said scenarios to Newest Industry's Facebook page. I'm all ears, Jags fan(s).
Seriously though, their best chance was probably against the Raiders and that didn't turn out so well. The only thing sadder than Maurice Jones-Drew's career in Jacksonville is his resignation to said sadness. What a waste. Bradford makes this one closer than necessary, but the Rams win 17-13.
Carolina (1-2) at Arizona (2-2)
I wish Cam Newton and Larry Fitzgerald were on the same team. Now you'd have something there. Right now the Panthers and Cards have nothing and less than nothing, respectively.
Poor Larry. Such a wasted prime. Carson Palmer is washed up. I think he might have been born washed up.
I'm starting to question whether Cam Newton can get over his inconsistencies as a quarterback. As long as Ron Rivera is around, I don't feel good for his chances. Panthers win this one 27-14.
Denver (4-0) at Dallas (2-2)
Peyton Manning and the Denver Broncos look unstoppable so far. They have faced no adversity and haven't had to play from behind at all this year. It will be interesting to see how they handle their first real challenge.
Unfortunately, their first real challenge will have to wait for another week, as toe-stubbing aficionados the Dallas Cowboys are their opponent on Sunday. The Cowboys are the kings of self-inflicted wounds, led by shotgun-to-foot accident waiting to happen, Tony Romo.
Romo and the 'Boys have no chance in this one. Broncos win 38-24.
Houston (2-2) at San Francisco (2-2)
The Texans are going to throw this season away aren't they? What a shame. You get the feeling that Matt Schaub could never deliver a team a Super Bowl appearance, much less a "W" in the big game.
Colin Kaepernick got his team back on the right track last week, but it had a lot more to do with Frank Gore turning back the clock five years with a 150 yard performance. Kaepernick is struggling through a mini- sophomore slump, but I think the home field advantage helps the Niners to a win this week, 26-24.
San Diego (2-2) at Oakland (1-3)
Phillip Rivers has been playing really well so far this year which can only mean one thing: the other shoe has yet to drop.
He can't keep it up, that's not the Phillip Rivers we all know and love. I'm still holding out hope he grows that 'stache back. Those were the deliciously dark days. Trust in the 'stache! The 'stache adds a little zip on those spirals Philly.
I've decided that the Raiders will probably never be good again. Rich Gannon isn't coming back, not without a time machine. Chargers win easy 23-10.
New York Jets (2-2) at Atlanta (1-3)
The Falcons need to get healthy real bad. Lucky for them they have the NFL's equivalent of a spoonful of Robitussin, the New York Jets, coming to Atlanta this week. Lose to the Jets and they should just let Tony Gonzalez retire. He thought he was going to the Super Bowl this year. At this point he'll be lucky to play in a wild card game. Oh well, I guess he'll just have to go home and sleep on his pile of money. Falcons win 28-13.
There you have it, folks! No Vikings this weekend, but plenty of still plenty of other teams to laugh at. Be sure to check right back here on Thursday when Mikey kicks off Week 6 by firing shots at both the Giants and Bears.
For more Mike Otto be sure to give him a follow on Twitter (@SwervinTaters). He can also be found right here on Newest Industry contributing to our Trendsetting column.
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