Ten & Six With Mike Otto - Week 8 (Thursday Bonus!)

Take a good hard look at the motherfuckin' boat...

Well hello again, football fans!  Welcome to Ten & Six's Week 8 kickoff!

It's a sad, strange time to be a Vikings fan right now.  Mikey's spent a majority of the week trying to cut through the fog of disappointment to figure out just where the Vikes are and where they go from here.  That, however, is for Saturday.  We'd pulled Mikey out of the Purple wormhole long enough to get his take on tonight's NFC South showdown between the Carolina Panthers & Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

Mikey, who takes the W tonight?

Carolina (3-3) at Tampa Bay (0-6)

Killa Cam and the Panthers have won 2 in a row and look to make it 3 tonight against Greg Schiano, Mike Glennon and the hapless Tampax Bay Buccaneers. 

Personally I think Schiano will be the first coach to get the ax this year, simply because his failures began last year, carried through the offseason in incredible fashion, and now have the momentum of a runaway freight train. Nobody wears ineptitude quite like Greg Schiano. Greg comes home after every game stinking of shame and fear sweat so badly you would think he worked weekend nights at one of Tampa's numerous strip joints. Dance for those dollars, Greg!

Cam and the Panthers make it 3 in a row tonight, but don't get too excited, Carolina fans. Beating the Vikings, Rams, and Bucs is like a fat 6th grader beating up someone in preschool... 3 times. You fucking bullies!

Final Score

Carolina Panthers: 24
Tampa Bay Buccaneers: 10

Well there you have it, folks.  Another sad, sad week in Tampa.  Somewhere a concussed, confused Josh Freeman is smiling.  Or lying upside down & frowning.  At this point, who knows?

Be sure to swing back to Newest Industry when Mikey will delve into Freeman's Folly... The Meadowlands Massacre... The Sadness In The Swamp... Manning's Revenge... The Marcus Sherels Shitshow... The Night ESPN Regretted Picking Up Monday Night Football... Peyton Hillis' Bending The Vikings To His Will-is... The Mike Tirico Fathead Experience... Leslie's Last Straw... Backsack: The Jared Allen Story... Chris Cook's Second Worst Choke Job... etc...

All that, a breakdown of the Vikings/Packers prime time showdown, and league league picks!

 

 

For more Mike Otto be sure to give him a follow on Twitter (@SwervinTaters).  He can also be found right here on Newest Industry contributing to our Trendsetting column.

 

For more Newest Industry be sure to give us a follow on Twitter (@NewestIndustry1) to stay up on the work being done by all of our contributors.  More importantly, we have a Facebook page here.  Trivial as it seems, stopping by and giving us a "Like" is a free & legitimate way to support the blog.

Ten & Six With Mike Otto - Week 6: Carolina Panthers at Minnesota Vikings (Plus Picks!)

I'm working, but I'm not working for you...

Well hello again, Vikings fans!  Welcome back to Ten & Six With Mike Otto!

Week 6 is up us as the Vikings try to build off the momentum of their Week 4 win in London.  Just because the Vikings didn't play last week doesn't mean it hasn't been a busy week in the land of snow & purple rain.  Off the field the Vikings made two moves signing quarterback Josh Freeman for the rest of the season and giving DE Brian Robison a four year extension.

Sadly the Vikings family was struck by tragedy when it was revealed that Adrian Peterson's son had died due to injuries suffered from an assault.  While Mike wrote this week's column before the news of this tragedy, you can be certain that our hearts go out to AP and his family.

With heavy hearts we press on.  Killa Cam & the Carolina Panthers are in town as the Vikes look to get back in the NFC North race.

Mikey, it's been an adventurous couple of weeks.  What do you think?

My nightmare has been realized.

I've spent much of the last 1 &1/2 years trashing Josh Freeman as an over-rated, inconsistent, below-average NFL quarterback. To be more specific, I have called him the NFL quarterback equivalent of a burning Ford Pinto on the side of the Florida turnpike at least 3 or 4 times.

I stated only weeks ago that my greatest fear was seeing Josh Freeman suit up in purple next year and, while this is only a 12 game audition at this point, that future seems inevitable. Now, on the bright side, he has a rocket arm and his name isn't Christian Ponder. Those are 2 undeniable positives of this signing.

As a Vikings fan, I only know how to approach a signing like this one way: with extreme skepticism, doubt, and fear. The thought in the back of my head that, even in a best-case scenario, Josh Freeman figures it out and leads us through a deep playoff run only to choke in some new, heartbreaking way when it counts most. Worst case scenario, Josh Freeman performs just good enough to earn a healthy three year contract extension at the end of this year, so Spielman and Frazier can hide the Ponder draft pick blunder and save their jobs for at least one more year. Freeman then returns to his wildly inconsistent self and we waste two more years of Adrian Peterson. 

Don't get me wrong, this signing was a smart football move. Why not see what he can do on this team? I just don't trust Josh Freeman. Maybe he can change my mind. Time will tell. 

Lets jump into the picks. My picks went 9-5 last week and stand at 46-31 for the year. Room for improvement. Lets do it!

Green Bay (2-2) at Baltimore (3-2) 

Flacco vs. Rodgers! Rodgers vs. Hammerstein! Oh what a beautiful day! Huh? What?

The faithful Cheesers will make a pilgrimage to Baltimore in order to root their favorite group of pukes to a hopeful victory against last years Super Bowl champs. I, on the other hand, watch the news for word of a hopeful stabbing of a guy in a cheese hat in downtown Baltimore. No vital organs, mind you, just a flesh wound.

Bryant McKinnie, I'm counting on you to protect Flacco's blind side. I ask for so little, just do me this favor. Ravens win 23-20.

Cincinnati (3-2) at Buffalo (2-3)

EJ Manuel you got away with one. Run out of bounds next time. Bills fans, I'm rooting for you, and I'm not here to insult your intelligence or your integrity, not that you'd have much to insult. It's hard not to be dumb when you're forced to root for a schlub like Doug Marrone. I mean his first name might as well be Schlub. In fact, from now on it is. I guess its the week of nicknames. Schlub Marrone, Thad Lewis and th-...wait a minute, for real? Thad Lewis? Diseased. Schlub Marrone, Thad Lewis and the rest of the Bills get dismantled 26-3.

Detroit (3-2) at Cleveland (3-2)

Going with the theme of nicknames it's the return of the weed-whacker himself, Brandon Weeden! Also, learn how to slide without tearing your ACL, Brian Hoyer. Ever heard of Jason Campbell? Yah, that's your future now, best-case scenario. Look on the bright side, buddy. Makin' stacks just to hold a clipboard. Not too shabby, bud. Seriously though, get Nick Punto's number and have him teach you how the fuck to slide. That shit was ugly and it cost you a shot at your dream. Enter substance abuse issues. Lions win 24-17.

St. Louis (2-3) at Houston (2-3)

The Rams suck. It seems like they might always suck. Yes, to me, repeated mediocrity means you suck. 

Speaking of that, it's Matt Schaub! Matt Schaub is quickly going the way of Vinny Testaverde. Good but not great and never going to win anything of substance, with less hair and a dumb name. At least Vinny Testicles had some swag to his name.

Is Andre Johnson still alive? Regardless, JJ Watt is enough to win this game by himself. Texans win 27-20.

Oakland (2-3) at Kansas City (5-0)

T-Pry looks like he might actually be a thing. Can't quite tell if NFL defenses have yet to adjust to his goofy, stupid way of quarterbacking or if he actually has stumbled across an effective style.

I'm happy for Alex Smith and the Chiefs, they are playing great and are a force in the NFL. Let's not forget, we are still less than a year removed from a Chiefs player committing suicide in the parking lot of their practice facility. That has to be an all time low for the franchise. Yet here they sit at 5-0 and Alex Smith has yet to throw a pick. Good stuff. Chiefs win 20-16.

Pittsburgh (0-4) at New York Jets (3-2)

Does God hate me? How in the flying fuck are the Jets 3-2 with a very real chance to be 4-2 after this weekend? Rex Ryan is like a fucking cockroach. I'm starting to wonder if a nuclear winter could even kill him off. The worst part is this roach doesn't scatter with the rest when the lights turn on, he stands up and starts flapping his roach gums, growing stronger with each tired roach cliché. Fuck it, Jets win 23-20. (Cue "Fireman" Ed crawling back in 3-2-1....)

Philadelphia (2-3) at Tampa Bay (0-4)

Who the fuck is the Bucs starting QB? Mike Glennon? Christ. I guess it could always be worse. I wouldn't trust a "Mike Glennon" to drive a U-Haul much less lead an NFL offense. If I walked into the doctors office and they said, "Dr. Glennon will see you shortly", I'd walk out and ask a homeless man to give me a physical. Mike Glennon walks into a room and throws a completion (insert rim shot here). Eagles win 34-23.

Jacksonville (0-5) at Denver (5-0)

This year's Sportsmanship Award goes to Peyton Manning, who said this week, with a straight face mind you, that the Jaguars were a "good football team." Riiiiight. And Blaine Gabbert is only 7 neck surgeries away from being as good as you.

The Jaguars obviously have only one goal this season and that is to completely destroy Blaine Gabbert as a human being. If he has even an ounce of confidence left in his body at the end of this year it will be a small miracle. Don't be surprised if the Jags lose by 30. Broncos win 48-10.

Tennessee (3-2) at Seattle (4-1)

Mike Munchak Football can't save the Titans now. Unfortunately for him, Ryan Fitzpatrick Football overpowers everyone else's talent, intelligence and ability. It always has and it always will. The Seahawks played a great game last week but Andrew Luck was just too much. Some home cooking will cure what ails them. Hawks win 24-21.

New Orleans (5-0) at New England (4-1)

Return of Gronk! Gronk Watch comes to an end! The Gronk Arm is healed! Just in time for the Pats, who only managed 6 points last week in a game where nobody could get open. I've been reading Gronk's book "Growing Up Gronk" and it's been a truly enlightening experience for me. In chapter 6 Gronk reveals he wasn't allowed in the petting zoo as a child because of numerous unfortunate "bunnies with broken necks" incidents. Typical. Saints are the best team in the NFC and they win this one 31-23.

Arizona (3-2) at San Francisco (3-2)

Colin Kaepernick has been struggling through the air but it doesn't matter. Gold Coast Harbaugh knows there's more than one way to skin a cat, piss off a Shwartz, or win a game. He don't need no stinkin' passing game!

The Cards on the other hand, desperately need a passing game. They've been in constant pursuit of one ever since Kurt Warner hung up the cleats. They don't find one this week and they may never again. Niners win 23-20.

Washington (1-3) at Dallas (2-3)

That was a typical Cowboys loss last week. Romo plays out of his mind, they put up 48 points, only to throw an untimely final minute INT deep in their own territory, just giving the Broncos the game winning field goal. It sums up Romo's career doesn't it? So good, but just not quite good enough. Ouch. At least you'll always have the mid-nineties. Thems were good times. 'Boys bounce back with a "W" 21-17.

Indianapolis (4-1) at San Diego (2-3) 

Andrew Luck is a stud. He will win a Super Bowl in his career, and if the right pieces get put around him, he could win a few of them. Also, he grows a mean neck beard, something Phillip Rivers could never do. 

Another thing Rivers could never do? Enjoy prosperity and consistent play. The dude is as erratic as an epileptic Big Ten football coach. Had to do it, sorry Coach Kill. But hey, at least it's coming from a fellow epileptic. I know the deal. Oh yeah...OK this just got weird. Colts win 33-27.

On to the main event!
 

CAROLINA PANTHERS (1-3) AT MINNESOTA VIKINGS (1-3)

The purple hosts Cam Newton's Carolina panthers for the 1st time in The Dome!

This will be no easy victory for our favorite team. The Panthers defense is tops in the league for yards allowed and we all know the Vikings history with dual threat quarterbacks. Before we get into how the Vikes can claim their second victory in a row, let's take a look back at some positives and negatives from their first.

As always, the positives first:

Positives:

-Matt Cassel  He proved that all the Vikings need for success is basic competence from our quarterback. It was nice to see him put some zip on a couple balls, and a genuine pleasure to see him and the WR's connect on a couple beautiful timing routes that led to yards after the catch.

-Jerome Felton  I don't think it's a coincidence that Adrian Peterson had his best day of the year in the game Jerome returned from suspension. Felton is good. AP has been vocal in the past of his preference to run without a lead blocker, but you don't hear any of that chatter when Felton is in front of him. I think that speaks volumes in and of itself.

Negative(s):

-The Defense:  The tackling is still leaving a lot to be desired. Once again the defense almost blew the game in the final minute. The Steelers were 6 yards away from tying that game, and anything could have happened in overtime, but they finally made a play when they really needed one. Let's hope its something they can build off of because things are still pretty damn ugly from top to bottom. The Vikings defense is ranked 30th overall right now and that just isn't good enough.

Three Keys To A Vikings Victory:

Key #1: Contain Cam Newton!

I want a LB or DE spy on him at all times. If he gets to the second level, there is no telling when he's going to stop running. The Vikings have a long history of failing to contain dual threat QB's and getting burned/losing games because of it. Vinny Testaverde, (yes, he did, w/the Bucs) Steve Young, Michael Vick, RG III... that list doesn't need a fifth name, so please, for the love of GOD, play with proper containment! 

Key #2: Continue The Precise Timing Routes In The Passing Game

Greg Jennings loves those timing routes. He ran them all the time when he played for the Packers and it's really his bread and butter. Timing routes rely upon trust between the WR and the QB, something Christian Ponder failed to gain in the first three weeks of the season but Matt Cassel found in his first start. I'm not sayin', I'm just sayin', know'm'sayin'? 

Key #3: Hang On To The Ball

The Panthers offense has been struggling this year, one sure fire way to get them out of that funk is by turning the ball over and giving them a short field to work with. Turnovers swing momentum quickly, and the Vikings need to maintain momentum throughout the game and keep the crowd in the game. Use that Dome field advantage! 

Two Matchups To Watch:

Matchup #1: Steve Smith vs. Chris Cook

All signs point to Cook returning to the field on Sunday and we all know Steve Smith's history with the Vikings secondary. Granted it was many years and teams ago when Smith torched the Vikings for 200, but also worth noting that this secondary is terrible and would be a league worst if it weren't for the bye week they enjoyed. If Steve Smith has a big game, the Vikings won't be celebrating a victory come Sunday night.

Matchup #2: Luke Kuechly vs. Matt Cassel

Kuechly is arguably the best linebacker in the NFL and he has 2 INT's on the year already. He is crafty, he can hide behind his line and sit in a middle zone just waiting for a QB to make a mistake, or he can play man-to-man with the most athletic tight ends in the game. Truly a young sideline-to-sideline defender that Matt Cassel always needs to be aware of, whether on the blitz, or in coverage. 

Mike's All-Purpose Flour Lock Of The Week:

Jerome Simpson, Wide Receiver, YOUR Minnesota Vikings

Jerome is off to the best start of his professional career this year. He's healthy, he's fast, and he's hungry for more. 5 catches/100 yards/1 TD. 

Final Takes

It certainly seems like, barring injury, Christian Ponder has started his last game as a Viking. I wish I could say it was always a fun ride, but it wasn't. In fact, it was only fun about 30% of the time. That was always the problem, his wild inconsistency. Had he started all 16 games this year, I'm sure he would have had 4 or 5 "good" games. Hell, even Kelly Holcomb had a couple "good" games.

Yes, the Josh Freeman signing officially puts the nail in Ponder's preverbal coffin. What I want to know is, what do the Vikings do with Freeman if Matt Cassel keeps winning? You can't rightly pull Cassel in the middle of a winning streak, destroying team chemistry just to get a look at the aforementioned burning Ford Pinto currently on the shoulder of 94 West, can you?

At the same time, you aren't paying him two million dollars to not get a look at him lead this offense. The situation seems totally convoluted to me and I honestly have no idea how this is all going to play out. All I do know is, I'm scared, I'm nervous, and I will keep waiting for the other shoe to drop.

As for the Panthers, fuck 'em. They will score some points on our defense no doubt, so our offense needs to be efficient and effective if we are to stay in this game.

Killa Cam is going to get his, but if you can keep him in the pocket, this game is easily winnable as his pocket presence is still below average at this point in his career. Make him uncomfortable in the pocket and it will be a purple Sunday.

This is going to be a grind-it-out, nerve wracking game, but hey, what Vikings contest isn't these days?

FINAL SCORE

Carolina Panthers: 26
Minnesota Vikings: 27

WOOOOOOO! Objects in your rear view mirror are closer than they appear! 

There you have it, Vikings fans!  The Vikes stay winnin' against Killa Cam & the Panthers!  You're on notice, NFC North!

For more Mike Otto be sure to give him a follow on Twitter (@SwervinTaters).  The line between sad & entertaining runs awfully thin on Sundays.  He can also be found right here on Newest Industry contributing to our Trendsetting column.

For more Newest Industry be sure to give us a follow on Twitter (@NewestIndustry1) to stay up on the work being done by all of our contributors.  More importantly, we have a Facebook page here.  Trivial as it seems, stopping by and giving us a "Like" is a free & legitimate way to support the blog.  

Ten & Six With Mike Otto - Week 5 Picks

You may hate me but it ain't no lie, baby...

Well hello again, football fans!  Welcome back to Ten & Six!

After notching their first W of the season our beloved Minnesota Vikings were given the week off.  It's been a exhausting four weeks for both the Vikings & our great Vikings mind Mike Otto.  Before he takes a well-deserved weekend off, however, Mikey did swing by to give us his picks for the rest of the league.

There will be plenty of time to break down the Vikes big win in London next week, so Mikey, take it away!

Turns out jolly old London was a jolly old time for the guys in purple!

The Vikings avoided another final minute defensive collapse in order to secure their first win of the year. After Everson Griffen toppled Big Ben for the final play of the game, the Wembley speakers started blasting Princes "Purple Rain", which is just fantastic, also, expect to hear from Prince about that one...flunkeys.

A first win is a first win, but Jesus, they know how to make it close don't they? I swear, the Vikings could make sorting socks interesting.

It's the bye week for our favorite football team, and much like the guys in purple, I'm going to take a week off. I don't know if you realize this, but its a serious burden writing about how much Ponder sucks/trying to sell Matt Cassel as a thing/finding anything positive to say about this defense, and doing it every week. 

Expect much more analysis of the London game coming next week, along with a preview of a Vikings/Panthers contest I'm already afraid of. Right now, I'm going to do what comes easiest to me: taunting the other teams that play this week. Lets make some picks!

My picks went 10-5 last week, and stand at 37-26 on the year. Not too shabby, but this week I'm striving for perfection.

New England (4-0) at Cincinnati (2-2)

Last week the Bengals lost the battle for Ohio, while the Patriots put the Falcons season on life support. 

Belichick loves destroying hopes and dreams of the young and old, this is a known fact. I'm pretty convinced Belichick takes a job as The Krampus in the offseason.

If losing to the Browns didn't hurt enough (I know all too well that it did), this week the Bengals will bumble and stumble through a game against on of the NFL's best, getting completely dismantled in the process. Pats win 28-17

Detroit (3-1) at Green Bay (1-2)

The Packers are 1-2. It felt good to write that. Worth noting, they were 1-2 last year as well, but still won 11 games. This year seems different to me.

This Packers team plays absolutely no defense and this Lions offense is suddenly top 3 in the league with the addition of former USC standout and Kim Kardashian cast-away, Reggie Bush. Oh how sweet would it be to have the Packers sitting at 1-3?

They don't lose many at Lambeau, and this may sound preposterous, but I think the Lions are for real. Lions steal one from the dirty cheesers, 38-34

Seattle (4-0) at Indianapolis (3-1)

The Seahawks remained undefeated much thanks to Matt Schaub once again choking in a big game scenario. Russell Wilson was unimpressive through the air, but extended more than one drive with his legs, the guy just always finds a way to get it done. He'll need a much better week in the passing game if he wants to keep up with Andrew Luck at home, I just don't think he's up to the task. Colts hand the 'Hawks their 1st loss 23-20

Baltimore (2-2) at Miami (3-1)

The Ravens are a hard team to figure out this year. One week they are dominating the Texans, the next they're losing to the scrubby Bills. I don't care what their record is, the Bills suck.

Ryan Tannehill came quickly back to Earth when put up against a QB like Drew Brees. Tannehill kind of reminds me of a poor man's Joe Flacco, so I think this is going to be a close one.

Rust belt Harbaugh might not be as good as Gold Coast Harbaugh, but he is certainly better than America's Wang Philbin. Ravens win 26-24

New Orleans (4-0) at Chicago (3-1)

The Saints are my favorite to win the Super Bowl as of right now. That offense is firing on all cylinders and the defensive woes of last season are a distant memory. They are creating turnovers and forcing 3-&-Outs with ease.

It only took four weeks for Bad Jay Cutler to make an appearance, which was a couple weeks sooner than I thought he would show up. Jay was at his pass forcing-worst last week, and the Bears only made it close against the Lions in garbage time. This week Jay gets to see an actual elite NFL QB, and an actually respectable human being, in Drew Brees. Fuck you, Jay Cutler. Saints win 31-21.

Philadelphia (1-3) at New York Giants (0-4)

Antrelle Rolle thinks the Giants can run the table and finish 12-4. Surrrrre you can buddy. I don't think the Broncos would trade Peyton for Eli, so there goes that theory.

I enjoy watching the Giants flounder. I have a couple friends who are Giants fans, because, I mean, you just can't escape these people. They're everywhere, and thankfully, this year, I haven't heard much from them. No "greatest team on earth in the greatest city blah blah blah," just peaceful silence and serenity. A guy could get used to this. Eagles win 27-20.

Kansas City (4-0) at Tennessee (3-1)

The Jake Locker went down last week like an old lady that just broke her hip and left her Life Alert button at home that morning. Poor bastard, just when things were looking up for him his fine crystal body suffered another crystal crack. Don't worry though, you've got Ryan Fitzpatrick to the rescue! Just because he wasn't good enough for the Bills doesn't mean he will completely derail your season in the next 4-8 weeks. OK, maybe that's exactly what it means. Chiefs win easy 23-10.

Jacksonville (0-4) at St. Louis (1-3)

Alright Bradford, if you can't win this game, you should probably just hang up the cleats.

The Jags are bad. Probably "0-16" bad. Can anyone out there imagine a scenario in which the Jags win a game this year? If so please forward said scenarios to Newest Industry's Facebook page. I'm all ears, Jags fan(s).

Seriously though, their best chance was probably against the Raiders and that didn't turn out so well. The only thing sadder than Maurice Jones-Drew's career in Jacksonville is his resignation to said sadness. What a waste. Bradford makes this one closer than necessary, but the Rams win 17-13.

Carolina (1-2) at Arizona (2-2)

I wish Cam Newton and Larry Fitzgerald were on the same team. Now you'd have something there. Right now the Panthers and Cards have nothing and less than nothing, respectively. 

Poor Larry. Such a wasted prime. Carson Palmer is washed up. I think he might have been born washed up.

I'm starting to question whether Cam Newton can get over his inconsistencies as a quarterback. As long as Ron Rivera is around, I don't feel good for his chances. Panthers win this one 27-14.

Denver (4-0) at Dallas (2-2)

Peyton Manning and the Denver Broncos look unstoppable so far. They have faced no adversity and haven't had to play from behind at all this year. It will be interesting to see how they handle their first real challenge. 

Unfortunately, their first real challenge will have to wait for another week, as toe-stubbing aficionados the Dallas Cowboys are their opponent on Sunday. The Cowboys are the kings of self-inflicted wounds, led by shotgun-to-foot accident waiting to happen, Tony Romo.

Romo and the 'Boys have no chance in this one. Broncos win 38-24.

Houston (2-2) at San Francisco (2-2)

The Texans are going to throw this season away aren't they? What a shame. You get the feeling that Matt Schaub could never deliver a team a Super Bowl appearance, much less a "W" in the big game.

Colin Kaepernick got his team back on the right track last week, but it had a lot more to do with Frank Gore turning back the clock five years with a 150 yard performance. Kaepernick is struggling through a mini- sophomore slump, but I think the home field advantage helps the Niners to a win this week, 26-24.

San Diego (2-2) at Oakland (1-3)

Phillip Rivers has been playing really well so far this year which can only mean one thing: the other shoe has yet to drop.

He can't keep it up, that's not the Phillip Rivers we all know and love. I'm still holding out hope he grows that 'stache back. Those were the deliciously dark days. Trust in the 'stache! The 'stache adds a little zip on those spirals Philly.

I've decided that the Raiders will probably never be good again. Rich Gannon isn't coming back, not without a time machine. Chargers win easy 23-10.

New York Jets (2-2) at Atlanta (1-3)

The Falcons need to get healthy real bad. Lucky for them they have the NFL's equivalent of a spoonful of Robitussin, the New York Jets, coming to Atlanta this week. Lose to the Jets and they should just let Tony Gonzalez retire. He thought he was going to the Super Bowl this year. At this point he'll be lucky to play in a wild card game. Oh well, I guess he'll just have to go home and sleep on his pile of money. Falcons win 28-13.

There you have it, folks!  No Vikings this weekend, but plenty of still plenty of other teams to laugh at.  Be sure to check right back here on Thursday when Mikey kicks off Week 6 by firing shots at both the Giants and Bears.
 

 

 

For more Mike Otto be sure to give him a follow on Twitter (@SwervinTaters).  He can also be found right here on Newest Industry contributing to our Trendsetting column.

 

For more Newest Industry be sure to give us a follow on Twitter (@NewestIndustry1) to stay up on the work being done by all of our contributors.  More importantly, we have a Facebook page here.  Trivial as it seems, stopping by and giving us a "Like" is a free & legitimate way to support the blog.

 

 

Ten & Six With Mike Otto: Week 8 Picks!

Hello football fans!  Welcome to Ten & Six With Mike Otto: Week 8... again!

(Bengals Cheerleader Sarah Jones aka The Greatest Cheerleader There Ever Was)

As we mentioned earlier this week, the whole structure of this week's Ten & Six was turned on its head thanks to the Vikings/Buccaneers game taking place Thursday night.  Scroll down to see how Mike thought that one was going to play out (hint... It could've gone better).

However, today is indeed Saturday and we know that it wouldn't be a Saturday without Mike's picks for the rest of the league.

If you include Thursday's Vikings game Mike is sporting a record of 69-54.

And so here we are, NFL.  Week 8.  What do ya think, Mikey?

Last week was a pretty good week for my picks, which went 10-3.  I'm going to wait to recap the Vikings/Bucs game until next week due to the fact that I'm still very angry and need a week to straighten the thoughts and let the rage fade.  With that said, on to this weekend's games.

Miami (3-3) at New York Jets (3-4)

Lots of bad blood between these division rivals.  Lots of trash talk.  First, the droopy Rex Ryan telling his team to "put hot sauce" on Reggie Bush, whatever the fuck that means.  Then the brutish Laron Landry said he wasn't, "gonna stop head-hunting."  At least he was straight forward!

Why are these two teams so angry?  Probably because accepting you're terrible isn't easy and the normal reaction is to just lash out.

The Jets somehow pissed last week's Patriots game away and they will find a way to piss this one away as well.  Dolphins win 24-23

San Diego (3-3) at Cleveland (1-6)

Ever wondered how NFL players and coaches spend their bye weeks?

Well, if you're Norv Turner the majority is spent crying, filming Proactiv commercials, and throwing darts at a picture of Phillip Rivers.

Speaking of Phillip Rivers, it will be interesting to see if his bye week diet of pizza bagels and Mountain Dew: Code Red will affect his play.  Can't make it worse, right?

As sad a team as the Chargers are, they will bounce back and beat the Browns 27-17

Indianapolis (3-3) at Tennessee (3-4)

Ever since the Titans got trounced by the Vikings their play has improved and they have two wins to show for it.

The Colts did their part last week in keeping cat food in my cat's mouth and out of mine.

So, here we have two slightly-below-average teams both coming off narrow victories.  The intrigue!  The excitement!

The Colts will be interesting again in two years when Andrew Luck starts dominating.  The Titans may never be interesting again, but they win this week 26-20

New England (4-3) at St. Louis (3-4)

The Patriots were lucky to escape with a win last week.  They can't seem to get out of their own way in the fourth quarter.

Last week, Tom Brady got the ball in the fourth at a point when a long drive would end the game.  What happened?  He went three & out!  That's something nobody is used to seeing.  Usually Captain America makes it look easy, drives the length of the field, and scores a touchdown with about 30 seconds left in the game.  Maybe things are changing in New England.

Regardless, Pats win this week 31-24

Jacksonville (1-5) at Green Bay (4-3)

It seems the Packers have reached the "cakewalk" part of their schedule.  Aaron Rodgers has hit his stride and that isn't a good sign for the hapless Jaguars.

I don't think any Jaguars team in history could win this game on Sunday.  Prove me wrong!  Packers win 31-17

Atlanta (6-0) at Philadelphia (3-3)

It's hard to figure out if the Falcons are contenders for a championship.  To me, they seem like the same old Falcons who have a 12 win regular season and get bounced early in the playoffs.

There simply isn't any clear-cut Super Bowl frontrunner at this point in the season.  Some would call it "league parity," I happen to think that there just aren't that many good teams.

This is no easy victory for the Falcons,  In fact, I'm taking the Eagles to win this game in 27-26.

P.S. Michael Vick is a dog owner again.  If I were that dog, I wouldn't want to go near the pool when Vick The Dick is around.  Probably stay away from that dusty rape stand in the attic too.

Washington (3-4) at Pittsburgh (3-3)

Is there a more perennially-overrated cornerback than D'Angelo Hall?  I gotta give him credit, all he does is get burned by the NFL's best wide receivers, yet he somehow maintains the paycheck & status of an elite cornerback.  Must've sucked a lot of dick along the way.

D'Angelo Hall: The Cameron Diaz of the NFL.

If you gave me a choice between Bob III and the Rapistberger... I'm sorry Big Ben, you bring a lot to the table, but it's Bob III all the way.  Too bad he can't play cornerback too.  Skins win 28-24

Seattle (4-3) at Detroit (2-4)

The Lions are dead.  All they needed to do was score two touchdowns last week and they couldn't get it done.

Now Megatron (1 TD this season) has a sore knee and Matt Stafford continues to do this weird sidearm throwing motion.  What the fuck is that?  Where did it come from?  He looks like an overgrown teenager.  Maybe after curling his hair one morning he was practicing his throwing motion in the mirror and said, "Yeah, this looks cool, this will get you laid Matty S."

(Editor's Note: It's a fact all teenagers refer to themselves in the third person. You can't argue with science.)

The Seahawks look tough.  They are built to win on the road and in the playoffs.  Feeling pretty good about picking the Seahawks as a surprise playoff team in my preseason preview.  Seahawks win easy 23-13.

Carolina (1-5) at Chicago (5-1)

Man, why does everyone have to be so racist?  They're only hating on Cam because he's black, we all know that.  It has nothing to do with his terrible completion percentage, his poor TD/INT ration, or his inability to, y'know, win football games.  Nope, it's just because he's black.

I heard it's supposed to rain on Sunday in Chicago... fucking racist jet stream.  Trying to keep Cam down?  Can't handle an African-American quarterback succeeding can you, jet stream?  I thought we'd come to a point in American history where race didn't have to come into play unnecessarily.  Shame on you, jet stream!  Thank goodness smart men like Warren Moon are around to protect our African-American athletes from racial bias.

Bears win 31-20 because Jay Cutler is white and Cam Newton is black.

Oakland (2-4) at Kansas City (1-5)

What a wretched game this will be.  I honestly would rather watch women's indoor volleyball than sit through this.  I would rather spend three hours shoveling horse manure.  I would rather watch Miley & Billy Ray Cyrus debate the meaning of life for 3 hours (if only for that really creepy father-daughter sexual tension they have).  Raiders win 20-10.  Yay.

New York Giants (5-2) at Dallas (3-3)

The Cowboys season-opening win against the Giants seems like a long time ago.

I will admit, I do enjoy watching the Cowboys, if only because it seems like Lil' Dezzy Bryant could freak out at any moment and start punching his mom again.

I think the Giants return the favor and win one in Jerry Jones' house, 27-21.

New Orleans (2-4) at Denver (3-3)

Drew Breezy vs. Peytie Manny!

I owe an apology to Peytie, whom I told to retire before he was upstaged by Phillip Rivers.  I learned my lesson, never bet on Phillip Rivers to upstage anyone.

I'm sorry, Peytie.  You shouldn't retire and I probably should.  You have everything, except, of course, a normal-sized forehead.

I have yet to call a Saints game correctly, but I think that ends Sunday.  Broncos win 38-28

San Francisco (5-2) at Arizona (4-3)

The Cardinals suck.  I mean, really suck.  Plus, let's all be mad at them for pissing away Larry Fitzgerald's prime.

Alex Smith is regressing and I think he needs a heavy dose of Moss Medicine.  I know it might not always taste good, but just take your Moss Medicine and you will like the results.  49ers win, Moss gets in the end zone.  Final score 23-13.

(Editor's Note: Moss Medicine has not been reviewed by the FDA.  It is not suitable for seniors, children under 10, Brad Childress, the Tennessee Titans, Green Bay fans or, just to be safe, JaMarcus Russell.)

Well there you go everybody!  Picks on picks on picks!  What's that Michael?  Your rage hasn't subsided from Thursday night's loss but you have to say something?  Alright, fair play.

Mike's Vikings Note:

The only thing I will say after that debacle of a Thursday night game, where everything that could go wrong did go wrong is this:

Anyone who thinks it's time for Joe Webb to replace Christian Ponder as starter is either drunk, dumb, or has no understanding of football (probably a combo of all 3).

The Vikings weren't Super Bowl Champions when they beat the Niners and they aren't the worst team in the league after this loss to the Bucs.  The Vikings are an average team that, when playing their best, are a good team.  When playing their worst, they're a bad team.  The sky isn't falling, it's not time to panic.  It all depends on how they respond next Sunday.

You all missed it because we cut off his microphone, but Mike then went on to claim that, "Newest Industry is for the children!  Fox Sports is good, but Ten & Six is the best!"  We're as surprised as you.

For more Mikey Otto be sure to give him a follow on Twitter (@SwervinTaters).  He's America's Finest Tweeter On Sundays.  Wait, AFTOS?  We need to spend less time googling Sarah Jones pictures.

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